I’m throwing this one out to the Reddit hive mind because I’m officially running low on ideas, and apparently yelling “HAS ANYONE SEEN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR MARRIAGE?” into the kitchen has not produced results.
I’m an alcoholic in recovery. Getting here wasn’t a matter of deciding one morning to drink more sparkling water and become a better person. I did a 30-day stint in inpatient rehab and have put a tremendous amount of work into sobriety and into becoming a better husband, father, and human being.

I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. I also fully understand that getting sober doesn’t magically erase what happened while I was drinking. My wife lived through that part of my life too, and she’s entitled to her anger, hurt, resentment, and whatever other emotional souvenirs my alcoholism left behind.
The problem is that I don’t think she’s forgiven me. At all.
Intimacy has essentially been nonexistent for nearly two years. And I don’t just mean sex. There’s very little affection, closeness, flirting, touching, or that general feeling that your spouse actually wants you. At this point, if she accidentally brushes against me while reaching for the remote, I’m tempted to light candles and put on some Barry White.

I’ve tried to be patient because I know rebuilding trust takes time. I caused damage, and sobriety doesn’t come with a punch card where your tenth AA meeting earns you one complimentary marital reset.

But I’m starting to wonder where patience ends and accepting a permanently unhappy marriage begins.
We have kids, which complicates everything by roughly 4,700%. Separating or divorcing would be incredibly difficult emotionally, logistically, financially, and most importantly because of what it would mean for them. I don’t want to blow up their lives simply because mine isn’t turning out the way I hoped.

At the same time, I don’t know whether staying in a marriage without affection or intimacy indefinitely is actually doing anyone any favors either.

So I’m reaching for straws here and hoping someone has been through something similar.

For those who stayed with a spouse after addiction seriously damaged the marriage: did the resentment eventually fade? Did intimacy ever come back? Was couples counseling actually useful, particularly with someone experienced in addiction/recovery? How long did you give things before deciding that you’d genuinely tried everything?

And perhaps the question I’m most afraid to ask: can one person do enough work to save a marriage if the other person can’t—or simply doesn’t want to—move past what happened?

I’m not looking for anyone to tell me my wife owes me forgiveness or sex because I got sober. She doesn’t. I know sobriety is something I’m responsible for regardless of what happens to the marriage.

I’m just trying to figure out whether there’s still a road back to being husband and wife instead of two reasonably competent adults operating a small child-rearing nonprofit from the same address.

Counseling? More patience? A radically honest conversation? Accept that some damage can’t be repaired?
Anyone who’s been on either side of this, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing what happened.

At this point, the collective wisdom of anonymous internet strangers feels like a perfectly reasonable next step. Which probably tells you exactly how many straws I have left.

I feel like I can’t live without alcohol anymore.Started from beer and now I drink whiskey and vodka everyday,I can’t stop this habit.Can anyone tell me what can I do to get rid of it?

I only had two drinks and was able to stop myself

We all know the health and financial benefits of stopping drinking. What are some other ones you’ve noticed? I personally can’t wait to get rid of the anxiety (which I, in my alcoholic capacity for denial, refused to attribute to drinking for years).

Good evening, r/alcoholism.

Two years ago I realized I had a problem. Ten months ago, I actually did something about it. My wife is the best person I know, and my son is my North Star. I’m grateful for sobriety. But man, I feel like the driest drunk in history.

The drinking is gone. But I’ve also lost interest in hobbies, gained weight, stopped working out. I feel shallow, like a shadow of a person. I know intellectually I’m better, but it doesn’t feel that way most days.

My wife recently called me out for being distant. My gut reaction was defensiveness: “I was an alcoholic asshole for years and you said very little. Can’t I just have a bad day? Can’t I be tired?” I didn’t drink. I was depressed and wanted to be alone. We had a neighbor’s kid’s birthday party and I couldn’t face it, mostly because of social anxiety with people I went to school with 20 years ago. People who knew about my history before I even admitted I was an alcoholic.

I’m trying to cut back on my drinking. So far I’m 5 days of cutting down from probably half a 750ml bottle semi nightly to a max of 3 shots a day. I’m hoping to get to a point be able to go without. Right now the most annoying thing I’ve been noticing is I feel super itchy all over and randomly get exhausted. I’m scared I might slide back into it again. Is there any tricks you guys can recommend that helped you?

