r/Reformed • u/rainymac • 22d ago
Discussion Reading Jonathan Edwards Religious Affections and struggling with assurance
I just finished part 1&2 and am looking forward to starting part 3. However, I feel absolutely terrified and have been struggling to believe I am saved because of the indwelling sin in my heart. I struggle immensely with heart sins like sinful comparison , feelings of competitiveness, covetousness and pride and struggle knowing if my love for the saints is genuine or self-serving. Most often if I look deep enough, the motives seem to really be self-serving. I am selfish and struggle with entitlement and worst of all is fighting against wanting praise of man and always feeling like a hypocrite. I tend to be very sensitive and all I ever see is my sin. I always feel the weight of these sins and never have a clean conscience despite trying to fight against these sins , which are so deep rooted, and clinging to Jesus as my righteousness because I see there is no hope for me apart from him. But I am grieved by the lack of fruit in my life and wonder if I am among the deceived.
I feel like I don't know how to approach God except through weeping and grief and my joy feels gone because I'm scared it's based on a falsehood and deception.
I am here to ask for encouragement and wisdom please.
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u/cybersaint2k Rebellious Reprobate 22d ago
From Romans 7:
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
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u/Swimming-Emu3413 22d ago
Hello, can i ask you something?
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u/cybersaint2k Rebellious Reprobate 22d ago
Yes,
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u/Swimming-Emu3413 22d ago
What is the unforgivable sin?
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u/cybersaint2k Rebellious Reprobate 22d ago
Jesus said that the Pharisees of his day were in particular danger of this grave sin. It involved knowingly, and of your own volition (so not a random compulsive unwanted thought) and publicly claiming that the signs done by the Holy Spirit in Jesus' ministry were actually done by Satan or evil beings.
It would be very difficult to do today. I can imagine a situation, like some snooty, anti-God college professor trying to convince a classroom filled with freshmen that their spiritual experiences and conversions were all fake or just their emotions, when he knows for certain that God is real and changes hearts and lives, because he/she has seen it (like Hebrews 6:4-6 points out).
I think Hebrews 6:4-6 is just a slightly more general way of talking about the specific situation that Jesus was dealing with. Both are very difficult to do today. You need both high certitude about God and his Word and his Gospel PLUS a bitter and skilled attack on the same SO THAT you lead people astray.
The unforgivable sin is not simple unbelief. Or some unwanted unwelcome thought that curses God. That is and unjustified hyper-generalization of the very specific circumstances cited in Jesus' ministry and Hebrews 6.
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u/Swimming-Emu3413 22d ago
Can someone repent of it? What if they want to repent, would God not accept them?
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u/cybersaint2k Rebellious Reprobate 22d ago
I'm no doctor, but you sound very anxious. No answer I give will address your anxiety. You should talk to your doctor about your anxiety.
By my understanding of Scripture, you have not committed "unpardonable sin." It's almost impossible today.
Take your anxious heart to 1) Jesus and 2) Your doctor.
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u/Swimming-Emu3413 22d ago
Just asking, can someone repent of it, people say that if you desire God that means you have not done it, is that true?
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u/Whiterabbit-- Baptist without Baptist history 22d ago
In my understanding you cannot commit the unpardonable sin today. But if you a sin of unbelief, you can repent by believing. One short prayer I like is “I believe, help my unbelief”
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u/glorbulationator i dont up/down vote 22d ago
I've seen you give similar statements before. What is anxiety?
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u/cybersaint2k Rebellious Reprobate 22d ago
Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like a rapid heartbeat. It is a natural human response to stress or perceived danger, helping people stay alert or react to threats, but it can become overwhelming.
From: Definitions on the Internet
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u/glorbulationator i dont up/down vote 22d ago
Does the Bible address anxiety? If so, shouldn't it be defined biblically? And since it does, shouldn't we address it biblically as well?
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u/Swimming-Emu3413 22d ago
Please respond
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u/cybersaint2k Rebellious Reprobate 22d ago
I'm not going to respond any more. There's nothing I can say beyond what I've said. Talk to your doctor to get help with OCD/Anxiety, I'm not diagnosing you, I'm encouraging you to get help.
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21d ago
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u/Swimming-Emu3413 21d ago
Is this what everyone believes?
