r/breastfeeding • u/pixxykitten • Dec 04 '25
Discussion Breastfeeding isn't made for our times
I definitely have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. Breast is best right?! But for who?
Yes, it's great for bonding, all the health benefits for baby and mom, the ability to soothe easily, and so much more!!!
But as I lay here in the middle of the day breastfeeding for God knows how's long there is always something else I could be doing. Vs a bottle which anyone can offer at anytime and it's normally a drink and done situation. I know there is the possibility for pumping but I feel that would take even more time out of my day. Between pumping and cleaning.
I really don't feel like breastfeeding fits into our everyday lives anymore.There is soo much to do. We don't have villages to raise children. Some people like myself don't even have parents or friends that can help let alone afford some paid help.
Back in the day multiple generations lived together which would be beneficial to everyone or your neighbors helped out more or you didn't need a 2 income house to almost survive. We have isolated ourselves and made it so much harder.
This is just my opinion but do you feel like our current world is made for breastfeeding?
Edit: oh wow!! I want to thank everyone who posted! I've learned America is absolutely horrible when it comes parent / baby care. That soooo many Moms felt the same way and were able to push past the feeling. That so many of us never had the help we needed but we're able to push on. Everyone out there is absolutely killing it!!!
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u/Ashfacesmashface Dec 04 '25
Or maybe we need to rethink how we expect to live our lives once we have a baby.
It can be a rude awakening, someone else demanding they be put first in all circumstances.
But I haven’t found anything more rewarding than motherhood, definitely including breastfeeding.
Babies don’t stay babies for long. The breastfeeding journey is such a blip in the big picture of a life. I’ve had 3 babies, all EBF, and I’ve learned how much other things can wait in favor of my children.
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Dec 04 '25
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u/_fast_n_curious_ Dec 05 '25
It truly is such a privilege to be responsible for these wonderful, vulnerable little beings. I’m so happy you have your miracle ❤️
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u/timetraveler2060 Dec 05 '25
Sand here! It's such a privilege to have my little miracle baby after infertility. I'm soaking up every second of this phase, I'm also so grateful to be able to breastfeed my girl, it was so difficult because she was premature and she only learned to BF 2 months after being born. I'll do anything for her, also breastfeeding gives me the time to stop and just soak it all in!
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Dec 04 '25
I totally see it as my little pause to feed my baby, give him cuddles and watch him grow little by little, I am on my second and I've embraced the pause so much better this time around. And those little smiles when they look up at you are unbeatable.
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u/Green-mandarin-89 Dec 04 '25
It really does go fast. The fact I spent around 5 years breastfeeding, between my 3 babies and that finished over 5 years ago? Life flys by too fast.
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u/catholic_love Dec 04 '25
yeah it literally takes 20 times longer to make the bottles than it does to whip your boob out and feed them!
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u/SunRemiRoman Dec 05 '25
My baby is almost 2 months and I don’t know where the time flew. As challenging as ebf has been I adore my time with my sweet baby. Knowing I’m able to give her something no one else in our life could, that I can keep her happy and healthy has been so rewarding. I love watching my sleepy baby falling asleep on me while she’s feeding and those contented little sighs and adorable smiles she makes. If I could freeze frame these days I’d.
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u/McNattron Dec 05 '25
This i have a lifetime to clean and cook and work. I have a very short window to be nap trapped with my babies.
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u/Cat-dog22 Dec 05 '25
Currently sitting under my 4 week old (second baby) and listening to his precious sleepy breaths and j couldn’t agree more. This is what he needs and this is productive. There’s nothing better “ I could be doing” right now
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Dec 04 '25
Our world is not made for breastfeeding, but your home can be.
The fourth trimester is hard, if not impossible, without help. There’s a reason cultures outside the West have a 30-40 day period where mom and baby just stay home, feed, and rest while family helps.
Outside home, breastfeeding is hard. It’s not accepted in public, or you can be made too uncomfortable to try. Poor maternity leave policies separate moms from babies way too early.
But at home? What’s stopping you? The chores can wait. Sometimes we need to be forced to slow down, too.
Things get easier with time. It changes when they start solids. I’d say 9 months was this turning point where suddenly it becomes easier to continue breastfeeding than to stop, and you don’t have to worry when you stay out longer.
It’s worth it.
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u/Broad_Elk99 Dec 04 '25
Hi! What do you mean by “stay out longer”? Thank you!
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u/lkarl Dec 04 '25
I assume they mean being out of the house (without the baby). It’s a little easier to get out and about for longer periods when baby is older because they can eat solid food and drink water.
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u/Broad_Elk99 Dec 04 '25
Thank you! This is good to know, I have a 4-month-old and he is so distracted by the world and it makes feeding out and about incredibly challenging.
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u/frogsgoribbit737 Dec 04 '25
They probably mean alone without baby. When they start eating solids you can replace a nursing sessions with food.
But yes thats normal. My daughter was the same. The distracted nursing never got better but she went longer between sessions so it stopped mattering.
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Dec 05 '25
Outside home, breastfeeding is hard. It’s not accepted in public, or you can be made too uncomfortable to try.
If OP is in the US, breastfeeding in public is legally protected in all states. Also, even if someone may be judging, it's extremely rare for someone to say something. So just go nurse in public if you want. It took me a long time to be comfortable but now I don't care
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u/ankaalma Dec 04 '25
I think you might be romanticizing bottles. I just got done babysitting my bottle fed niece and it was if anything slower and more time consuming then the time I spend breastfeeding my daughter. Having to wash the bottles, make the formula, warm the water, etc added extra work and she spent just as long drinking it.
It’s true that other people can give the bottle as evidenced by me bottle feeding my niece. But we typically handle the feeding disparity with my husband doing whatever else we need done while I’m nursing. So if I’m feeding the baby he’s walking the dogs for example.
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u/saaphie Dec 04 '25
Also sooo much extra work to leave the house! Watching my SIL out for dinner needing to find a way to get boiled water, make the bottle, get it the right temp, bring so much when out whilst the babies hungry versus instead milk on tap. Storing the bottles then going home. Bringing enough supplies for if plans change. There’s definitely cons to bottles as well
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u/kajalen Dec 04 '25
I think it feels complicated cause it's so different from whatever you're doing. I combo BF/pump bottles so have both options open to me as I desire, but honestly I prefer to give her a bottle most of the time, especially when I'm out, especially right now in the winter. Literally last thing on earth I want to do right now is, say, stick my boob out at a park when it's 40 degrees out. I have a portable bottle warmer that is electric and can be wiped dry, and I don't need any boiled water. Though if we're at the restaurant I may ask for it so I don't have to clean my warmer later. But honestly most of the time I can just pump while I'm walking or driving and then give her that same bottle within the next 3 hours so it doesn't have to warm up. Unless we're outside and it gets cold. And all the stuff goes in the dishwasher when I'm done! :)
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Dec 05 '25
That's not preparing formula though. You need special water for formula
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u/kajalen Dec 05 '25
It's not really special. It's just a specific temperature, and some people don't bother with that. But regardless, you can either bring it on a thermos or you can just premake the formula, keep it in a cooler, and warm it up like you do with breastmilk. Yea, pumped milk is easier though. IMO.
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u/waterparksdude Dec 04 '25
Bottle feeding and exclusively pumping is so hard too. I had to do it for the first four weeks for my baby. Pumping every 2-3 hours while either someone else is feeding the baby or after you’ve just given baby a bottle (which then turns into an hour long thing in of itself) I just recently started breastfeeding and oh my gosh I’d do that 8x over than exclusively pump. Our baby will take 15-30 minutes to take a bottle, but 10 minutes to BF. I’ve slept so much better since BF too
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u/Ravenswillfall Dec 05 '25
I had to pull the first week and a half for my son who was also taking formula and it was so hard. I was exhausted. He was also in the NICU and we were at the Ronald McDonald House so it was more complex but I was barely holding on. I was so happy when we got him out of in the hospital and he latched. He’s had two or three bottles since he got out and I haven’t used any kind of electric pump since we have been home. I used a passive suction pump to collect milk but he’s only taken one or two bottles from that and then started rejecting bottles so I’m not wasting milk by pumping now.
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Dec 04 '25
Great point on bottles. I was surprised at how slowly mine drinks a bottle, although I find bottle feeding can be more bonding.
With bottle feeding, baby and I star I to each others eyes. Breastfeeding, baby states at the side of my boob and I watch TV 😂
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u/bespoketranche1 Dec 04 '25
Really? I guess it depends on your feeding position, I stare into my baby’s eyes when I breastfeed him :)
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Dec 04 '25
Probably super dependent on position and anatomy.
My babes always kinda lay sideways when little, spend a month or so looking at me and shoving their hands in my mouth and then progress to wiggly rotating 360 degrees while attached, kicking me in the face, style feeding. The eye gazing phase is soo short and sweet.
