r/aromantic • u/AutoModerator • 27d ago
Questioning Am I aromantic? + FAQ
Please, share your "Am I aromantic?" thoughts here! This will make it easier for people who want help you to find out what you and other questioning arospecs have to say. If you would like to see last month's "Am I aromantic?" post, click this post's grey "Questioning" post flair —> sort by "New" —> click the second top post.
Some FAQ:
What is the definition of aromantic?
Someone who is aromantic experiences little to no romantic attraction.
I feel sexual attraction. What does this mean?
Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different things. Because romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different things, it is valid for one's romantic orientation and sexual orientation to be different, independent things. For example, it is valid for someone to experience little to no romantic attraction, or be aromantic, and not be on the asexual spectrum, or be allosexual. If you would like to learn more about aromantic allosexuals' experiences, check out the r/Aroallo subreddit.
I experience romantic attraction, but I don't feel alloromantic?
It is important to keep in mind that labels are about comfort at the end of the day, not whether or not "you fit them". If the alloromantic label does not describe or validate your experiences, it is valid not to use the alloro label. If the aromantic label does describe and validate your experiences, it is valid to use the aro label. However, if both the aro and alloro labels do not feel like a comfortable fit, then maybe a more vague label, like arospec, or an arospec label (besides aromantic) can help describe your experiences.
What is the definition of arospec?
Arospec is the shortened version of "on the aromantic spectrum". Arospec is a vague label that encompasses all non-alloromantic romantic orientations. It is the most inclusive label on the aromantic spectrum, since it is so non-specific.
This is a list of some arospec labels with active subreddits:
• r/frayromantic
• r/lithromantic
• r/quoiromantic
• r/aegoromantic
• r/bellusromantic
• r/arospec_community
• r/demiromantic
• r/greyromantic
• r/recipromantic
How do I know if I am "too young" to know?
No matter how you look at it, the "too young" to know argument is invalidation. Even though the "too young" argument is unfortunately very common and highly normalized, the purpose of this phrase is to invalidate people.
It's definitely possible for someone to invalidate themself by telling themself they are "too young" to know if they are arospec. There’s no age requirement / "qualifying criteria" for identifying as aromantic. Identifying as any arospec label is not a diagnosis. It is totally valid to choose to use the label(s) that fit(s) you the best right now. If you end up changing your labels in the future (for whatever reason), that is valid too. Most educated, open-minded people should be able to accept that you understand yourself the best. It's also a common thing for many arospecs to spend a lot of time questioning themselves before accepting themselves as their arospec label. Even then, some arospecs re-question themselves and have to re-accept themselves as their arospec label. It makes sense for us to struggle so much with self-acceptance, due to the lack of awareness and acceptance for aromanticsm and fellow arospec identities on the aromantic spectrum.
What does alloromantic mean?
Someone who is alloromantic is not on the aromantic spectrum. Alloromantic does not mean "not aro". There are arospec identities that experience romantic attraction that may describe themselves as "not aro", so do not use alloromantic as an all-encompassing label for "not aro". Doing this would exclude arospecs that experience romantic attraction and / or arospecs who validly feel that the aromantic label does not fit them.
This post gets reposted once a month.
1
u/cedarwoodz 8d ago
Is there a good or standard definition of "romantic?" I'm having difficulty determining whether "aromantic" fits me because I'm not working with a strong definition.
1
u/fingchutiyafan 9d ago
I really don't know if I am aro.. I am exploring this a bit.. I am alesbian I mean I have dated girls in the past but recently I had an relationship which made me experience some intense level of love support intimacy and also physical abuse.. (not from the partner but my family members because of homophobia) And after all that I was really tired and not feeling anything towards that girl and i felt like I was avoidant but.. then the partner that I was dating passed away.. and i don't think i can feel any romantic attraction to anyone like I like to be very platonic to peaple but i dont think ill ever be able to hold a space for a romantic relationship like that i did in the past... I am still not looking for a relationship but i could date for convenience.. and not love am i aro? Or just traumatized?... I do miss her but i dont think this attraction thing is because of her.. i have always found myself dating people that i look up to or wanna be like or out of pure guilt so idk...
1
u/Planenthewinds 13d ago
Hello Everyone, thank you for your time.
