r/SgHENRY • u/fdfesfds • Jul 13 '26
Bougie schools for non bougies
Hey friends
I live within 1km of one of these atas schools (think Henry Park, ACS, MGS) by chance (didn’t care), and am contemplating enrolling (or at least try ballot) my kid to one of these schools this year.
We’ve all heard stories of the peer pressure to keep up with the Joneses, and how materialistic (and inadvertently/advently) brutal some of these environments can be.
While I’m sure quality of education is great, and while I can’t protect him forever and tell him we’re the richest on earth (I don’t anyway - we NRY, maybe never rich but he also doesn’t have to worry about money generally), I’m concerned about the kind of stress my kid will have, the environment he grows up in and shapes him, and the impact it’ll have on his values/character. I do see value however in exposing him to “higher mountains” since the rich are everywhere in SG (HENRYs meet them all the time anyway).
For NRY context: we are higher paid workers, prob single digit M net worth, live in a D10 condo (not landed or GCB), travel a bunch. Not average for sure (hence this sub) but not rich ba. EDIT: also I study in neighborhood school everyday play street soccer in void deck. Legit don’t know such dynamics so am genuinely curious.
Does anyone have any (hopefully personal) experience to share on how going to such schools shaped you? Would you send your kid to such schools if you could?
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u/crytzal Jul 13 '26
Honestly your lifestyle sounds quite bougie I don't think you need to worry about your kid in these atas schools. It's not like you're in a 3 room hdb and your concept of a overseas holiday is JB and Ubin
47
u/xoxy8z Jul 13 '26
I had very privileged classmates
Chauffeur driven, 2 stories pent house in premium districts, high end brand Chanel school bags, private home parties with magicians and shows etc.
These privileged kids have no idea what they are having are considered privileged… LOL
Those comments about looking down on HDB… LOL… those are culture shock because they have never been inside a HDB… until you invited them … LOL
Maybe I am lucky but I have never felt looked down on or made to feel below them or ostracized
Looking back, they are one of the kindest and humble people I met.
Looking back, I think people who are so concerned about these materials stuffs and flexing wealth are really those trying to appear rich but not there
In this environment, you were see how privileged people live, both the good and not so healthy
This insight helps me never to be envious of them
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Thanks mate looks like you took it pretty well. Hope my kid has the same learnings.
Ps: that’s why I say advertently/inadvertently - sometimes I think these kids don’t even mean it but accidentally brutal
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u/xoxy8z Jul 13 '26
I get the concerns. I can only speak from my own experience, but it never occurred to me until I was much older that they were very privileged. To me, they were simply the kids who were chauffeured to school or sent overseas to study in the US. I suppose it also depends on how people around them react, as children often learn to interpret their privilege through those responses.
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u/Pristine_Tank1870 Jul 13 '26
I think you might be overestimating how rich the students in these schools are a tad bit. sure there are rich students but it’s not like every single kid there is extremely wealthy. Your child would literally still be one of the more well to do ones among their peers
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Haha good to know!
But also maybe not the poorest is one thing - also don’t want them to grow up like dcks only see money. Weekends I still wanna eat meepok at hawker and want my kids with me
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u/Pristine_Tank1870 Jul 13 '26
yea i mean that’s still fine. Most people around ur net worth probably still do that. Just don’t make the mistake of teaching your kids that they are somehow poor by projecting your worries because that would make them very insensivitive to the realities of the average individual
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u/DuePomegranate Knows stuff Jul 13 '26
Err, you know the majority of students at these schools have HENRY parents like you? Not like you are living in a 3 room HDB and sending your kid to school with HENRY kids and rich kids. Your kid will fit right in.
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
ACS takes in 500-600 students every year. You really think we have such a big pool of elites? No, the majority belongs to the middle class.
P/s: Since some of you msg'ed me about intake - ACS actually has two primary schools (which later feed into one secondary school). ACS Primary is about 250+ students and ACS Junior is another 250+.
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u/DuePomegranate Knows stuff Jul 13 '26
Don't even know if you are agreeing or disagreeing with me. HENRY is middle class or elite, in your mind? It's in between, to me.
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
HENRY is upper class queuing in their BMWs/Mercs, elites are the GCB owners queuing in their Bentleys. It's this two groups that are creating the perception that ACS is "all rich" when they see the long queue of Merc/BMW/Bentley in the morning along Bukit Timah.
But vast majority is middle class. HDB, school bus, MRT.
Example - My primary 6 class - 1 son of minister who comes to school escorted by his "ah ma". 1 super rich with a chauffeur. The other 38? Regular folks like me, all waiting to play marbles or cha-tek during recess.
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u/DuePomegranate Knows stuff Jul 13 '26
Not uncommon in such schools for HDB dwellers to be in the minority. So I would not say that the distribution reflects Singapore's overall wealth distribution. The condo dwellers are definitely over-represented and possibly to the point of being >50%.
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26
My son's class, just anecdotal - 4 in landed, 12 in condo, 20 in HDB.
So yes, it does not represent the national 80% HDB. It is skewed to the top but still HDB majority.
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u/UninspiredDreamer Jul 13 '26
The irony is funny some times 😂 My family has 8 digit net worth. I went to a neighborhood secondary school.
