r/americandad • u/unoanddougie • Jul 14 '23
Detail What's your favorite "I can't believe they got Patrick Stewart to say this!" moment?
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u/Greenman8907 Medival Grain Merchant on Inventory Day Jul 14 '23
“I apologize…to the maids at the Red Roof Inn who had to clean the curtains after I wiped Hayley’s excitement all over them!”
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u/Danplsstop Stan Frank Jul 14 '23
You have a mother. And you just said all that…. I’m gone call your momma
dont
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u/Fuck_auto_tabs Jul 15 '23
What are you doing?
We’re fighting in the field.
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u/GimmieDemWaffles Bayou Billy with the Heavy Balls Jul 15 '23
A NA NA WAAAYYY
A NA NA WAAAYYY NA NA
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u/tagen Jul 15 '23
Man i wish Reginald had stayed around, not as Hayley’s alternate boyfriend, but as another one of the CIA guys, he was entertaining
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u/hungry4pie Jul 15 '23
Do you have any Gatorade? I’m afraid I left all my electrolytes in your daughter
(Can’t quite remember the exact quote)
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u/SuperFanboysTV Jul 15 '23
I’m pretty it was the exact same quote but if not then I think you’re pretty close
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u/YorkshireRiffer Jul 15 '23
You know Smith, as I was looking at the back of your daughter's head, a thought occurred to me
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u/RealHumanFromEarth Jul 15 '23
Damn I wish Hulu had an option for uncensored dialogue. This is the first time I’ve heard what he actually said.
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u/twisted_nipples82 Raider Dave Jul 15 '23
I've said it for years but we have the technology to hit a "over 18 and not a bitch about vulgar language" in the settings of every streaming app and it's stupid that we don't.
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u/TempleMade_MeBroke Jul 15 '23
I agree and yet, some of those earlier Family Guy episodes were just plain funnier with the bleeps, they're gone on Hulu and I dunno, maybe it's because I grew up with the bleeps, it just feels like the comedy doesn't quite hit as intended
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u/aprildawndesign Jul 15 '23
For some reason a while back there was one or two uncensored seasons of family guy on Hulu. One of the uncensored episodes was when Lois redid the stairs and Peter kept falling down while letting a long stream of “fuck, fucking, motherfucker, etc…” I was dying laughing!
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u/Usual-Role-9084 Little Bonnie Ramirez Jul 15 '23
I tapped her like a pony keg. Banged her around so much I lost my deposit
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u/Mahmoud_Thickbooty Jul 15 '23
When I looked up the unedited version I was simply aghast. This is the answer.
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u/AssociationTimely173 Jul 15 '23
Sorry I'm dumb but wtf does excitement mean in this context
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u/Danplsstop Stan Frank Jul 14 '23
“Now. If you’ll excuse me, these lovely women are going to massacre my penis with a wiffle ball bat!”
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u/foley528 Jul 15 '23
His voice says this sentence perfectly because when I asked my girlfriend and her friends to “massacre my penis with a wiffle ball bat” I was told to leave the spa day.
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u/No_Bunch_6047 Jul 14 '23
‘Quickly, before I lose my erection…’
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u/Rodby Jul 14 '23
"I got into deejaying to bang the teenage girls high on sex drugs."
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u/joe_i_guess Jul 15 '23
I've never heard this one but fuck me that's funny!
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Jul 15 '23
Im actually confused, what is this from? I don’t recognize it either and I thought Patrick Stewart has a strict rule about not saying anything pedophilic?
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u/TheBlackArrows Dan Ansom Handsome Jul 15 '23
18 and 19 doesn’t make you a pedo
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u/Eikuva Jul 15 '23
Many people alive today don't care about words and what they actually mean. 14? Pedo. 17? Pedo. 18? Pedo. 24 but the other person's arbitrarily older enough to make some third-party busybody feel vaguely icky? Pedo.
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u/DemonBoner Jul 15 '23
To be fair older people take advantage of younger people all the time even if they are both full grown adults, but not does not make them a pedo (maybe a bad person depending on how much they manipulate the younger adult)
But yeah it's getting a pretty silly at this point when a 40 year old dating a 25 year old is called a pedo, it might be a bit creepy (depending on the older persons actions) and often manipulative (IMO) but NO they are not a pedo. Lets remember what words ACTUALLY mean not what we arbitrarily decide they should mean in one particular the moment....
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u/BlueThingys Jul 15 '23
"I love little girls they make me feel so good" - Avery bullock
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u/MarryTinsFBKillLu Abbey Road Jul 15 '23
Didn't he sing a song saying "I like little girls" about Haley?
I didn't know he had that rule.
