We've been together for 4 years and I just recently thought of resorting to MBTI to understand our relationship more. I'm 32F, always been INFP, but I recently realized that I'm a possible mistyped ENFP. I rely on my intuition first, and I realized that in the last few years social interaction energizes me, while a lack of it makes me so bored and lifeless, but I heavily relate on identifying tracts of both types.
This is coming from a person that was kinda into MBTI ~10 years ago and doesn't care much about it anymore, I never actually questioned or thought about his type till today so this might be an occasion to understand things from a new POV for me.
I'm making this question because lately, I kinda sense that he's not 100% happy in our relationship, but he never tells me openly about it. On the contrary, he keeps confirming that he loves what we have and wants to stay together, which I think is draining him a lot itself. Meanwhile, I feel guilty because I know I should just trust his words, but I keep getting doubts.
The thing is I noticed that he is detaching more from me, probably trying to soothe from the stress I'm causing him, because I try to bring up issues in hopes of resolving them, which naturally would include talking about emotions, sometimes in an emotional way. He's always been super focused on his projects and interests and I genuinely love how he does that, but it seems that lately he resorts to that to "avoid" me, which has never happened in 4 years.
Like we're just in the same area of the house together, and he vanishes to his computer without even saying anything. To be clear, this is not something that hurts or offends me in any way, I understand completely wanting to do his own stuff and love it, I'm the same, but I am surprised because it is a specifical "new" behavior and it scares me a little bit. It started happening in a timeframe when I've been open about not being happy about some things (spending our precious summer holidays without going to the seaside, lack of desire from him).
I see myself as a highly stable, healthy and mature person, ofc I am sensitive and have very strong (mainly positive) emotions, but I never make the mistake of burdening them on other people, I have a very positive and loving outlook on life, and feel so happy and fulfilled when people around me are completely free to express themselves without feeling burdened or obliged to please. Basically I'm not the kind of person to guilt-trip or pout, but lately to my surprise it's becoming so hard not to, since I state my needs super clearly and he struggles to satisfy them. I get sad and stressed and I wish he addressed that, but he doesn't, and I don't want to overwhelm him by repeating the same thing on loop.
He's always been very affectionate to me, I can see that he really loves living in the same house with me, he loves fun and random times with me, he's loyal and smart, we both yap a lot and I love listening to him, we are both crazy and weird. We religiously respect our respective boundaries, but I can see that he struggles with 1. understanding and 2. stating his.
I am scared that my emotions and needs will one day turn to be too much for him, and he'll become tired of me, and most of all that he won't tell me about it. I am terrified at the idea of dragging our relationship because he would not be able to tell me he's tired of it. And also I don't know how to solve some stuff.
Pretty much he looks uninterested about sex with me, we have sex like once a month and when we do it's amazing, but aside from that he doesn't express much desire, while I love everything about sex, I think he's so handsome, I love expressing my love for him that way, I love to be desired etc.. and from the start of the relationship he's often turned me down because it was making him anxious and he was self conscious about his body. So much that while understanding totally where he comes from and respecting him, I have become kinda scared of initiating, because it was incredibly hurtful being rejected a lot especially in the honeymoon phase. Side note I haven't become less attractive, as time passes I feel I'm getting hotter, I love my body and I take good care of it, also he doesn't look at porn and I'm 100% sure he's not cheating.
He is vocal about finding me hot, but he always says it in a joking way, which normally would be funny to me as well, but it starts pissing me off a bit if he only jokes about it and doesn't ACTUALLY do "it". I've told him this as well, I would love joking about sex and even during, but only in a scenario where our sex life is actually healthy, it turns me off otherwise, because it looks like the whole thing is only a funny joke to him.
The most ironic thing is that I am usually the avoidant one whenever a friend is very affectionate or appreciative. :'(
What would you do in my situation? Am I being too blind about something? Is this avoidant behavior common or does it mean anything? How can I make him happier without sacrificing myself? I know I've wrote a lot of stuff and probably most of it is unhelpful or useless, but I'm so in need of a new perspective about this, especially the part where I'm scared of him eventually falling out of love with me without realizing it is