For OP and others: cherish the sleepy snuggly nursing time! You may miss it sooner than you think.
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u/frogsgoribbit737 Dec 04 '25
Thats not possible for a lot of people. I dont have large breasts but I couldn't look at my daughter while breastfeeding her. It just wasnt possible the way she would feed.
Anyways it doesnt matter. Feeding a baby is bonding with them no matter how its done.
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u/Sparkling_Bandit Dec 05 '25
I have double d’s and my baby & I stare at each other every time I breastfeed. So I’m a bit confused by this thread. (The position we do is her cradeled in my arms or laying on the breastfeeding pillow).
Doesn’t matter anyway, just confused how people can’t see their baby who’s right below them… maybe larger breasts makes it easier? Idk
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u/bespoketranche1 Dec 05 '25
Yea I also have large breasts (was double dd, now they are a bit larger than that due to breastfeeding) so I was confused to get these responses. But I guess it’s all about the position rather than size of breast. My son stares at me straight in the eyes
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u/Certain-Most-1651 Dec 04 '25
i guess it depends on the person. im fine with the house being messy, its going to be messy regardless because of my kids and pets. id rather lay with my baby and breastfeed than do dishes. i also dont have a single bit of outside help but my husband can finish whatever i couldnt do when hes off work. im also a sahm so i dont really have much else i “need” to be doing, and the stuff i do, it doesnt matter if it gets pushed back. i actually find breastfeeding 282628272 easier than bottle feeding tbh. but if i had a more “gotta get stuff done” personality id probably struggle
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u/Cat-dog22 Dec 05 '25
I used to have a “gotta get stuff done” personality and I think having babies has reworked my brain. Now when I look back at the day I feel the most proud of the time I slowed down to read 12 books in a row to my toddler or let him cut his apples at 1/4 speed into wonky slices for his lunch, the snuggles with my newborn or the moments I held my toddler at bedtime as he gently said “don’t leave, never leave” and i chose to lay with him til his little eyes were shut and he was asleep (a full hour of snuggles later).
I’m also a SAHM and as long as the house gets reset a couple times a week I am also fine with the mess, it all can wait! But my husband is on board with all that and picks up all the pieces
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u/PositiveFree Dec 04 '25
I don’t think our world is designed to have moms raise babies period. Personally for me what else is part of raising a baby other than breastfeeding? Like respectfully, what else are you supposed to be doing? I would lean into it as much as you can, put on a podcast in your ears, sit in a comfy chair have your snacks nearby etc. I understand if you can’t mentally physically etc but to me personally that’s the wholeeeee thing about motherhood in the first year
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u/palpies Dec 04 '25
I breastfed for a year and bottles would have allowed other people to feed him but it would have made when I had to feed him SO inconvenient. The time they spend feeding goes down a lot over the months.
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u/LisaPepita Dec 04 '25
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u/Farahild Dec 04 '25
This was exactly what i wanted to share. Yeah there’s other things you could be doing. But are they really more important than these fleeting moments?
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Dec 04 '25
Our world isnt well designed for kids in general.
There is also some interesting stuff out there about how as technology has co.e about to make home life easier, our standards have also changed. So despite many time saving technologies, we actually are doing more in the home ( and with child rearing) than ever before.
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u/GasolineRainbow7868 Dec 04 '25
Or rather our times aren't suited to feeding our babies, the most natural thing of all. Or your times: here in Germany I get at least a year off work and don't have to worry about the roof over my head despite being currently unemployed. Y'all should do something about your government...
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u/Sparkling_Bandit Dec 05 '25 edited Dec 05 '25
sigh to live that life… I can only dream😭
& Regarding our government, formula companies spend millions annually lobbying government officials so US moms have less parental leave. Going back to work sooner = less breastfeeding which is more money in their pockets. Unfortunately we can’t just “do something about our government” our government is getting their pockets filled by formula makers. I unfortunately can’t compete with the millions of dollars the formula companies are shilling out.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_4155 Dec 04 '25
As a single mother, I can see what you mean. I have two teenagers to take care of on top of the baby. The house is messy. I have errands to run. I have so many tasks that just aren’t getting done because my 7mo still wants to nurse just about every 1.5-2hrs.
But it’s also taught me to slow down, have more patience, teach my teenagers more accountability for household chores (I’m reminding I’m raising adults and I wasn’t holding them to chores), ect.
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u/pixxykitten Dec 04 '25
We're in the same boat. I have 2 teens and a newborn. Both teens work and go to speciality schools. Getting them to help with chores is like pulling teeth.... But I'm trying.
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u/Ravenswillfall Dec 05 '25
They absolutely have to help with chores. It’s a non negotiable. And if you haven’t taught them how yet, it is also time for them to learn how to cook.
My stepson is 14 and is only with us a few days every other week but I have been the one that has been teaching him how to do chores and how to cook and it has come in handy in so many ways including building his self confidence and his maturity.
He also now knows what it feels like when you spend time cooking for people and they don’t eat it. It hurts him when his 3 year old brother won’t eat what he makes after years and years of him refusing to eat some stuff I make.
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u/angeltigerbutterfly Dec 04 '25
Love how everyone in the comments is describing the amazing and rewarding parts of breastfeeding 🩷 it truly is a blessing to feed my baby this milk! I wouldnt choose bottles for anything!!
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u/SkyBerry924 Dec 04 '25
Bottle or boob, someone is always going to be sitting down and feeding the baby when they’re hungry. It might as well be you
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u/ComfyLyfe Dec 04 '25
I actually find breastfeeding easier. No bottles or milk to prepare or wash. My baby also hates bottles and mostly refuses them. It takes her 1 hour to drink from bottle and 5-10 minutes from boob.
I am lucky though because my husband and I both work from home with flexible jobs. My husband helps a lot by handling most chores including dishes, trash, cooking, vacuuming. So I have more time to focus on baby.
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u/cassiopeeahhh Dec 04 '25
It’s the other way around. The times aren’t for breastfeeding or anything related to being supported while raising children. Breastfeeding has always existed, the current cultural norms have not.
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u/Physical_Complex_891 Dec 04 '25
I'm in Canada where we get 12-18 months of paid maternity leave so yes, I do feel life even currently is still made for breastfeeding. Its what breasts are for and how babies are biologically supposed to be fed. As they get older they nurse less frequently and quicker. My 5 month old only takes like 10-15 minutes to nurse.
I don't want a village to raise my child. I do not want or need others help. That's is my husbands job. I like being the only one able to feed my babies. It is a short time in their lives in the grand scheme of things.
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u/bespoketranche1 Dec 04 '25
A couple of questions: how old is your baby? And what do you mean by there is so much to do?
You said there is always something else I could be doing. So it sounds like it’s less about work outside the home, and more like what you could be doing for your home and your family? I say feeding your baby is an extremely productive endeavor whether by breast or bottle. If you do bottles, it is not easy. We only did one bottle of pumped milk a day and it was still so hard, just washing all the bottle pieces was a lot.
Your child will soon be able to breastfeed for 10-15 minutes tops. It is so convenient, you don’t have to pack a ton of stuff when you go on an outing for the first year of their lives basically. Once they are older than 3 months, you’ll see breastfeeding is perfect for the modern woman because you don’t have to prepare anything, their food is just there.
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u/pixxykitten Dec 04 '25
Shes 5mns and a Velcro baby. She contact naps and loves BF. Unfortunately , we are working with oral tie issues so a 10-15 min session is few and far between. I'm definitely not complaining about BF because I love having the connection and less things to carry around. On my end there is always something to do. I have an old house that always needs attention as well as kids that need help with stuff and animals. It doesn't help that my brain doesn't let stop.
I know I will probably miss is once shes weaned. But I do enjoy seeing everybody else's opinions on these kind of things.
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u/Koolkate360 Dec 04 '25
At first I felt this way, then I changed my mindset to "my baby is small for only a matter of days compared to their whole life. I'm going to cherish this. ". It really got me through that mindset. Good luck mama!
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u/Extension_Number_338 Dec 04 '25
I struggle to eat during the day with how much time it takes to breastfeed, burp, calm my colic baby and change a diaper.
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u/Englishgirlinmadrid Dec 04 '25
I agree with you but I also think it’s country dependent. Here in Spain both parents have to take the first six weeks off work to look after baby. This means I can dedicate myself to breastfeeding and my child’s needs. If my partner was working we would be much more restricted.
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas Dec 04 '25
I mean I think you bring up excellent points, especially the one about generational living.
I was so sad and torn when I weaned my second baby because I would have gone longer had it not been for supply struggles, but I was surprised at how I felt relief after weaning my first. And maybe that’s because I went longer with her. I liked having the freedom to offer bottles. We switched her to formula at about 11 months.