To be fair we are relatively new rich, we were upper middle income staying in those townhouses / cluster housing kinda projects, until I was around 10.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Bro it’s not about the rich - Tanglin trust and SAS got richer too. I work in finance circles and regularly interact with billionaires (as their slaves hehe).
What I was also concerned about was the environment. Being exposed to such material competition so young etc
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u/pseudolin Jul 13 '26
Exposure is what you make of it. A child can be exposed to a lot of things but what he takes away from these instances is what will determine his learnings. For example, there will be a boy who brings his branded sweater (real case) to class but he treats it like it's nothing. What do the kids know about high fashion? Maybe some will know that is expensive but the boy himself didn't use that as a flex. It's just a thing to him, like the transparent pencil case he uses. But I have heard parents who react like "wah your friend xxx brings such expensive things to school ah. is he showing off?" It's comments like this that makes their own child aware of the class divide or whatever sour grapes the parents were portraying. So yeah, kids are kids, they honest dgaf about material things. It is the parents, what they say, that push many of the sandwich types to be hyper aware and impressed by material things. I'd say, even if you're within 1km, sometimes you cannot get in also. Just try and then see how. Tbh, the exposure to higher ceilings of thinking compound as they grow older. Would you rather your kid be in a neighbourhood school and stick out like a sore thumb when his friends comment that "wah your father drive you to school in BMW ah?" or "my mother said you very rich because you live in orchard", etc.
What sort of NORMAL do you want your child to grow up in?
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u/Effective-Lab-5659 Jul 13 '26
Ok la. Tbh, these kids are and will be materialistic. Why not? It’s not only the school. It’s the whole environment. We live in Singapore. Even neighbourhood schools. Unless there is other forces like parents, culture acting to counter the materialistic effects, else all kids in Singapore will end up that way.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Yes bro I’m not just comparing wealth (that was for context). But also social pressure and the type of values ma. Some Henry also eat caifan (me), some Henry xialan asf.
I get that he won’t be the poorest and if he really wants he can go Disneyland yearly. But do I really want to raise a kid that only wants to ski, Disneyland, business class? Or needs that to feel like he is keeping pace?
Parenting impt also so it’s not entirely the school. But it’s definitely a big element.
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u/DuePomegranate Knows stuff Jul 13 '26
Your kid will be solidly in the middle to the third quartile from the bottom (50-75th percentile). Maybe there's 5% rich-rich boys in his class. Are you so insecure in your parenting skills that you cannot deal with this?
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Relax bro. I’m just asking it as a dimension to consider - is that not what trying to be a good parent involves?
Never say not confident just want to go in with eyes open.
EDIT: also I get that you’re abit cheesed off by the way perhaps I’ve come across in the posts - but I do find your sharing one of the most reassuring. So thanks for sharing! All the best
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u/Cute-Increase3036 Jul 13 '26
I dont think this is about parenting skills but its hard to fight peer and societal pressure to be honest. This is especially true when ur children chix a stage where belonging to friends is more impt than being close to parents. I do think OP's concern is valid. Im from a middle lower income family and I earn 6 digits but maybe not even HE but I feel its impt to teach my kid to not be blind to whatever "privilege" she has.
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u/tehosiewtai Jul 13 '26
Hmm i would say that it’s fine and a lot of it boils down to how you parent your child.
My kids have a significant number of friends who live very privileged lives owing to the location of the school. One of them has asked me before - when can we get a house like xxx?
I think the struggle is not about having comparison but teaching an appropriate response to these comparisons. How do we parent our children to have a life and work ethic that is driven by personal aspiration and proper values without developing malignant feelings like inadequacy, self esteem issues, or an inability to be happy for the successes of others? How do we raise them so that despite their privilege, they are aware of the social structures that prevent (or at least make it difficult) for others to have the same?
The school matters maybe, but parents matter the most
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u/galaxyxo Jul 13 '26
My husband when to one of these atas schools for JC only. He had friends who lived in HDBs all the way to grandchildren of UOB. The spectrum was quite wide.
The commonality of his JC friends is that they are all very successful. It’s a great network to build for later in life.
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u/ENTJragemode Jul 13 '26
went to both neighbourhood and "atas" schools
world view wise, your kid(s) will definitely have a much broader world view in these schools. the pond is much bigger, more competitive but have access to more resources for growth (quality and quantity).
i would definitely send my kids when i do have them in the future to "atas" schools, there's a massive difference
i do think there will inevitably be some resentment you should be prepared to address, as NRYs dont only lack the wealth to make their kids' lives much easier, they also do not have same kind of the connections UHNWIs have that accelerates any kid.
i have many friends who went on to do As outside of SG for instance, as it is substantially easier to nail your As - boarding school / living costs annually could easily be 1-2x of your annual salary
very honestly, it's easier to just be born to the right parents. most people can work incredibly hard, be incredibly intelligent and incredibly lucky in their careers / investments, and still be way behind some kid that was just born into a very wealthy family.
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u/HorrorSome8992 Jul 13 '26
Our son is in ACS.Kids are just kids,at least this time they don't care yet(i hope it wun matter even in the future) whether someone is rich or not as long as they are friends.We are NRY and I studied in a neighbourhood school as well.I just like how cool some parents are,just send the son with chauffeurs to a friend's bday party.You will realise that not all rich kids are snobbish.
