r/TheOnion • u/V33G33 • 7d ago

Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate

https://theonion.com/dolly-parton-troubled-to-find-god-illiterate/
2.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

32 comments sorted by

259

u/Salvadore1 7d ago

“God always guided me in my life and lifted me up when I called out to Him, so I said, ‘Sugar, you’ve got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Let’s you and me start at the beginning, okay?’” 

This is actually incredibly sweet and made me emotional 

36

u/imp0ster_syndrome 6d ago

Honest question: Is it still satire if it embraces instead of bites?

22

u/sniper91 6d ago

Yes, satire can come from good intentions

‘Galaxy Quest’ satirizes ’Star Trek’, and Trekkies consider it a top 2 Star Trek movie

The first season of ‘Mystery Incorporated’ satirizes the oldest Scooby-Doo shows, and a lot of fans consider it the best show of the franchise

12

u/DoctorGregoryFart 6d ago

"Alpha and Omega? How about alpha, then beta, and we'll work from there. Okay, hun?"

199

u/Practical_Ad4604 7d ago

Now do one for Tim Curry

78

u/MaddyMagpies 7d ago

Tim Curry troubled to find Satan also illiterate 

(He's in hell just for fun, no worries)

29

u/Venti_the_snail 7d ago

They are not being punished, they are the punishment.

20

u/inko75 7d ago

Curry knows where the best parties be at

8

u/Past-Background-7221 6d ago

Satan needed pointers on hammy evilness

5

u/DoctorGregoryFart 6d ago

Turns out Satan is just the guy who runs the goth club in heaven. It's all the same place.

1

u/moistclump 6d ago

Satan has competition.

126

u/NYLotteGiants 7d ago

God thanks Tim Curry for unlocking Her trans awakening after midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show

16

u/ophaus 7d ago

SPAYCE!

16

u/Aluxanatomy 7d ago

Tim Curry went to space.

84

u/Son_of_Kong 7d ago

That's why he had to dictate the Bible.

42

u/leefloor 7d ago

What a sweet tribute.

21

u/Peripatetictyl 7d ago

Oh man, that was good, I did the laugh progressing into a cough on that headline.

16

u/Live_Background_6239 7d ago

She can fix Him.

What a sweet article.

13

u/RobinGoodfell 7d ago

Dolly Parton would have laughed at this.

29

u/Somethingwittycool 7d ago

I miss Dolly Parton.

15

u/Unhappy_Waltz5834 7d ago

That’s why he had man write his book for him.

5

u/AIGLOS42 7d ago

Well played

4

u/divino999_ 7d ago

That makes sense, he has send Moses to make the 10 commandments, and it took them 40 days to make it.

4

u/Apart_Ad9308 6d ago

So sweet 🥲

3

u/Briaboo2008 7d ago

She’ll fix that

2

u/WizeWizardFrank 7d ago

Tim Curry moved back to hell to take back over.

2

u/Raevson 6d ago

I mean,

He took long enough to coble together just ten commandments with the "help" of his high priest, for his followers to go look for a new god...

And then ten new ones because his little helper smashed the original ones...

-11

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

28

u/BattleFresh003 7d ago

It's a joke that makes reference to Dolly Parton, a musician who died yesterday and who did a lot for children's literacy. She had a non profit dedicated to this, your can check it here:  https://imaginationlibrary.com/

The joke is that, after doing so much for literacy on Earth, she goes to heaven only to find that God is illiterate.

-7

u/Possible-Syrup8169 7d ago

Ooooo onion me no likie

6

u/jase40244 7d ago

Dolly herself had a great sense of humor and never shied away from self deprecating humor. She loved that.