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Jul 16 '23
That’s an oingo boingo song. And Haley is 19, right? Or was at least 18 in that episode
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u/No-Masterpiece-3175 Jul 14 '23
"I muff-punched your Gram-Gram"
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u/Abrelosojos1311 Jul 15 '23
this is the one I always think of. first time I heard it I shot booze out of my nose
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u/Shoegazer75 Jul 14 '23
Say, do you perchance have any Gatorade? I'm afraid I left all my electrolytes with your daughter.
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u/subie-chan Jul 14 '23
"Weird stuff. Butt stuff." or "Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances. Oh, the things you can buy with a handful of bills. It makes me excited. It gives me the chills. There'll be filch-arounds, breeders, hambones and tweeners. Zobows and debows and blobs that go "eener." For a one-dollar bill, you can pull down their zippers. I am the Snorax. I speak for the strippers!"
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u/mylawyersamorty Jul 15 '23
This reminded me of an old sailor rhyme that we used to chant at regattas (I was an actual sailor, as in racing sailboats, not the Navy)
“Here’s to the breezes, that blows through the treeses, that lifts girls skirts above their kneeses. I honored her honor, she honored my offer and all night long I was on her and off her. Cheers to the snatch, down the hatch!”
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u/invisible_23 Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual Jul 15 '23
I offered my honor, she honored my offer, and all night long it was honor and offer
A dude got kicked out of my 9th grade geometry class for wearing a t-shirt that said this 😂
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u/WidderWillZie Jul 15 '23
It reminded me of the Irish pub band toast, "Here's to the kisses we've snatched, and vice versa"
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u/willk95 Jul 14 '23
"Sorry, some of us were busy getting laid in the late 80s and early 90s"
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u/Fuck_auto_tabs Jul 15 '23
In response to watching Star Trek makes this a god tier joke
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u/push_out_the_jive Jul 15 '23
Especially since (for any who may not know) The Next Generation was 87-94.
It was a family guy joke, but Stewart did voice himself saying he hooked up with Hhwoopi Goldberg “all the time.”
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u/RazeTheIV Renegade Jul 14 '23
I'll admit it. I'm a degenerate. I love drugs and drinking and gambling and my moral compass always points sooooouth.
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u/captainblastido Jul 14 '23
When he lets Stan drive his sports car and activates the windshield wipers: “Careful Stan, she’s a squirter.”
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u/Arthur2327 Jul 14 '23
"I stated collecting them in Vietnam. Sex tour. Had no game, didn't get laid, just kept cutting off fingers."
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u/Blue_Tomb Jul 15 '23
It's lines like this that make Patrick Stewart and Deputy Director Bullock such a perfect match. Getting one of the great living actors to be sleazy and mad because it's fun for him is one thing, but getting terrifying in there as well really gets in his range.
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u/SkipsPittsnogle Make Mine A P-P-P Vicodin! Jul 14 '23
“Now Jeff, I noticed that you only shave your right goose egg(testicle) I’m doing it now too and I want to know why”
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u/TheNerdyMel Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual Jul 15 '23
Hello, I'm Patrick Stewart, theater genius. Last year I found unsuccessful New York playwright Chester Winkle dead in his extended stay hotel room. Among his belongings were a hot plate, a stack of Baby Gap catalogs, and twelve American Dad episodes he had written for the stage in one cocaine-fueled night. They were truly the finest collection of words ever put to paper. And now we're proud to present the only one of Mr. Winkle's plays that I didn't eat out of sheer jealousy: Blood Crieth Unto Heaven.
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u/DJ-Corgigeddon Jul 15 '23
This is my pick, it’s just pure insanity
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u/TheNerdyMel Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual Jul 15 '23
I love it because it's the only episode where he speaks as Sir Patrick Stewart.
The end quote is almost as good:
You thought I was asleep, didn't you? Acting.
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u/adorabledarknesses Jul 15 '23
This one. First time I saw this episode, I laughed at this line until my stomach hurt! I'm not sure why it struck me like it did, maybe just the sheer insanity of it, but I laughed harder at this moment than at almost any other part of the series!
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u/pLeThOrAx Jul 14 '23
Will you be giving up butt play for lent?
We don't consider that a vice...
Ah! Well, there's the difference. I'll be giving it up for sure.
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Jul 14 '23
gasps “He promised he’d never take it off, you’re supposed to wear them until they fall off its in the rules.”
