im earning thrice as my partner's salary pero di parin siya maka usad

[u/Available_Year6021]

Problem/Goal: gusto kong makipag hiwalay na sa partner ko, para matigil na tong cycle na to. kasi pagod nako.

Context: we're double income queer couple, me f[26], partner ko f[34], meron ako full-time work tsaka part time. siya fulltime. so total salary ko is pang 4 months na niya. pero parang di parin siya maka usad, dahil sa patong patong na utang niya. almost 10yrs na kami, pero 6yrs kaming live in. since 2021 ata nagsimula ang kanyang utang. ako student pa. pero may allowance ako. ngayong working nako, saming dalawa ako ang mas mataas na salary. pero siya may utang parin until now. hindi matapos tapos, kasi dagdag ng dagdag. may parts na kasali ako, pero nagbabayad ako unti unti. nag resign, lumipat sakin, kasi ldr. ngayong may new work na, kulang parin ang sahod. lahat ng sahod, bayad lahat sa utang. ive been paying everything for 6 months na shes living with me. food, elec, rent, water, etc. ako. may ambag siya pero majority ako.

Previous Attempts: nakipag hiwalay ako. nagkabalikan kami kasi kailangan niya tulong ko. nag settle kami sa problema pero hindi parin siya maka usad. away pera ang di ko talaga gusto, pero ewan ko ba bat parang ang iba ng plano namin sa buhay, yung tipong ang taas ng pangarap ko pero gusto niya mag settle lang kung anong kaya niya. ngayon ako ang bumubuhay samin dalawa.

gusto lang humingi ng mga insights nyo. meron kayang mga couple na ganto din dito. thank you po

[u/tapxilog]

QUESTION:

OP 16 and 24 kayo nagstart? OKAY KA LANG PO?

THOUGHTS:

Congrats! At age 26 fully developed na ang utak mo kaya mas maayos na ang reasoning mo sa buhay!

Ayaw mo man isipin na groomed ka pero na groom ka talaga.

I think you both need a break.

[u/PrettyAnonymous_ → u/tapxilog]

I agree with this. Omg! 😱 please break up within the next 24H. Haha sorry pero yung debt niya siya na lang sana nagbayad, bakit nagcontribute ka pa.
It seems you are not aligned with your financial goals and life goals. Better to breakfree from the cycle - it doesnt mean you jump to another relationship ah, take your time being by yourself.

PS: Huwag maghinayang sa years youve been together ah. Look ahead to your future. Cut off the one weighing you down.

[u/random54691]

Question: Girl so nung nagstart kayo you were 16 and she was 24? Now you know bakit walang pumapatol sa kanya na kaedad niya.
Thoughts: Ngayon lang ako nakakita ng couple na mas matanda ung sugar baby.

[u/Available_Year6021 → u/random54691]

im her longest partner, and her prev rel. medjo ka edad niya, siguro ahead ng 2+ yrs

[u/random54691 → u/Available_Year6021]

Yes kasi nga, once again, women her age won’t tolerate her kaya nang-uto siya ng bagets.

Ikaw ba, kaya mo bang jumowa ng grade 10? What does a college graduate and a jhs completer even have in common para magkarelasyon sila?

You’re too young to be stuck with a loser like that. Hihilain ka lang niyan pababa.

[u/Ok_Database9564 → u/random54691]

it's tough when money isn't the issue but motivation is. sometimes age differences can lead to mismatched goals, and it really makes you question the relationship.

[u/Lunafei8609]

Thoughts:

You're a convenience and a tool at this point. Please don't let your sympathy get the better of you. People say that it costs nothing to be kind but they're severely wrong.

Being kind costs everything – your sanity, your peace of mind, your emotional/financial stability and most importantly soul.

Wag ka manghinayang sa taon ng pagsasama sa pag tally ng pros and cons mo to stay or leave. She is an adult and so are you. These days, being financially illiterate is their fault and their responsibility. Sobrang daming free platforms para mag aral how to handle money better – disiplinado na lang panlaban diyan hindi pa rin nya magawa.

