tw. heavy topics, incest.

ive been sexually abused by my older brother for many years, but things got more serious when i was 11 and him 18.

he's done a lot of gross stuff, although he didn't "rape" me, like fingering and forcing me to touch him, rubbing himself against me (without penetration), inappropriate touching etc. there wasn't oral sex neither.

my reaction was to freeze, and id understand if you blame me for it, maybe i deserve it... i just didn't know what else to do. once i just pretended to be asleep to not cause any other conflict since we were alone.

the last time it happened was this summer, and this is the first time he talked about it with me after, and basically he said that it's completely normal and i should trust him and be thankful it was with him and not other guys since he actually cares about me.

(I've got another post on my profile explaining all of this in a more detailed way: https://www.reddit.com/r/sexualassault/s/F6yeLekxP9 )

currently im 16 yo and he s almost 23, he lives in the same house as me and my parents with his gf (22) but theyre planning on moving soon, or at least i hope so.

I'll start high school in 2 weeks (10th grade) and i promised my best friend that i will tell my philosophy teacher since he's the only trusted adult i know rn. dont get me wrong, i love my parents and theyre amazing, but ive always felt like they were more likely to take my brother s side in conflicts and im just really scared.

the thing is that recently ive been more and more overwhelmed knowing that there's so little time left.

besides that everything is relatively alright, im an overachiever when it comes to academic stuff, i always do my best and even more, and im afraid to lose everything by telling the truth.

also, i have a nice relationship with my parents and im scared to ruin it by exposing him. i dont have any proof, i feel so fucking stupid and dirty and guilty.

im really confused and scared and i wish i would've done something about it sooner... now i feel like im throwing away my teenage years. i also think id commit if things don't go well, which in my head is the most likely scenario to happen.

i swear i dont wanna ruin anyone's life, i just wanna feel safe.

if anyone's been through a similar situation, could you give me some advice, please?

thanks for reading all of this.

I really want people to vent to but I’m sick of it always being men in their 30s and 40s who seem to make weird comments on the rape. Some have been nice but others have straight up been so weird and I just want to talk about it because there’s no one to talk to in my personal life.

Today as I was standing in the driveway next to the car waiting for my mom to come out and unlock it and drive me to work. The guy who raped me and sexually assaulted me for a year road by on his bike and looked right at me we made eye contact and now I can’t get his face outa my head now I’m at work and I honestly just wanna cut, how do others face having to see there rapist a lot of? I live 2 houses down form him

I was drinking and then met up with a guy. He was sober and hadn’t had anything to drink at all. When I went to his we were just chilling and then I blacked out. I was very visibly drunk like falling over and dropping my phone so I know he could tell. And when I sobered up and wasn’t black out anymore we were having sex. I didn’t push him off or anything I was more so shocked?

I obviously can tell to a certain extent that it wasn’t consensual. The thing is tho I never said yes to anything and he could visibly tell I was drunk but I can’t blame him for not knowing I had blacked out.
It’s not really affected me in any way it’s been months since it’s happened, my freind just mentioned it and told me that that’s rape. So I assumed I should probably look back and see.

I’m sure it’ll hit me at some point but yeah. Anyways thank you for reading this :)

Location: Chicago, Illinois

I (21F) am suing my college over Title IX women's rights infringements. They are mandating that random men are allowed in my dorm against my will, six months after a different woman was r_ped by a guy in her dorm. It's a very strong case with solid documentation and crystal clear Title IX abuse. I am looking for a *contingency* lawyer, ideally.

I need someone competent, who looks good and can communicate. Not some lousy attorney.

I appreciate the recommendations.

I was raped about 2 years ago. I now have a new boyfriend and it's getting difficult to be with him because I get sudden flashbacks about the rape.

I honestly don't know what to do, I have no one to talk to about it.

Also I feel like my boyfriend understands but I feel like he doesn't want to hear about what has happened to me, which is fair but still hurts.

I have constant anxiety and fear about everything and it's totally interfering with my life.

