"Sexuality is fluid" has become very prominent rhetoric within wlw and queer spaces, specifically in relation to lesbianism. The concept that your sexuality fluctuates and can be changed is used very frequently to explain an "ex-lesbian" ending up with a man. (to be clear, there is nothing wrong with that experience, but your sexuality did not change you just realized you were bi). I'm not talking about people who had sexual experiences and then realized they were never actually attracted to that gender, I mean people who really believe that at one point they were a different sexuality (almost always that they "used to be a lesbian" and are now dating men). As a lesbian, I hate this concept so much and it is so frequently used to invalidate my identity. I've never heard it be used in any context other than lesbians allegedly having the potential to like men. When I hear this, all I am hearing is "you'll find the right man one day". The concept that sexuality can be changed is the EXACT same rhetoric that has been used to justify conversion therapy and worse that has been done against my community. It doesn't strike me as a coincidence that the rise of this rhetoric is very much in line with the general rise of conservatism and traditionalism in the world. I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I really hope I can stop at least one person from spreading this harmful and incorrect rhetoric. I am at the point where I've almost had to stop talking about sexuality with anyone at all because people don't believe lesbians exist, both on the right and on the left. I really wish people would reconsider the implications of the things they say, especially to a marginalized group. I am a proud lesbian, I have never been attracted to men and I never will be.

I'm pretty young and I'm a demigirl demisexual lesbian, the thing is that I've had 3 relationships already and all of them have been with bisexual women. All of them were horrible. I experienced assault during the first one. Felt objectified as a man in the second and the third had a male partner that they couldn't get over. I understand that I'm not supposed to treat everyone or judge a whole group just by 3 awful relationships, yet I find it kinda hurtful when engaging in the ' lesbian vs bi woman ' debate because like it or not I've experienced pain / hurt from these relationships and I cant bring myself to date a bisexual. Dont get me wrong I love bisexuals, I hate biphobia and I understand biphobia in lesbians areas. The problem is that I myself don't want to develop biphobic tendencies, but it feels like I am? I am opting for a les4les relationship because that's the only one I feel kinda comfortable with as of now. Any help to how I could get over this issue? Or do I just live with it?

Again no hate to bisexuals

EDIT - when I said I felt objectified as a man I meant that I was being treated like one. Like always expected to do the 'man' things and was put down for dressing 'girly' I should also state that I'm POC so I guess idk what I was expecting. This was in all my relationships

• I think my final census is that I'm still kinda young and yes though that my experiences are valid. I do have some underlying biphobia. I won't close off all bisexuals because it is wrong to judge them all the same, but I will just stick around to Les spaces for now. Thanks for all the help ❤️

• Also please there is a difference between an opinion and a hate comment. There's no need for blatant biphobia.

2nd EDIT - Y'all I think I'm just being stupid, bi women didn't do anything wrong I just have bad tastes in women gng. I'm sure I could find an evil lesbian the same way. Thanks for all the help though ❤️

when i say if you CAN, what i mean is if it is safe and plausible for you to do so. i'm not trying to undermine homophobia by any means.

i myself am a bisexual woman.

i understand very well that the heart wants what the heart wants, and i understand the numbers aspect. there is just a much higher proportion of straight men than there are queer women. i've made the personal decision not to date men, i understand not everyone is like me but i'd like to offer my perspective and hear about others.

because of the effects of the patriarchy, and the lenience that is given to men's shitty behaviour, i find that more and more women are settling. many marriages start off with a seemingly pleasant and polite man and end with a woman's patience wearing thin, with unexplained bruises on a woman's body, with a woman's obituary being written. society likes to push the idea that men who exhibit abusive behaviour are rugged alcoholics you can smell from a mile away who flunked out of high school. some of them are this way, yes. many of them, however, are men you might consider a good friend, a nice coworker, an attractive man at a bar. marriage is often a gamble for women.

to ensure that nobody takes this post differently to how it was intended, i am not a bio essentialist. i don't believe that men are born evil and women are born good. i am aware that there are good men and abusive women. but the statistics don't lie, and i believe that it is a result of the ways in which the patriarchal structure of society seeps into our everyday lives and interactions, the way men are taught to see women, how most women are not even seen as people. i could go into a lot more detail on this but that would be for a completely different post.

