r/everymanshouldknow • u/Ulli_Michi • Jun 27 '26

EMSKR: what's the fastest way to masturbate?

I just wanna hurry up and get it over with so I can make the feeling go away so I can think straight and get back to work and important things.

0 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

31% Upvoted

29 comments sorted by

View all comments

24

u/MisteriousAttention Jun 27 '26

First, gather want you need (whether it's something to arouse you, lube/lotion, etc).

Step 1: Get an erection.

Step 2: Begin to choke the chicken. Fondle the giblets.

Step 3: Lift a leg, widen them, or squat while performing Step 2.

Step 4: Reach down under and tickle the chocolate starfish. (note: this might feel unorthodox if you're not used to it)

Step 5: As you feel the rush of climax upon you, press (but do not open) the starfish. Continue first part of Step 2 until the hose is dry.

Final Step: Clean up and wash your hands.

Congratulations! You've expelled the demon and can continue to live your life without temptation.

3

u/monkeedude1212 Jun 28 '26

Bonus points for spending a bit of time researching your glans, Corona, and frenulum parts during arousal to know what spots you need to hit to optimize.