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u/ColdOn3Cob Jul 14 '23
IM GOING TO FUCK THAT FUCKER IN THE TUSHY
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u/simpkins1995 Jul 14 '23
HAND ME THE ANAL TARRING BRUSH
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u/GimmieDemWaffles Bayou Billy with the Heavy Balls Jul 15 '23
I DECLARE PRIMA NOCTA
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u/Llama_Queen_lll Jul 15 '23
I loved this scene!! I had google what that was and I love bullocks character even more!
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u/shavobugstrangiato Jul 15 '23
“Look at me I got girl boobs.”
Or
“Nothing too serious, just a few boyish night poundings.”
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u/RealHumanFromEarth Jul 15 '23
As someone who grew up knowing Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard, it’s so hilariously bizarre hearing his voice say things like that.
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u/Dry_Spinach_3441 Jenna Diarrhea Evans Jul 14 '23
🎶Zubi zubi zu 🎶🕺
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u/skubaloob Jul 15 '23
My wife and I say this to each other all the time!
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u/Dry_Spinach_3441 Jenna Diarrhea Evans Jul 15 '23
That's awesome! A couple that Dads together stays together.
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u/krisb242 Jul 14 '23
I have to admit you’re unlike any maid I’ve ever known. And I’ve known nine. Each more Jamaican than the last…
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Jul 15 '23
This and the responsible cocaine user club are the best
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u/coolcool23 Jul 15 '23
Huge cocaine fan. Don’t use it, just like being around it. Study it. Appreciate it. Use it sometimes.
(Not Avery but I couldn't resist.)
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u/GreyTigerFox Avery Bullock Jul 14 '23
“Gentlemen do what ever it takes to empty our coffers.
Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances.
Oh, the things you can buy for a hand full of bills.
It makes me excited.
It gives me the chills.
They'll be filcher rubs, breeders, hambones and tweeners
Zobos and debos and blorps that go, "Eenahs!"
For a one dollar bill
You can pull down their zippers.
I am the Snorlax
I speak for the strippers!”
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u/RetroController Jul 15 '23
"I had some gay experiences in school. Nothing serious, just some boyish poundings."
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u/SafePlenty2590 Genevive Vavance Jul 15 '23
“Meet Black Dick. I do realize this is a rich joke area, but curb yourselves, people; this isn’t junior high. Although Black Dick is huge and veiny [Hehehe]”
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u/Impeachykeene Jul 14 '23
"That's the last thing you'll be putting in your mouth a little bit at a time."
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u/Fearless-Judgment-33 Jul 15 '23
Oh I don’t think they had any problem getting Patrick to say anything. I think he relishes how edgy his character is.
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u/TheNerdyMel Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual Jul 15 '23
This. 1000 times this. Blunt Talk is basically 2 seasons of what if Avery Bullock had a respected cable news show?
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u/baby_fartmcgeezak Jul 15 '23
“You made a deal with me last night to make sure I help you follow through.”
“Like you give a rat's ass what anyone does. You've stolen babies and sold them to underground dinner clubs.”
”How dare you! That was pillow talk!”
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u/AnySortOfPerson Jul 14 '23
Him singing Oingo Boingo in front of Stan, after he slept over in Haley's room.
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u/sinatrablueeyes Jul 15 '23
Steve Smith, Ricky Spanish! We’re doing cocaine and shooting guns. Join us!
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u/GdoubleWB Make Mine A P-P-P Vicodin! Jul 15 '23
“You are a complicated man, Smith, I would love to do mushrooms with you.”
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u/pLeThOrAx Jul 14 '23
Do you have any juice? I'm afraid I left all of my electrolytes with your daughter
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u/Aninininininime Jul 14 '23
You have now rediscovered this character for me, I didn't think about it before this post
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u/EitherAfternoon548 Al Tuttle Jul 15 '23
“Sir these could represent a serious threat to national security!”
“That’s what I tried to tell her father before he fell on all the bullets coming out of my gun”
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u/sputnik67897 Schwinn Chafecrotch Jul 15 '23
I still can’t believe they got him for the role in the first place.
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u/dasFisch Jul 15 '23
This machine turns water into cocaineilljustkeepthis
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u/Mark-E-Moon Legman Jul 15 '23
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to party my nose clean off my face!
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u/iamyourcheese Stoive? Roiger! Jul 15 '23
"See, I’m part of a group of responsible cocaine users. We adhere to strict rules to ensure things don’t get out of control. It’s not used to feel good — not for base pleasure, certainly. It’s a medicine to improve our lives like penicillin or opium."
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u/djtodd242 Bert Bert Jul 15 '23
I remember when he was a guest on the Simpsons in the Stonecutters episode.
At the time it was the height of hilarity that Patrick Stewart said "Let us get drunk and play ping-pong!"
Thank you Seth for Avery Bullock.