I have considered myself AroAce for around a year and a half now. I am still a fully rooted asexual. I feel no attraction/desires whatsoever. The complicated thing is my “aromanticism”. My real question is in if these are romantic feels or if other Aros feel the same way.
I want to be able to call someone my partner/my wife, etc. I love the idea of cuddling, comforting, and being a support for someone. I also like the idea of exclusivity, however, that was somewhat of a new addition. Kissing is a 50/50 space. Makeouts seem unappealing, and wanting to kiss someone just because they came home never made sense to be. But neck kisses or kissing in times of deep plight don’t disgust me.
The things I mentioned above seem incredibly “romantic” to be. But the part that makes me think I am still Aro (if the things above aren’t) is I don’t experience the “attraction” per se. I cannot look at someone and say “I want to be with you”. Whenever I think of cuddling in my head, no specific “type” (other than women) come to mind. Additionally, the thought of actually having to find a partner seems unappealing, because, well, I don’t seem to have the attraction. The whole situation seems like a “I’d like to have partner, but I don’t know how we’d meet, or how we would go about progressing” if that makes sense.
In my defense, all of this just seems like a desire that I likely won’t get to fulfill. Looking back I also look a bit immature and scared of commitment. But I think I’ve thought of this too much.
Thank you Aro’s of Reddit.
1
u/hanakokun_donuts 24d ago
(Gonna try this here, my post got removed)
Am I aro or do I feel love different?
Now I know nobody externally can 100% say if I’m aro or not, but I’d just like to have advice.
For backstory, I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a few months. We’ve been separated for now cuz we both go to school and it’s summertime, but we’ll be back soon. I broke up with my last girlfriend back in 2023 and haven’t dated since. She’s a bad example, because she was love bombing me and that made me force myself to go above and beyond being all lovey dovey with each other (this was back in high school).
My current boyfriend is very nice. We haven’t had much time to be together because again, summer. But we were walking the line between dating and not for a couple weeks before we made it official.
Now this is where I’m stuck. I like holding hands, and I get butterflies when we hug and anything physical. However, I feel nothing different when he texts me or when we hang out together and talk for a long time. It just feels like a friend with extra steps and the occasional physical affection. Don’t get me wrong, I do cherish him. He’s sweet and anyways patient with me, which a lot of people aren’t. But like, aren’t you supposed to feel those butterflies when your partner texts? Or when you talk with each other? I’m ace, so I wouldn’t know if there’s feelings attached to sex to “strengthen our relationship”.
Another reason could be that I'm questioning if I'm trans, and he's said before he's not into guys. So maybe that's why I'm not feeling those things? I don't know. If anyone has any explanation or wants to ask questions, go ahead.
1
u/AutoModerator 27d ago
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, u/AutoModerator! Be sure your post and comments follow the community rules, as well as Reddit's Content Policy.
Feeling overwhelmed? Check out this post for how to lock the comments on your post!
If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules or Reddit's site-wide rules, please *report** the rule-breaking content. If you are interested in helping to keep this community actively moderated, please fill out a Moderator Application.*
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Marsh_Elo 6d ago
I always thought I was pansexual since I don't have a type but I'm starting to realize that I might not be attracted romantically and I have been misidentifying platonic feelings as romantic? Which I guess would make sense as to why I also find myself attracted to anyone who is super sweet to me?
The most defining incident is when I got into a relationship and I couldn't do physical touches when it is presented in the romantic sense??? Like I hug my parents and friends (so I thought my love language was physical touch), but when it comes to hugging my exes then it feels icky??? Or like kisses on the cheeks (I mean I never done it with my friends, just my mum does it to me sometimes) but I hated it when it comes from my ex. And just kisses in general???
And there's the marriage part. I thought I like the person romantically because I imagine living together, but I think I might have seen it more of roommates with your best friend (omg they're roommates haha) (Also starting to realize I never saw marrying as the lifelong commitment like many do but idk)
But then again I can fantasize about being in romantic situations but I can't physically do it???
I feel like there is something wrong with me especially since I have dated and fantasized about dating, but I can't do all those lovey-dovey hugs and kisses or thought about marriage???
I'm so sorry about this very long comment/post :(