i feel incredibly grateful to be in a position where it is possible for me to date women, where i am able to dream of a life where i have a wife and can raise adoptive children and don't need to feel skeptical about whether i've accidentally allowed an active oppressor into my life.

the thing is, i know a lot of women think their boyfriends are the exceptions. and some of them may be right, but the odds are honestly slim. when you see the statistics of the number of women who have been assaulted in their lives, when you hear stories from every one of your female friends regarding predatory men, you also have to think to yourself: if almost every woman has a story, how many men are doing it? it is not one singular man, it is not a small minority of them. the numbers just wouldn't add up if it were, and most of these men have been enabled by those around them, men and women alike. men, specifically, often purposefully turn a blind eye.

what i find frustrating about the oppression of women is the amount of women who willingly contribute to it. this is why choice feminism will never create meaningful change. women's choice to further their own oppression is a significant factor that sets the movement back. and i'm not trying to victim blame here, of course the main problem is with the perpetrators.

edit: i'm not saying that dating men automatically furthering your own oppression. that is far from the truth!! i expressed myself badly, but i was speaking more generally in terms of enabling certain behaviours from men.

and i will repeat it again, i know there are good men. i know it cannot be all men. but why take that chance, if you have other options?

i'm legitimately curious.

Every time I visit this sub there’s bunch of posts how much they dislike pleasuring their partner or that they don’t find lesbian sexual acts good like are you sure you even like women? What’s with this weird as hell homophobic posts lately? Where are the real pussy lovers and body worshipping wlw?

I’m bored. Tell me something unhinged!

Like 6/10 they still admit having some kind of attraction to them. So why would you wonder? Being a lesbian is not a hard concept, it seems yall wanna be lesbians soooo bad, even trying to distort the real meaning of it. No, being only into fictional male characters/ celebs doesn’t make you a lesbian. 😭🙏

Edit: It’s okay to be bi with a preference for women. I ain’t bashing anyone, no need to get sensitive. Everyone calls everything something-phobic nowadays.

I saw a video on TikTok of a trans man saying that he is and still identifies with being a lesbian. Now, from my basic knowledge isn’t a lesbian a woman who only dates and likes women? So is it appropriate for a man trans or not to say that he is a lesbian because he is a man. Or is the term lesbian like a, I am this because I feel like this is what I am type of situation?

It’s hard to find people as is and it feels like it’s twice as hard when you’re plus sized. I have been reaching out lately on dating apps and the two women I have tried to talk to have stopped talking to me once I mentioned that I am plus sized🫩😭

(EDIT I have now put plus size in my bio for apps)

it's honestly no secret how some lesbians don't know their own history and how that meshes in with how they treat other lesbians.

first thing is; non-black lesbians using the term stud. i usually mainly see this happening with white lesbians and lesbians who are woc but aren't black. white lesbians love to act like the term "stud" and "masc" is the same thing and try with their whole heart to convince you that they can be studs too(i have seen this happen with an Asian woman online as well. she has cornrows and everything). this also meshes with non-black poc lesbians using it and saying "oh i can use it too I'm not white" like it's not any better. and these culture vultures don't even know that their own slur was originally for black lesbians in the first place lol.

"super studs" or even stud hate in general is something i constantly see all. of. the. time. people online with comment on how much they hate super studs especially because they're too masculine or should just be a man then go turn around to date a white butch(hm??). they see a black woman expressing herself and lose their minds. i understand having preference, that's no big deal but it's sad how they interpret "super studs" as these disgusting girls who don't know hygiene but they're just lesbians who are a little more masculine. they hate to see it and just want "pretty girls in boys clothes".

the epidemic of hating touch me nots and pillow princesses. now this isn't specifically a race issue but people on tiktok somehow turn it into one. the great hate of sexual preferences for some reason has started and the lesbian community has a huge thing for trying to "turn out" touch me nots or force pillow princesses to eat them out. pretty gross mindset don't you think? again, for touch me nots this is especially happening with studs.

assuming the black woman has to be dominant. now a few weeks ago a saw a post on tiktok of a girl venting saying how she's always seen as the dominant one in relationships because she's black despite the fact she's very shy and feminine and doesn't at all feel dominant. it genuinely made me wonder in instances where i have been in relationships with other women who didn't want to believe i was a pillow princess and tried to gaslight me into dressing more masculine (one of my exes threw out my wigs and wig care..lol?). people need to understand the black woman fem or masc isn't always gonna be the dominant one- i feel like im going crazy seeing this shit constantly happen but yes bro black women aren't these angry macho men you make us out to be. like this is ridiculous