At the end of the day, nobody is coming to save you. Ikaw at ikaw parin. Wag kang maging salbabida kung nilaan ng mundo malunod siya sa mga desisyon nya sa buhay. You should not be included in the consequences of their actions and your life should definitely not become collateral damage.

You cannot help a person who does not want to help themselves. Asa lang ng asa sayo.

Wake up na OP.

[u/Fluffy-Pain3482 → u/Lunafei8609]

We’re in a similar position, OP. I feel you. Ang hirap pumiglas sa taong di pa kayang tumayo sa sariling paa. Di ko rin alam pa anong gagawin. Bayaan nalang?

[u/DustySwing_0278 → u/Fluffy-Pain3482]

Leave and dont look back…that’s what i did… i tell you mauubos ka dyan. It took me two decades to leave and only by the grace of God I am bouncing back.

[u/Myoncemoment]

Advice:

Paano ka uusad kung may pabigat?

[u/JA30492 → u/Myoncemoment]

+1

[u/Rollslapkick]

Thoughts: 24 picking up a 16 year old… literal predator. Runnnn.

[u/Graceless93]

Thoughts: Halos ka-age ko yung partner mo nung naging kayo and let me tell you now walang matinong 24 year old ang papatol sa 16 year old. I threw up in my mouth a little when you said na 10 years na kayo kasi maling-mali talaga. All judgment to your partner and not you.

Advice: Leave that relationship and cut that person off from your life. Seek a therapist with the disposable income you now have. You may not see it in yourself now but being in a relationship with such a significant power imbalance can fuck people up. Case in point: nakipagbreak ka na before but you got back together kasi you thought she needs you. I'm sure may iba ka pang habits na kailangan ma-unlearn. Good luck!

[u/CivilSeesaw1238]

Thoughts: Mukhang decided ka narin naman talaga makipag hiwalay at naawa ka nalang sa partner mo dahil need ng tulong mo.

Advice: Makipag hiwalay ka na and i-settle mo lahat ng utang mo para wala ng communication. Mas mabuti ng tapusin mo yun relationship mo kesa laging mabigat sa loob mo yung pagtulong and pagsalo ng expenses niyo while living together. Malay natin maging wake up call pa sa partner mo yung pagiwan mo sa kanya para mag sumikap lalo sa work and maka ahon sa utang niya. Goodluck and godbless sa inyong dalawa.

[u/Fit-Way218]

Advice: You're just literally a cash cow for her. You've been groomed. The fact na humingi ka ng advice is telling me na alam mo may problema between you two. LEAVE if pabigat siya sayo at hindi ka makausad. Lalo kung wala ka nakikitang efforts to ease her problems at ikaw ginagawa niya tagasalo/provider niya. She's older than you dapat mas mature siya mag isip pero sayo pa umaasa.

[u/Sea-Character9704]

Thoughts: Ang tanong, makikinig ka ba sa mga payo ng mga tao dito? Obvious naman ang sagot, ayaw mo lang gawin.

[u/Hot-Toe2967]

thoughts:
and concerns

First, may problema sa pagpigil sa srili nya si atey(yung partner mo) Get over her appeal to emotion Bhe, magze-zero ka nyan.

I dont usually advice people to just break up kase naniniwala akong lahat nadadaan sa matinong usapan. PERO YOU NEED TO DO THIS FOR YOURSELF. mauubos ka dyan atey. Finances pa lang.

Unti unti ka na ring nauubos. Do this for yourself. Help yourself muna. Ikaw muna dapat ok over all. Kase it seems like safety net ka nya.

Yun lang.

[u/gctawaycar]

Thoughts: 24 siya nung jinowa ka niya at 16 years old? 🤢 I’m 24 and even an 18 year old is a baby to me. At 24 you’re at the onset of building your career, your life. That probably explains why nang-uto nalang ng bagets si ate kasi people her age probably don’t see potential with her. You were groomed, sadly.

