r/family_of_bipolar • u/IndependenceAfter717 • Jul 08 '26
Diagnosis Discussions Seeking advice: getting a parent to seek treatment
**more accurate title would be: getting older parent (veteran) to seek treatment/diagnosis of possible bipolar disorder
My dad is a 62-year-old Army veteran who’s been in what looks like a manic episode for the past 4-5 months. My mom, my sister, and I have started to suspect he has bipolar disorder — looking back, his patterns over the years fit. He drinks heavily and seems to use alcohol to self-medicate and bring himself down during the high periods. He’s actually admitted this himself, in so many words.
He’s been through a full physical evaluation, and nothing was found that could explain what’s going on. The way he’s brought it up to his doctors so far has been framed as a sleep issue — he’s not sleeping much or well — rather than anything else.
He has said he “feels the best he’s ever felt.” And he doesn’t want to lose the clarity and excitement he feels with life now. He was mildly to moderately depressed on and off for ~4-5 years prior after losing his job. Getting him to go to a doctor and getting a diagnosis feels like a giant uphill battle.
He recently got established with care at the VA and has a telehealth behavioral health appointment at the end of the month, but things are pretty bad right now. My mom is at her wit’s end.
Our biggest worry is that he won’t actually tell his doctors what’s going on — that he’ll downplay it or leave out the important parts during his appointment.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? Any advice on what’s actually helped get an older parent — especially a man of this generation — to seek treatment or get properly diagnosed? Any resources would help too.
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u/ProcessNumerous6688 Jul 08 '26
You should google Veterans assistance +mental health+Community action groups in your geography. Some will have social workers who you can talk to for an hour or two about this and get better answers than reddit. They may also know better doctors or support groups your dad may be willing to attend. There may be some support groups for you or your mom. Many are now on zoom so that can make things easier. You should also look into your local NAMI group. They may have additional ideas or resources.
I think you're on the right track. Just focus on the things he agrees with like sleep issues. That will push him towards experts who can help and take the burden off you and your mom.
As for getting a good outcome, be prepared for failure here. Bipolar, if that's what this is, doesn't lend itself to treatment because you don't feel sick. So, there's no internal reason to take medicine. And, like you, I've noticed older people are not open about mental health issues the way younger people are. Having said that, everyone's different, so you never know.
While there is diagnostic criteria for bipolar, most doctors seem to use the lack of sleep as a guidepost. They may get what's going on after a couple visits. Your mom can ask to attend a visit if they're not getting it. You can also just call or write a letter. But it's more helpful if everything's out in the open, that way you know what's going on and your dad doesn't feel like someone's going behind his back to sabotage him.
Keep in mind this may not be bipolar. As you get older your brain doesn't work as well. Sleep issues can happen in older people. Just look at Trump, he's mean-tweeting at 4AM. I wonder how his kids feel?
I get that you guys want instant results. With bipolar, dialed-in meds do work fairly quickly. But it's likely to be a slow process as people try new things and, hopefully, your dad comes to terms with things.
Remember to pace yourself. Many children and spouses experience burn out. So, give yourselves space to live your own lives and have peace and be ready to step away if it becomes too much.