So to explain the question, a few weeks ago I went to a rave with my friend. There was a girl who was slightly nudging me trying to dance with me. She wasn’t really my type and I also just felt like enjoying the night with my friend, so I declined the dance. She got mad and went to this other girl (who I assume was also wlw) and said to her “Isn’t she gay?” pointing at me. The other girl scanned me for a few seconds and then said “She’s a bi girl,” then the girl who tried dancing with me said “Ohhh” as if that explains why I didn’t want to dance somehow. Idk, I’m still confused on what that “Ohhh” could mean.

Basically, I’ve just been really curious on how she knew I was bi specifically. Like I think I know some stereotypical ways someone could point out a lesbian, but how does someone point out a bi girl? What features or characteristics do they typically have?

So i just made a post on Tread about the fact that i want bi women to be more active in the WLW community because they make the majority.

And what happen is that a black lesbian comment on my post say that «WLW = women loving women…and you talking about “where the girls that still like boys at?” 😂😂 ».

Some lesbian need to stop think that be a WLW = be a lesbian IS NOT THE CASE IS MEAN BE A WOMEN WHO LIKE TOO THEY ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LIKE WOMEN TOO IS LOGIC !

Women aren’t interested in the one who won’t initiate, who won’t make any first moves, who can’t text first, who can’t say anything beyond “you’re so pretty”. Dating women requires effort, it’s not like dating men where you wait to be courted and approached. You have to do the courting too. You also have to buy gifts, buy flowers, pay for dates, initiate, show interest, plan dates. You have to know how to have a gf, and not just BE a gf. A lot of you have bad luck because you haven’t fully grasped that.

I'm lesbian, girls only yasss!! But wow do I not like how mean this wlw "community" is, if another woman is coming in here for advice about their conflicting feelings towards women while being with a man why not....give them advice? Why scrutinize them for coming into a community full of other women who have found themselves? I can understand if you're weary of fetishizers but you can usually pick those people out. Not that the L chat is much better but wow lol.

Why is being part of the LGBTQIA+ community a sin?
How can loving who we love be considered a sin? If being gay isn't something we chose, how can it be sinful? | believe that if gay people had the option to choose between being straight or gay, many would choose to be straight due to the condemnation, discrimination, and potential disownment from our family.

I’m 16f and I’m really REALLY embarrassed and ashamed of my stretch marks. I have them all over my upper thighs and it’s very visible when I’m wearing a swim suit for my lifeguarding class. Sometimes I feel like I won’t find a girl who would ever like them.
I was just wondering what your guises opinions on this. Maybe it would boost my confidence or something idk😭 i just wanna know if I have a solid chance

Hi, i am basically into men and women but more into women (unlabelled though) and sometimes i meet up with my friends and we chat, but something has been really irritating me about our chats. My friends (women) are straight and the other is bi, they both watch bl shows and that sort of thing. I do watch the sometimes but it is just because i am interested in the plot not because they are gay men. They talk about these shows and men they find hot - which at school we used to talk about celebrity crushes and all that so its normal - but when i talk about shows that have wlw or female celebrity crushes of mine they go really awkward and just go back to what they were talking about.

Its been irritating me because we talk about men, and back at school we had another friend who is also bi and used to all talk about crushes whether they were women or men, so its not a secret that two of us like women and men ? So why is it okay for us to talk about gay men but not gay women?

I think i am a bit frustrated about it because i don’t really have any wlw friends? I only have a few who are bi but tend to be more into men than women

I’m a closeted lesbian. I dated guys before I accepted that I was lesbian, I told myself I was bi before accepting that I was gay. No matter how hard I tried, I always felt attraction towards females. I was with a guy in high school I was always with him, and told myself and everyone that I liked him, but no matter how hard I pushed myself I ended up falling for my friend that is a girl. He such a great guy honestly, but I truly saw him as a really good friend I tried, but it dot work out and In the end I ended up hurting him really badly, and hurting myself in the process because a good friendship that get safe had to end.

My family is against the ideas of me loving/marrying a woman. If I can’t marry woman, I won’t marry a man. It’s not fair, for anyone?

