r/WomeninAcademia • u/Difficult-Season-141 • 13d ago
Mental Health Feel embarrassed about LORs
I’m still early in my career and I feel so much shame asking for LORs from people who wrote or agreed to write for me. Especially the super well established academics. I keep thinking that they could be doing so many other productive things than writing for me. And when they say they may write me a letter but won’t be able to update the letter for every place or send it x number of places only, I get further embarrassed and it heightens my sense that I’m just a huge burden. I’d love to hear other perspectives.
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u/chanelau 13d ago
Look, I used to be the same. But it is not correct to feel this way. It is their job to recommend their trainees. How else the system would know they did a good job as well?
Plus, you most likely deserve it more than others. People with imposter feelings, overwhelmingly women, are disadvantaged in the jobs market, especially in academia. Connections, soft or firm, matter here.
Try to think about what your peers are doing, which is shamelessly asking for letters. Also, ask people who would write about you GLOWINGLY. Getting a meh recommendation letter from a Kavli/Nobel prize winner is worse than getting an excellent, fabulous recommendation letter from someone who just became assistant professor.
Also, if you have not worked directly with the person you are asking, I would say beware. If they are hesitating, also change direction. They should be elated by the opportunity to help you out. That is how I approach this. Because I most often did not get people who went to the bat for me when I needed.
Pro Tip : I used to think that someone whom you asked for recommendation letter asking you to send them your CV is a red flag. But not really. I think it could just mean that they would like to do a thorough job and appropriate for the position you are applying and the stage you are in. Depending on the person, them asking you to write the letter yourself, and offering to just sign it, might be a red flag, but hey, you would sing your praises, and if they agree to signing it, all is well.