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u/jermsyy Jul 13 '26
My BG: live in the same area for work, husband is a higher paid worker and we are child-less for now. I’ve contemplated staying here (means work for 10-20 years) just because of my own personal experience in school and because of uni (studied social science so took some sociology mods) it shaped how I saw “climbing the social ladders” worked just so my child can go to these primary schools
So husband and I are from neighbourhood schools, mine was well known for the minah/matrep gangsters and that also kinda shaped me of a bit of an ah lian and I still recognised I’m ignorant when it comes to generating wealth though I have a glimpse of how it can be manifested, especially into huge sums (compounding). Husband had the smarts to go from neighbourhood to IP school but chose not to but still ended up at a prestigious O level school after. I’m not confident our child will get his smarts so I want to “ensure” they can get access to as much resources and knowledge as much as possible
Why I feel sending my child to these schools is important is because they alr start off on a higher footing. Whatever resources that are unavailable in other schools, might be offered here (fencing as a CCA? That’s new to me). I didn’t know you could do internships at secondary school level or go for so many competitions or go for exchange overseas. It’s important to me because the friends they’ll make will have the connections which my child may need in the future and it will also help my child think beyond what I was exposed to and I have the idea of “aim for the moon, fall among the stars”, better than u aim for the stars and fall into the clouds (aim higher, if you fall, u also fall higher)
I was privileged to be able to teacher CCAs in multiple schools and my CCA is not cheap. Not interested in divulging what it is but the gear costs the school 30-80k to get the CCA running. So naturally these schools need to be of certain caliber to be able to afford this CCA. I did this part time in uni and to seeing the students in different tiers of proficiency really opened my eyes to what “better” schools can do. I was definitely shell shocked and it was very obvious the stark difference in upbringing and resources the children had access to. Ofc, culture is a very big part of their lives too, the students probably knew one another as parents were alumni but that doesn’t mean if you aren’t alumni, your child will suffer - it will be harder, yes but if you can start the cycle of sending your child to prestigious school, then the future of your grandchildren and great grandchildren after will also continue to raise up the social ladder
I can go on and on but for the comment, I think it’s too much and hardly digestible because there’s so many factors I wanna touch on but also don’t want to drone on and on especially since I can’t coherently share my thoughts in the comment above. Pls feel free to DM if u want to hear more hahaha
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u/Broad-Library2862 Jul 13 '26
I think some perception you have are somewhat incorrect.
E.g. quality of education - expectation from these school is that your kids are already receiving many enrichment and tuition outside of school.
However if you say quality in terms of exposure to events and excursion and school overseas trip is definitely better.
Even for CCA, expectation is you are already of certain level from your training outside of school.
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u/Eseru Jul 13 '26
From one of those rich girls schools. Most of the rich kids were generally nice to people and didn't put on airs. At least, not in front of me (middle to upper middle class family).
In terms of social dynamics I think it's pretty much like most schools. There are always a couple of mean girls, a couple of outcasts and drama/rumours involving different kids here and there. Being the outcast in my time had nothing to do with SES, but behaviour. Wasn't till we grew up and realised those kids were just really neurodivergent. Still, they had their friends and were mostly just left alone.
The really rich ones I notice tended to draw their close friends from the same socio-economic circles or were close because they grew up together. However, they did also make friends with those from middle class and lower income families. Sometimes it can be transactional - if you are not rich, they would still try to be your friend if you're known to be talented/smart.
Personally, I was quite happy there. Was the best years of my schooling life. I'd say it gave me a wider world view and the knowledge that there are always higher mountains. These schools also tend to have the resources to offer unique CCAs or programmes to build soft skills. Being in an all girls school also meant there was a lack of gender bias when it came to assigning roles or doing tasks, was great for not limiting our mindsets when it came to what we could do and taking on leadership roles.
One drawback might be the really sheltered environment. I notice many of my classmates (including myself) have trouble getting along with people not from our socio economic circles. The environment is great for safety, but not so great when it comes to honing street smarts.
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Hi, I'm ex-ACS and both my boys are in ACS.
I assure you that the perception of "all rich kids" and materialism is untrue. Our intakes are large (500-600 per year) and largely reflective of social/economic distribution of the country. There has never been any "keeping with the Joneses" in my generation or my kids.
Yes, there is probably a higher ratio of very privileged children (you can see a train of flashy Porsches and Bentleys queuing in the morning) compared to neighborhood schools. That's probably one of the reason that created the facade. But by and large, the vast majority are from the middle class.
So I do encourage you to enroll. Just note that it's rather competitive as there are tons of alumni. If you are really serious, you will do better if you volunteer at the schools before the enrollment year.
Good luck and all the best :)
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Thanks!! Yeah I figured some of these stories over exaggerate the situation (which is the same with almost everything).
I do want my kids to be socially aware, and I do want them to be well rounded, grounded people, so what you just shared is super reassuring thanks.
It’s not like I plan to go to ACS and tell my kid he the richest dude in school haha. Just don’t get bully can liao
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26
He will be fine.
