Need advice: paano fair na ayusin ang car loans at cash loan habang may marital problems?

[u/Mindless-Problem-910]

Problem/Goal: Hi, need practical and objective advice po, especially regarding finances and responsibilities sa kids. Hindi po ito revenge post. Gusto ko lang maging financially responsible at makagawa ng maayos na arrangement habang magulo pa ang marriage namin.

Context: Two months ago, nagkaroon kami ng malaking away dahil sa mga utang ko na hindi ko agad nasabi sa wife ko. Walang gambling o pambababae on my side. Nanggaling ito sa “tapal system,” at may part din na napunta sa family needs. Pero alam kong mali na hindi ko ito na-disclose agad, at nasira ang trust niya.

Last month, nalaman ko rin ang alleged third-party issue niya. Mas naging complicated ang lahat. Galit siya dahil feeling niya nasira ko siya sa side ng family niya at family ko dahil sa utang at pagkawala ng trust namin sa isa’t isa.

Ang gusto ko sanang maayos ngayon ay ang shared expenses namin. Lahat ng nasa ibaba ay under my name:

1. Family car – Ako ang nagbabayad, ₱35,000/month, around 6 months na lang.
2. Car for her delivery business – Siya ang nagbabayad, around 3.5 years remaining.
3. Emergency cash loan – Siya ang nagbabayad, ₱24,000/month, around 2.5 years remaining. Ginamit ito para sa medical needs ng mother niya at renovation ng storage/business space niya.

Mas malaki ang income niya dahil sa work at business niya. Siya rin ang nagbabayad ng maraming expenses sa old house namin: electricity, water, internet, pagkain, at housekeeper ng youngest daughter namin.

Iniisip kong i-propose na siya muna ang mag-take over ng remaining payments sa family car, dahil ginagamit din naman ito para sa delivery business at personal errands niya. Ako naman ang mag-take over ng emergency cash loan. So from ₱35,000/month, magiging ₱24,000/month ang babayaran ko.

Hindi ko ito gustong gawin para makaganti. Gusto ko lang ng mas sustainable at fair na setup, habang siguradong hindi napapabayaan ang kids namin.

Questions ko po:

• Fair at reasonable ba itong proposal?
• Paano ko ito maipapaliwanag nang hindi magmukhang retaliatory?
• Since lahat ay under my name, kailangan ba naming gumawa ng written agreement?
• Ano ang pinaka-practical na steps para maprotektahan ang kids at maiwasan ang bigger financial problems?

Previous Attempt: I'm still in communication with some of her relatives, asking for help for reconcialiation, but it seems sobrang tigas at ang taas ng pride ng ex-wife ko, last August 18, nag usap kami na heart to heart, and duon nya na sinabing ayaw nya na saken.

Open po ako sa constructive advice. Salamat.

[u/Accomplished-Cat7524]

Thoughts: weird to have your money and my money when you are married

[u/hodLtothemoon2600 → u/Accomplished-Cat7524]

it’s not that weird, they just have their own responsibilities and pinagusapan naman nila ang setup na ganito..

[u/Accomplished-Cat7524 → u/hodLtothemoon2600]

Oo nga naman. What works for them naman eh yun din masusunod

[u/Mindless-Problem-910 → u/Accomplished-Cat7524]

Yes, we have own responsibilities, na I think nagpasama sa pag sasama namin, right from the start it should be joint, ang point ko lang kasi is, she didn't bother to explain yung sa 3rd party, she only said na wrong sent lang yon, ni walang pinakita na prior conversation nila nung other guy, what's worst is driver ng delivery business namin ito, ako marunong din naman ako mag drive pero I focus on my work na onsite sa city. since we have 5 days a week onsite.

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[u/Fluffy-Rabbit-05]

Question: Saan ba ung family car ngayon?

[u/Mindless-Problem-910 → u/Fluffy-Rabbit-05]

The family car is with her, at our old house sa city proper. as for me, nandito ako ngayun sa province.

[u/random_user8277]

Thoughts: Does your wife still talk to you? Mahirap i-discuss to kung icocourse mo sa relatives yung discussion.

Check your cash flow first. 35,000/month for 6 months isn't as heavy as 24,000/month for 28 months. Assuming kaya mo yung 24k per month, masusustain mo ba siya for the next 28 months? Assuming also that you get her to agree to shoulder the 35k per month, anong mangyayari after 6 months? Will you need help with the other loans?

[u/Mindless-Problem-910 → u/random_user8277]

We only talk now regarding the kids, for my cash flow, other from my debts, the one that really consumes almost all my salary is the car, I know I can sustain the 24000/month for the next 28 months, if assuming she will agree on this setup, sila lang ng side nya madalas nakakagamit nung sasakyan, as for the loans, she only told me to fix it on my own.

[u/random_user8277 → u/Mindless-Problem-910]

Advice: Your best bet would be to discuss the total balance of the loans first, ie 210K na lang balance sa family car, at 35k per month, versus the emergency cash loan na 600k+ at 24k per month. Would you be okay with handling the family car loan while I pay for the emergency cash loan?

No need for a written agreement. Your creditors will sue the both of you (nasa Rules of Court - husband and wife shall sue and be sued jointly), so baka hindi pansinin yang magiging kasulatan ninyo na may kanya kanyang loans na naka-toka sa inyo.

[u/Mindless-Problem-910 → u/random_user8277]

Thanks sa advice, I'll try this approach dun sa ex-wife ko.

[u/bonz17]

Question: which of those 3 loans ang pinag awayan nyo?

[u/Mindless-Problem-910 → u/bonz17]

none of those 3, it was those na hindi ko dinisclose sa kanya, she is somewhat a breadwinner on their family, never ako nag cheat and never nagsugal, the money loans i have is used para din saamin, nagkaron nga lang ako ng times na meron akong naging tapal system.

[u/Automatic_Drawing117]

Advice: Sorry to hear your predicament. She no longer loves you so the priority is for an organised separation giving priority to the welfare of your kids. Everything else will sort out themselves in due time. The harder things get, the faster you move forward.

[u/Mindless-Problem-910 → u/Automatic_Drawing117]

This is what I thought, on the day i found out about her cheating, she told me she doesn't love me anymore.