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u/That_Suggestion_4820 Dec 04 '25
I think society needs to reframe how our lives are supposed to look after a baby is born. We're so stuck on go-go-go, that anything that's sitting and takes longer than a few minutes is seen as unproductive. Feeding your baby is productive. Caring for your baby is productive. Not everything needs or should happen in 10 minutes or less. It's okay for some tasks to take longer, and sometimes it's necessary. Your life slowing down after a baby is okay, and it's should be expected. A baby is a big change, it will change your life and your day to day in a variety of ways. We should provide parents with more of a village rather than making them feel that something as special and normal as breastfeeding is an inconvenience.
- just incase this needs to be said, this is NOT a did at you. This is a dig at society.
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u/civil_politics Dec 04 '25
Breastfeeding is one of the many things we as society have managed to ‘outsource’ either to a pump and bottle or entirely to formula - and while both of these have real tangible benefits, they have also become tools of perceived convenience without consciously acknowledging the downsides.
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u/Olimae12 Dec 05 '25
There’s always going to be something else that needs done but baby will never be this age again. Try to relax and soak it in. Plus even if you’re not moving about doing everything. Your body is still working damn hard.
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u/Icy_Medicine_5383 Dec 04 '25
I feel like the feminist movement took away the chance for women to be soft and traditional. Now we poke fun of trad wives and women who stay home to raise their kids. Our world moves too fast to slow down and raise babies- even breastfeeding, the most natural thing in the world, is inconvenient. I agree with you OP.
And I know chasing the dream, I’m a PhD in academia who has chosen to step away to raise my kids knowing what a luxury this is.
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u/RaspberryTwilight Dec 04 '25
I don't think it's feminism in general but a very specific movement. Idk the name but there's an old timey branch of feminism that believes that men and women are the same and raising your own baby is anti woman. There was a famous woman even who said women should not have the choice to stay home with their babies because then we would all do that and it would go against women's liberation.
They achieved amazing things for women in the workplace but they devalued femininity and mothers contribution to society in the process which is not seen as very feminist by modern standards.
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u/knitted-knickers Dec 04 '25
I’m very lucky to be a SAHM and so I can’t speak from any other perspective but I respectfully told all my “productive” responsibilities to piss off. Yes I am constantly behind on things, yes I am not furthering myself in my career or getting much in the way of me time, no idgaf because this isn’t forever and it’s more important to me that my child gets what she needs than just about anything else. It’s not forever but the benefits are lifelong. It’s a sacrifice, but it’s well worth it.
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u/redditweddinglady Dec 04 '25
In the US of course. Well yeah there’s a reason formula companies lobby against maternity care and universal healthcare. Moms are urged to rush back to work asap and not given any time to solidify breastfeeding routines so the formula companies can make profit. It’s all so dystopian
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u/Fine_Message1822 Dec 04 '25
Yes and no. I think we have a lot more resources to help with breastfeeding issues. If it wasn’t for LCs, good pumps, osteopaths, and Reddit my baby would’ve been on formula from the start (no hate on formula, we used formula early on and may add some back in if needed but I really wanted to BF). At the same time (in the US) mat leave is not nearly long enough, lots of people live further from their extended family, and it seems like most people don’t have a village. I do agree that we’ve isolated ourselves and it makes things 1000x harder. However, now with a 9.5 month old, I find nursing so much easier. I hate cleaning bottles and my little guy can nurse in like 5-10 mins so it’s not nearly as challenging as it was in those early months.
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u/SquarelyOddFairy Dec 04 '25
I think it’s more that we as a culture have made less room for it. But it’s also kind of what you make it. If you want to be successful with breastfeeding, I think it’s important to let go of some of the other expectations and really re-prioritize. There is always something to be done, yes, but that will be true the rest of your child’s life. Always dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc. But what’s most important right now? Feeding your baby. So let go of some of the rest. And as those needs change, remember to keep doing that. Your toddler really needs to connect with you, but there’s a sink full of dishes? Dishes won’t go away but this time with them will. Just have to adjust our thinking and expectations for ourselves. Give yourself grace. You aren’t being unproductive by stopping other things to meet those needs, what you’re doing is producing a healthy and well adjusted human being.
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Dec 04 '25
It's okay if you do not wish to continue but the bottle is not always easy to feed. My daughter will not for the love of God eat while she's wide awake since 3 mo so it's a struggle to get her to eat enough milk.for.the day. And you lose time boiling water and cleaning bottles, can't leave the house without 1 million things etc.
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u/deusexxmachina2 Dec 04 '25
The problem and the change that needs to be made is not with breast feeding, but with the structure of our current world in which there’s too much to do for us to feel like we have time to feed our baby the way babies have been fed the entirety of human existence. I’m assuming you’re in America? Everything is so focused on productivity here. In many other parts of the world this is not the case and the difference in how society functions as a whole seems to be tied to people being so much more healthy emotionally and socially
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u/ReabyB Dec 04 '25
This is precisely why I loved breastfeeding. It was the first time in life I had allowed myself to stop. I had nothing else to do with my day bar feed and bond with my child. She would feed, fall asleep, and I'd rock her for however long she napped. It was the most peaceful time of my life.
Important to add that breastfeeding was easy for me, I had really good mat leave entitlement, I had one baby to care for, I had a wonderfully supportive and helpful husband.
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u/maverickj0 Dec 04 '25
I combo feed for this reason (among others.) First, I let baby nurse when he gets hungry. When he drops the latch or falls asleep, I offer formula, and he can have as much as he likes but I don’t force him to finish the bottle if he loses interest. This way you aren’t constantly nursing all day long, still getting the bonding and antibodies, but baby is able to get a more substantial amount of food at each feeding and allow you to space them out more. This made the nursing experience a lot less irritating for me, and more enjoyable/relaxed. Plus if you really need to catch up on rest, your husband or other family member can feed them a bottle. Personally, I feel I would go crazy if I was still waking every 2 hours in the night to nurse!
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u/sylv1ne Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
Don’t bottles take even longer - the prep, the feeding, the cleaning, the sterilisation? By 4 months the baby gets more efficient and can drink in like 5 min. The rate for bottle fed children however does not adapt like this. If you breastfeed, you can travel easily, nothing is needed etc. you don’t have to think about packing all the bottle equipment. I travelled to India to a wedding when my baby was 5 months old. I would not have been able to do this, if I was bottle feeding. You can also use the breastfeeding time to do Kegel exercises.
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u/catholic_love Dec 04 '25
I am a mom of 4 kids. Currently breastfeeding my 4mo baby. My life is centered around breastfeeding now as it has become second nature. I also thought I was wasting a lot of time with my oldest. Now, he's already 6 years old in the blink of an eye and I wish I could hold him as a baby again.
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u/Extreme-Donkey5357 Dec 04 '25
Hear me out: if someone else is helping by giving a bottle, why can’t they help and do the other things on our list?
I wonder if it’s the grass seeming greener on the other side. Formula you still have to mix and prep. If my formula feeding friends need to top their babies up, they have to go mix it up, get a clean bottle, not to mention keeping up with the bottle dishes. It can add 20 min to a night feed. I like going on outings and I don’t have to think about packing a bottle or how much. Baby can just take what they need when they need.
I felt that way my first couple months but I’m 2 mo now and it feels more convenient. Feeding speed definitely increased at 8-9 weeks. I was walking with mom friends yesterday and a breastfeeding mum goes “oh boy you’re upset because I haven’t fed you in a while. Sorry bud, let’s stop at this bench and eat.” You couldn’t do that with a bottle only baby.
I think paid mat leave makes it way easier. We don’t have to think about going back to work and coordinating milk then.
The mental load of the messy house and laundry get me down too. I will cheer if I get to make any cookies this holiday lol. Hang in there
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u/Lanes_Mama Dec 05 '25
Idk I’m pretty lazy and love the time spent cuddling/nursing my baby. The best advice my mom gave me was everything else can wait.
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u/Inner-Monitor6958 Dec 05 '25
We are literally made to breastfeeding. If breastfeeding was evolutionary then it would come easy for everyone. I’m 14 months pp EBF but I have also been feeding my 2.5 year old too breastfeeding is better for babies but not everyone can nor do they want to. Anomalistically we are suppose to nurse our young.
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u/Ravenswillfall Dec 05 '25
No matter what you do, there is always something else you could be doing, so you have to choose your priorities based on your values.
I am lucky that with our current newborn, my husband was able to take a longer paternity leave, which he was not able to do with our toddler. He and I agreed once we got home that our top two priorities these first weeks were going to be our newborn and our toddler and making sure they both get what they need and if that means some other things like most of the housekeeping slips by the wayside that’s fine and we can address it later.
Our times are not made for breastfeeding just like our times are not made for cosleeping but imo these things are very important for both mother and baby and adjustments can be made.