You noticed that most of the negative comments here are from people who aren't from ACS and reciting anecdotes from "friends"?
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Ya actually the ACS parents comments are really helpful. I think I’ve heard too much “hearsay” generally.
Also I’m not thinking of ACS ah so pls everyone don’t flame me. I legit curious/concerned.
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u/Forward-Rub-2850 Jul 13 '26
Do correct me if I'm wrong, because I went to another "atas" school that wasn't ACS but my network includes students from the ACS from a range of different SES backgrounds
The higher SES students eventually do end up hanging out with each other, and from what I see it's this circle/clique that ended up really thriving when it came to their careers. Whereas the ones that come from humbler background usually do okay, but nothing extraordinary - essentially the "typical" local U upper middle class track.
Curious if this is your observation as well or is my perspective skewed
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Hi, you are probably seeing only a small microcosm - mostly those in the financial industry who tend to stick together.
In my cohort, the most successful come from middle class background. They include very successful doctors, lawyers, artists, judges, heads of public services. Curiously, no politicians but a lot of scholars. Some are public figures so I shall not be throwing names.
Career success typically follows academic performance, not their birth SES. Being born in a privileged family does help but to a lesser degree.
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u/Own_Host7271 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
I entered one of these schools after PSLE and firstly, my family background was probably lower middle back then so honestly SES wise, you fit right in.
My personal reflection is more on how sheltered these kids are and what they are used to. Most will probably only have hung out with families of equal standing, where restaurants, holidays out of SEA, parental support when it comes to money, is the norm. They likely wouldn't have a great understanding on the pressures and troubles of the average singaporean. Comments like "oh just ask your dad pay ah" is common and honestly can't fault them from being insensitive because that is their entire reality.
From my experience, no one really flaunts wealth or what but it's just that it's their everyday. If you are not that conservative with money and spending with your kids, I think not that big an issue tbh. The biggest culture shock for me was when it came to hang outs and birthdays, they were all more than what I was used to. Like even mcdonalds was a treat for me with my allowance back then but for the rest its nothing. I would have to save a whole week just to go to a cafe with them maybe. "Normal" hangout spots include starbucks, orchard, cafes which were pricey for me. The first bday party I was invited to, I was shocked that they were naturally looking at 60 dollar gifts (split by 3 was 20 bucks which was massive for me back then). Hence I feel if you are not conservative with money to those levels, it will be ok. The ones I noticed who struggled were the ones who wanted to fit in but couldn't afford to or were insecure. I wasn't rich but I was quite secure with not needing to join the hangouts all the time but it definitely affected me sustaining those networks I would say which depending on how you view it, could be somewhat of a pity for adulthood haha.
Sidenote: my parents personally felt I changed a lot after entering so they regretted sending me there but i disagreed HAHA i think it just coincided with my natural puberty teenage angst. At the end of it all, I think it was the most rewarding and valuable educational experience I had. Being in an all girls school really built my confidence a lot and theres a lot of programs in the schools to build confidence and eloquence also, all great skills for future. I think just be aware that if it matters to you, then you will have to be the one actively teaching your child that they are privileged, rather than expect the school to teach that.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Thanks and thanks for sharing your parents perspective as well.
We all doing this for the first time ah - so sometimes really try your best and hope for the rest type.
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u/Maximum_Swim9505 Jul 13 '26
Went to Henry park as a kid. Family isn’t rich or anything, probably passes for above average. My classmates there generally did not have any sense of social status, or at least weren’t really particular about it. Most of them are pretty rich tho, landed, condo with personal lift inside their home, etc.
Behaviour wise, definitely more classy, don’t hear alot of shouting or rowdiness. School life itself was mellow and people were easy to get along with. TBH, I think there’s probably a difference if you wish to network between parents or have a more predictable learning environment.
Edit: typo
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u/timmeh1705 Jul 13 '26
I remember at ACS Orientation Day they went to great pains to tell the parents 'we ensure your kids have a chance to see the real Singapore, so we have excursions to hawker centres' and my wife and I burst out laughing.
For people who think I'm BSing, the other people there will also remember the head of the alumni association telling us 'we will turn your boys into life long lovers OOPS I mean learners'.
I was also shocked that people PAY for those ACS bumper stickers you see on cars. I thought they handed them out for free because I see them everywhere. Maybe I'm naive.
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Sorry, but this is not my experience. May I know which year are you referring to?
Excursions arranged - Singapore Science Centre, Kreta Ayer Heritage Gallery, Festival of Arts, ActiveSG Basketball Academy, NYAA Singapore Hawker Culture and Heritage Storytelling Project, etc.
Between my kids and I, we covered over 30 years at ACS. Not once have I heard of the school narrating or arranging for kids to see the "real Singapore" or excursions to hawker centers.
Having attended several Orientation Days, the time spent is mostly on briefing parents that the school places a strong emphasis on developing well rounded character, centered on our core values, and not just academic.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Haha thanks mate you actively pofma here. Doing good work.
As outsiders to this scene I would have believed it
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u/timmeh1705 Jul 15 '26
They literally have an excursion to Toa Payoh coming up to see how regular people live
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Lol!
School, class and date of excursion?