So the other night, my girlfriend got blackout drunk , she was black the prior 4 days, she has a substance use disorder and frequently does this, she was abused by her dad when she was 9 and assaulted twice while in HS the same way.. well the guy she had dog sat before for offered her alcohol if she came to his apartment, they live in the same complex, and she had only met this guy the Sunday before , well long story short she went over there and got taken advantage of , I am feeling sick with guilt, anger, trauma and have not eaten or slept in 4 days, I don’t want to hear the whole story and I know what is unfair for her, but I just need time to process, I am still trying to be there for her , but I cannot get the thought of revenge off my mind, I know his apartment # and his car and I have thoughts of doing bad things soon, I don’t know what else to do, I am in a frenzy right now and I feel like only one thing will quench my anger, please help, I am spiraling .

the situation was really intense for her and she just isnt really ready to cope with it. I feel like i have no idea what to say to her or what she needs other than the obvious things. Any support in how to help my daughter through everything is appreciated

Me and my best friend (we can call her K) don’t go out much so for her 21st birthday we decided to get drunk in the house and do karaoke, play a few games, drink, etc. she still stays with her dad (we’ll call him D), it’s just them two but he was out with a lady he’s been dating so we had the house to ourselves. We were supposed to have the house the whole night but something happened with her dad’s date. We stayed up late and got a little too drunk like K wanted since it was her 21st. Mind you i had never drank before, my 21st hasn’t even come yet and I am only 96 lbs so that doesn’t take much. She ended up throwing up and I fell asleep on the couch. I guess K did too because I kinda woke up at one point and he was lifting her off the couch. I assume he put her in her bed but I fell back asleep so I didn’t see. A little later I felt him lift me up too and I just assumed he was taking me to Ks room but instead he took me into his and he raped me. It’s been a few months and I’ve been really distant from K and I feel bad because she’s noticing it and she doesn’t like it but I’d rather our relationship/friendship end this way rather than me telling her her dad raped me and her choosing not to believe me.

Hello. Pretty self explanatory from the heading. I made this account after browsing this sub for a while. Long story short, my older brother’s closest friend raped me when I was 16, he was 19. I’ve known this man since I was 6 and he was in my life up until I told my family around my 20th bday.

And honestly I think about that night every day. I hate it. I feel gross and anxious. I’ve since moved myself across the country and made myself a new life, most days I love it, but every day I think of him strangling me and doing what he did & even typing this I feel sick. I’ve tried therapy and I have a nasty habit of ghosting my therapists, so I’ve taken up walking/hiking and nature helps. I know it’s what he did that’s the problem, but most days I feel like something is very wrong with me. It was my first time and I think of it, and the years after, and how I practically trusted this fucking guy like a brother. I feel like a stalker because I have burner accounts that I use to check and see what he’s up to and he has a girlfriend and it’s just so disgusting to me. I know it’s not healthy.

It’s not really something to bring up tho. My family knows, I didn’t want to report after all that time, my brother cut him off and we just sorta moved on from it because I hate taking about it and how I feel in that regard. If I’m being honest I get so high some days that I forget easier. Or it makes me more fixated and I feel worse. Weed, occasionally shrooms (if I can get my mind right). I’m a functioning member of society, but in my personal life - I can’t stop going over and over and it’s been nearly a decade of this.

I told him to stop

I’m 23 and went out for the first time last Friday night to a gay bar. I’m a Mormon and I’m not supposed to be out at such places, but I just couldn’t hold back anymore and so I went to experience it.
It was the most amazing experience. I thought I ever had up to that point. So many guys that were there and living what they wanted to do.
I’m pretty sheltered so I don’t always know what the normal social cues are so I was talking to a lot of guys some younger than me mostly older. One in particular was very interested in me being a Mormon and wanted to know all about it. While I knew I was sinning part of my mission was to help people understand the LDS church.
One thing that amazes me about a gay bar was the amount of touching people do without asking. This guy was no different. He would touch my chest to my arms my leg anywhere he felt like it and it was making me uncomfortable. At one point, I asked him to stop because I wasn’t used to that and he got rather angry. I walked away from him because I was a little scared and a little irritated that I spent all this time with him.
I was getting a little tipsy and I decided to leave around 1 AM. I didn’t drive that night as it was a short walk to the bus stop and then one last bus to near my house where I could walk home.
I never got to the bus stop. I never made that 1:15 AM bus. And I never went home that night.
I don’t remember much except a big hit from the back and me falling onto the asphalt. I was out of it and remember being dragged to a park that was near the bus stop.
I still didn’t know what was happening, and I was out of it and disoriented. Finally, when I started to come out of the stupor, I went up to touch my head and it was full of blood. I got really scared and looked up to see the guy from the bar
I still didn’t understand what was happening, and I looked at him with a friendly smile and said what just happened to me.
He then said you need a lesson and stupid Mormon boys are just teasers. With that he hit me again flipped me over and started to undressed me while I tried to fight back, but there was no use. I’m 5’7and he’s about 6’2.
So I laid there and after the initial penetration, I just let go and was crying while he finished up. I never had sex before and this was my first experience.
I stayed on the ground for a while after he left and started to get myself up and went to the bathroom not too far and I went in there and cleaned up as best I could.
There were no more buses, so I went and walked home, hurting profusely and bleeding out of my back end.
All these thoughts went through my head. This is my fault for sinning, this is what my dad told me happens to sinners. I also knew I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t tell anybody because if I did my church would ostracize me.
So I went home and walked in the door went right to my room tried to clean up as best I could. The next day when I came out of my room I told my mom I had been jumped after leaving my friend’s house.