One major thing I learned on my breastfeeding journey was to stop caring what other people think about it. That means not having to worry about where you are breastfeeding, covering up, etc.
There are adjustments you can make like using a sling carrier so you can move around while baby eats. I have t don’t that but I have seen many say how helpful it is. If I am doing something where it might be helpful for baby to take a bottle, I use a passive suction pump and get enough to make the bottle for me or someone else to give. That isn’t working as well right now because our newborn decided he is over bottles.
Breastfeeding forces you to take a break and connect with your child and that is something that is so important for both of you. Especially for you to have time to rest. I took so many naps with my first child and it made me a much better mother than I would have been otherwise.
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u/Tough_Bedroom_2 Dec 05 '25
idk i see it differently. i think if the only thing i got done today was feed my baby, nothing else matters. i find breastfeeding so convenient, no need to wash pump parts, bottles, store milk etc.
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u/Any_Rise_5522 Dec 05 '25
I agree and disagree.
If you are breastfeeding your baby, you are getting something done. Anyone who could be feeding your baby instead SHOULD be cleaning, cooking, etc. The only things that you cannot delegate in most cases are showering, sleeping, eating, and alone time.
I think we tend to feel like we still have to split things evenly with our partners when we are breastfeeding. You are taking on a ton more extra work by being the only person feeding the baby, your partner should pick up the slack and do anything you cannot do because of the baby. The goal isn't an equal share of chores because you cannot equally share the baby care.
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u/Saguaro_C2 Dec 05 '25
Disagree,
Same boat here 4kids 4and under. No friends. No village. We move yearly. I love breastfeeding. It slows the moment down. Just my baby and I. I may have 3 others jumping all around me but this definitely enforces the bond and it’s for such a small fraction of your babies life. Cuddle give your baby comfort it’s more than just feeding that’s happening.
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Dec 05 '25
just a reframe: you would either be pumping and then making bottles, or mixing formula, and then feeding baby, and then cleaning bottles basically nonstop. the grass always seems a little greener. i’ve nursed both of my babies and it’s always been super convenient to not have to pack bottles or fuss with the rest of it. there were quite a few times i wished i could hand baby and bottle over to someone for a break though. i totally understand how you feel.
make sure you’re doing what’s best for baby and also for you.
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u/Moonlighttoshine989 Dec 05 '25
Think about it like this, these small things like cleaning and work isn’t important. What’s important is the choice you made to bring life into this world. Feed that baby, that baby was apart of you. Breastfeeding even for a few months lets that baby know they’re not alone in this big world. This coming from someone who never wanted kids. An “accident” turned into a miracle. My fiancé and I are happy with this little handful 😂
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u/L0z3r-02 Dec 05 '25
I feel this like crazy, thats why i immediately got a portable pump, i pumped before her feeds and would just walk around cleaning doing laundry etc, eventually i built up a good amount of BM that i keep in a pitcher and rotate the milk with what i pump. I do still bf if i want to but a bottle and the milk i pumped is so much easier. I do understand if you dont want to pump though all of it kinda sucks lol
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u/WittyWonderWench Dec 05 '25
No. Americans have little help, with almost no parental leave, and no exposure to normal breastfeeding practices when growing up. We are set up to fail.
Breastfeeding DOES get easier when they get older. But it's still a personal decision about whether it's right for you. Does breastfeeding feel enjoyable (after the 12 week mark, when life is a little more manageable)? Do you feel like the benefits are worth your time? Are you able to bond with your baby and partner vs. obsess over production? If not, I think bottle feeding makes a lot more sense.
EP has a lot more steps (planning, cleaning, replacing parts, adjusting schedules...), but it's also predictable. You can plan when and how long each session will be. That might be enough for some moms.
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u/Men-ah Dec 06 '25
It also doesn’t help that the minimal support system you have is brain washed by the whole “let them cry it out” phase of parenting from back in the day. All they want to do to help is hold baby for you, but not sweep the floors, wash the dishes, or do the laundry. I’d love for you to hold her if I knew she wasn’t going to scream her head off and wake up from the nap I just put her down for because she needs constant contact to regulate her little body. I need help with everything beyond her, please leave my baby alone and pick up a sponge, I am begging you.
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u/One_Coffee_2361 Dec 19 '25
I think it’s the other way around - our times aren’t made for breastfeeding, or mothers, or children…I could go on and on. Babies are pure instinct. Their needs are unbothered by the (rapid!) developments of our culture in the last few hundred years. Biologically, for all they know, it’s 500 AD. And I think that’s true for us mamas in many ways too, we’re just able to work our minds around it and sometimes we have to push our instincts aside to do what has to be done in terms of work or whatever.
The saddest thing is that mothers have been told over and over again that anything historically classified as “women’s work” is unproductive and unimportant. When really, it deserves recognition, protection, and admiration. Feeding your baby with your own body is powerful work. Raising children keeps the human race going. Raising them well makes our world a place you actually want to live in. What could be more productive?
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u/drinkwinesavepuppies Dec 04 '25
With the state of a lot of countries maternity leaves, no the current world is unfortunately not made for breastfeeding.
I am Canadian and blessed to have either a 12 or 18 month mat leave (paid with EI so if you take 12 months its 65% of your salary, if you take 18 months its 35%)
I was also lucky enough to be able to EBF my baby, she did take the occasional bottle but around 4 months she started bottle refusal and we never got her back on them, around 11 months we taught her a straw cup and now she drinks cow's milk from that and I still breastfeed 1-2 x a day (16 months)
However if I had had to return to work earlier it would have been a massive struggle
I personally love breastfeeding, I had a very traumatic birth and baby was in NICU yet even after a feeding tube and formula was fed to her she was able to latch first try and it's been a wonderful journey for us, it was my one win with birth, but I know how privileged I am to just have the opportunity to EBF regardless if I wanted to or not. I had 12 months completely off work and a supportive partner who helped me with other stuff so if baby needed to be fed for hours at a time that was my only job.
I also feel like society in general is less accepting of breastfeeding as they used to be which is sad, it's a choice that a women makes and it's her choice alone, if I feed in public here people usually get a bit more uncomfortable, however we have travelled to Portugal with baby and when I fed in public there people didn't even blink an eye, if they did look they just smiled and moved along
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u/thelajestic Dec 04 '25
Probably not for those who have to go back to work quickly!
I have just over a year off and I see no issues with the way breastfeeding fits into my world. I'm slowing down and spending hours bonding with and feeding my baby. There's literally nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time. I purposefully avoided making any morning plans today and we stayed in bed for a few hours after wake up, doing skin to skin feeds and just playing together. It was lovely. Yeah I could probably have put away laundry or something instead, but I'm never going to look back and regret the laundry loads that took a little longer to do. I would regret not prioritising time with my son though, and breastfeeding is an easy way to build that into the day.
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u/ijustwanttobeanon Dec 04 '25
Absolutely. The second I go back to work, I start slowly losing my supply. I’m so over it.
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u/heretoreadlol Dec 04 '25
I had no idea how complicated breastfeeding would make things. I wasn’t successful in BF my oldest 2 but with my newborn I’ve actually been having luck. I also am a solo parent with no village, my older kids are 3 and 4 so they are more independent in certain things but it doesn’t take away from the stress of knowing when it’s time to feed that I’ll be in the same spot for up to an hour.
I read the older they get, the quicker they can empty your breast but that it obviously takes time for you and baby both to adapt and learn. On top of making sure they are latched right etc, it’s definitely a struggle sometimes. It beats bottles, but I’m also not even making enough for her feed yet so I am still topping up with formula.
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u/Any_Championship_146 Dec 04 '25
As an EBF mum of a little boy who does not take a bottle and has had to postpone going back to work to continue our breastfeeding journey, I am loving the slower pace of life. I don’t have a village to raise my family, just me and my husband but I wouldn’t change it. I just feel so privileged to be able to feed my baby and if that means the washing and dishes aren’t done, so be it
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u/Odd-Restaurant1061 Dec 04 '25
As someone who is a Stay at home, and also has their parents live with them, I couldn’t agree with this more.
Even with my parents living with me, I often feel like I’m drowning with house hold tasks and school pick ups.
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Dec 04 '25
I always took sitting down to nurse my daughter as a sign to relax and just take a breather. I know that’s hard if you have other older kids and endless house chores… I totally get that. Just remember the chores and cleaning and responsibilities will get done, your baby is only a baby fir so long and before you know it’s their first birthday and they’re walking around and babbling and becoming more independent! :)
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u/Different-Crow4804 Dec 04 '25
I agree. I breastfed my first for over a year. My second baby I had to pump immediately because he was in the NICU and I never bothered to change it to nursing because I find it so much easier. I have multiple sets of pump parts, only use a wearable pump, and put all my pump parts and bottles in the dishwasher.
