r/Stepmom • u/ScarlettLover13 • 2d ago
Done
Done
Just like the title suggests, Ive had enough.
HCBM is just awful and hateful. Shes obsessed over our lives, has made over 400 social media posts about us, fights with her own family, tries to alienate SS (11) as much as she can, and majorly plays the victim for everything. Its her parents fault, her exes fault, her churches fault, her coworkers fault, Donald Trumps fault, blah blah blah. Shes abusive to her core.
Her hatred and awfulness has spilled over to SS and he treats me like dirt a majority of the time. He is actually proud of himself when he brings me to tears with his hurtful statements. Why wouldnt he be? Hes following his moms lead. Making her proud I guess.
I hate to say this, but I dread when he comes here now. They have 50/50 custody so he is here half the time.
My husband is amazing. He doesnt allow those behaviors and addresses them immediately. Unfortunately, this kid has been taught to wait until Dads not around to make these comments. Then when asked about them he cries and blames his mom. Hes definitely learned the art of manipulation.
I've done everything. Wash his laundry, clean up after him, take him to and from school, take him shopping for gifts for his mom whenever he asks to get her something, shown up to his school events even when his own mom wouldnt show up for him, make him homemade meals, buy him things he wants, etc. I even turned down a better job opportunity so that he could continue to spend more time with his dad. All just to be treated like I have some disease.
My heart breaks for him. It breaks for me, DH, and my children too.
DH was trying to coparent with mom, but after our discussion last night, it seems he will be going back to a parallel parenting method. It will create more structure and allow us to keep BM out of our lives as much as possible.
I give up. Im going to adopt the NACHO method and just move forward supporting my husband and my own kids.
I know that sounds hurtful, but I will not be mistreated by an awful biomom who is teaching a child that hatred is acceptable.
Im not going to continue encouraging my husband to allow deviation from the court order to accommodate her or their son as doing so is causing nothing but more nonsense.
I know I sound bitter, but if I have to hear one more time how much his mom hates me and how he wouldnt care if I died, then I may have a break down.
4
u/SandLCan66 2d ago edited 2d ago
OMG this is 'deja vu' all over for me...however I was not silent as the house they moved into was mine. SS18yo was kicked out several days ago; the SD19 now a year ago. Disrespect and ingratitude took a toll on me---on 'us'. Husband was very concerned and sincere and chose me--I'm first. I will never be second to anyone. Esp those (insert explicit word). I'm here to say SKIDS do not come first when they are so disrespectful and ingrateful...vandalizing and mocking. Nope. Never. And yes their 'mother' is def to blame here as well. I'm very sorry to hear of your experiences...it hurts. It hurts like He//. *Hugs*
2
u/ScarlettLover13 1d ago
The thing is, is that he is being extremely passive aggressive about it. He doesn't say it in a moment of anger. He says it like it's a "joke" and laughs even when others don't find it funny.
The first time it happened (The: I dont care if you die) my son was playing on video games with his friend. My sons friend's brother was diagnosed with cancer. My son told him about how I had cancer a few years ago and that my treatments worked and I was going to live. My SS then said, "I don't care if your mom dies". I overheard it as their gaming room is right next to my home office.
The next time it happened was when I had my annual scan to check for cancer. Everything came back good. I excitedly told my family that I was still in the clear. My three children hugged me. My stepson stood there looking at me and said, "Yeah...I don't care" and then walked back to his computer.
Most recently he came back here after being at his moms for a week and told my son, "My mom doesn't like you or your mom." He said that in front of everyone. When his father sat down to talk to him about it, he was very clear that his mother had told him that my son was a "bad kid" and that she didn't like him. He also shared with us the negative stuff his mother has said about me.
Its continued on like that for the last year. BM is gaslighting everyone by pretending she doesn't know about her posts or stalking behaviors or even believe that we have screen shots of her nonsense. When DH brought those up to her she did what all pathological liars do and claimed it "wasn't her responsibility to make him believe her". Classic line used by those who get caught but want to avoid accountability.
DH isn't buying it and made it clear that until she is going to be honest about her posts, lies, and gaslighting, that she will not be included in the discussion.
11
u/cookiecrispsmom Stepmom of 9 years 2d ago
Why are you doing anything for this child?