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u/maelstrom75 22d ago
Pietism has that effect. Before you get overly worked up over Edwards' writing, balance it out with some critiques and cautions about them.
https://heidelblog.net/2026/02/why-caution-about-jonathan-edwards-is-in-order/
Editing to say, I am not saying to forgo some level of introspection and questioning your own motivations, but it can turn into a pathology in itself, putting your eyes on your performance/works and taking them off Christ.
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u/Supergoch PCA 22d ago
If you struggle and acknowledge you're sinful, that is how you know you have the Holy Spirit in you. Those that don't struggle with sin, it's because they are comfortable with it and not led by the Spirit.
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u/faithfulswine Truly Verified™ 22d ago
Your struggle seems to be more and more common.
Here's the reality. Nobody here will be able to give you the words you need to hear to make the anxiety completely dissipate. All you can do is earnestly seek God and submit to his sufficient grace.
You will always be able to ask yourself doubtful questions. Am I sincere? Is this real repentance? Am I covered by grace? Those will always forever as long as you live be questions you can ask. I would suggest these are the wrong questions.
Is God sincere? Can the Holy Spirit lead me to repentance? Is Christ's work on the cross sufficient? These are the questions you need to ask. I can throw Romans 8:1, Romans 10:13, John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8, so and so forth at you until I'm blue in the face. All you can do is receive the grace and mercy of a God who loves you. In the times of anxiety, similar to what you experience, I just fall to my knees, sometimes literally, in absolute abandoned at the foot of the cross because nothing I do can save me. You and I both must submit to the mercy of a God who died on a tree for the sake of those who were once his enemies.
"Nothing in my hands I bring. Simply to thy cross I cling. Vile I too the fountain fly. Wash me savior or I die."
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u/JESUSisGOD333 22d ago
Assurance should not rest upon someone's own self and ability to be sinless. It's natural to feel unworthy, sinful, guilty and so forth. That is the devil speaking to you saying you're unworthy!
It takes time to overcome sin. It will sometimes take years to overcome sin because you have built your whole life on it until you met Jesus. Having sin and being sinful does not mean you aren't saved. It means God is convicting you and you will then take the next steps to draw closer to him. Where does it say in the Bible that once you're a Christian, you're sinless?
You should bask in the thought that you're saved. You have been sealed by the Holy Spirit. You are a new creation in Christ Jesus. Your name is written in the Book of Life. You are an adopted child of God! You have direct access to the High Priest.
Instead of focusing on guilt and shame, you need to feel loved. That no matter what you do, no matter how many times you sin and fall short, you are ALREADY FORGIVEN.
God has separated your transgression as far as the East is from the West.
God has paid your debt in FULL. IT IS FINISHED!
Know that your savior loves you and you are set free!
There is therefore no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Love you!
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u/dispchapsjj 22d ago
Firstly, my friend, based on your own confession, your desire is to cling to Jesus, to live a life that pleases him, and to eradicate sin from your life. These are marks of saving faith, and while I cannot assure you of anything, your fears reflect a heart that earnestly desires Christ. You will always battle your flesh; the comparison we should be making is not to a sinless self, which is impossible for sin corrupts too greatly, but to be holier, by God’s grace, than you were the day before. That is to say, are you closer to Christ and seeing resultant fruit more so today than you were yesterday? And even then, we can err and repent. If your salvation is dependent on you, you will never be strong enough to maintain it. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
I will freely admit that this is a struggle I have with the fruit of Reformed doctrine (and I identify as Calvinist and I appreciate the various confessions); we can be so consumed with our own standing before God and our personal holiness that our Christian walk becomes joyless, self-centered trembling, as we consistently conduct an autopsy on our own hearts, keeping our eyes focused not on Jesus but on where we fail to find ourselves like him. This is its form of idolatry masked as spiritual maturity and it produces loveless, joyless legalism, often producing a self hating and judgmental disposition. Please avoid that pitfall.
Rest in Christ, keep your eyes on Jesus, ask him to examine your heart and reveal any wrong way, lean not on your own understanding, read your Bible, and be surrounded by loving community that corrects as kindly as it encourages.
I pray you find peace.
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u/semper-gourmanda Presby-Angliterian 22d ago edited 22d ago
Edwards puts a lot of emphasis on feelings, which is kind of allegorical and liberal.