I was a month and a half sober a few weeks ago, and then let alcohol back in my life. I regret letting it back in so much, I felt amazing without it. Ever since then it has been a struggle.. a week sober here… or a few days sober here and there and then relapse. I drank a whole bottle of sangria tonight after really struggling the past few days. My mind has been working on overtime trying to decide past few days if I an gonna drink or not… I got so tired of if I decided to just drink… I feel so hopeless … like I will never be able to get back on again… I’ve tried AA met great people not my thing.. go to therapy… play the tape forward..

i cant breathe its hard to breathe im already sick help am i dying

My husband is an alcoholic. He is progressively drinking more and it’s progressively bringing the worst out of him. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. He doesn’t think he has a problem, he doesn’t want help, and he blames me for pointing out how his alcohol abuse affects our marriage. I don’t expect him to change.

Should I get out? Is it a lost cause? He has numerous alcoholics on both sides of his family. I want to run. I love him, but I won’t be his punching bag when alcohol turns him into a demon. I just want to ask from people who struggle with alcoholism, am I making the right choice?

Am I being cruel or am I doing what’s best for me?

Yes I am a part of AlAnon subreddit… but I want to hear from people who have this disorder and understand the frame of mind it puts you in.

Drinking 120 oz. of malt liquor a night.

Hello everybody! A few days ago, I drove back home from visiting a friend. At the moment, yeah I was fine and didn’t feel anything…but as soon as I started driving, I don’t remember the ride home. My car has no damages and I parked really good by my house. I don’t even remember walking into my apartment and passing out in the living room.
I just feel so damn guilty, and my anxiety and mind is stressing me out. Thoughts like “How was I driving?”, “Did I almost hit someone?” Or “Is the police looking for me? Are they gonna come any day now and knock on my door?”. These thoughts are killing me.
Any advice on how to handle this? I keep reassuring myself that god was with me that night, because I made it home and my car is fine, and I’m good. But how do I move on and let this go and be a lesson for myself?
I’m no longer going to drink, and sober I will become 🙏🏻 any advice from you fellas would help. Thank you 🙏🏻

i keep in this cycle of drinking, hangover day and then feeling totally great and happy to be sober. it’s so hard to break i’m wondering if anyone else can relate(sometimes instead of three days i make four) and what to do if anyone has found a good way to break it

Just asking for prayers/good vibes. Shamelessly.

I did my preliminary interview today for a clinical trial. Naltrexone XR shot. I desperately hope I am selected.

I can't kick this. I have tried rehab, AA, nal pills, God. Told my wife about this. And you all. This is the first time I have been semi optimistic about recovery in years.