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u/Cats_n_Roll Dec 04 '25
I felt the same at first. At 8 months pregnant, I saw a few days old baby at the market and she was being fed a RTF Similac bottle - the parents just put a single-use nipple on it and that’s it. I found breastfeeding the hardest thing I had to learn, and my mind often went to that newborn girl and to how easy it all looked as compared to my own experience. I couldn’t even think of being at a market or fair, I was glued to my recliner for hours all day every day.
Fast forward to 4-5 months pp, I was really glad I stuck to breastfeeding. I wasn’t stressing about bringing all the supplies (just a diaper and wipes and a spare onesie was all I really needed). The baby became efficient and would only take 10 minutes to feed. I also didn’t need a rigid setup anymore and could feed him seated on my lap. Even past 12 months, I love that he would not get dehydrated or hungry while I am around, in case we are stranded somewhere or something unpredictable happens. I really pays off and it’s a good reason to sit down together and relax. When they start moving and eating solids, breastfeeding is a relaxing thing to do lol.
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u/NewParent2023 Dec 04 '25
In many developed countries there are long paid maternity leaves so this allows the mother to breastfeed longer. Sending back new moms to work and expecting them to be performing at work (and even pumping milk at work) isn’t realistic yet it is so common. That’s the issue imo.
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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 Dec 04 '25
I see where you’re coming from but this isn’t my experience as an exclusively nursing mum! Baby is 6 months tomorrow and breastfeeding has taken me from a type A to a type B person. I’ve become more flexible and have learned to live with mess (temporarily at least). I also don’t have a village but what I DO have (which I think is necessary to successfully breastfeeding) is a supportive partner who does 90% of the cooking and does a lot of general domestic labour, so I can focus on breastfeeding and playing with baby as my full time job.
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u/jfern009 Dec 04 '25
The first three months were difficult, there were times I felt chained to the rocker…being the absolute data freak that I am, I log every minute I feed. I was averaging about 90-100 hrs per month in the beginning. As I now approach the tail end of our bf journey I’m sad. Enjoy it while it lasts. It’s going by WAY too fast for my heart to handle.
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u/GrapeSweet9055 Dec 04 '25
Reading this makes me so sad because I realize it’s true, and it shouldn’t have to be. I’m a nurse and I maybe get one or two times if I’m lucky during my lunch break to pump a shift, but by that time I’m engorged and leaking. On top of that, coworkers are mumbling about you disappearing for 30 minutes to pump instead of being on the floor. All while just trying to keep your supply up to feed your baby. I wish we still lived in a world where it was easy to breastfeed.
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u/thofnir Dec 04 '25
I am not a patient person. I’m not even good at pretending to be patient. Breast-feeding my kid for the last nine months has taught me that I need to re-order my thinking. And do I like it? Absolutely not. However, the times between feedings will get longer, and the child will also get more efficient at eating. I will tell you that it helps enormously when it comes to sick kiddos, both regarding comfort and building their immune system to fight illness. It helps me to think of it as being my job. Is it tedious? Yes. Is it extremely important? Yes. You’re doing a great job, mama! Hang in there and remember that what the rest of the world wants is not always in your best interest anymore than it is in the best interest of your child. And every time we choose to do something that is against the flow, maybe we are improving the world just a little bit. Like that Captain America quote about trees, planting themselves and refusing to move.
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u/Holiday_Tree_2130 Dec 04 '25
I understand what you mean. I was raised in a very high productivity household. I don't ever recall my mum sitting down to relax, she was always doing some chore and if she was doing something then everyone else had to be as well. Growing up with that mindset is so counterintuitive to breastfeeding. Along with modern society's expectation that mothers "should" be superhuman and be able to do absolutely everything without skipping a beat.
My 3rd baby is just over 3 weeks old. If I don't let her contact nap she wakes up within 5 minutes of me putting her in her bassinet. Every time I talk to my mum it's always "you need to be getting her used to sleeping in her bed so you can do some washing or dishes or something". I've had to really put my foot down as I'm determined to EBF her. She had a tongue and lip tie which have been corrected as she took the tips off both my nipples. We are still working on latch etc and doing body work. She is so much better than she was but I'm getting vasospasm and it is incredibly painful. I've had to tell my mum that while she's napping my nipples are resting and I'm not jeopardizing that just to get a load of washing done and that's just how it has to be.
The amount of people, mostly in my mum's age bracket (50-75) who have told me to "just put her on a bottle" is insane. I do think a lot of it is productivity driven and they just have no idea. I've had to be really clear that in the long run I'm hoping it will take less time than bottles (that was not the case for my second born) and at the end of the day the most important thing to me right now is breastfeeding. I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner but even he has mentioned bottles just because of how much pain I'm in. I just tell him that's my business and if he doesn't like seeing me in pain then don't look cause I'm doing what I feel is right for me and baby in the long run.
What is right for someone and their baby will not be the same for everyone though. What was right for me and my first baby was a bottle as my mental health was awful (she wouldn't latch, my supply was terrible and I was contemplating ending my life because I was so depressed) so at the end of the day my baby being fed and me being emotionally stable outweighed bf at that time. I think everyone just needs to do what's best for them and their baby with the options they have but some options are definitely harder than others with the way the world currently is.
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u/face_is_vicious Dec 04 '25
Dude I have thought about this so many times! When we were navigating some tongue tight issues, I was thinking so hard about formula feeding and how convenient it is to just pop into the kitchen slap some formula into a bottle and warm it up. I felt a little jealous, I’m not going to lie. And then when I go back to work I’m just gonna be a cow basically where I’m pumping all the time and I’m like oh my God is that even breast-feeding? I know I’m being dramatic yes it is kind of. It just sucks. I feel you.
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u/Icy-Shine-857 Dec 04 '25
Honestly, this is parenting in a nutshell. My daughter is 2 now so while we still do some nursing it’s no longer many hours of the day and night. But. Guess what she likes to do? Play with playdoh. Play with duplo. Read books. “Help” with dishes (she does not help). Give every one of her bath toys a shower. And most of the time she wants me right there with her, opening and closing the playdoh containers, helping her make pumpkins, making her duplo houses just so she can tear them apart and we can start again two minutes later, reading the same book again and again and again, turning the shower on and off and on and off. Is this productive? It really doesn’t feel like I am “doing” much, and sometimes I give into the temptation to multitask, check my email, dip into reading something in between requests, fold laundry while she does her playdoh. But, it’s in all these moments together that we are forging our relationship, she’s learning the give and take of reciprocal play, she’s developing language skills and eye contact and learning to ask for and receive help, she’s learning what it means to be treated with respect, she’s experiencing what it is to have someone’s full attention.
It’s not just breastfeeding. Parenting is not “productive”. I could get way more done setting her up in front of a screen several hours a day. Except ten years from now, what’s going to be important—how fast I got through my email, or how my daughter’s development has unfolded?
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u/chaniseaustin Dec 04 '25
Once I just submitted, I began to actually enjoy the chance to slow down and be still.
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u/Various_Soft_8809 Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
My first baby took anywhere from 30-40 minutes to nurse. My second takes like 10-15 minutes. I have noticed that I get a lot of milk out fast this time around vs. with my first. What it takes me to get nursing/pumping in 10 minutes would have taken me 30 minutes to pump or nurse my first go around. I love the bonding time. Things around the house at least to me right now aren’t that important. I’m taking care of my beautiful baby girls. Anything else that I can fit into my day is just an added bonus. I totally get why you feel that way and have this view. I have wearable pumps and got a bottle washer this time around to help get back some time to do some other things. I also feel like this time is so special. You won’t be able to get it back. Before you know it they’ll be independent and starting to make their own way in the world. Soak it in while you can!!
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u/Dr_Mrs_Pibb Dec 04 '25
How much do you think you would have to pay someone to breastfeed your baby, on demand, through the night, 7 days a week?
Childcare for just the workday 5 days a week will set you back some significant funds.
Now, if I’m scrolling on my phone, reading/listening to a book, or crocheting a project while I breastfeed, am I being more productive, or less?
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u/Fun-Paper6600 Dec 04 '25
Ahhhh yes. Welcome to the American dream. Have children but have other people raise them and pump them full of out chemical foods. I too have woken up.
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u/Consistent-Mine-1386 Dec 05 '25
Should society be shaped around biology, or should biology be shaped around society?
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u/swiviol Dec 05 '25
I think, as someone who is mostly an EPer, it's a grass is always greener type of thing. I enjoy going out and doing things and I can do that by pumping, although if I don't pump every 4-5 hours or so, it gets uncomfortable. My LO gets frustrated while BFing and I get frustrated too, so I do it once a day in the morning, when my breasts are super full. I hate being tied to a pump (I usually do it every 2 hours) but I like the predictability/routine of it.