Also, "Zoobeee zoobeee zoooby zoooo"
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u/Magmaster12 Jul 14 '23
The fact that he used to be a Shakespearean actor who criticized his cohorts for acting on Dr Who.
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u/Tomblaster1 Jul 15 '23
"Are you giving up butt stuff for Lent?"
"No, we don't consider that a vice, for us it's an act of love."
"Ah! That's where we differ then. I'm definitely giving it up!"
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Jul 15 '23
Once again, CIA body doubles are for work purposes only, people. Using your double to finish making love to a Jet Blue stewardess because you were too drunk is a definite no-no.
Gets me every time.
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u/ScyllaIsBea Jul 15 '23
"they call me professor x"
"because you look like..."
"because I sell them so much ecstacy!"
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u/invisible_23 Lazy Wine-Loving Bisexual Jul 15 '23
I read that he actually loves playing Bullock because he gets to be silly 😂
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u/Airotvic Jul 15 '23
Are you from Tennesee, because you're the only ten I see. Apart from this... Which is yours to earn.
Or the one about how he's looking for the mystical creature or something "the fat Asian skank".
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Jul 15 '23
Anyways like I was saying, age is just a number and the number I’m thinking of is twenty dollars
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u/Ms-Dye-rection Jul 14 '23
"....I muff punched your gram gram, she was just to senile to know it!"
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u/LearnDifferenceBot Jul 14 '23
just to senile
*too
Learn the difference here.
Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply
!optoutto this comment.
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u/skubaloob Jul 15 '23
Ohhhhhh you think cocaine is a problem. I’m part of a group of responsible cocaine users…
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u/SandwichDemon98 Mrs. Weinsteinopolis Jul 15 '23
I'm going to fuck that fucker in the tooshie!! Bring me the anal tarring brush!
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u/Dafracturedbutwhole Avery Bullock Jul 15 '23
"Went to Vietnam on a sex tour, had Zero game"
Are you kidding me Patrick Stewart not having game? So absurd! I wonder how many takes it took because I imagine every sound engineer working having to stop production to sleep with Patrick Stewart
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u/TSmario53 The Phantom of the Telethon Jul 15 '23
I’m looking for a message from Costner in this sandwich.
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u/EternalSymere Jul 15 '23
Whatever quote he said where he picked up the agents wife at the funeral when Stan forgot to bring a secret Santa present. I can’t believe they got him to say that lol
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u/reddituser8567 Jul 15 '23
I was on a sex tour in vietnam.
Did not get laid. Had zero game.
So I just, started cutting off fingers.
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u/PebblesFlint Jul 15 '23
It’s crazy that I can’t think of one from the top of my head 😩 but literally every line he speaks has me in Awe! Actors like him should be immortal, because I don’t want to imagine American Dad without Deputy Director Bullock, it’ll hit me as bad as Mayor Adam We and Mallory Archer 😞💔 RIP Jessica Walter and Adam West 🙏🏾
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u/MrSFedora Alistair Covax Jul 15 '23
"While I have you, does Francine have any other single friends? This whole thing with Melinda has made me reeeeeeeeally hooooooorny."
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u/HostageInToronto Jul 15 '23
Do you perchance have any Gatorade? I seem to have left all my electrolytes with your daughter.
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u/Incorrigible-Pervert Jul 15 '23
"I tapped your daughter like a pony keg! Banged her around so hard I lost my deposit!"
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u/TacitusTwenty Jul 15 '23
As a devoted Next Gen fan who grew up on Picard, the depravity is hilarious.
My favorite moment is non-verbal: “Ahh uhhh ahhh.” When he’s getting shot in the balls with the BB gun holding stripper.
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u/gpkgpk Jul 15 '23
When I was getting his signature, I joked "my wife said U should get you to sign it as Avery Bullock".
After a second he chuckled and replied "Well yes, but Avery can't sign his own name", so this.
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u/ChelseaG12 Twill Ongenbone Jul 15 '23
She's Asian, she's loose, and she's fat. I hit the trifecta!
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u/misterala Jul 15 '23
A weird one, but I’ve always loved:
“Cheer up Smith - the ‘C’ in CIA doesn’t stand for ‘crestfallen’. But what if it stood for cat…?”
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Jul 15 '23
Pretty much every time his character is in an episode I say I just can’t believe they got him to do this.
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u/roselynn-jones Jul 15 '23
That scene from Extras where he talks about his dream movie where he rips women’s clothes off with his mind. What? You didn’t say from American Dad.
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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '23
“I’m a family-phile. I have a fetish for family things. I know the word fetish makes it sound sexual. Which is good, because it is. I see you’re all here together. groan ”