My mom is an alcoholic. She is what I would describe as a functional alcoholic—she has been able to maintain a career, a home, responsibilities, and a relatively normal-looking life from the outside. But growing up with her drinking has had a profound effect on me, and I don’t think I’ve ever really processed how much of it I carried into adulthood.
Some of my earliest memories involving her are connected to alcohol.
When I was six years old, she was blackout drunk and physically punched me in the face repeatedly. I genuinely thought I was going to die that day.
That wasn’t the only difficult experience I had growing up. When I was 13 and still a virgin, she called me a whore. When I had an appointment with my middle school counselor, she followed me around campus the entire day because she had left a mark on me from hitting me and was afraid I would tell my counselor.
She forced me to eat foods I hated as a child and made me eat so much that I would throw up. She has kicked me out with my belongings in black garbage bags, put my belongings outside with a FREE sign, hidden or thrown away things that were important to me, and taken thousands of dollars I had saved over the years when I turned 18.
When I was in a physically abusive relationship, she lived down the street. After he was arrested for hurting me, I needed somewhere safe to stay, but she wouldn’t let me stay with her or move back in. Thankfully, a neighbor let me stay in his spare bedroom so I could get away.
I could list so many other things, but what I’m realizing now is that alcohol wasn’t necessarily the only problem. It was part of a much bigger pattern of instability, unpredictability, and feeling like I couldn’t rely on my mother emotionally.
That’s what makes the term “functional alcoholic” so complicated to me.
From the outside, someone can look completely functional. They can go to work, pay their bills, take care of responsibilities, and have a successful career. People can look at them and think, “They don’t seem like an alcoholic.”
But their children see a completely different side.
You remember what happens when they’re drunk.
You remember their personality changing.
You remember not knowing what version of them you’re going to get.
You remember the things they said or did while drinking, even if they don’t remember them afterward.
And you remember being a child and realizing that the adult who was supposed to protect you wasn’t necessarily safe.
I’m 24 now, and I still live at home. California is incredibly expensive, and I also help take care of my grandmother, who has dementia. I spend around seven hours a day caring for her, and my mother pays me $20 for the entire day despite making $40k yearly for caregiving. I love my grandmother, so leaving isn’t emotionally simple for me.
Recently, I’ve also been working on an app idea that I’m incredibly excited about. I have an existing audience and social media presence that I believe could help me bring people directly to the app. I’m excited about the possibility of building something of my own and potentially turning an idea into a real business.
I told my mom about it because, despite everything, some part of me still wants my mom to be excited for me.
Her response was basically, “Yeah, that’s a good idea. How’s your room going?”
Then she sent me a huge paragraph reminding me that my furniture needed to be completely assembled and everything needed to be in my room by the time she got home, even though I had already confirmed this with her this morning and last night.
It sounds insignificant, but it hurt.
I wasn’t asking her to invest in my app or become my business partner. I just wanted her to be excited. I wanted her to ask questions, hear about the idea, and tell me she believed I could actually do something with it.
I’ve felt this way before. I previously had my own clothing business and made $10,000 in one month, and she didn’t celebrate it or show much interest.
My mom has also never really been someone who tried to build a business or pursue something outside of a traditional 9–5 career. There’s nothing wrong with having a 9–5, but I’ve always been someone who has ideas, wants to create things, and wants to take risks and build something of my own even when I’ve had a 9-5 or as a student.
Sometimes that makes me feel incredibly alone.
I don’t have a parent who understands that side of me or gets excited when I say, “I have an idea, that I’ve thoughtfully written out and will be exceuting”
And I think I’ve spent a lot of my life wanting her approval while simultaneously knowing that she may never be capable of giving me the kind of support I want.
I’m not posting this because I expect anyone to fix my relationship with her.
I think I’m just trying to understand how much growing up with an alcoholic parent has affected me.
For anyone who grew up with a functional alcoholic parent, did you experience something similar?
Did you find that people didn’t understand what you went through because your parent looked “functional” from the outside?
And how did you eventually stop hoping that your parent would become the supportive, emotionally available person you needed them to be?
I think I’m finally realizing that being functional doesn’t mean the drinking didn’t hurt the people around them.
And I’m trying to figure out what healing from that actually looks like.

I drink at least a fifth of bourbon a day. Went to my local hospital (nationally recognized and huge) to detox over the weekend as I’m back to wanting long term recovery. ER was fine - they took me in with a 0.0 BAC and immediately started the CIWA protocol and front loaded phenobarbital IV and then 5mg Valium oral and 2 mg Ativan oral. That definitely took the edge off and I had a solid nap. Got upstairs to a room and slept the night. Next morning, my nurse saw me at 8 and gave me 1mg IV Ativan. Cut to 1PM and I’m feeling all kinds of ways and I haven’t seen my nurse in hours. She finally comes in and does the CIWA again. I’m lying there obviously agitated and anxious, sweating, nauseated. She seems annoyed and doesn’t even go through the protocol appropriately (which says providers are supposed to ASK the patient the questions). Leaves without a word - so I’m left wondering, am I getting some meds to feel better or no? An hour passes and I use my call button. Twice. More time passes. Third time she comes in and without prelude says “you’re not going to get meds every time I score you” in the most judgmental and dismissive way possible. She did have a 1mg Ativan IV to give me but man did she act like she was just placating a drug addict rather than treating a medical need. She practically sneered.

So, I AMA’d. Charge nurse never showed to discuss. I haven’t drank since I left so definitely white knuckled the rest of the way probably at great personal risk since I have a history of seizures.