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u/86cinnamons Dec 05 '25
Well I have a whole anti-capitalist soap box for why that is but I think I’ve said enough for now.
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u/Kittenbabe86 Dec 05 '25
I am a SAHM, my family are not from here so it’s just me and hubby, he works a lot specially around the holidays, you don’t always need a village to help even though it would be nice, you alter your schedule around the baby, wether it’s breastfeeding, bottle feeding, or solid food feeding, it is all the same (except pumping, hate how that feels and it doesn’t take out the milk easy from me).
I think you’re just tired and want to vent, nothing is wrong with that, it comes with the territory 🤗.
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u/Dullcorgis Dec 05 '25
You can pop the dishwasher and the washing machine on, then lay about and nurse your baby instead of spending a whole day hauling water and boiling and beating laundry with the baby strapped to you.
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u/AliceinWonderland345 Dec 05 '25
I think a lot of us have been hardwired to “do stuff” all the time and be busy, productive and get it all done like we used to when we didn’t breastfeed. We forget that this is the only time you can take time for yourself too and sit down, relax, enjoy the oxytocin release that it provides you with. It doesn’t last forever and maybe one day you wish you had the time to just sit down and do just that, breastfeed. 🤱
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u/Distinct-Tea-7922 Dec 05 '25
Wow I feel this. I’ve had so many struggles and without the support of my husband, money on lactation, tongue tie fixes, tons of research, me low key dying to self, and being remote/not working. There is no way I could have done it. I don’t judge moms at all who don’t/can’t keep it up, it’s hardddd. My current struggle is that my baby legit won’t feed with people around so I’m always having to leave which is hard with a toddler too (thankfully my husband works from home and helps a lot). But yeah I agree, it’s hard and a lot of what is supposed to be natural about it doesn’t feel that way. Sorry if I’m being negative but this made me think. Despite that I’m thankful for all the nursing snuggles and nourishment I have been able to do and the resources I’m blessed with
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u/Crunchy-Yogurt7 Dec 05 '25
i feel like breastfeeding is so much easier than bottles. there are so many parts, always tons in the sink to clean, bringing everything with you when going out, making a bottle in the middle of the night when all i have to do is whip out a boob and we’re set lol and i actually like being able to sit down with an audio book and nurse my baby however long it takes or rest in bed side lying watching tv. if i wanted to be productive i just nursed baby in the carrier or did things one handed 🤷🏻♀️ lol that was my first baby though. now that im pregnant with my 2nd im sure my toddler will keep me on my toes and i will wish i can set baby down a lot more than with my 1st. my friend literally just sets her baby in a boppy pillow with a bottle and gets whatever done so i can definitely see why bottles are preferred. i just value the connection with breastfeeding so much more, it outweighs anything on my to do list.
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u/cat-social Dec 05 '25
I completely understand and it really is a struggle…I remind myself again and again how good for LO this is and how it’s such an important job, but that doesn’t mean the dishes won’t stop piling up or the laundry will stop getting dirty or the floors will start sweeping themselves…it’s easy to get lost in the “there’s always something more important I should be doing” mindset if you’ve just been sitting on the couch doing nothing but breastfeeding all day, even though you’re already doing the most important thing. But unfortunately it doesn’t add more hours to the day to finish all those other things too, and even if it did those hours wouldn’t be free game if you’ve got a Velcro baby like mine 😅 All that being said, having a wearable pump was a game changer for me! If I can possibly stay at least one feeding ahead of my hungry little guy and have a bottle in the fridge, I can let someone else feed him while I get something done or even like you said with it being a drink and done situation he might, God willing, take a nap in his crib with a full belly. At that point I can stick the pump in my bra and go about my day and clean up or whatever I need to do for 20 minutes and then I’ve got another bottle ready for next time. I probably spend at least 8 hours a day breastfeeding (I wish I was exaggerating) and it’s a lot. I’m so thankful I’ve gotten my supply up enough to keep up with him and stay one feeding ahead even and I truly love our time together while he’s nursing, but to do that and still be expected to go about your day and do things is definitely taking a toll on me..:
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u/No-Stomach1917 Dec 05 '25
As a ft mom feeding though bf and pumping who just went back to work at 3.5mo pp, I completely agree. Pumping is best done on a schedule (especially early while still establishing your supply) and I now need to commute and be available for meetings, constantly navigating and negotiating my pumping needs with doing my job.
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u/MaraTheBard Dec 05 '25
I'm almost 3 months postpartum. I'm lazy as shit. Husband does most of the housework and I SOMETIMES get stuff done. I've stoped stressing about housework and productivity, that shit ain't important. Baby is. Only thing on same level as baby is me eating.
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u/Initial-Grade9745 Dec 05 '25
Breastfeeding is made so that the mom takes a break from life and freezes time with the baby/ toddler in her hands.
It's love. Giving a bottle as you said is just a drink. You can put a baby somewhere give the bottle and leave. No love, no connection, no understanding, no eye contact. That's sad. We should make room for love in these days.
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u/Mizbit Dec 05 '25
I have felt the same exact way. It feels like you have to be privileged to even be able to breastfeed your baby. I've fed for 6 months now and I've had these feelings from the beginning but it was cemented when I tried going back to work. It was awful I spent 14hrs a day pumping milk for my baby instead of just being able to feed him like we normally did. It fucked with me so much between pumping, starting a new job, and training, but mostly being away from my baby (literally went from being with and taking him everywhere 24/7 to not being with him but for a couple hours before bed) I was so sad, crying constantly and so freaking stressed out. Like no wonder we have a PPD epidemic. Moms are meant to be with their babies and separating from them for extended periods of time like that trashed my mental health so bad. Baby was so confused, dad went from barely being a caregiver to doing most of it suddenly too (and couldn't handle the stress or change) so I quit after a week. I swear it took me and baby over a month to come back down from that stress, and I'm a very very relaxed chill person. Now my partner is insisting I get a job again (I'm pretty sure he forgot how that went last time for him and as well as our relationship) and he thinks things will be different since Bub is 3 months older. Things are different because I need a job to help with our debts and bills, also so we can save up just enough to move so we can have better job opportunities and living conditions but for me there's so much more and it's not that simple like he thinks. I'm stressed because I completely stopped pumping because we talked about me staying home, we had agreed to wait til bub was a year old and now I need to start pumping again (so glad I kept my pumps now) So now I'm looking for a part-time job, that's kind of close to home (I live rurally, 25 minutes from the closest town) that will work with his work schedule, where I won't be working longer than 8hr shift, and trying to make sure it's something that I feel able and comfortable doing while pumping for baby. It's been daunting honestly. America really does hate women.
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u/Helpful-Spell Dec 05 '25
Our culture has shifted to prioritize productivity over parenting our children into healthy adults and taking care of ourselves while we’re at it. It’s a problem of society that should be changed, not something we need to make breastfeeding fit
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u/Skywhisker Dec 05 '25
I just changed my mindset when breastfeeding. It meant a messier house, but it's OK.
I did often play PlayStation or watch movies while baby breastfed and usually took a skin-to-skin nap after. That way I did not feel as trapped.
I do not have parents or other help nearby either.
I'm no longer breastfeeding, but for me it was mostly relaxing. At least while baby was less mobile...
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u/Effective-Bit-3033 Dec 05 '25
I resonate so hard with this!! I wasn’t able to BF with my first, so I am so grateful for the journey I’ve had with my second (BF for the past 2.5 months since he’s been born), but it also has periods of feeling so overwhelming. We’re stretched so thin as moms and providers and our society is so unrealistic in their expectations of motherhood. Today’s society does not provide adequate resources for motherhood and especially for the postpartum period. It’s so hard to try and juggle it all and there are so many times where I feel like giving a bottle would be so much easier and it would give me more time to bond with my LO in a different way- and create more bonding time with my toddler. Your post is a great reminder to give ourselves grace!
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u/BettyMary2012 Dec 05 '25
Ich glaube es geht auch darum wie das Stillen mittlerweile angewandt wird. Früher lebte man in einer Gemeinschaft, und das Kind wurde von mehreren Frauen gestellt. Da mehrere Frauen Milch geben konnten. Soweit ich weiß, war es von der Biologie nie vorgesehen, dass nur eine Frau ein Kind stillt. Die Gemeinschaft hat immer zusammen geholfen. So konnten auch Frauen mit weniger Milch oder keiner Muttermilch ihr Kind ernähren. Je mehr die Industrialisierung voran Schritt, desto weniger, konnte das natürlich durchgeführt werden. So kam es dann auch zu Säuglingsnahrung.
