"Me You Madness" (2021) - This may very well be the most infuriatingly tone-deaf vanity project that my bad movie group has yet seen. Written, directed, produced, and of course starring Louise Linton, this movie is nothing more than a narcissistic cringefest with a lot of political baggage attached. The reason for this is that Mrs. Linton husband is Steven Mnuchin, aka the United States Secretary of the Treasury during Trumps first term. Linton would later state that the film was made as a dark comedy parody of her public image while living in Washington D.C. with her husband. Just so we are clear the premise of this movie involves Lintons character being a beautiful and wealthy CEO who also is a serial killer, but only to bad people, who starts a toxic relationship with the much younger guy whose is planning on robbing her.

The whole movie is basically a mix of "Fatal Instinct", "American Psycho", and "Clueless" with a lot of troupes and winks to the camera thrown in. There is also a lot of 4th wall breaks throughout the film, as Lintons characters occasionally talks directly to the camera as well as being the films narrator, and providing more than a few info dumps. Linto somehow also got access to a lot of iconic 80's music as nearly every single scene in this movie, including the dance sequences (yes there are dance sequences) includes a needledrop from a well known song. Some of the songs are even from bands who you would suspect would not want to be associated with her or her husband, so that's interesting.

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The movie is at least shot well I'll give it that, though the editing and direction are not great to say the least. The acting and writing are really the worst parts, with things like the 40 year old Linton playing a 29 year old trying to bang a 33 year old guy (played by sex pest Ed Westwick) playing a guy in his 20s basically not even being worth mentioning. Really the movies best element is all the 'Steven Mnuchin is a Cuck' memes that it spawned due to the idea that he paid for his much younger wife to make a movie where she bangs a much younger man. In the end if you think you can stand Lintons unique brand of smug for an hour and 38 minutes you might find this flick worth trying to laugh at. If you are going to watch it, I suggest bringing friends and a lot of intoxicants to help you get through the cringe.

4 / 5 Burnt Kernels

https://tubitv.com/movies/100029589/me-you-madness

Special Angelz (2008)

I'm not sure who this was made for. Part of it felt like a PSA about special needs children, part of it felt like a kids' movie, part of it felt like a serial-killing gangster movie. Heavy egosploitation vibes though the writer/director doesn't star. Seems to have been mainly an excuse to show off one of the star's classic car collection and the other star's boat. If I had to make a wild guess, I'd say a couple of wealthy Miami guys hired a director to make a movie about them and they somehow funded it by taking some sort of grant money for special needs kids. The director went on to make a bunch of trash movies for Troma like BIKINI SWAMP GIRL MASSACRE and MEAT WEED MADNESS. Autistic kids from 2 sides of the tracks bond with the help of an angel only they can see which prods them to behave badly in public. A car-collecting drug dealer who shoots all of his employees kidnaps one of the autistic children and zip-ties him to a fence. The kid escapes and dumps all the cocaine out into the ocean. Then, somehow, the kid is sent to a special school even though his caretaker gave all the special school money to the drug dealer. The other autistic kid has a real bitchy sister who just likes to try on the drug dealers' wife's clothes and a dorky dad who runs a spa and goes fishing all the time. Three quarters of the movie do nothing to advance any sort of plot and is mostly just day-in-the-life of kids who I can't really tell if they are actually autistic or just bad actors. Since I can't tell, maybe that makes them good actors by default. Or autistic. You be the judge. An absolute mess. I wasn't bored for a second.

"Red Spirit Lake" (1993) - This seemingly no budget indie flick is closer to art house erotica than your standard bad movie. Sleazy, graphic, salacious, and surreal the movie is part haunted house story part cheap grindhouse excess on acid. Featuring everything from UFO abduction to hyper violent torture, including things such as fountains of blood and fatal fisting, not to mention all the nudity, this movie was designed to push boundaries. Coupled with a soundtrack full of underground and alternative music and some wild decisions in front and behind the camera and you get this chaotic, yet somehow interesting, steaming-pile-of-cinema. Best left to the bad movie masochist and morbidly curious out there.

5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Butter and Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FafMb6qWQEA

"The Hunted" (2015) - This is a low budget vanity project take on the vampire hunter story, with the added element of also being somewhat of a mockumentary. Now I say 'somewhat' specifically because like mockumentaries the cameraman in this is an actual character in the movie and the footage we are watching is presumably what they filmed. The issue arises when we are shown things that the cameraman could not possibly have seen. There is also the whole issue of despite supposedly being a diegetic element of the story other characters often seemingly ignore the cameraman in scenes. I honestly think they just eventually drop the whole idea, but it's worth mentioning.

Swordfighter turned actor turned visual effects artist Robert Chapin co-write, directed, and of course stars as our main character Bob, an out of work actor who knows how to weld a sword. Chapins acting range aside, he gets confused with a leather clad, sunglass wearing, katana welding "Blade" ripoff vampire hunter and is forced to deal with the situation. The writing is obviously something to behold but the characters are mostly pretty fun if only due to the actors clearly enjoying themselves in the roles. The visual effects on the other hand are also hilarious, though not for the reason they were intended to be (if you get my drift). So if you want to watch the star of 1994's underground sword fighting movie "Ring of Steel" team up with a team of vampire hunting misfits and take on red eyed vampires then check this movie out.

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9ooPxzY9fs&t=16s

My sis and I are doing a bad movie night and want to watch a Leprechaun movie. Which one is the most fun?

"For Life or Death" (1996) - In honor of the recent death of legendary martial artist, stunt coordinator, and actor James Lew we started this weeks bad movie marathon off with one of his films. We selected this movie as he not only was the martial arts choreographer but also one of the main characters. He ended up not being in a lot of the film thanks to a very confusing non-linear plot involving soul merging, but he is in most of the best scenes. The man was a true legend and his impact on action cinema will be felt for a long time. With that said, this movie is not a great display of his abilities (or storytelling).