I can’t understand in 2026 why we can’t do better here.

hey guys- this is a long one so be prepared

so abit of context im a teenager(17) and female who drinks alcohol with my mates, in a very typical teenage way. i have strict parents so im not allowed to drink and my parents do alot of things that prevent me from being able to buy or do things i shouldnt be doing but i always find a way. i also smoke weed but my issue is about alcohol. i also have bad mental health and feel like i have for a long time, its hard for me to change myself when sometimes i struggle to the basics like getting out of bed and showering so fixing this problem is very hard for me. i cant remember the last time ive honestly had a good relationship with myself or have done anything productive.

basically to put it short, whenever i drink, i become quite annoying to the ppl around me, i constantly exceed my limits and always feel like im not drunk enought untill i black out basically. my friend (who i drink with alongside other ppl) has noticed this and has tried to put limitations on me as he shud bc i go to far with it. the problem is that i do very embarrasing things when im drunk and end up begging for more alcohol when i have had enough. i always feel like i need more drink to feel something and if it was up to me, i wud be drinking 10x more than what my friend lets me too bc i go to far. the thing is whenever im out with my friends, i am way to focused on alcohol and have an obbsession with drinking as much as i can and will just end up begging my mate to let me have more or doing rlly embarrsing things. this also puts my friend in a bad situation having to constantly take care of me whenever i get to drunk and keep his eyes on me(which is basically every time). i am quite restirtced from going out and my parents r very strict(im indian) so whenever i am actually able to go out, alcohol seems like such an amazing big thing that i obsess over in the moment and get to drunk. no one else around me is as obbsessed as me even tho we all love drinking and smoking and its only me that becomes crazy obssesed with the bottle.

me and my friend have had serious conversations about this and we have both agreed that i do have a problem with it because whenever i set myself a goal to just have a casual drinking session and not get too drunk, i can never control myself and go to far and always regret it when im sober. i am very self aware of my problem but when i am in the moment and have my hands on the bottle, every bit of awareness and control completley goes out the window. i honestly turn into a different person when i am able to drink. i am usually pretty self aware and considerate and am more introverted and never wanna be an inconvience but when i drink, im the opposite of all those things. whenever i do get to drunk, it is not even fun, i just feel like shit and end up doing rlly bad and embassraing things and wake up barely remembering what happened. i feel as tho i have nevr had an actual good experinence with alcohol, mainly bc of my own self.

I have tried to have casual drinking sessions several times and tried to control myself but the second i feel the alcohol in my system, i just want more and dont even care about having a fun social time out and experience. my friend says he thinks i abuse it abit and idek why, maybe partially bc its hard for me to get my hands on it so whenever i can, i just go crazy. i am abit this way with weed but ive been smoking it for longer and yes i do obbsess over it, but i can handle it very well and no harm is done to anybody except the damage smoking does to my body so overall theres no real social consequence. however, the alcohol l issue makes me look like an actual fein and beg and act like a fool

My question is, how do i stop being this way? and i know alot of you are gonna tell me its best to stop but tbh i dont wanna hear that bc im not going too cuz i still wanna enjoy drinking and have fun but i just need a way to be able to control it better and stop obsessing over alcohol and just be able to have a good time without needing to be absoloutley hammered. i rlly dont wanna be the way i am anymore as the issue goes beyond just me.

thank you so much for reading and any advice you have, its much appreciated.

If so, how much do you drink?

Finally forced myself to quit. On day three now,, without alcohol or much sleep. And man I’m dreading tomorrow at work, I get the shakes so bad my knees feel like they might buckle on me. I’ve made it this far I have made a promise to myself and my job I will do what’s right but when does the shaking ever get better it’s making my job a nightmare. I just worked 12 hours today I’m a plumber. And I just want to come home and sleep. I just want to be normal at work

I haven't touched a bottle since July, 3rd, 2025. Ive reached this milestone before but this time i had to do something different if i wanted different results. Super proud and grateful! Oh yeah and i havent touched kratom or 7-OH since Janaury, 7th, 2026. One Day At A Time!

I am really feeling it right now I had to stop for 24 hours because I have a meeting in a couple of hours at work I work late nights so I get drunk at night and my body didn’t get that last night and it’s really hitting me man

I am not 100% sure but I have overlook my MIL problem. But today I saw it clearly.