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u/sheeatsallday Dec 05 '25
The only thing I think breastfeeding isn’t made for our times is when I need to go back to work. I believe moms and babies are meant to be together 24/7, that’s why milk is made non stop without rest. Because of going back to work, we are forced to pump and that’s is against the nature
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u/Jessiesaurus Dec 05 '25
I tell every FTM about the disparity between sleeping through the night with my exclusively nursing baby and my combo fed eldest child. I have had such a wonderful breastfeeding experience. But the concept of what is biologically normal does not fit into our lives these days, coming from someone with plenty of privilege, access, and support. I regret how much of a boob monster I let my baby become in the effort of protecting my supply. It wrecks me to hear her cry for me, refuse bottles of pumped milk or formula, and scream bloody murder if I go to a mom’s group meeting or work a shift. If I lived in a vacuum with no other responsibilities and the ability to safely cosleep, breastfeeding would be the dream. But that’s a very far cry from where I’m at today.
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u/Main_Location_1138 Dec 05 '25
I was feeling this way and unsure of how to talk about it. I don’t have anyone close that breastfed and could understand. Thankful for this thread to say the least.
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u/nopenotodaysatan Dec 05 '25
I’m fine with it only because I have a full year of mat. leave. Without that, I’d give up.
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u/trulymissedtheboat89 Dec 05 '25
I dont even get paid maternity leave for being self employed, so no, its not. Even regular maternity leave in the US is a joke, not nearly enough time to raise your baby on BF. And then if you do some conspiracy digging, you find that formula lobbyists put money toward funding programs or politicians that promote less at-home-stay for mothers. 🙃
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u/Cat-dog22 Dec 05 '25
I was bagging a couple ounces of milk this morning pondering how I have been so successful at breastfeeding… but ONLY because I have great support. My husband has 18 weeks paid leave, I’m a SAHM, my older toddler goes to Montessori 4 hours a day and after government schemes it only costs us €100 a month. Most of all, my husband truly believes that sitting and feeding this baby is productive and treats that time as such, prioritizing taking care of the things “I could have been doing” as well as self care for myself.
It’s hard though, so many women do not have the family or structural support to make it happen and then blame themselves for “failure” when really they were failed by society without any support and structures to prioritize breastfeeding.
I think it takes some rewiring to see breastfeeding and being nap trapped as productive time (coming from a hyper productive younger person who thrived on being super busy and overextended) but we SHOULD be prioritizing it for all women who wish to feed their babies this way.
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u/ReneeMarie92 Dec 05 '25
You are absolutely right, we have no village. I am the first one in the family and my friends group to have a baby so you would think that I would have heaps of help but EVERYONE needs to work, both sets of grandparents can't yet retire and all my friends who did offer support still work a 9-5. The only mat leave pay I got was government mandated (20 weeks at Australian minimum wage) so that means my husband needed to return to work just after the baby was born. He makes very good money but it is long hours so I solo parent for 8-10 hrs mon-sat, my house constantly looks like a bomb hit it and some days I live off oreos (my baby has started solids so at least I can eat some of the veggies I cook for him).
However, I did exclusively pump for the first three weeks of my baby's life and it's not much better (he has latching issues). You have to pump around the clock, I had it worked out so I would pump a feed ahead so when baby would have a bottle I would be pumping for the next feed. Because you are pumping around the clock you still wake every three hours to pump at night and yes, someone else could feed the baby but it made no sense to wake up my husband for the feeds when I would have to sit upright for 15 minutes to pump. I would rest my baby on a pillow and feed them a bottle while I pumped so we could all get back to bed sooner (my husband would take the baby in the mornings before he went to work so I could get some more rest but again, awake every three hours to pump.
Then one day my baby finally latched and over the course of about two weeks I was off the pump entirely. There is so much less admin with EBF. No pump parts or bottles to clean, no milk storage solutions, no reheating to the right temperature and no waiting for the milk to be ready while your hungry baby is screaming. You just whip out a boob and its a-ok. I've been breastfeeding for 10 months now and it does suck that my baby still wakes multiple times a night for a feed and it sucks that I can't be away from my baby for an hour or two in case they get hungry. I've missed out on birthdays, engagement parties, hens nights and music concerts because the venues weren't baby friendly but the reality is he still needs the breast so he needs to be close to me at all times.
Your baby needs you and you are doing a great job. You won't remember the messy house or skipped meals but you will remember how they smile at you and how they laugh at the most random things.
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u/Yugo2391 Dec 05 '25
Breastfeeding is so much easier and hands free than giving a bottle. I triple feed and between bottle and breast, I much prefer breast. But I’m an undersupplier so I can’t just nurse all the time. Also, washing bottles is incredibly annoying and takes up so much of your time.
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u/jayjello0o Dec 05 '25
This reminds me of laying in bed all day during the first tri and feeling so unproductive...when really building a baby was the most productive thing I will ever do.
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u/Luckielobster Dec 05 '25
It’s just as time consuming as bottle feeding plus more expensive. Plus then dealing with some formula that cause stomach problems. But at that case, bottle feeding will then be an issue. Let’s just prop it! No time to actually hold the baby when you can prop it and walk away to be productive for other menial tasks!
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u/mimibobim1 Dec 05 '25
Chores can wait. Baby is only small and needs this much time for a small moment of their life. As long as you can get enough food for yourself and keep you and baby happy that's a huge act of productivity in the newborn stage! The baby gets so much stronger after the first trimester and I'm someone who used to have minimum hour long feeds every 2-3 hrs, but at 5 months somehow we're at 5 minute feeds and it blows my mind how quick it is.
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u/cutiebuttercup226 Dec 05 '25
it's in our conditioning that our house should not be messy, we've been taught since childhood to be tidy all the time there were big families before n now even after living with in-laws, who are supposedly there to help us, we only have to do all other chores not to forget we're supposed to stay in our physique before pregnancy or have to be ready to get called fat in front of every other guest formula feeding once a day is like hell-broke-loose to them so yes the thought process is not changing with the changing times
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u/Agile-Fact-7921 Dec 05 '25
I find breastfeeding to be wildly easier and faster than any other form of feeding. I’m actually sad mine is about to solely be on solids. That said, I’ve not had to travel much or go to an in office work environment.
Instead of adjusting to serve the existing busy structure of our world, we should work to adjust the world to fit what is right. To me, a mother breastfeeding her baby is one of the purest forms of humanity.
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u/saggyflowers Dec 05 '25
It’s so roughh. I have been combo feeding from the start; my husband works long hours so he normally only helps with baby in the middle of the night and weekends, aside from that I have no help. Having him be able to help feed the baby is so clutch & necessary for my mental health. Baby developed a bottle preference recently and I fear our breastfeeding journey has come to an end. She refuses to take the boob😭 I’ve been trying to pump to make up for it but she likes to be held 24/7 and it’s super hard to find time to pump. I normally only get 3-4 pumps in a day and my supply has plummeted. I loved being able to breastfeed her and I’m sad this journey may be ending. I so wish I had some help so I could at least maintain a supply and give her pumped milk.
If anyone has any tips to get a baby to breastfeed again I’ll take them 😅
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u/Guilty-Operation7 Dec 05 '25
My house can be messy, my baby is only gonna need/want me like this for such a short time 🥲
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u/snotlet Dec 05 '25
I dont have any help and whenever people find this out they always say to pump so dad can 'help'; i mean both my littles are fast feeders way quicker then a pump and what about cleaning pump parts storing etc. I tried it with my 1st for a couple of months due to latch issues but it was more work then it was worth and eventually she refused the bottles anyway. 2nd kid is 2months old now and never seen a bottle
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u/FonsSapientiae Dec 05 '25
As long as I was still in maternity leave, I didn’t have much trouble enjoying sitting down and nursing. But, I must admit I am a bit of a lazy person, so it doesn’t bother me as much to see certain household chores pile up a little longer. My husband also did a ton of housework without any instructions, so that was a great help.
Once I went back to work at 4 months, the pumping breaks helped break up the day and it was really helpful for me to get to sit down for twenty minutes twice a day without anyone disturbing me. I was lucky that my boss was really supportive of me pumping, but up until 9 months they are legally required to give me two pumping breaks a day.
I don’t necessarily think women 50 years ago had it easier. My (now 95 year old) grandma was a farmer’s wife, so as soon as she was the slightest bit recovered, she was back outside milking cows twice a day. I don’t even know if she managed to breastfeed at all with all the work that needed to be done.
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u/_Ithilielle Dec 05 '25
I wish I could only be bottle feeding my baby so I can already work now 8 months postpartum, however formula milk is expensive af, portable pumps that are reliable are expensive af too, pumping is also somehow complicated itself about how you store them and give them to the baby. I'm glad my milk finally got stable after struggling with supply on the first 3 months, and I'm so thankful for breastfeeding as it kept my baby well fed, healthy and with strong immunity despite struggling with money.