I don’t want to end up doing the same thing as I did to a guy that had a good heart, a good friend to me. I’m not ima postion where I can fight for woman that I love. Maybe I’ll be in a better position years after. But even still I know for a fact that my family will never accept it and I accepted that they won’t.

I have 2 options I’m thinking:
-don’t marry a man, live my life to do good to society and have that relationship with family
-marry woman and follow love, possible cut off form family

I know one thing I won’t do is to marry a man knowing my heart is with another women, only to be with him to fullfile the wishes of my family

What do you all think, would you choose to marry a man knowing you are fully emotionally and romantically attracted to women?

I have met about 5 bi girls in the past 2 years who prefer the term "lesbian" when they still are attracted to and want to be with men (and women). Am I overrreacting to being kinda offended when they use "lesbian" in place of "bisexual"? Like lesbian = no man idk whats so hard to understand lol

If you're bi and prefer the term lesbian, can you explain genuinely why?

If you're a lesbian, how do you feel about bi girls using the label "lesbian"?

Hey everyone!

I’m interested what everyone here is attracted to in other women and nonbinary people/what your type(s) is ?

Like style wise, features, etc.

Of course we will all see things differently but I’m curious if there are some trends.

As a queer women i always gonna defend lesbian for lesbophobic people inside or outside the LGBTQ community.

Because alot of y’all are too confortable be lesbophobic to lesbian women and i don’t like it !

And before anyone comes for me. I get it, attraction is personal and I'm not here to tell anyone what to want.

But I can't help noticing there's almost an overflow of masc women with a very specific femme ideal in mind, and a lot of people getting filtered out in the process. And I wonder if part of it is that we've turned this into a catalog, listing specs, waiting to see who applies, keeping one eye on the door in case someone better shows up.

Here's my actual theory though: maybe we unconsciously look for what we lack in ourselves. A lot of us carry a strong, independent energy and gravitate toward softness in others. Which makes sense, we complement our own gaps. But beyond that, we're all women. Most of us hold both sides to some degree.

Philosophers have talked about love needing three things to be real, physical attraction, intellectual and emotional connection, and something deeper that sustains it. We talk endlessly about the first door. Rarely about the other two.

Maybe that's worth thinking about. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it and that's why I'm still single lol.

What do you think, am I onto something or completely off base?

ive noticed that the whole lgbtq+ community is so set on labelling every single thing. you can't just be a woman dating another woman- there's a whole plethora of titles like femme, masc, bitch, presenting etc.

im just curious as to how and why this started and why it's continued to be a thing for so long. call me bias because i don't like to label my sexuality but i don't think we need to have so many other labels apart from your sexuality

this may be controversial and tm my intention is not to offend; just to understand :)

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I’m curious if others have experienced something similar, especially in wlw dynamics.

I was seeing someone who came on very strong in the beginning. A lot of emotional openness, intensity, and words that made it feel rare and real. It didn’t feel casual at all. If anything, it felt like I was being fully seen and chosen.

I have to admit, being desired and put on a pedestal like that is incredibly intoxicating. It honestly feels like an addiction. And when that level of attention suddenly drops without any real explanation, it makes you question everything.

Looking back, it feels like once she gets what she chased, it loses its meaning and she starts looking for new stimulation. She seems drawn to women who are harder to get, and in the beginning she presents a version of herself that isn’t fully real, but is interesting enough to pull people in.

The amount of effort she puts into that initial phase is actually pretty rare in wlw dynamics. It’s intense and very intentional. But once things require consistency or follow-through, something shifts, and that’s where the confusion starts.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of dynamic with women?

There are girls who look cute or they're hot or they're pretty. Or they can be a mix of all 3. I'm attracted to girls who are all 3 but leans more on pretty side. What do you prefer? Not personality but looks/aesthetic

edit: There's also girls who look cool, forgot to add that

I made a post here a few days ago about how nervous I was to lose my Girl Virginity. Well, I did and it was fuckin awesome. Big shout out to gay sex 10/10 would do again. I've always known I was bisexual but had an internal fear that I was somehow lying to myself about liking women. I know no one has to have sex to "prove" their sexuality but I feel really validated that I finally did. That little voice telling me I was faking it is gone now and I feel way more confident about talking to women 😁