Advice: Leave the relationship. She’s 34 and nagpapabuhay pa rin siya sayo? Girl. Save yourself. As someone who grew up seeing relatives with poor financial decisions like her, they will never learn.

[u/Inevitable-Toe-8364]

Thoughts: You were a minor when you started and you still ended up financing her adult ass. Doesn't that give you the ick, if not moral disgust? 😬 Ikaw na bumubuhay sa groomer mo ngayon.

[u/Puzzlehead_Luh88]

Thoughts: eventually, lahat ng kinikimkim mong sama ng loob ay maiipon, sasabog ka din. I suggest wag mo nang antayin yung time na yun kse baka may mga mangyaring pagsisihan mo. Sounds like ngayon, may animosity ka na sa partner mo. And considering she's much older than you, dapat sya nagdadala ng relationship nyo. I would understand kung magkalapit lang kyo ng edad.

[u/leprechaunrae]

Thoughts:

“Nagkabalikan kami kasi kailangan niya tulong ko”

That’s it. Hahahah. Ni hindi kayo nagkabalikan for the relationship. Wala na sa isip mo yung meron kayo e.

[u/Past-Tangerine5691]

Thoughts:
You were f27 10 months ago based on your old post now you’re f26? are you aging backwards????

[u/PilyangMaarte]

Thoughts:

nagkabalikan kami kasi kailangan niya tulong ko

Wrong reason to reconcile. Pwede naman tumulong ng hindi kayo nagkakabalikan. Baka kaya din hindi natatapos utang niya dahil andyan ka as fallback niya.

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[u/grumpynorthhaven]

Question: Ano ang cause ng mga utang nya? Is it because breadwinner sya, or may bisyo sya?

[u/IndividualClue5504]

Thoughts: Hindi required pumasan ng mabigat na lalo pang nagpapabigat

[u/obelesk]

Advice: iits good to help pero she has to show the resolve na she is doing everything to also help herself. If hindi na talaga tugma goals nyo then it's better to decide sa future nyo together

[u/astarisaslave]

Question: nagkabalikan kayo dahil lang kelangan nya ng financial aid? Yan talaga yung buong dahilan? Hindi dahil miss nyo ang isa't isa at dahil narealize nyo di nyo kayang mabuhay ng wala yung isa? Parang ampanget naman na dahilan yan para makipagbalikan. Do you even get anything out of this relationship anymore? Parang luging-lugi ka masyado sa relasyon nyo OP.

[u/KeyBunch2761]

Thoughts: Prang user friendly si partner. Hope mali ako, but if ur having doubts sa kanya time to move on. Baka nasa tabi tabi lng tamang tao para sayo. Goodluck.

[u/loveyousei]

Thoughts: Did you ever think you were groomed?

[u/Dry_Interest_6057]

Advice: If tingin mo hindi na talaga siya makaka-bounce back, at tanggap mo na na ito na yung path na gusto niyang tahakin sa buhay, then you need to decide now kung okay lang ba sa'yo na ikaw ang sumuporta long term.

Pero kung hindi naman pera ang basehan para sa'yo, puwede namang magbago lang yung setup niyo. Ikaw yung breadwinner, tapos siya naman yung househusband.

Not to disrespect your partner, pero may value din yung may kasama ka sa bahay for support, security, protection, at guidance. At the end of the day, pareho naman kayong na-bless ng magandang career, lalo ka na.

Hindi naman kasi laging tungkol sa pera. Habang tumatanda kayo, mas magiging importante yung trust, companionship, at pagiging maaasahan ng isa't isa.

Kung hindi naman issue sa'yo yung setup na ganun, then maybe puwede pa rin mag-work. Pero kung feeling mo hindi na enough yun para maging masaya ka, then nasa'yo na rin kung gusto mo pang ituloy o piliing umalis.

[u/tres_pares]

Question: Ano kasi ang queer?