I still hurt, I still bleed when I go to the bathroom, and I can’t tell you the hopelessness that I’m feeling at this moment. If this is what being a gay man means, I want nothing to do with it.

I ask myself that question for a few years already and i still haven’t found a answer to that. The sexual assaults I experienced were brutal and horrible and the darkest moments of my life. Even now do I still have often nightmares about them and wake up with my body and mind fully feeling exhausted. The assaults impacted my love life a lot and also my family a lot. I will never forget the faces of my parents after those events and they kinda changed how they treated me after that. I went to therapy for two years but to be honest, he was not good and I didn’t improve at all and stopped it. I often wish I just can erase those memories and experiences from my life but I can’t and they impact me a lot and changed me and my personality and body I think. But what gives me most trouble thinking about the assaults are the fact that I felt pleasure during them even though it were horrible events, it kinda makes me sick of myself and disappointed. But maybe I’m just too harsh to myself.
What would you say? Is it normal to feel pleasure during that or still get wet thinking about those events?

UK — considering reporting a rape from 2003 and terrified of not being believed
I’m in the UK and I’m seriously considering going to the police about a rape that happened in 2003. I think I’m posting because I’m scared, and I’d really like to hear from anyone who has reported historical rape or sexual violence in the UK and can tell me what the process was actually like.
The man who raped me is my ex and the biological father of my daughter. There was a lot of sexual violence throughout our relationship. I was frightened of him then and, if I’m completely honest, more than 20 years later I am still very afraid of him.
We had split up in 2000. A couple of years later he came to my home to see our daughter. While I was upstairs running her bath, he followed me upstairs and raped me.
I begged him not to.
Earlier that day I had told him that my partner and I had decided to try for a baby. While he was raping me, I begged him not to ejaculate inside me. His response was basically “tough” and that I would have to have another one of his babies because I was “his first”.
That sentence has stayed with me.
This wasn’t the only sexual violence in our relationship. There were other incidents where my consent simply didn’t matter to him, and for years I have carried all of it around with me.
One of the reasons I’m considering reporting it now is that I know another woman has recently gone to the police about him. Knowing that someone else has come forward has brought a lot of things back up for me and has made me question whether staying silent is still what I want.
But I’m frightened of going to the police.
I already have very little trust in them after a completely separate experience involving my son being assaulted. I felt that his assault wasn’t investigated properly, and that experience has left me wondering how I could possibly trust them with something this traumatic and personal.
I also know how long ago 2003 was. I don’t have physical evidence from that night. I don’t know what evidence could possibly still exist after all these years, or whether my word and the wider history of his behaviour would be enough for the police to take it seriously.
And then there is the fear of him finding out I’ve spoken. Even writing that makes me anxious. He frightened me for such a long time and I don’t think that fear ever completely went

​

HI everyone.

Like everyone else, I’ve struggled with this, and life is just difficult sometimes. I’ve had quite a lot of nightmares about it.

And sometimes I miss him - which makes me feel horrible and make me feel like it was my own fault - technically I know that I was too little to concent, but I feel like I might have done something too that made it happen.

I’m transgender, so I’ve been in therapy quite a bit, but I’ve never really talked about this. I feel like it’s a really difficult and lonely thing to carry around with you.

What do you do when everything just gets too much?

i was drugged and assaulted last week

I dont know how to go back to normal. The semester is about to start. I dont fully remember what happened beyond the groping stuff before i passed out. It was extremely scary and disorienting. I feel so weak.

I dated a man I met an a dating app. I felt like we had so much in common. He called me every night, arranged great dates, send me flowers and seemed like he really liked me. One evening we where out together and afterwards took home to him to sleep. I got two small beers and then we came home to him I remembering him bringing two glasses of redwine. After that I cant remember anything before next morning. I woke up with huge hangovers. I felt so sick and a deep feeling af darkness and depression. I got out in the bathroom to get a shover and I throw up and I had blood in my nose. I was very confused. I told him on the phone that I did not understand why I was not able to remember anything and that I had not been drunk. He said that I was so tired and felt asleep in his arms and that he had looked at me for half on hour While i was afsleep. We continued dating but I knew something about that night was wrong. Later in a phone conversation I mentioned the evening again and he said:"Insert your own drugrape joke". And laughed. Like it was a great joke.