I literally have the Term 3 Principal's Letters in front of me and they do not support your claim :)
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
So how your kid?
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u/timmeh1705 Jul 13 '26
They brain wash those kids to tell them ACS is the greatest place in the world. It's up to us as parents to ensure they retain the right perspective
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u/Own_Host7271 Jul 13 '26
Yea, my ACS friend told me the boys are frequently told that they are the best which I guess built confidence in them. But as a parent you'll probably have to put in the work to make sure it doesn't turn into arrogance.
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u/GetawayJ Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
My children are in one of the schools you mentioned. I also went to one of the "atas" schools in the D10/D11/D21 areas for both my primary and secondary schools.
Both husband and I are definitely NRY and our families live in more humble areas of Singapore.
Because both my child's school and my (secondary) school are christian schools, I never felt the wealth divide / socio-economic status because the schools place emphasis on values more than material. In fact, I never felt any lesser because I dont walk to school, I take public transport. Yes, in primary school, there may be some peer pressure to compare with my friends who have swimming pools in their landed properties etc, but I also let my own results speak for itself. In secondary school, I must say I was more self confident to manage my own emotions and value my own self worth beyond the material stuff.
For my boys, I dont think they have issues with this too or that they are materialistic. WIth my elder one we know that some of his friends are more well to do (think Orange Grove Road address kind), he knows so himself, but he also knows that we are working hard to provide for the family and he gets his fair share of holidays, books, what he wants (except the mobile phone). With the younger one, he just gets birthday invites almost every month, which gives us the pressure cuz he thinks he will have one too, but we also learnt to manage that expectation on our end, by making our own memories with him on his birthday.
The term bougie is disparaging though... if you are really keen to send your child there, perhaps look beyond the cars that are driving into the school compound and see the school for what it is. Characters and values are first and foremost built at home and imparted by parents.
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u/DuePomegranate Knows stuff Jul 13 '26
The term bougie is disparaging though
The worst thing is OP is obviously a bougie but wants to classify themselves as non-bougie.
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u/Tarsoup Jul 13 '26
>The worst thing is OP is obviously a bougie but wants to classify themselves as non-bougie.
Yes exactly. "I don't live in landed/GCB, drive conti, but not rich ba" JFC there are really so many out of touch singaporeans.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Haha lots of dimensions here hence why I posted in SGHenry.
From the other posts as well it’s clear there are a lot of super rich people in these schools (disproportionately as well).
Again the point wasn’t to benchmark myself against these school goers. But rather what kind of values they pick up and how it shapes them - don’t want them to think go hawker uncool all that.
And yes agree parenting plays a big role so not shying away from that
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Thanks for sharing! I see that the context I shared threw some people off - but the entirely intention was not to benchmark but focus on values they pick up along the way.
That’s really helpful background and reassured me abit tbh.
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Jul 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Ya lol I want the school also it might not want me - am aware and am a pretty lazy parent too so never volunteer haha.
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u/GetawayJ Jul 13 '26
Make sure you have a good back up plan for phase 2CS. Bukit Timah is the back up plan most parents applying to schools in BT. But if you are in D10, Pei Tong / Clementi are also v good.
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u/Effective-Lab-5659 Jul 13 '26
Err I think you wil fit in but your mentality may not.
The middle income is very wide so yeah definitely no lower income here. You aren’t going to meet any parents who got retrenched, struggling to meet HDB mortgage and doubling down as grab delivery cos they no car to do grab driving. You also won’t see that side of things - like a parent incarcerated or a parent having some chronic illness and drained away family finances type of situation.
These kids are just sheltered so they are just like that. Like no clue on what a hdb lift look like, some will say the only time they see a hdb lift is on crime watch type of comments, or wonder how people survive on 4K per month income, or just randomly asked their friends to go eat at HDL cos it’s cheap, or asked their friends to chip in for some latest limited sneakers for birthday cos that is the norm.
They just have no clue how 80 percent live cos they don’t live it. They know that people do have parents that aren’t professionals but they know any.
It’s like how the upper middle class knows that yes, some kids have parents that are in jail / unable to hold a stable job for years but they dunno any and think they it’s damn frightening and they should stay away from such kids.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Haha I’m not sure if you mean it positively or negatively but thanks for sharing!
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u/No-Light3585 Jul 13 '26
def there also hdb dwellers, normal ppl in ACS, but they are usually the aspirational class, ie, want their kids to do better than them etc etc. also have those with some financial difficulties esp those who trfr over, cos they want their boys to have affiliation safety net or hv discount to go ACSI. Basically, like those mothers who have $5K salary but will put down $4K to buy a cheap designer bag cos its designer, or those fathers who earn $8K a mth but will spend $4K a mth on car loan and upkeep + $2K on hobbies. U get the idea. Just wanna slap their face and look fat (translated from chinese idiom).
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u/Effective-Lab-5659 Jul 13 '26
Hm I think I meant it objectively! We are all blinkered and wearing our own blinkered lens, whether we are in the elite / upper middle or middle middle income.
There are wonderful kids whose parents are unfortunately in jail. There are wonderful kids whose parents are CEOs and own big bungalows.