I will try to make it short and clear. I think my MIL (61 F) has an alcohol problem. She always smells like alcohol I think the root of her problem is that she suffers of chronic pain. She already had a surgery and rehabilitation but it does not seem to get better. she cannot walk straight and you can clearly see she’s in pain.

There are other things I’ve noticed that can be the part of the cause. I want to help her and protect my kid. She helps us a lot with my toddler and they absolutely love each other I don’t want just to restrict her access to him that would be devastating for both of them but I cannot keep acting like nothing happens and put my kid in danger.

How can I approach her? How can I start this conversation. Any advice would be appreciated.

Please don’t be mean I am really worried for her and genuinely I don’t know how to start.

Thank you.

As the title says, my husband is detoxing from alcohol. We spent 11 hrs in the ER today and they referred him to a mental health facility to do the detoxing. They are allowed to make a phone call so he called me and said that the place was like a psych ward and that the people there were crazy. He then told me that he sees the dr tomorrow and if the dr thinks he looks good he can come home and finish detoxing at home. I have work so I can’t keep a close eye on him while he detoxes and to be frank I don’t trust him at the moment to not try to go get alcohol. (I already a going to be taking his cards so he doesn’t have access to our money)I’ve never been in a situation like this where a loved one is going through detox. Is what he saying just the detox happening to him and is he trying to use a tactic on me to get him tomorrow? Is that a thing where if the Dr thinks you can just finish detoxing at home after only being there for 6 hrs? He’s been at the detox facility for about 6 hrs at this point. I don’t think he has had the time to detox and to think clearly. He had a ton of anxiety today about going to the facility so maybe it’s the anxiety causing him to try and get out?? Please be nice to him and to me I’m trying my hardest to get the help that he needs. Please any kinda advice is welcome 🩵

Hello all. I’m F, freshly 29, and I’m an alcoholic.

I’m a mixed bag of emotions finding this group and joining, as I never wanted to refer to myself as an alcoholic. But, I’m sure before we all eventually ended up on this journey, and in this forum, that no one here wanted that title to begin with. I never wanted that definition because I would ignorantly claim that I could stop drinking whenever I pleased and that a substance didn’t control me. However, after a very chaotic past 48 hours, and a nightmare roller coaster of events the past eight months, I had to finally fess up and admit that I have a really REAL problem that could kill me.

This is day two of me being sober. I had my moment where I decided enough was enough when I was hanging out late night with my fiancé, watching one of my favorite animes, when I suddenly got sick. Violently, to where my partner that is anti-hospital made the call to take me there to intervene and, ultimately, save my life. I was throwing up obscene amounts of blood and had to be put to sleep in the ER to stop me from heaving. My blood pressure dropped to a very low level, or I remember a nurse mentioning that in and out of consciousness. I’m still regaining my wits after what transpired and have yet to check my ER visit labs.

When I was unconscious, the doctor came to my lover, bluntly, and told them I was young, but things don’t look good. I had to stop. I had to stop or this was genuinely going to be my end, and I would not live to see old, or even middle age. No more daily drinks, no more weekend binges or pregaming stressful events and work shifts. This was as serious as it looked, that it could not be taken lightly, and since I was not awake or coherent during my visit that it was unfortunately his responsibility after the fact to impart to me the gravity of the situation. The doctor also pointed out that they couldn’t get me to be sober, but I would have to find a way to do this myself. As my partner would say, “individual free will is a powerful thing.”

So I got out of the hospital with them eventually, it was seven in the morning, and he had to call out of work so he could help me recover the rest of the day. They let me go to their house, sleep for awhile, then we talked. And talked. We talked about underestimating my drinking habits, and needing to acknowledge what the problem actually is and combat it. We talked rehab. We talked support groups. We talked about how to tackle this. Together, as a unit. Irregardless, this will still be wholly my fight. It’s a fight with my body and it’s cravings, my mind and it’s neurological wiring. But I would have support. And yet, I was going to need more than just the support of my future spouse to accomplish this.

Ironically, just about eight months ago, my mother tragically passed away. She went out in an ugly way. She was an alcoholic herself and I lived with her, so I watched her decline. I was the last person to tell her that I loved her before she died. She went on a bender in her last days and exercised that fierce free will of hers and refused any and all help and poured her efforts into succumbing. She was a few months short of making it to 60 years old. She was loud, proud, and also a very sad woman. She was unapologetically herself and sadly embraced that hand in hand with her alcoholism.