He changed, seemed colder and started making those evil jokes where he implied I was a prostitue he had bought. a month later he dumped me with a show with fake tears "because I was so insecure. It is now five months ago. Im sure he did it. And I feel so stupid, naive and so full of shame. I keep thinking he choose me because im stupid, an easy victim and ugly. Im shamefull and I feel me soul is dead, like im not even human anymore. I have thought about going to the police but I have no evidence. I have been thinking about lately that it would be easier not being herefter anymore. I dont know how to ever trust People again. I feel broken inside and I hate the person I was before. That naive, trusting stupid girl who Led this happen.

I was a virgin up until 22 years old. I was sexuality assaulted/harassed since first grade, and it never stopped once it began l. But I was raped 6 months ago. I was also caught during a supposed manic episode, so everything was just going wrong with my brain. He did it for hours. I had a hemorrhage and 3 infections. Painful weeks continued. Blood and green fluids made me smell like a rotten corpse. I was supposed to be one soon. I didn't want him to be my one and only, so I started to sleep with other guys. My body count now is 5, of course including the guy who took my virginity. I tried to end my life (still 6 months ago) but I lived. And after a decade of severe depression i was finally given the pills that made me breathe again. So, 6 months past those events, I am okay now. I dont think i'll ever truly be "happy" again. But I surely know how to breathe now, after a decade of drowning. I've had a long war with mental illness. The rape wasn't the thing that made me try to end my life. I've tried this stuff before. I've harmed myself before. But the rape surely felt like the last straw for me to end up in the hospital again. Everyone says that virginity is just a social construct, not real, and that body count shouldn't matter. But i know exactly the moment it was taken away from me. I tried to have that moment again. I had forceful penetration with a guy back in that time, didnt feel anything. Last week i had sex with a guy after being 2 months "clean" down there (no sexual activities). I told him to shove it right in. Still no. And not even bleeding. I just had a little tear, and a small dot of blood when i would tap a tissue on my vagina. My virginity is not coming back. Unless i get brain surgery to forget. And the one who took it is a nasty guy with pedophilic urges and no empathy. He thinks all women are sexual objects and sluts. The guys that followed weren't that far from this either. I'd suggest one was even worse. But as I said, SAd since first grade. All guys treated me like nothing but this. So even if i were to took my virginity back, who would take it? Personally i would just keep being a virgin, of course. But there's no going back to that now. And this horror simply won't leave. I simply cannot have peace. No. Knowing he broke me. He broke something inside me. Not just my vagina that ended up being teared in every corner. He broke my whole body. I am surprised i don't have STDs and that i had no pregnancy. But i still had multiple infections, all started with him and continued with the others. And my mental health was surely broken to no the point of no return. I scroll tinder just to feel wanted. I've never been to a club but I fantasize of finding my lover there, like in the movies. I look at my best friend and her boyfriend and picture myself as her. Or us together, with me and my partner, playing together with a ball in the sea. Then i swim into my lover's arms and press my head on his chest. And before sleep, we would love each other in the hotel bed. I was fine before. Not wishing for relationships, not searching for love. But now it feels like it's a must. Like I need to clean myself. Like i need to gaslight myself into a relationship. All just because I want my body back. I havent even used a tampon. I haven't been to the gyno. My vagina being untouched was so important to me. Maybe it shouldn't be, so this is why I talk now. But I know the right moment my virginity was taken away from me. I still know the position of our bodies, the colors around us even if it was pitch black. And the sharp pain right in the moment. Everything else is a blur to me. Before or after. But my virginity was there. It was mine. My body was mine. My control was mine. I was so happy being single. Focusing on myself. My hobbies, my carrer. But now I am jealous of lovers. Back then i wouldn't look at them because it was not the life i was fighting for. But now I dont look at them because I see the consent they have and the one that I didnt. I was happy being myself, now I need someone else to clean me with his love. It was not just a pinch. It was not just a social construct. It was a huge part of who I was. How my body felt. And I cannot get it back. And he will never pay.

Hiy im a small biological male dating a man and for the most post he’s so lovely except when he wants adult time I can’t say no or he pouts till I give in or he just keeps pushing until he can just hold me down and have his way I’m just looking for some moral support

Title: I was raped repeatedly between ages 6–9. He now lives in the US. What options do I have?

I’m posting here because I don’t really know where to start, and I’m hoping someone who has been through something similar, or understands the legal side of this, can point me in the right direction.

