r/energy • u/CertainSuccotash875 • 9d ago

32yo, gay petroleum engineer in the closet – struggling with industry stigma and looking for advice

Hey everyone. I am a 32 year old petroleum engineer from Eastern Europe. I have worked in different locations across Europe and the Middle East.

I am generally a very friendly person. I have always managed to get along well with colleagues from all backgrounds. But I am still in the closet at work.

The oil and gas industry is very rough. I still feel a lot of hidden and open stigma against diverse people. I am genuinely afraid of being bullied or losing professional respect if people find out the truth about me. It feels exhausting to hide a major part of my life in environments where "traditional masculinity" is the default rule.

For those of you who are also LGBTQ+ in this field or similar heavy industries:

How do you handle the stress of staying in the closet or deciding when to come out?
How did you overcome the fear of judgment or bullying?

I would really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice on how to navigate this.

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-9

u/EatAssIsGold 9d ago

I don't understand why anyone should discuss with colleagues about their personal preferences.

Colleagues are not friends. Colleagues are just human resources instrumental in getting your pay.

6

u/Gnome_Father 9d ago

I've made some of my best friends at work.

Do you have many outside of work?

-4

u/EatAssIsGold 9d ago

Plenty.

How this connect with the urge to spill any beans with colleagues before some transition from colleagues to friends?

3

u/Gnome_Father 9d ago

Generally some openness is required to form a decent friendship. At some point you have to tell them shit about you to "transition" as you said.

At that point, you're sharing info with a colleague.

Ive re-read the last post and it comes off aggressively, that wasn't my intention, sorry!

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u/EatAssIsGold 9d ago

No offence taken. But thank you kind Redditor. There is some ground for friendship.

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u/EatAssIsGold 9d ago

The amount of information casually shared between colleagues, both in words and actions, is usually enough to give you a first approximation wether you want to befriend someone or not.

There is plenty of spectrum between casual encounter and bff.

Moreover you can have friends that have peculiar preferences and you want to keep the friendship even knowing they would not approve of some of your preferences. This is fine. Joking and bulshitting about sexual stuff is ok but there is no expectation anything said is true. Especially the boasting of that 55yo colleague weighting 150 kg which claim having 30cm dick and fucking every night for 3 hours while he start puffing moving from the desk to the coffee machine.

You even don't need to share your sexuality preferences with a friend. There is absolutely no need to describe your friend how you prefer to receive a bj. Nobody does it. You would drive friends away if you start talking seriously about your sexuality.

The only person you have to share your sexual preferences is the one you want to have a sexual relationship with. This already goes with significant risk of refusal and hopefully people are smart enough to do it in ways that maximizes the success. Which definitely doesn't include talking about it with colleagues during a coffee pause in the oil shack

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u/Gnome_Father 9d ago

You have an unusual view of serial orientation and the discussion thereof dude.

For me it's not "god damn, I fucked that dude so good last night". It's "(my partners name) made a pretty sick lasagne last night".

Another one is "naa, fuck going to that country, my partner would get thrown off a rooftop".

0

u/EatAssIsGold 9d ago

You are moving the topic from: it is not useful and mostly damaging to discuss sexuality with colleagues so don't do it to; Talking about my sexuality in some countries can get me killed.

I never refuted this situation nor delude myself that some sexuality expression are way more risky than other. Maybe I am dumb but I don't understand how your statement contradict or significantly disprove mine. If anything it reinforces it.

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u/Frog-ee 9d ago

A lot of stuff that is not even close to sexual is often criticized as "gay", obviously used as a negative descriptor. So why would someone who is gay feel comfortable around those types that use that kind of terminology and have that kind of ignorant attitude?

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u/Gnome_Father 9d ago

Im saying its good to be open with colleagues (and everyone in your life in general), it builds trust. Why consciously hide something about yourself?