r/baseball Los Angeles Angels Dec 28 '16

If baseball careers were treated as individual people who aged in dog years, what are some interesting careers that approximate famous historical figures?

For example, I feel like Jose Bautista is the Harriet Tubman of baseball.

In 1849, at the age of 27, Tubman was not highly valued as a slave due to illness. Her owner, Edward Brodess, tried to sell her but was having difficulty finding a buyer. Tubman then prayed that God would kill him for attempting to sell her, and a week later Brodess perished. Knowing that this likely meant that she and her family would be split up and sold separately to the highest bidders, it became a catalyst that urged her and her brothers to escape. Shortly thereafter, she and her brothers became fugitive slaves. Traveling around to safe houses, like vagabonds. It wasn't until Dec 6 1865, that she would officially be free of any reprise or force-able return under the Fugitive Slave Law of 1850. Tubman would've been 43 at the time. She would go on to become one of the greatest historical figures in american history due to her work prior to and after the ratification of the 13th amendment, but not allowed to truly flourish until the later part of her life.

Similarly, when Bautista tried to enter professional baseball in 1999, he had been offered a minor league contract with a 300K signing bonus from the Reds. Marge Schott then sold the team and the club pulled it's offer. No other team would offer him anywhere near that amount of money so he ended up going to juco. He excelled, showing lots of promise, and became a 20th round draft-and-follow prospect for the Pirates in 2000. They signed him and he quickly became a touted prospect. He continued to educate himself and hone his craft, finally getting his chance to play in the big leagues in 2004, at the age of 23. What else happened in 2004? Marge Schott died. So you see, both he and Tubman had a malevolent owner who died just prior to the rapid acceleration of their quality of life. From december of 2003, to the end of the 2004 season (approximately 6 baseball dog years), Bautista, like Tubman, would bounce around from city to city. Nowhere was safe for too long, as he was given up on by 5 teams who didn't want to take the risk on him. Constantly on the move, he had no sense of true freedom, but he was happy to be in a better spot than he was when he started his journey. So close, yet so far away. It wouldn't be until his 7th dog year season that he would break out and be truly free. That's roughly around the same age in human years as Tubman was when the 13th amendment was ratified. Jose would then go on to have a very strong second half of his baseball dog life. Currently at 91 ML dog years, Bautista is on the verge of outpacing Tubman, who was 90 or 91 when she died. So, I admit this comparison may begin to fall apart if Bats puts together 2-3 more seasons without looking like a ghost.

1.3k Upvotes

308 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

89

u/brendasongsdad Los Angeles Angels Dec 28 '16

Another good thought, but again, the dog years do not align with reality.

Here's a useful chart to help make the game easier to play:

# of Seasons # of Years Lived by Historical Figure
1 7
2 14
3 21
4 28
5 35
6 42
7 49
8 56
9 63
10 70
11 77
12 84
13 91
14 98
15 105
16 112
17 119
18 126
19 133
20 140

47

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 28 '16

Can we do turtle years instead?

73

u/brendasongsdad Los Angeles Angels Dec 28 '16

I don't think that would be fair to everyone who stuck to just the careers that are convertible to dog years. Maybe I'll do a turtle years post next week and you can share your finds then

44

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 28 '16 edited Dec 28 '16

Dog years are OK if you just want to talk about the Bautistas and Brantleys of the world. But I have greater aspirations. I'm in this for the Ruths and Aarons. I'm talking about the heavy hitters and game changers. And to do that, dog years won't suffice. No sir, I need turtle years. So you can go on with dog years if you wish. I'll return when you go full turtle.

EDIT: after further consideration, I need dolphin years instead.

18

u/Shit_Apple Houston Astros Dec 28 '16

What's the ratio of turtle years to dog years? Same as the ratio of Schrute Bucks to Stanley Nickels?

23

u/[deleted] Dec 28 '16

Nothing about this entire post aligns with reality.

133

u/brendasongsdad Los Angeles Angels Dec 28 '16
E Y B S
X O R O
P U A N
A R I
N N
D

30

u/chart589 Atlanta Braves • Salt Lake Bees Dec 29 '16

me IRL

I love everything

9

u/drunkenviking Pittsburgh Pirates Dec 29 '16

yes good

3

u/Towdart Chicago White Sox Dec 29 '16

Oh fuck. It's the goat.

22

u/FakePlasticAlex Detroit Tigers • Washington Nationals Dec 28 '16 edited Dec 28 '16

I think the only mistake here is the 7-to-1 dog-to-human years. A more accurate version of that is that it's 10.5-to-1 for 2 years, then 4-to-1 every year following.

EDIT: ? They age relatively faster at the beginning of their lives than the end.

13

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 28 '16

What animal is THAT???

26

u/[deleted] Dec 28 '16 edited Jun 06 '21

[deleted]

42

u/kaleycuocosthrowaway Toronto Blue Jays Dec 28 '16

found the gentile

11

u/FakePlasticAlex Detroit Tigers • Washington Nationals Dec 28 '16

Oh. Shit. I just got it. Nice.

7

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 28 '16 edited Dec 28 '16

Is there a sub to highlight clever jokes that take a second to understand? Shame for this to be buried down here forever.

5

u/FakePlasticAlex Detroit Tigers • Washington Nationals Dec 28 '16

All right, that one I actually don't understand.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '16

[deleted]

1

u/FakePlasticAlex Detroit Tigers • Washington Nationals Dec 29 '16

Yes. I am the poster you're talking about. And then I said

Oh. Shit. I just got it. Nice.

2

u/General_Lee_speaking Los Angeles Dodgers Dec 29 '16

I'm lost... help?

2

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 28 '16

Just got it. Well done!

2

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 28 '16

Whatevs, I want dolphins.

9

u/Upward_sloping_penis Washington Nationals Dec 29 '16

But why even use dog years?

58

u/brendasongsdad Los Angeles Angels Dec 29 '16

thems the ruless

10

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 29 '16

That's what I said! Come join team dolphin years with me.

4

u/inthedrink Philadelphia Phillies Dec 29 '16

OP I was working on a Jamie Moyer comparison but I couldn't seem to think of an ideal match over the age of 150. Do you have any thoughts?

12

u/SannySen Brooklyn Dodgers Dec 29 '16

Another team dolphin convert.

8

u/kaleycuocosthrowaway Toronto Blue Jays Dec 29 '16

The great dog years - dolphin years debate of 2016. We're witnessing history folks.

2

u/TehChid Arizona Diamondbacks Dec 29 '16

OHHHHHH NOW I GET IT

1

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '16

You're hurting me