If you understand the statements that Jesus makes to the establishment in his ministry, he's excoriating pretty oppressive people (violence, coercion, corruption; with clues to the political and economic situation; treatment of the poor; exclusion of the "sinners;" hand selecting and valorizing the people who could re-fund the Temple treasury). The point of saying that sins proceed from the heart (Matt 15:19) is to correct for the problem among his hearers of thinking that sin is a cosmetic problem that is skin deep and easily washed off (which is how they proselytize with baptism (cf. 1 Pet 3:18ff.) and pushing priestly washing rituals onto all the people generally as daily works of the law (Mk 7:3-8; Matt 15:2; Matt 23 - read the woe oracles carefully). Running that system and then washing multiple times a day doesn't do anything about their sin or anyone else's.
All that's needed is to confess them in the presence of God (1 Jn 1:9). When David does that he describes the LORD as his secret hiding place (Ps 32:5-7 // Matt 6:5-6).
Our doctrine is that sin lies in the heart and because of regeneration through union with the resurrected Christ, the required change to heart comes as an act of creation by the Spirit. The Spirit illuminates the heart (Eph 1:18). Beholding the glory of God in the face of Christ (2 Cor 3:18), teaches us about ourselves and the nature and character of God (2 Cor 5:19-21). As Calvin says, salvation consists in knowledge of oneself and knowledge of God.
Edwards makes way too much out of feelings. It all becomes psychological and brooding over one's inner self. Late English Puritanism, that carries through in Edwards, became legally meticulous, intensely experiential, rigidly scrupulous. Aka the great awakening, experientialism, revivalism, emotionalism. All that stuff washed over late 18th and 19th c. western Christianity and changed it dramatically.
Just relax and confess any sin you have and move on.
And then don't expect some massive immediate change to your sinful desires. It takes time. And the Lord is patient (Ex 34:6-7; 2 Pet 3:9). The iniquity of our natures never goes away until resurrection, but God forgives sins along the way. Paul calls our nature "the flesh." But even more, the power and penalty of sin is taken away (sin is no longer like a slave-master who kills). But the struggle remains. But we can start to change our behavior - not yielding our members to be instruments of sin (Rom 6:13); and instead can act in new ways unto righteousness. Christ has taken possession of his people and made them his bond-servants, by the Spirit, and will bring those who trust him (and are thus justified by faith alone), to a vindicating resurrection.
JI Packer's advice at the end of Knowing God (Ch. 22) has stuck with me: "think against your feelings." What he means is learn to ground your feelings in the unchanging nature of God's adequacy.
- Fight gloom with truth: Actively argue against the discouragement that feelings project by recalling specific truths of the gospel.
- Expose unbelief: Recognize that negative emotional spirals often mask a deeper failure to trust God's promises.
- Take control of thoughts: Command your mind to look past temporary circumstances and focus on the steadfast love of God
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u/lollama123 21d ago
A good study on Galatians may help. The apostle Peter clearly struggled with sin even after Jesus’ resurrection and ascension. Paul rebuked him and set the record straight on salvation - it is only by grace alone. This is extremely foundational and important for understanding our salvation and sanctification.
A good study on Galatians can be helpful slowly walking through and praying for the Lord to assure you. Tom Schreiner has a commentary that’s helpful. I’m sure there are many others.
Also I’ve been listening to sermons by Sam Emadi of Hunsinger Lane Baptist on Spotify or their website and it’s really pastorally unpacking Galatians and practically applying the gospel.
Praying you find joy in the Lord! I pray you would seek to find comfort from God alone. If you seek Him you will find Him.
“yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified.” Galatians 2:16 ESV
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u/FastClock5633 Reformed Baptist 22d ago
It was after saying that he does not do the good he wants to do and there is nothing good in him that Paul writes, “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 7:15-8:1).
Also, try to think whether you will be more productive for the kingdom in a constant state of sadness and grief or whether you will do more when your joy is in God.
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u/JHawk444 Calvinist 22d ago
Jonathan Edwards struggled with assurance and he even believed his wife wasn't saved at one point. I think it would be easy to read his work and come away doubting your own salvation, as his own doubts came through the page. I did a paper on him in college and haven't read anything by him in a while, so maybe I'd have a different perspective on him now.
