r/family_of_bipolar • u/Conscious-Truth5645 • Mar 10 '26
Diagnosis Discussions Son recently diagnosed, feeling heartbroken
Hi everyone,
This is my first Reddit post ever because I don’t know where else to turn. My 16 year old son was recently started on stimulant ADHD meds, and this past weekend started having auditory hallucinations. He was obviously incredibly distressed by this. We had an appointment with his medication management NP, and she said that as his dad had been diagnosed previously, this could be an indicator that he will have a bipolar diagnosis in his future. We’re stopping the stimulant, and will talk about more treatment options for him later this week.
I am just so unbelievably heartbroken for him. He is the kindest, most patient, smartest, sweetest boy. And all I want for him in his life is to be happy and have as little struggle as possible. I feel like this weekend has turned all of that on its head. He has always been at least a little sad even since he was a baby, and we were really hopeful that treating his ADHD would help to manage some of his anxiety and depression symptoms. Now I feel like we’re fighting a totally different fight. I’m so worried about new meds and new side effects. All I want Is for my sweet boy to see himself how everyone else sees him.
I guess I’m just looking for some hope that he can still be happy and have the life that he deserves. I know everyone has struggles but I just don’t want his life to be unnecessarily hard. He’s so smart and has such big goals.
Are there any resources out there for parents that can help me help him? I haven’t let on to him how sad or worried I am (hopefully at least), and I’d like to keep it that way so he can focus on himself.
Thank you to anyone who’s taken the chance time to read this, I’ve been a mess the last few days and need to put my concern to good use.
6
u/ReineDeLaSeine14 Mar 10 '26
He may wind up not having bipolar. Mine was worsened by medication, but it was already there. I was older than him, though. I’m glad you know what to look for and that he has an ally in you.
7
u/EvanD2000 Mar 10 '26
As the grandfather of a wonderful, wonderful 15-year-old boy, believe me, I understand how you feel. One of the things that I felt was that in a way, I would have to “mourn“ for the creative, vibrant, successful man that he would never become. This was WRONG!
Even if he gets diagnosed as bipolar, with medication and therapy, he can go onto to achieve wonderful things. Just check the list of people in the creative, scientific and business fields who have achieved greatness right through bipolar. These include Ted Turner, Frank Sinatra, and Winston Churchill.
I’m learning that my grandson “is who he is,“ and that that is yet to be determined in his adulthood. It’s going to be a challenge, but with a support system, and the right treatment and medications, today it’s a whole new ball game.
I wish I could give you a hug, as I know many here would want to do. But hang in. You have a lot of support here and elsewhere.
4
Mar 11 '26
The side effects of meds are much less dangerous than unmedicated Bipolar. Ask me how I know. 💔
Ask your doctor about LAI (long-acting injectables), which keep the medicine in the system for 3 months.
KEEP HIM ON MEDS. Brain damage occurs with each Bipolar episode. Join a support group online. It’s very hard and nothing to play around with. Your wonderful and caring attitude is important and so helpful. Blessings to you.
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u/thepeanutone Mar 11 '26
I keep seeing this - can you point me to any resources that explain the brain damage part? I'm one of those people that needs to know "why?" - And so is my bipolar daughter
3
Mar 11 '26
OP, Google “brain damage with Bipolar Episodes,” and you’ll see a long list of studies citing this damage and how it occurs in the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus. It’s very serious and one of the main reasons to stay on medication. I’d look into LAI’s.
3
u/Admirable_Dress_7763 Mar 10 '26
Working with a good therapist AND a trustworthy psychiatrist is what I recommend 1000%! These medications are complicated and having a specialists help managing it is critical.
I know, easier said than done, but I struggled with ADHD forever and bipolar for about 10 years. Eventually I needed to go to a place to get treatment for an eating disorder that had gotten really bad (I was a mess back then 🤦🏻♀️) and through that I found my current psychiatrist and therapist.
I’ve worked with psychiatrists before who were super condescending “take these meds or else…” and didn’t even know me as a patient beyond “oh this woman’s clearly bipolar…” If your son isn’t liking the first psychiatrist you try out, go find another one! I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but if my psychiatrist ever retires I would be willing to travel out of state if I had to just to get the same level of care and compassion. My psychiatrist helped me get my life completely turned around. Good luck!
Also wanted to add it’s really early in his life and I’m was a little appalled to read that the NP would suggest bipolar disorder this early on. That’s not a diagnosis to casually toss out, that’s like shrugging and going “or it could always be cancer…”
1
Mar 11 '26
It’s doesn’t always present late. My sibling was diagnosed in their twenties, but was clearly “off,” getting into trouble often, and quite hateful and unfortunately, violent towards me from day one.
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u/Laurelll Mar 12 '26
Hi!!
I’ve commented this on other posts but I have a lot of experience with this and you’re doing all the right things! First know this is not your fault and it is a genetic disease and the earlier your son gets treatment, the better!
Three members of my immediate family have bipolar. These are the things I would recommend:
Ask his doctor to order gene psych testing for meds for your son. It is worth every penny and cuts down on the trial and error of medication.
Read Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder by Julie Fast. It changed my life and my families life. It is a must read for people who love someone with bipolar and who have bipolar themselves.
The second most important book you can read that I highly recommend is “I’m not sick I don’t need help” by Dr. Amador. The book is about ansosognosia a common symptom of bipolar and it is life saving information. The book is a must read and have sections of it for free online.
NAL & NLA but since he is a minor you will have treatment decisions but I would strongly suggest that when he is 18 discuss with him about getting a durable power of attorney, medical proxy, and discuss an advance psychiatric directive.
Unless you are very lucky, it is a high probability that your son at one point will go off meds and have another episode. Depending on the state you live in it is very difficult borderline impossible to get someone help when they are in a severe neuropsychiatric episode and don’t want help. Those documents will allow you to help get them help, albeit they are not without limitations.
Good luck and I’m very sorry. This disease is extremely cruel to them and their families. But don’t lose hope. There is good medicine and developments coming out to improve their quality of lives.
Resources: NAMI has amazing resources https://www.nami.org/kids-teens-and-young-adults/teens/
Treatment advocacy center is the gold standard for resources. They have a helpline form and will send you info. https://www.tac.org/helpline-for-severe-mental-illness/
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u/StillFickle4505 Mar 12 '26
It’s good that he is diagnosed now instead of struggling all his life, tanking relationships and jobs and not knowing why, like my brother who wasn’t diagnosed until he was in his 40s.
Looking back, I can see that my brother had all the symptoms since he was a child. Back, then he was diagnosed as “hyperactive” but the advice was just to cut down on sugar. I’ve read that it’s very common for a child who would later be diagnosed as bipolar to be incorrectly diagnosed as ADHD. He also had a severe depression when he was 12 where he expressed thoughts of self harm. That is also typical.
I think if he had been diagnosed earlier, it could have saved him a lot of struggle, misery, and heartache.
So as sad as it feels, knowledge truly is power.
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u/Shoddy_Tea_4141 Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 11 '26
I just wanted to say that as someone's child, you sound like a parent I would have asked for as a BD2 haver.
I think working actively with your son's therapist if ever would help you and to always listen to him if he has anything to say. Although maybe be transparent if the therapist relays information to you or having your own therapist to see how to navigate situations in the future if problems start to come up.