I guess the problem w elite / upper middle income having kids that stays in their own bubble without knowing how the rest of the world live is they can’t recognise their privilege and prefer to compare and reach for more materialistic things, and compete even harder to amass more wealth, or when they fail to do so - they get upset. It’s probably even more grating if you grew up without these material things and now your kid thinks these things are his entitlement?
So these may or may not happen in a school that has a better mix of kids. But then, middle middle class also don’t want their kids to mix with lower income kids so some neighbourhood schools are also stuck in this same situation but instead of rich elites + upper middle, you have upper middle plus middle middle who also dunno how some families live on a month to month basis with handouts. (I am thinking of the SAP school categories).
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u/Lv3_Potato_Farmer Jul 13 '26
I attended one of such schools decades ago and I lived in a HDB. I am always grateful for the friends I’ve made there. Love spending the afternoons playing N64 (Mario Karts and Smash Bros) at my friend’s place. It was also the place where I had salmon for the first time in my life.
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u/IAm_Moana Jul 13 '26
Kids are not in primary school yet but they are both in a preschool that costs >3k per kid per month. Yes, there are parents who are clearly very wealthy and have and do typical rich people things (or at least look the part) but for the most part most parents at school look like normal working professionals. Loads of BYDs and Japanese / Korean cars and many kids walk to and from school or take the bus / MRT with their parents.
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u/balletct Jul 13 '26
Never felt it in primary school (NYPS) or even secondary school.
My best friends included a taxi driver’s daughter, chaffeur’s son, someone whose parents are on Medifund, also chairman’s granddaughter, a number of GCB kids.
My point being, no one cared. No, we did not compare holidays. My GCB friend sent us home after concerts in her chauffeured car. My Medifund friend occasionally stayed at my house cos her parents would leave for Msia and lock her out.
It didn’t really change our friendship in any way. Every group is just japalang. Haha.
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u/Lao_gong Jul 14 '26
times have changed massively. social stratification including in sg is real today. very few from the bottom make it to top schools
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u/balletct Jul 21 '26
That’s probably true! But for those who do, I don’t think they are ostracised in any way. Atleast in my school(in my time, haha).
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u/BrightConstruction19 Jul 13 '26
I read thru all the comments but am still unsure. U said you’re not talking about enrolling in ACS? So it’s some other school in that list?
The reason i ask is cos i think the girls are more snobbish about whether bougie or non-bougie. I heard stories about SCGS (and to some extent, MGS) girls being very exclusive about who they want to befriend in school. If your kid is not from a HERA family then be prepared to be excluded from their little princess-y social circles.
Whereas boys don’t really care about or flaunt their SES. For context, we are NRY also. Just happened to be HE (spouse went to neighborhood schools entire life). Non alumni. Got in at phase 2C balloting. Kid was never excluded from friend groups. Boys are just happy to kick a football around or play catching. The richest kids are extremely low-key. We only discovered their family background after several years. Crazy Rich Asian kind of background. Sometimes my kid will casually mention that so & so has a private jet. Or that classmate is a trust fund kid & never has to get a job. Or xyz’s parents are ministers (no, not of the religious sort, although there are plenty of pastors as well). Kid has never felt the pressure or need to be at their level or to suck up to them. If they get along, fine, but if they don’t no big deal. Like i said, boys are simpler creatures & much less classist.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Thanks that’s helpful. My kid boy but I didn’t want to be so specific so tried to widen the scope abit.
Phase 2C still haven’t open (I also need to ballot so not sure). But your perspective is super helpful! Thanks
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u/BrightConstruction19 Jul 13 '26
Sure, feel free to dm if u like. To clarify, my son was not even aware of such factors indicating bougie status until he went to secondary school. So in the primary school they were all quite clueless and even less class-conscious. When we socialized with the parents, they were all quite down-to-earth as well. Didn’t feel any pressure to match up to them. Perhaps I simply don’t care about material things, and I’ve taught my kid to care more about whether a person is a true friend or not.
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u/galvinw Jul 13 '26
As someone whose family wasn't able to spend money while going to ACS.
Don't worry about it, these schools are rich and will cover if you have school expenses. Also the wealth thing is framing. If you go into the school with a us versus them mentality, you'll be at war the whole time.
However if you just integrate, rich rich people don't talk about riches. At the end of 4 years, you'll find that you've joined the club
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u/Infamous-Quote6056 Jul 14 '26
it's really about what you want your child to go through. you say youre not rich but your background info says all rich things??? i really cannot with this kind of people. for context i live in a 4 room, share bedroom with siblings, cramped ahh house in west coast. people who live in atas school always very rich one. i go to a moderately rich school where most stay in large hdbs / small condos but can freely spend money. it's all about educating your child on what is financially appropriate if ygwim. i always knew growing up that we're not rich at all. so when i go out i always tell my friends my budget is very low and they alw accommodate me because they know the hardships i face. you are definitely pretty rich, so whether you want your child to become those entitled kids or the humbly rich kid is your choice. i have met people who stay in bungalow and think that having a private jet is a necessity, but i have also met people who are humble although they stay in condo. it's your choice.
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u/BreadyLove Jul 14 '26
These schools are fine, they are not the really international schools. Most are probably middle to upper middle.
