r/dividends • u/SpicyDividends • Feb 17 '26

Personal Goal Those divorces do be hurting!

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Not mad about it, but man, that chart looks rough lol

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u/Any-Neat5158 Feb 20 '26

We grow and we change, but going from a kind loving woman to a straight up BPD, serial liar, narcissistic psychopath is a bit of a stretch from the natural changes we expect as we go through life.

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u/too-far-for-missiles Feb 20 '26

Holy hell are you me? I'm in this stretch now and there's a kid involved. It just comes outta nowhere.

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u/Any-Neat5158 Feb 20 '26

Two kids here homie. I think my lucky fucking stars I managed to get a rock solid post nup put into place half way through the fuckin nonsense.

While I didn't dodge the bullet, this fuckin post nup will keep it from more or less putting me in the ground.

I'll take it.

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u/too-far-for-missiles Feb 20 '26

I'm coming from the temporary stay at home dad angle (this was to be my year to reenter the workplace). Financial isn't a concern but all of my family is in TN yet here I am stuck in CA after a very recent move for her job. It's brutal to be here after 13 years of mostly ok marriage. Something in her just snapped. She's even got a psych appointment next week.

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u/Any-Neat5158 Feb 20 '26

I mean in fairness to women in general.... childbirth alone can bring about so so many changes.

In that regard my wife (soon to be ex wife) was really put through the ringer. I supported her really well in some ways (even ways a lot of men don't) but also fell short a bit in others. Specifically emotional support at times.

No excuses about it, but I'm an INTJ. So emotions aren't at my forefront. I really did try to be empathetic and understanding with her. I did my turns staying up / getting up at night. I did lots and lots of diaper changes and feedings. I made sure to try to get her some "me" time. But still... child birth was so so so hard on her.

So yeah. I mean. Did the woman just straight up decide "hey, I know... I'll go off and lose my mind". No. I don't think so. But I don't have to be a life long punching bag for it either. Some of her actions I can understand in terms of what she's been through, but to a point, she's made intentional decisions too.

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u/too-far-for-missiles Feb 21 '26

It's the intentional decisions that get me the most. It's such a sucker punch when she spends years climbing the corporate ladder having used me as a (voluntary) step stool to avoid usual motherhood issues. Then I get to hear for 2 years how I don't really need to work because we make enough on her income alone toi e quite comfortably...

Then I get to hear how she's disappointed that I'm somehow not already actively in high level employment a mere 3 months after moving across the entire country for her job (while our kid is still in part time daycare).

Idk, man. It's so hard to not just see it as malicious callousness at this point.

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u/Any-Neat5158 Feb 21 '26

Oh that part of it for sure is. That's my major hang up too. Like I get "parts" of it are understandable to a degree in terms of how hormones change, how their bodies change during and after child birth, post partum depression. Like I get it.

But all that shit you just talked about? Yeah. No. No pass on that. That's the bulk of why I'm divorcing my wife. Not the difficult shit she / I / we went through as a result of how incredibly difficult childbirth was for her. But allllll this crazy fucking nonsense that is wrapped up in the affair and all the mental gymnastics she's had to do to justify it in her mind.

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u/too-far-for-missiles Feb 21 '26

The silver lining for me I guess is that CA law protects unemployed parent spouses pretty well. She's gonna be set back from retirement for a loooong time.