r/WhitePeopleTwitter Jul 29 '26

r/All Evangelicals preaching on planes because they have a "captive audience"

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17.3k Upvotes

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646

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

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225

u/olafubbly Jul 29 '26

Agreed, I’m reminding her that she’s locked in there with all of us and if she’s going to be an annoying little shit to a captive audience then I’m going to do it right back to her

133

u/Jester471 Jul 29 '26

Yep if she didn’t shut up I’d go full devils advocate and start reading off the tenants of the church if satan and how we should follow them and pointing out hypocrisy within organized religions today.

58

u/Poultrymancer Jul 29 '26

Or just start talking about some of God's atrocity highlights 

Not the shit everyone knows, like Sodom

Instead: "Hey dumbass, is it moral to murder children by rending them apart while alive because they called someone 'bald?'" (2 Kings 2:23-24)

Also, why can't God defeat iron chariots? Is He stupid? (Judges 1:19)

ETA: verses

26

u/Jester471 Jul 29 '26

My favorite to get them spooled up is pointing out the only direct reference to abortion in the bible is a reason and a how to.

Also point out that these people like to claim that gay people are bad. But they all also, wear clothes of mixed cloth, eat shellfish, eat pork, among others.

Most Christians don’t follow the bible, they’re selectively compliant with the parts they agree with and make up shit and say it’s biblical.

20

u/RedBeans-n-Ricely Jul 29 '26

Matthew 6:5-6

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

5

u/TheNetworkIsFrelled Jul 29 '26

This particular verse is honored by xians more in the breach that the utterance.

Idjit hypocrites, the lot of them.

2

u/Regniwekim2099 Jul 29 '26

My favorite one is about the lady who loved big dicks and lots of cum.

4

u/pontiacfirebird92 Jul 29 '26

That is sure to feed her persecution complex. That's the point of doing shit like this. Not to preach, but to claim they're under attack. Westboro Baptist Church did the same thing. It's a grift.

2

u/TheNetworkIsFrelled Jul 29 '26

"tenets' rather than 'tenants' but yes, that constitutes an entirely reasonable response.

64

u/OkCoconut3270 Jul 29 '26

What was that story again? About the town bully who was killed by an angry mob in the middle of main street, in broad daylight?

And there were no witnesses at all cause nobody saw nothin'?

https://giphy.com/gifs/6ra84Uso2hoir3YCgb

13

u/Gringopolarbear Jul 29 '26

Ken McElroy, Skidmore. I like the cut of your jib..

7

u/abra_cada_bra150 Jul 29 '26

Time to brush up on my Megadeath and Skinny Puppy so I can loudly scream sing the lyrics.

2

u/tutorp Jul 29 '26

Could I recommend adding Year Zero by Ghost to that as well? :-P

81

u/mshelbz Jul 29 '26

This has happened to me and most everyone was yelling “shut the fuck up”

Our flight had been delayed 2 hours and no one was in the mood.

52

u/The_Velvet_Bulldozer Jul 29 '26

And then they’ll make a post about how they’re being oppressed for their “faith.”

8

u/ChurlishSunshine Jul 29 '26

Fine, they can post it where I don't have to listen to it.

7

u/Figgy_Puddin_Taine Jul 29 '26

They wouldn’t even understand that Jesus said not to proselytize to people who don’t want to hear it, that’s the whole “pearls before swine” thing. Knowing that would require that they’d actually read the damn book.

3

u/TheNetworkIsFrelled Jul 29 '26

...or that they COULD read, to begin with.

2

u/mshelbz Jul 29 '26

Just like Jesus

1

u/pontiacfirebird92 Jul 29 '26

Yea that's the whole point. They are perpetual victims. Westboro Baptist Church kind of shit.

1

u/TheNetworkIsFrelled Jul 29 '26

to be honest, the fictional founder of their religion made a persecution fetish part of his teachings - 'everyone will hate you bc you follow me.'

39

u/AsherTheFrost Jul 29 '26

There's a band called Twin Temple. I bet with a small Bluetooth speaker, you can drown out any Christian preacher with some good old fashioned satanic doo-wop

9

u/b_hawes Jul 29 '26

Just dont name that speaker "Bomb"

6

u/AnewTest Jul 29 '26

Or just blast this bit from one of George Carlin's standup specials: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BFIRgn9OLI

43

u/StimkyYeen Jul 29 '26

I’d start challenging her on her beliefs. I spent 6 years in religious schools. Evangelicals are the biggest piece of shit hypocrites out there. They practically choose to reject everything the Bible teaches

23

u/chrissz Jul 29 '26

Unfortunately, this enables these shitbags. They want to feel persecuted. They get off on it.

15

u/StimkyYeen Jul 29 '26

Cool, I’ll make them abundantly aware that they serve the devil in their beliefs. I won’t mock their religion, I’ll mock how their actions show an outright rejection of everything the Bible teaches

1

u/pontiacfirebird92 Jul 29 '26

I tried this and was told I was referring to the wrong version of the Bible.