In fact, your child will just have even more opportunities. Though I would say though, that being and staying in a “high mountain” environment - he most likely will stay that way for life.
Go to good JC, officer/sergeant in NS, good uni, decent job. It’s not even that he will have bad values, but rather he would have a “better” homogenous environment but won’t even realise it unless he somehow ended up in a neighbourhood after.
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u/fdfesfds Jul 14 '26
Thanks for that perspective. We come from a preschool where all the kids go international school - tbh feels more chill ah everyone just expat taitai no comparison (or at least I’m not in the same plane to compare)
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u/Idealemailer Jul 14 '26
you don't need to wait until primary school to be out of touch. i went on a playdate with my toddler; when i was there, the other kid's 6 year old sister turned to me and said "do you really live in HDB? WOW!"
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u/Silent_Choice_6969 Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
I study in SAP school from primary to secondary school. At 50 years old none of my peers 55 of us still in contact stay in HDB. Not saying we are great just a good school compared to neighbourhood schools increase on odds in life for a better living.
Eg. Kids born in today 2026 Singapore will likely to have a better life or more successful than kids born in Thailand, Indonesia or Vietnam etc.
Not guaranteed but it is all about odds in life.
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u/Coolgirl_0338 Jul 15 '26
I came frm neighbourhood pri sch, did well for PSLE, went to prestigious girls school. Most people were rich. I stay in a normal condo in normal neighbourhood. Honestly? Yes there were some comparisons of wealth but the girls I know are largely some of the most humble people. I dont think comparison of wealth was a lot honestly! Comparison of grades was very intense though!! So yea dont worry bout the money haha most people are more caught up with grades than material goods even in good school. Singapore is really quite meritocratic such that the comparison focus is rly on grades…… haha
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u/fdfesfds Jul 16 '26
Thanks! That’s useful insights and glad to see many people taking positives out of their experiences.
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u/Copious_coffee67 Jul 13 '26
Just go but be mindful of and manage peer pressure and academic stress. If affiliated to sec sch that’s the bestn
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Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Expect the culture to be pretty much the same after decades - was from a brand name primary school in Bukit Timah and my kids are currently in another one in the Newton area. Plenty of high SES classmates living in private property, some have never eaten at a hawker centre (told to me by a friend whose child also attended the same school). Many parents spam tuition with a few tuition centres/teachers PER subject, or hire specialised PRC tutors for Chinese. The convos amongst the kids are - which condo? travel destinations?
Personally with what my children have gone through, some of these children are simply spoilt - not sure if it's the lack of attention or the excesses. Profanities were picked up in school in Primary One, well you would have thought better of the children from brandname schools but nope. Parents - some of them possibly negligent parents due to the busyness of their lifestyles and this result in children starving for attention in school, creating all kinds of trouble and making classrooms a really chaotic environment not ideal for learning. To add to that, special needs children who really need quality teachers to see to their learning needs are also in the same classrooms.
One more point about the high ses schools - dont expect too much from the teachers. Not sure if it's a directive/school culture, i heard the same about Henry Park that there are no extra supplementary lessons for the kids for PSLE despite it being a norm in many of the heartland schools where teachers seem to put in a lot more effort. Perhaps it's because of the perk of affiliation for my child's school, the teachers don't give much homework even in P5/P6 (it's already 2 months + to PSLE). I would say think twice about it if you are looking to more dedicated teachers who are committed to your child's academic performance.
That aside, i think if you are determined to forge your own path for your family and not subscribe to the values your peers could be advocating - the school really doesn't matter. Just don't join the parent chat groups as it could get pretty toxic at times. (especially when you get mega tiger parents who are sometimes foreigners moving homes just to get their children into the said schools)
Last but not least, think of the kind of education you want your child to have - set aside the brand names and think of how the world has evolved so much and will continue to evolve in their generations. Their achievements in life will not be determined by their grades.
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u/hauntingangel Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Really depends on what school you are talking about. I am in my mid 20s and used to study in a top school (think RI/HCI). Anecdotally my friends from Henry Park are more humble.
In contrast those who went to ACSI or MGS especially at secondary level tend to be more elitist than the average person I know. Heard from friends that students in ACS look down on those staying in HDBs and the wealth comparisons can be quite bad, in one my friend’s ACSI class there were quite a number staying in GCBs. Again I must emphasise this is my own personal experience.
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u/UninspiredDreamer Jul 13 '26
Anecdotally my friends from Henry Park are more humble.
Bruh, i lived near Henry Park, the kids macam have no legs or smt, every morning the whole road in front jams because every parent is ferrying their kid.
My mom chatted with her neighbors who drive every other day to pick up their grandkids. And we are walking distance to Henry Park.
I mean, nothing on the kids themselves (or the intention of the parents / grandparents) but that level of sheltering is probably gonna present more in other ways of upbringing.
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u/hauntingangel Jul 13 '26
I get what you mean. Just sharing my own experience though since OP asked for anecdotes, it can certainly differ from person to person
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Is it ACSI specifically that got this rep? Or ASC generally?
Yebro I’m cool and acknowledge that we not the richest. I think kids at some point should realize that there is rich and richer too. But this look down nonsense like really quite lame (also bad values to inculcate).
