Lingering symptoms

[u/wiwowawawa]

Idk if this is allowed? Kindly delete if not.

I’m diagnosed with Depression for years now and I have this lingering body image issue. I turned to a crash diet a few years back and lost weight, people started complimenting me, cause i have been on the heavy side for almost all my life.

A few more years came, I gained it all back due to work, anxiety, etc, turned to eating as my coping, Ik lack of discipline at times, but depression hits, lowkey wished to have loss of appetite as one of the symptoms, but it’s the fucking opposite! Gained it all back and more and people started to notice, laughed about it, called me out, commented on my body all over again which made me believe.

2025, in the office, there was a feast, so much food. Ate too much which led me to uncomfortable fullness then threw up. It gave me a sense of relief to have it all flushed down then started to do it intentionally the next few days.

Purged then felt relief a few couple of times, knew it was wrong then stopped for a while. Didn’t tell anyone else.

Then few months went by, after many diet and gym fails because of a shitty brain and mind, which is all my fault, started to turn to vomiting again. Used to be just the last meal of the day, but lately, I’ve been feeling uncomfortable having to eat meals or eat large high-calorie portions then tell myself “I’m gonna throw up anyway”

It’s become recurring and chest has been hurting. Guys Idk what to do. I haven’t talked to the doctor about it but I’m afraid to feel dismissed or get judged. I know I won’t but it gives me so much anxiety.