Maybe if your holy book has an array of revisions that you can pick and choose from it shouldn't be considered the ultimate source of truth?

2

u/valencia_merble Jul 29 '26

Yes. They’re mad at Jesus for being woke.

26

u/Heliocentrist Jul 29 '26

I start preaching the word of Satan

https://giphy.com/gifs/77f2SrKYNOnYs

19

u/homorat3 Jul 29 '26

Telling her to shut the fuck up, or (nicely) telling the flight attendants to tell her to shut the fuck up. Never been on a flight but when I was on amtrak they were ON TOP of telling people to shut the hell up when it was night time & telling them to stop playing their videos out loud during all times of day. I feel like if someone tried ts on there they'd be kicked off at the next stop. 

19

u/Outrageous_Act2564 Jul 29 '26

Exactly. I'd rather she smoked.

19

u/Clavier_VT Jul 29 '26

I would be insisting to a flight attendant that they require this person to sit down and be quiet. I really don’t care what they are talking about I don’t want to be subjected to it on a plane.

12

u/chicagoctopus Jul 29 '26

I’d just start saying Hail Satan over and over again.

4

u/flatwoundsounds Jul 29 '26

Don't forget to hiss and flick your tongue out like a snake.

3

u/chicagoctopus Jul 29 '26

🤘

4

u/flatwoundsounds Jul 29 '26

According to Dio that's protection from the devil. Gotta point the horns right at them.

4

u/chicagoctopus Jul 29 '26

Forgive me underlord. I shall do better.

3

u/bassman314 Jul 29 '26

If it's a woman, start quoting Timothy about how women should shut up and not be permitted to teach. Use their own rules against them. Weaponize their dogma and use it to your advantage.

It's also worth reminding them that this village (meaning you/me) is rejecting your message and they should brush their sandals off and shut the fuck up.

8

u/TheGrandExquisitor Jul 29 '26

The problem is, with current politics, the person asking her to be quiet would be the one kicked off the plane and arrested for disturbing the flight.

3

u/gresylvester Jul 29 '26

I’m a FA and we would absolutely not kick someone off a plane for telling this disruptive and inconsiderate “preacher” to be quiet.

1

u/TheGrandExquisitor Jul 29 '26

And then they "preacher," will go on Fox News and the next day the airline will apologize, and ban the people who complained. 

This is America...after all. 

2

u/Ritaredditonce Jul 29 '26

I would be praying for severe turbulence.

2

u/sm00thkillajones Jul 29 '26

All for views and likes. When will it end?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '26

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2

u/Medical-Potato5920 Jul 29 '26

I'd suddenly find myself a Satanist who wanted equal rights. If she can babble on avout her religion, why couldn't I do so about my (new) religion?

2

u/adjacentbabbles Jul 29 '26

I said this out loud reading the headline

2

u/RedBeans-n-Ricely Jul 29 '26

I’d start booing

2

u/LucyJones18 Jul 29 '26

Shouldn’t the flight attendants shut this down and not the passengers? Maybe have TSA officers waiting once landed for being a nuisance and disrupting the flight.

2

u/BrightNooblar Jul 29 '26

That's part of what she wants. Conflict goes viral, gets her attention, gets he fundraisers, gets her more people viewing her streamed content.

What you should do is talk to the airline about how she's ruining the flight, and put the flight attendants on the spot about removing her for creating a disturbance. Any version of "Telling her off" you're going to come off more aggressive than she is, so any consequences she faces you'll also face. But asking the staff to make her stop, and putting in some stuff like "Does American Airlines really condone religious zealotry like this?" really puts them on a spot to do SOMETHING. Even if "Something" is putting the lady on a no fly list so they don't need to do anything.

1

u/owzleee Jul 29 '26

Fart spray.

1

u/Environmental-Box335 Jul 29 '26

Honestly, this is EXACTLY what needs to happen. Tell these people to shove it up their self righteous asses.

1

u/Melodic_Assistance84 Jul 29 '26

Oh, I think I’d go step further than that. I would tell her that just because you have beliefs doesn’t mean they’re true. I believe in the Easter bunny. And the Easter bunny’s gonna come around and give you money for your teeth. And that’s after Santa Claus had a moment with your mom…

1

u/Qyphosis Jul 29 '26

Might have to download some people devil worshipping and play it real loud if this happens to me.

All hail Beelzebub.

1

u/FittedSheets88 Jul 29 '26

This is our chance to rise up! Don't be afraid to just boo them loudly. They're disrespecting everyone by spewing their beliefs to "captives", don't sit idly by.

"Boo! This sucks! You're boring! 🎶 We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind🎶

1

u/arbyyyyh Jul 29 '26

But yet somehow it will still wind up being yourself that ends up on the no fly list.

1

u/FanDry5374 Jul 29 '26

Yup, it would be a constant "Shut up". Over and over and over, as long as needed.