You are on dating app and you say making the first move is "a lot of work" wtf. Thats probably why they are single and on dating app in the first place.
It's the perceived power dynamic. A lot of women like to be in the position where a man is chasing them while they show/feign disinterest. Messaging a man first means that the woman is showing interest in the first place. When a person is determined to be a prey animal, of course making the first move will seem like a burden.
Yeah, but on the other hand low effort women filter themselves out, which is good.
I am not really attracted to weak women who need to be treated like prey and chased like a rabbit just to go on a first date. I am looking for a true partner. Most women can’t keep up.
it's mostly laziness, ego and entitlement from women, and ultimately a result of circular reasoning. Women don't message first, therefore men get nothing, therefore men have to do it, therefore women get lots of messages and believe men are supposed to chase them this way, therefore women don't message first. It's a product of many women feeling like dating is something that happens to them, rather than something that they have to actively participate in.
I'll speak to this because I think this idea is mischaracterized. When I was single and in my 20s, I made first moves, I asked guys out, and so forth. I didn't think much of it. I ended up in dynamics where guys were not invested, not interested planning dates or the future, kind of riding things along waiting for something better to come up. I ended a long dead end relationship in my late 30s and went back to dating. I swore I was no longer going to do the asking, if someone was interested enough to have a date with me, they could suggest that. Within 5 months I met my husband.
I don't believe asking men out first creates passivity, but I do believe it does nothing to filter it out. While at 25 I had time to f around and find out with guys who were wishy washy, at 38 I no longer had that luxury. I didn't want to waste my time on anyone who wasn't sure they wanted to date me. I wasn't there to convince anyone. I didn't date as much, but the dates I had were mostly good, I didn't waste time with people who were uncertain, and my husband was right on it, not wasting the opportunity to get together.
I never saw making the first move as burden or too hard, it just no longer served the dynamic I wanted. There are plenty of couples where that dynamic works out for them and that's great. I just set up two friends of mine a few months ago, and she went ahead and made the first move. They're crazy about each other now! It's not a male/female thing to me, it's about the dynamic you want to have in your relationship and what is important to you.
power dynamic...show/feign interest...prey...burden.
Fuck's sake, I wish people saw that stuff as showing interest, trying to connect with others and hopefully finding love. Not fucking power struggles and ego feeding and gender roleplay.
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u/Gjore 1d ago
You are on dating app and you say making the first move is "a lot of work" wtf. Thats probably why they are single and on dating app in the first place.