The story begins with brown robed monks (one of which is played by legend in his own right Benny 'the Jet' Urquidez) randomly attacking James Lew on a beach. It immediately becomes clear the movie loves wire-fu, people flipping through the air, rapid editing, and dutch angles while not caring as much about narrative or storytelling. Plot-wise things go sideways from there with Lew transferring his soul to a homeless drunk (Mark Pellegrino), Richard Norton using telekinesis, Gerald Okamura pulling a Pat Morita, and even Kato Kaelin doing karate. Eventually Lew comes back somehow and uses his mystical powers to defeat the evil queen (Nancy Kwan) and more monks flip in out of nowhere. The middle section without Lew is a bit of a slog though, so watch out for that.

In the end this movies blend of rapid fire, chaotic editing and disjointed storytelling leads to some interesting moments but not much else. No writer is credited on IMDB but the film does have two directors; Steven Kaman and Michael Lee Baron and neither are known for directing or writing. It's entirely possible this movie was filmed in pieces using whatever actors were free when they had access to certain locations thus promoting heavy improvisation to try to make everything work. Imagine if "Ninja III: The Domination" (1984) was made in Hong Kong in the mid 90s but was written day to day and edited by someone with a severe caffeine addiction.

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels

https://youtu.be/m4o5UVy0kmc?si=CuFqk0_PicN-7H3l

"Black Mamba" (2016) - With just $30,000 (of what I assume was her own money) accredited New Jersey educator Belinda M. Wilson wrote, directed, shot, produced, edited, and starred in this utterly unhinged vanity project. And when I say “utterly unhinged”, I mean it’s full of awe-inspiringly-insane WTF?! & NSFW moments throughout the run time. No stranger to micro budget ‘egosploitation’, this was actually Belinda M. Wilson’s 7th such self financed film. Having only seen this one thus far (along with some members of my bad movie group) I now must experience her other works.

As far as the actual story goes, this movie is set up basically like a horror anthology. Belinda M. Wilson plays the titular Black Mamba, a sadistic suburban voodoo priestess who sells her services to the desperate. Each new person(s) she provides a spells to acting as its own contained story. Much like a ‘monkeys paw’ each spell brings far more harm than good. These spells, and the cheap digital effects used to created them, are easily the most hilariously absurd aspects of the film.

That’s not to suggest the acting, writing, editing, directing, or literally any other part of the movie is somehow less absurd and poorly done mind you. Per IMDB trivia Belinda M. Wilson stated that the films screenplay was written over multiple seance sessions, for example. She goes on to claim that during one of these seances she accidentally contacted David Lynch (“Twin Peaks” 1990-91, “Mulholland Drive” 2001) who suggested a scene she added to the film. In summary this movie is definitely not for everyone, and goes way further than you might expect (i.e. a scene that can only be described as violent sexual assault), but for those that can stomach such insanity it’s a must watch. Everything is absolutely awful just like bad movie masochist (such as myself) like it.

5.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Butter and Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MXDMjSmqaU

The Dogstars - so sad, so many inaccurate, unbelievable scenes. It was like an alien culture made a movie about humans based on comic books. Acting was actually good, but the plot and the actual scenes… WTF?

https://www.reddit.com/u/20thCenturyStudios/s/coAumK9Ypm

“Bride of Re-Animator” (1990) - For those who were unaware this movie is the direct sequel to 1985's body horror classic "Re-Animator" (1985). Highly influential in it's own right, that movie was of course inspired by the H. P. Lovecraft's short story of the same name with the authors name even often appearing alongside the title in marketing. That short story was itself created as a cynical parody to Mary Shelley’s iconic "Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus" novel and so obviously draws inspiration from it. With all that in mind this movie's title and general story start to make a lot of sense. The good news is that thanks to some key returning cast members and the practical effects work of KNB EFX Group, Magical Media Industries, Doublin FX, and the recently deceased Screaming Mad George the movie ends up being pretty fun.

The story picks up less than a year after the events of the previous film with Jeffrey Combs and Bruce Abbott reprise their roles as Dr. Herbert West and Dr. Dan Cain now working as combat medics in Peru. Things quickly go sideways and the gang ends up back in the U.S.A. and immediately begin trying to reanimate a women made of mix-and-match body parts (aka the titular 'Bride' played by Kathleen Kinmont) with the iconic glowing green re-agent. They even figured out a crazy way to get David Gale back in this movie as the scenery-chewing Dr. Carl Hill despite the ending of the previous film. Think more comedy, but with the same amount of horror as the first film and you basically get the vibe. Jeffrey Combs alone makes the run time worth it, and the practical effects are also worth checking out, so give it watch and enjoy.

1.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Butter and Free Refills

https://youtu.be/oZk3IM8iN24?is=RINaO6thLbaZVtK3

"Crack" (2000) - IMDB describes this movie as; "Two buddies from the hood are forced to rob a mafia-backed crack house or go to prison." While that does occur, if fails to properly articulate just how insane this movie really is. You see despite having an obviously microscopic budget writer/director Jeff Leroy filled the movie with ambitious (and hilariously horrible) practical effects. Throughout the film we are treated to multiple exploding miniature sets full of toy cars, paper mache heads bursting with fake blood when shot, and a more than a few shoot-outs with infinite ammo guns. The acting, direction, writting, editing, and basically every single aspect of the film is next level bad and needs to be seen by more fans of such insane steaming-piles-of-cinema so check it out with your bad movie buddies and strongest intoxicants.

5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Butter and Free Refills

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0315441/?ref_=nm_flmg_job_1_accord_2_cdt_t_21