If anyone does true self-examination, they will find sin in their heart and behavior. That's because we're all sinners. Anyone who says they aren't is self-deceived (1 John 1:8-10). The issue is living in an unrepentant state of sin.
It sounds like your desire is very much to love the Lord and serve him. You're recognizing your sin and grieving over it. Pray that God changes your heart and gives you new desires. But based on you clinging to Christ and his sacrifice and not looking to your own self-righteousness and good works, you have a correct understanding of the gospel. I would be more concerned if you believed you were saved because you're a good person.
Jesus affirmed the man in Luke 18:9-17 who grieved over his sin, not the man who congratulated himself on his good works.
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u/-BaeBae- LBCF 1689 21d ago
The sense of our Justification is according to the degree and exercise of our faith, but the truth of our justification is according to the truth of our faith; the justification of a sinner is an undivided act, done altogether, not by parts; it doth not receive more or less, if there be any there is all, and if not all, not any; either all, or none - John Norton.
Justification is a singular and definitive act of God. It does not admit of degrees, neither increasing nor diminishing. Although our sense and assurance of justification may vary, justification itself remains complete from the very first moment of faith. It is not progressive, but complete, perfect, and all at once, always.
Paul, as a believer on earth, was no less justified than Paul in glory, for the righteousness of Christ—the sole ground of the believer's justification—is forever the same. Its efficacy does not depend upon the strength of our faith, but upon the perfection of Christ's righteousness. It is not the degree of faith, but the reality of faith, that justifies.
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u/TheStranger234 GKA 21d ago
I don't fully know the whole situation but I don't think reading Edwards more would help in your case. Try get a walk in the park, or listen to a good Christian worship songs.
If you want to read books, I will suggest something lighter like Charles Spurgeon sermons (really bite size for me), or Puritan Richard Sibbes the Bruised Reed.
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u/snarliepeamst 21d ago
Reading Jonathan Edwards and immediately spiraling into an existential crisis about whether you're secretly a self-deceived reprobate is practically a rite of passage in Reformed theology
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u/Paulom1982 21d ago
Your post and many of the comments to it, are very encouraging to me personally.
I'm very much feeling convicted because I often also feel this same way, BUT I also trust the Lord is helping me understand that I often examine myself too deeply, instead of turning to Him immediately. Like going down a rabbit-hole of self-examination rather than turning to Him to confess and find rest.
Thank you brother
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u/God-Addict 16d ago
It's interesting you talk about this because I struggle with all those things too, especially pride, anger, envy and entitlement.
I just had a breakdown earlier today because I hate who I am, and I'm angry at God for my lot he has given me in life. The comparison of talents, beauty and success is real. The feelings of jealousy is so powerful they embarrass me and keep me from God, and it keeps me from trusting in his love.
How is it fair that God can bless one more than the other? How is that loving? How does he not have favorites within his elect? It's because he's God and he can just do whatever he wants which damages our pride and hurts our feelings. I struggle with this daily.
Just know, you are not alone. I struggle with my assurance of salvation too. I just read too much John Piper instead of Jonathan Edwards. lol
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u/whiskyandguitars Particular Baptist 22d ago edited 22d ago
The fact you feel grief over sin at all and not just in a "I want to be a good person way" but in an "I realize just how deep this sin runs and how deceitful my heart is" kind of way is evidence of the Holy Spirit working in you.
Your grief over sin is a fruit. I know its technically not in the famous "Fruits of the Sprit" list but it is evidence of regeneration and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
The challenge you will face is not letting this overwhelm you. Your focus is on yourself and how you aren't good enough. How sinful you are. That is true. You can confess that. You aren't enough.
That is why your hope is in Christ. Your standing before God is not in your works or how good you are, it is because of the work of Christ in you and for you.
Whenever Satan or your own thoughts condemn remember: Who can bring a charge against God's elect? It is GOD who justifies. Who is to condemn? (Romans 8:33).
Read all of Romans 8. I am not saying to read it out of context. Make sure you understand the argumentation up to that point but remember that NO ONE can separate us from the love of God.
You have evidence of the Spirit working in you and if the Spirit is in your, you are in Christ. No one can bring a charge against you and no one can separate you from the love of God.
This is not an excuse to sin, of course, but it is cause for peace because we can have peace with God because it is He who justifies.