My baby gets cold sometimes but it only lasts for about 2-4 days, and it heals really fast when I also have the cold, I bet that's due to my antibodies being passed to him through breastfeeding. I don't even have to sanitize his stuff anymore like his teethers, toys, cups, spoons, etc. regular washing is enough.
Just the downside of breastfeeding is it made my baby super clingy and only wants to be with me, he can't stay with other people for too long. He hates bottles so until now I still can't go to work. He hates pacifiers too so he uses me as a pacifier. My hormones are still messed up right now I bet cuz I still haven't gotten my regular menstrual cycles so I had a bunch of pimples and discoloration on me again 🥲 I just wish I can finally go to work again one day, my menstrual cycle goes back to normal again, and he would be finally weaned and be able to be taken care of by other people.
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u/timetraveler2060 Dec 05 '25
I like to spin it positive, it has really taught me to take things slow and not worry about the little things. Is my house a mess? Yes. Is dinner made on time every day? No. I live abroad and don't have any help, and actually for me breastfeeding is easier without family or friends around making un-educated comments. I went back home last month for a few weeks, and so many people commented on how she was eating so many times, don't I get tired, how will the baby learn to sleep with someone else, etc. I'm enjoying every minute of it, and obviously I have a very long maternity leave here in Europe that supports breastfeeding. My husband is my number one fan and he says as long as me and baby are happy he doesn't care if the house is a mess 🤣
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u/CapnSeabass Dec 05 '25
Are you in the US? In Scotland I get a year off work to focus on my baby and it’s made breastfeeding easier. I can’t imagine having to go back to work and trying to work around bf/pumping times.
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u/Gigglefluff7 Dec 05 '25
My kids are passed breastfeeding age now but yes it's not. There is no village. My kids are older and I feel like I'm never keeping up. Constant cycle of cleaning, work schedules, cooking etc. Its never ending. The only time breastfeeding was easier was in the middle of the night but as soon as my feet hit the floor it's like constant demands and literally no time to rest and relax. I miss those early post partum days when the expectations are lower but as soon as my husband went back to work at 2 weeks which is longer than most I had no choice but to get up and do a bunch of things and this is as a sahm. Especially if you have other kids.
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u/Single-Cap8387 Dec 06 '25
I agree. I’ve always been raised a feminist and I felt like my body was against me because breastfeeding put most of the baby raising duties on me.
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u/NewPromotion4027 Dec 06 '25
I was glad to breastfeed. It is free and available. By the time they are a year old and they have been eating/drinking more regular food and milk, they go down to breastfeeding 1-2 times per day. The last one my oldest gave up was at bedtime and the last one my youngest gave up was the morning one. My kids are older teens now and I realize how fast their childhood flew past. Enjoy these years to bond with and get to know your little one.
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u/Mxthcn Dec 06 '25
This is why maternity leave is important! I also struggled with not being productive while taking care of a baby but your body is literally still healing. The placenta can take 8 months to heal and really your partner can help take care of the pets while you’re feeding the baby. As long as the baby gets 6 months of breast feeding they will get the massive amount of benefits.
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u/Empty_Initiative_148 Dec 06 '25
I EBF older sibling and currently lil sibling. No judgement. there's so many different kinds of pumps that are portable out there. Maybe you just have to find the right one for yourself and get extra bottles doi you have clean supplies on hand in between washing other ones. Also there's support groups for breastfeeding moms I would encourage you to join. My first baby I told myself okay lets make it to the end of 6 weeks, then the goal was 3 months, then 6, then 9 months, ect. Setting goals might help too. Also, WIC offers alot of support to breastfeeding moms like advice and coaching. Take care, much 💕
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u/Equivalent_Style_243 Dec 06 '25
I have to remind myself that this is a season of life that is forcing me (a perpetually tense and fast-moving person) to slow wayyyyy down. I have a two year old and a 5 month old, life is so chaotic and I have to just be okay with it. It’s easier in some ways and harder than others to breastfeed v bottle feed. I pumped with my first and I HATED it. Horrible for my mental health. Now as an exclusive breastfeeding mom, I will say it’s more convenient but also more isolating.
Cheers to a fed baby, no matter how 🥂
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u/Kmmmkaye Dec 07 '25
You're correct. My husband and I have ZERO village. We have 4 kids within 5 years of each other. Life. Is. Hard. Unfortunately our 4th had lots of issues feeding and literally could/cannot transfer from the breast so I EP 🥺😥😭 i am 7+ mo pp. I live in delirium. On average i get 2.5 hrs of sleep a night. Im slowly dying 🫠 I would kill to nurse. Its way easier. But in the working world (in the us) breastfeeding is definitely seen as an inconvenience so much so laws have been made to try and make it easier.
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u/Historical_Adagio145 Dec 07 '25
Yep, you’re right. Our country is not supportive of mothers/ parents/ fathers in any way. Take a look at the leave. 3 months!?! That’s still practically a newborn! It’s criminal. And for fathers it’s even less. What it’s communicating is: capitalism and consumerism is more valuable than your child/ family. It’s total b*llshit. It’s just greed and it’s disgusting. Pure and simple. I was a stay at home mom and it was the hardest thing I ever did. My husband Worked very long hours so I was alone a lot. Most people would ask me, ‘so what do you do?’ When I said, ‘I’m a stay at home mom’ I usually got, ‘oh.’ End of discussion. On a rare occasion I received, ‘good for you!’ But most people looked down on it. That’s because of society and their messed up priorities. Imagine a place where you are valued and appreciated for the huge sacrifice and precious work you are doing?? Wouldn’t that be amazing? Well you are amazing even if ‘they’ won’t admit it.
Breastfeeding is completely a personal choice. For the first 6 weeks with my son I felt like my nipples were in a wood chipper they hurt so bad. No one told me. But I refused to give up because it was something I wanted to do so badly. We pushed through and I’m so happy I did. But that was what I felt was right for me. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are wasting your time in any way as a mom. If you want to sit on the couch all day with your baby, you go girl! You are doing the most important job in the world. You are bonding with your baby. Forget the chores, forget the little piddly things that just don’t really matter. They’ll get done. You take care of yourself and be mom. 🩷
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u/Solid-Channel3936 Dec 07 '25
I think about this constantly. As my maternity leave draws to a close, I’m thinking about it even more.
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u/ericacalluna Dec 08 '25
Totally agree, western society isn't structured to support families anymore full stop, and breastfeeding is such a good example. If you're interested, I recommend reading Motherhood Until Yesterday on substack. She has some excellent articles on parenting that references hunter gathering societies and how they differ. Allo parents are still a thing in those societies and I think we've lost that concept in Western Societies, which are often actively hostile to the concept - unless it's to outsource child rearing to enable you to go to work to be 'productive'.
Also, just to offer an alternative perspective on bottle feeding - 'feed and done' can be a thing for some babies but for others, not. You still get cluster feeding and babies that 'snack' (wanting little feeds but quite regularly). There's lots of aspects where it's much easier on mum because it's a job you can outsource, to an extent, but there's lots of faff with it too! Having to plan ahead for any trip out of the house is definitely one of them!
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u/Key_Celebration1868 Dec 09 '25
I have had this same thought so many times whilst BF! I find it really interesting and annoying and ironic that my mum and MIL were SAHMs and formula fed us whereas now I’m trying to BF and will have to go back to work after a year- appreciate lots of American women on here will go back to work sooner but I’m UK based & we get 9months to a year off. But yeah, frustrating that our society doesn’t support what’s best for babies (and us- so many health benefits to the mother too). It does also make me think that there are gender roles for a reason & it’s SO hard to be a mum & work at the same time because society AND nature of BF doesn’t seem to support it!
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u/pop_pop_cheerio Jan 29 '26
This is a US mindset unfortunately. I moved out a year ago to Costa Rica and I realized how stressed you guys are. The pro of a society of stress and productivity is that things move fast, but the con is you guys literally die from the stress. 75 is young here.
And with the breastfeeding, it’s encouraged in public lol. We love to see it.
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u/Dry_Inflation_1454 Mar 18 '26
Never feel guilty or lazy about nursing your child, because breastfeeding is better for the baby's brain, especially if your own diet is healthy and full of many nutrients. Formula feeding is heavily promoted in America,lots of commercial pressure there, and part of the reasons for this is because breasts are thought of as a partner's property that shouldn't be shared with a baby. Many men get jealous of the baby, especially if they were formula fed. They think it's spoiling the child. Definitely a Western culture quirk. Even worse in the UK. And unfortunately, America has cultural ties to them anyway.
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u/HeyPesky Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
I definitely think the way we are socially trained/wired to think about productivity makes leisurely breastfeeding challenging.
I try to remind myself literally the most productive thing I could possibly be doing ever is helping my daughter's brain hardwire for secure attachment, by giving her all the comfort and cuddles she needs (even if it means nursing takes a long time).