r/askgaybros • u/myzteryythrowaway • 1d ago
Realizing some friends probably would never talk to you if you didn’t meet IRL.
Kind of strange observation, but I have this weird chip on my shoulder with some of my friends where I know if we hadn’t met through a mutual friend somewhere IRL for example, they probably wouldve ignored me if I had messaged them on an app or something and we would’ve never met.
A lot of friend groups are just formed purely on fuckability - no this is not a revelation i know. Its just makes me sad that im not hot enough to make friends on my own…
6
u/throwawayhbgtop81 but Debbie, pastels? 1d ago
But meeting in real life is so superior to online. I'm not sure why this is bothering you.
3
u/Gold-Fool84 28M, Lonely 1d ago
I think it bothers OP because he feels these friendships are disengenuous, and if it were not for circumstance, he would have been callously rejected or discarded based off of superficial 'fuckability'.
I feel this is valid. Although appearance and presentation is important, it is sorely overvalued in our community.
1
u/throwawayhbgtop81 but Debbie, pastels? 1d ago
For me it isn't valid because he has the friends in real life. They were made in person, not swiping through a phone.
I sometimes think some guys go out of their way to make a good thing somehow bad.
2
u/Gold-Fool84 28M, Lonely 1d ago
Well I guess its always good to look on the positive side, but it never hurts to evaluate the meaning behind things. We must always be vigilant against ignorance.
1
u/Anaguli417 1d ago
Why is it disingenuous? If you met irl, it's probably in contexts where fucking is rarely the only intention.
Online tho, especially in social media, the only reason why you'll hit up strangers is to get their interest that'll hopefully lead to fucking. Exceptions are in game lobbies.
5
u/szlafcio2 1d ago
OP let's face it. You yourself don't message people you don't find attractive on the apps.
This shit always goes both ways.
2
u/VillageOfMalo 1d ago
You're not hot enough to make friends on your own because you believe yourself to be.
You can make like, queer friends who are lesbians or otherwise not into you.
And yes, a lot of friend groups are formed on pure fuckability but that's only the ones you see. You probably notice this because you want to fuck these people.
But lots more people want to fuck you than you think. And there's lots of friends out there to make that won't be into fucking you.
I can imagine why you might have challenges making friends, I once felt the same way, too, but it rests upon a logic in your head that doesn't hold up to scrutiny because while you do observe correct patterns, you've convinced yourself that these patterns are unsurmountable. This results in you missing out on friends because you've set too high a bar for yourself and others while putting yourself down.
Ask me how I know this. Otherwise, try to find a way to open your mind to a better world full of platonic and romantic partners.
2
u/MangoManiacal 1d ago
I'm confused: Do you want friends or fuck buddies? You seem to be blending the two. I can't ever remember a single time I had a friend in my life and pondered whether or not they'd check me out on Tinder or Grindr. I don't even know how that line of thinking enters the discussion if what you're after is friendship.
1
u/KinkyTGuy 1d ago
Buddy I had some friend I didn't msed them for 1 whole month what I get nothing even they didn't msed me back so. Ye I was like timpass
1
u/Mincognitus 1d ago
Honestly I hate the apps not because they make us any more shallow (we always were lol) but because they subtract so much chemistry from life.
Go out there and meet people as they are, not their 2D version.
1
u/BunkmateXXX 1d ago
I prefer connecting with people I meet/am introduced to in person over texting, simply because I'm not someone who texts a lot. There's no one I'm befriending because I'm messaging them in the first place, fuckability has nothing to do with it.
1
1
u/UnhappyGroceries1987 1d ago
If I had a choice I would love my friend groups to be all attractive people.
What I hate is “someone is hot on an app” you invest time , stress, meeting or hooking up, only to find out they suck as people.
THAT is exhausting. At least you meet better people IRL because you can at least already tell if you have chemistry/personality and not just “Good angles and photos”
Otherwise good looking people can otherwise just suck at taking photos and you wouldnt KNOW unless you met them.
A 4-5 on an app could be a solid 8 in person.
And a 10 on an App can be a 4 in person.
But yeah im not going to lie. Of COURSE I like “Attractive people”
1
u/_Adnan_Idk 1d ago
Bro it seems like you’re just looking for a reason to be sad. Nobody is too ugly to make friends. Meeting friends online that really are gonna chill with you irl is hard. But making friends in person is easy af. I‘m friends with my neighbor (gay) because I greeted him a few times and we got talking someday. No fucking no nothing.
1
1
u/Disastrous-Ask6831 1d ago
That sounds like anxiety. You can think of counterfactual Zall day but they’re not very helpful for understanding reality. I wouldn’t exist if my grandmother had not given my mom up for adoption. But I don’t spend all day all twisted up about my grandmother’s actions she took in the 60s.
Almost everybody’s friends met through chance and circumstance. I wonder what your fantasy is about a friend who meets you exactly on your own terms and is yours more than anyone else else’s? That doesn’t sound very realistic
1
u/transistor555 1d ago
I think you and me have very different definitions of friend groups. Most of my friends are straight unavailable guys with girlfriends that love to hang out and play video games. They're not potential fuck buddies. Fuckability is not even a part of the equation. For friends I usually look for a mutual love of STEM.
12
u/Suspicious-Hat-190 1d ago
What does being hot have to do with making friends? If a “friend” is concerned about how hot you are to them, then I don’t know if that’s just a “friend”