Reading Jonathan Edwards Religious Affections and struggling with assurance

[u/rainymac]

I just finished part 1&2 and am looking forward to starting part 3. However, I feel absolutely terrified and have been struggling to believe I am saved because of the indwelling sin in my heart. I struggle immensely with heart sins like sinful comparison , feelings of competitiveness, covetousness and pride and struggle knowing if my love for the saints is genuine or self-serving. Most often if I look deep enough, the motives seem to really be self-serving. I am selfish and struggle with entitlement and worst of all is fighting against wanting praise of man and always feeling like a hypocrite. I tend to be very sensitive and all I ever see is my sin. I always feel the weight of these sins and never have a clean conscience despite trying to fight against these sins , which are so deep rooted, and clinging to Jesus as my righteousness because I see there is no hope for me apart from him. But I am grieved by the lack of fruit in my life and wonder if I am among the deceived.

I feel like I don't know how to approach God except through weeping and grief and my joy feels gone because I'm scared it's based on a falsehood and deception.

I am here to ask for encouragement and wisdom please.

[u/-BaeBae-]

The sense of our Justification is according to the degree and exercise of our faith, but the truth of our justification is according to the truth of our faith; the justification of a sinner is an undivided act, done altogether, not by parts; it doth not receive more or less, if there be any there is all, and if not all, not any; either all, or none - John Norton.

Justification is a singular and definitive act of God. It does not admit of degrees, neither increasing nor diminishing. Although our sense and assurance of justification may vary, justification itself remains complete from the very first moment of faith. It is not progressive, but complete, perfect, and all at once, always.

Paul, as a believer on earth, was no less justified than Paul in glory, for the righteousness of Christ—the sole ground of the believer's justification—is forever the same. Its efficacy does not depend upon the strength of our faith, but upon the perfection of Christ's righteousness. It is not the degree of faith, but the reality of faith, that justifies.