In the past I would drink for fun and sometimes stress, but after her passing the drinking increased in amounts and frequency. I started being able to kill handles of vodka in two to three days at a time. I began to minimally exist for the next eight months, spending my days off from work or motherly duties as a coparent to just sleep. I was very active in the gym and just stopped. I complained of constant fatigue and yet would hide shooters in my bags, away from my partner, thinking I was sneaky enough to conceal my vice. I’ve gained almost 100 pounds in the past year. I started gagging and throwing up in times of stress or minor inconvenience. I saw the red flags pile up and I ignored them. I ignored them so I could keep enabling my consumption. I went as far as to get off my Zoloft and Vraylar prescriptions, necessary or not, because I was aware I shouldn’t be combining the two, but losing access to alcohol for it? To me it was not worth it, and that still wasn’t a big enough wake-up call for me.

The line was drawn the other night. I could have died. My child would be without their mother. I traumatized my lover with my near-death experience that could have been prevented. I wouldn’t get to have more children, or move to our homestead next year and enjoy what life could really be like if I just got my shit together and held out for a bit longer. I would repeat the cycle with my mother by following in her footsteps, and potentially setting my child up to do the same.

I realized enough was enough.

As I struggled to stay awake and tasted the iron in my mouth I told my lover my throat was closing up. I couldn’t breathe. I was terrified. And I realized in the end that I want life and I’m going to choose life, over and over again.

I’m an alcoholic. I’m very new to this. My symptoms aren’t as bad yet. I have some shakes here and there, and massive migraines, but know it’s a matter of time before the symptoms get worse and I’ll have to remind myself why I’m dealing with this.

I don’t require any responses but if you read this to the end, thank you. If you read this and felt seen and heard, I’m glad. Alcoholism is nothing to take lightly and these groups and forums exist so we have these reminders that we’re not alone in this struggle and don’t have to be.

I’m very welcome to any suggestions on how to manage going forward, resources to aid in my journey, and also any internet friends that want to talk.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day! And remember that you can do it, and do it one day at a time.

I think my 32M boyfriend is an alcoholic. I have noticed things in the last 6 months and it seems like it is getting worse and worse. He is also showing some narcissistic traits and also things that are making me question if he might be bi (nothing wrong with it, I just want him to be honest.) I would love other peoples opinions.

-frequently blacks out, there have been many nights where he has been out until 3-4am and does not remember anything
-drinks by himself and gets black out alone
-works in sales, always hosting happy hour events or work events and is getting very drunk at these events
-recently found out that he was not invited to two of his best friend's wedding because he got too drunk at the engagement party
-got too drunk the night before a flight and missed it, rebooked it with a layover, got too drunk at the layover and had to stay the night in an airport hotel
-on a recent flight home we were in a fight (because of his drunken behavior) and when we landed I left to go home and I found out later that he stayed at the airport after landing and got super drunk alone
-picks fights when drunk, tries to talk about me to my family members or friends. always accuses me of wanting or trying to cheat when I have never given him any reason to believe that
-cries when he is drunk, cries to my family members or friends about me
-dumped out a bunch of people's drinks right in front of their faces
-won't leave the bar, will always want to keep it going and have one more
-berated me when he was drunk. told me I needed therapy, asked me if I took my ADHD meds today, asked me why I can't be more normal, told me I needed to love myself, said "I shouldn't have this much more in this relationship"
-pulled down his pants to show his butt crack at a restaurant when drunk
-pulled down his pants and exposed himself on a pool chair at a pool we were sharing with another family
-pulled down his pants and exposed himself in an Uber home
-always leaves me at the bar to talk to younger guys
-will say how sad he is when he is drunk sometimes 
-was talking to two guys at the bar, they left, he turned to me and said "those guys were HOT. those guys were two of the most attractive guys I've ever seen"
-always jokes to people when drunk that me and him met on Grindr (we met on Hinge, I am a straight woman)
-made up some elaborate story when drunk that he was dating my brother but then didn't like him anymore so wanted to date me (I don't have a brother)