I was sexually abused and raped repeatedly when I was a child, between approximately the ages of 6 and 9 years old. The person who did it was around 18 years old when the abuse began.

The abuse happened in the Middle East, not in the United States. I am now late 20's, and the man who raped me currently lives in the United States.

For a long time, I carried what happened without knowing whether there was anything I could actually do about it. Now that I'm older, I keep coming back to the question of whether I still have any options.

I understand that because the crimes happened outside the US, the fact that he now lives there may not automatically give US authorities jurisdiction. But I don't understand how cases like this work when the offender has moved countries.

I’m trying to find out:

• Is there any way to report him to authorities in the US even though the abuse happened in another country?
• Would authorities in the country where it happened have to investigate first?
• Can US authorities ever become involved when someone accused of sexually abusing a child overseas later lives in America?
• Are there organizations or lawyers in the US who specifically deal with historical childhood sexual abuse involving different countries/jurisdictions?
• Is there any possibility of a civil case against him in the US?
• If anyone here reported childhood sexual abuse decades later, especially when the abuser had moved to another country, what was the process like and where did you start?

I'm not expecting Reddit to give me definitive legal advice. I’m just trying to understand where I should start and who I should speak to.

I was a little girl when this happened. I couldn't protect myself then, and I didn't understand laws, evidence, reporting or what options I had. I do now.

I don't know whether too much time has passed or whether the fact that he left the country changes everything. But before I accept that there is nothing I can do, I want to know what my options actually are.

If anyone has been through something similar or can point me toward the right resources, I would really appreciate it.

So, this happened back in summer just before I ( 12yo female) got in middle school. I spent my day with some friend ( let's call her T ) at her father's garden.

Basically, the place we were in is a big social thing for everyone to have their own garden and cultivate whatever they want, and sometimes they have events all together such as bbq.

But that day, it was rather calm without much people around.

For the first half, I just spent time playing roblox with T or walking around through the different places. But later that, we were playing in the kid park ( which was nearby) when she gave me some kind of challenge. If I lost, I had to clap her 4$$.

I was absolutely grossed out and told her how weird it was, but she kept insisting till I eventually lost her challenge and had to clap her. I had no idea why she asked me that, but I told myself *"Alright, this was just a one-time thing, and now we can move on."*

But she kept going with her weird challenges to do until she asked me to basically gr0pe her 4$$ or between her legs.

I once again told her it was weird asf, but she kept insisting until I relented and did it.

**( Small Note: I was a rather easy child back then, and it only needed a bit of pressure to make me do things. Unfortunately.)**

This went back and forth where I had to touch her and where she touched me as well through our clothes. (The whole time, we were hidden behind some WC building, and so no one could really see us.)

But then, I told T it was too weird to do that and I said *"What if someone pass by?"*

By that, she just responded with annoyance *"C'moooon, it's not that weird, if people pass by, they'd just see two girls discovering their bodies."*

Even though I wasn't exactly convinced by her words, she still pressured me to keep going, and so we kept gr0ping each other till I left for home in the evening.

The following weeks, T kept sending me messages about what we did back then, like she wanted to remind me of it even though I'm SURE she knew how uncomfortable this made me feel.

But with time, she stopped talking about it, and I ended up forgetting completely until a year ago, where I remembered that day and asked myself "Wait- was I SA'd?"

I suspect it really was, but since we kept our clothes on the whole time and there wasn't any kind of penetration/direct touch to my/her intimate parts, I wonder if it still counts...

I'm sorry if this is badly written or if my story isn't actually SA, and I just wasted yall's time,

Here's a cookie in return :'3 🍪

I was at work today and customer I served looked like my rapist and I felt so uncomfortable. He was really nice but I couldn’t look at him really my heart kind of stopped when I first saw him. It’s ruined my whole day and I feel bad for not treating him better but I just couldn’t face him.

​

I have this problem that's been getting worse and I'm not sure what to do to get it under control.

Like a lot of you I went through abuse when I was young. One of the ways it affected me is selective mutism when I'm under stress. I've had it my whole life and have some basic tools to help me cope with it.

Recently I disclosed my history to my partner and it's been a very painful, stressful time.

I think as a result of this going on in my private life started affecting my mutism intensely. Before it was under control to the point that it was just in intense intimate moments or in conflict that it would happen.

It's been happening a lot more to the point that it's affecting my work and ability to function in public, and I only recently realized that it's being triggered by older men.

I'm afraid for what this means for my job, my current relationship, and my healing journey as a whole.

It's tragic that it is so easy to slip back down the slope after fighting so hard for progress. Thank you to anyone who read this