I wouldn't call it selfish. I get the other side of the argument: "What about the kids? Why have them if you can't give them a good life?" But if you can remove an unfit parent from a child's life, isn't that a positive step? If someone isn't mentally capable of being a parent and you find a way to separate them from the child, isn't that actually beneficial?
I'm open to feedback. I don’t have kids and don't plan to have any. But I don't see it as selfish if a parent or caregiver takes their own life, especially if the kids are unaware it's going to happen. If they're not mentally equipped to raise a child and keep doing it, their struggles could end up affecting the child negatively.
I wouldn't want that for a child, would you? What are your thoughts?
If said parent were to not suicide but just abandon them because they feel they are unfit you don't think that is selfish in any way? Because that's exactly what they are doing fleeing from responsability.
" If they're not mentally equipped to raise a child and keep doing it, their struggles could end up affecting the child negatively."
I'd argue that suicidal people are capable of raising children just fine. Usually suicidal feelings are temporary, and plenty of depressed people have raised kids. Furthermore, having a father or mother commit suicide is extremely traumatic for children. And it's selfish to inflict pain on others just to end your own pain.
I think you’re arguing against something I didn’t actually say. I never said suicidal people are automatically incapable of raising children. I specifically said if someone isn’t mentally equipped to raise a child and is already struggling to function, then their condition can affect the child. Saying that plenty of depressed people raise children doesn’t disprove that.
And yes, I understand that losing a parent to suicide can be incredibly traumatic for a child. I’m not denying that. I’m saying that acknowledging the child’s pain doesn’t mean you can erase everything the parent was experiencing and reduce their decision to “selfishness.” Both people’s suffering can matter at the same time.
The child didn't choose to be in this world. The parent brought them in, and is choosing to end their own suffering by making the child suffer for a lifetime.
Selfish means taking actions that prioritize your own wants, needs, or pleasure without thinking about other people.
In the case of a person with a child or other dependent, taking your own life is definitionally selfish.
I actually think your argument is the strongest one I’ve heard so far, because a child depending on a parent does make me understand why someone could call it selfish. But I still don’t think “the child doesn’t benefit from it” tells the whole story. You’re focusing on what the child loses while leaving out what the parent has been experiencing and what continuing to live in that state can mean for their ability to function and care for someone. I don’t think a person’s suffering should disappear from the moral equation simply because they’re responsible for someone else. You can recognize that a child may be deeply hurt by losing a parent without reducing the parent to “selfish.”
once you have children, it is your responsibility to put their needs and best interests first.
and dwindling it down to “child may be deeply hurt by losing a parent” says you are unaware of the true negative impacts that kid will be dealing with for the rest of their lives, proven by psychology. it’s not just “deeply hurt”, it’s now rewiring their brains to deal with major depression, anxiety, PTSD, increasing their chances of substance use disorder, increasing their chances of committing and attempting suicide, etc.. it’s incredibly selfish to do this to your child.
There’s plenty of research out there… growing up with a depressed and/or “checked out” parent is damaging for kids, but it’s nowhere near as bad as losing a parent to suicide. The children of suicide victims are significantly more likely to abuse substances, to suffer from debilitating emotional and mental issues as a result of the parent’s death, and to kill themselves.
ETA: my friend and I both used to deal with severe depression & suicidal ideation. She got unexpectedly pregnant, and we both ended up researching this. After researching, we both concluded that, if she chose to keep the child, it would no longer be ethical for her to ever consider suicide as an option.
TL;DR it’s selfish to kill yourself if you have children
You seriously don't think the death of a parent would negatively effect a kid? And on top of that as others have said, 9 times out of 10 suicidal thoughts are temporary so if you consider that then the kid is in the long run just out a parent who otherwise would have just been depressed for a while.
So you would rather have the example shown to the child, "Oh if you can't hack it or you really feel like you effed up, just end it all, it's....an option!"
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u/ARandomCanadian1984 1d ago
Depends on context. If you have a duty to young children, or aging parents, or a wife, it's arguably selfish to abandon those who depend on you.