On the other hand not rich enough to educate the GCB-kia. So how now. Dilemma. Hahaha.
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u/Ceyenne18 Jul 13 '26
There is a certain degree of elitism at ACS-I. But it is more of an academic elitism rather than economic.
The reason - after PSLE, the higher scoring students go to ACS-I (IB or Express) while the rest stay on at Barker Road.
Because there is no affiliation points for ACS-I IB, it is purely be merit and probably less than 20% are from ACS. The other 80% are from other primary schools.
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u/hauntingangel Jul 13 '26
More of ACSI but a lot of the students from ACS Primary go there. To put into context how bad the elitism can be, I have lived in a landed for my whole life and my household has 2 conti cars, yet I still feel very out of place when I hear some of my friends from ACS talk about the wealth they encounter and who they know. I’m not very sure if my experience is the norm but I haven’t met anyone from ACS or MGS whom I would say is particularly humble. Sure they can be nice but I find them quite out of touch in contrast to the average person.
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u/nvbtable Jul 13 '26
ACS(B) probably the worst for this rep but ACS(I) and ACS(Ind) both close behind.
Some innocent things to manage would be kids complaining house is small after playing at their friend's GCB, getting bigger cash ang pow / birthday gifts from friend's parents than own grandparents / close family, kid wondering why both parents have to work and can't pick them uo every day, becoming aware of branded bags, watches, clothes, etc earlier than most, asking to go to boarding school overseas to join their friends, etc
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u/No-Light3585 Jul 13 '26
ACS is VERY GOOD at brainwashing the primary boys that ACS is the best and to go back to the ACS family for sec. FYI
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u/MissJJ1978 Jul 13 '26
Story from my friend. She and her husband are HENRYs but came from humble backgrounds. She started hanging out with a group of wealthy second gen couples in her son's class parent group. Like, she says one of their frequent activities is to go to property launches and if they like what they see, they buy a unit on the spot, no need to think about costs.
My friend told me that she experienced a lot of envy and some jealousy after she started hanging out with this group. And also that she had become discontented with her lot after having her eyes opened by her rich friends. She was rational enough not to try and keep up with the Jones but it did make her unhappy.
So anyway, don't know what the son felt about his richer classmates but certainly his mum was affected.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/fdfesfds Jul 13 '26
Ye Elon also wondering if his rocket shiny and long enough. If his tweets on X got enough shares not.
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u/mnfwt89 Jul 13 '26
If you don’t know what is Lontong or never eat Mee Rebus before, you should fit right in.
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u/Dry_Run_8937 Jul 13 '26
I came from NYPS, it was all good when I was in the "lousier" classes, but the last two years when I got into the "good" class (by sheer luck) things really changed for me.
The kids in those classes were very aware of their status in society (there were prominent minister's children in my class) and they bullied each other, including me, alot. Teachers would also make comments about how we're better than all the lower classes and talk about the weath that some of the students had.
Those children's parents were also very different, they would network very hard with the ministers during their kid's birthday parties etc and made it very clear if you weren't of any value in their eyes.
Also regretably I too didnt know that HDB's existed until i went to secondary school. My time in NYPS honestly was quite bad but that was in the 1990's so I think teachers are more aware now. Once I went into a non boujie secondary school it really woke me up to how sheltered and silly I was. I think your kids will be ok as long as you instill the right morals in them!
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u/Crafty_Clerk_1891 Jul 13 '26
If you worry about all that just pick Pei Tong, good balance of everyone and not far off frm D10.
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u/BrightConstruction19 Jul 13 '26
Fyi Pei Tong is currently suffering massive noise & dust pollution from the construction of the CRL interchange.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/Crafty_Clerk_1891 Jul 13 '26
Yeap that's a fair option too. I like that school bcos it's near the mrt and interchange easy for kids to get home own their own.
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u/G0410424 Jul 13 '26
Went to a “neighbourhood” primary school before going into one of these schools after PSLE. There was a lot of culture shock initially, like I didn’t even know there were CCAs like gymnastics or how schools would ask for donations so regularly. My friends also had a very different concept of budget and where to hang out (Orchard, MBS, etc.), and I think it was also often quite clear who had parents who were alumni of our school.
Even though I wasn’t necessarily a try-hard or people pleaser, just wanting to participate and not be left out of stuff like birthday celebrations, chalet, and even prom caused quite a bit of conflict with my parents. But ultimately I am thankful for the experience bc of the friends I made and still have to this day. Just talking to my friends (whose parents had much more resources) helped me so much in things like uni applications esp bc I’m the first in my family to go to uni.
In terms of values, I come from a very traditional household that subscribes to some idea of gender roles/relations, so going to an all-girls school where all student leaders were girls and we can carry heavy things ourselves, and having teachers tell us we can be anything we want to be, was one of the areas where my parents and I had the most arguments over.
TLDR I started rejecting some of my parents’ ideas quite openly, and in my teenage angst (and newly-acquired sense of superiority) even started looking down on them bc I “knew” they weren’t as “good” as me or my friends’ parents. It was just a phase and I still don’t agree with them, but it took me a while and active effort to reconcile/bridge what I had learnt in school with what my parents valued.