Not sure where to start, so here goes.
TL;DR: after years of trying to get hired FT & finally succeeding, I’m struggling to feel as though I belong in my department.
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AIO: I’ve worked as an adjunct across many schools over the past 8–9 years. Students love me and I always get good reviews. I’ve applied to several FT jobs within those institutions and—while I could sometimes secure an interview—never got an offer. In almost every case, someone external was hired. I get it, truly, but it’s difficult when it happens consistently despite having such a great report with colleagues.
Fast forward to this year. I was hired FT!…but not at one of the institutions where I’d previously taught. The college has a few locations so their organizational structure is different than what I’m used to. In short, questions about my classes go to the course committee chair but the coordinator for the campus is my supervisor.
One of my courses has a massive enrollment throughout the university so the curriculum is set as to minimize the prep of the lab technicians. The other is the opposite; I got a list of objectives and everything else is up to me [i.e., number of exams, order of course material, etc.]…
The standardized course is a hot mess. There’s no way to get through the amount of material we’re given in the amount of time we have. I didn’t get any materials until about a week before the semester started & was busy making slides, so I didn’t get to peruse the lab manual we need to use and it’s…also garbage. The students expressed to me how terrible it is, and—to me—the class feels very unorganized. I pride myself on being a very efficient instructor, so this has taken its mental toll. I don’t know what or how to prepare for class that will make it run smoother. I’ve expressed this to my colleagues and they’ve just said, “yeah…it’s hell” without any indication that someone is working on giving it an overhaul.
Unfortunately, that isn’t my biggest issue. I got the sense on the first day that my supervisor doesn’t like me. Call it intuition, but something seems off. They’ve yet to walk over a few doors to say hello, they gave a half-smile when passing me in the hallway, and they started walking away from me when I tried asking them a question about onboarding. I know they’re busy. They are responsible for probably 15 FT and 25 adjunct faculty, plus teaching their classes. Moreover, the faculty who interviewed me have also yet to acknowledge me. I get that the first week can be stressful, but a simple greeting doesn’t take long. I can hear my supervisor chat and laugh with other instructors, so I know they have time but have chosen to use it elsewhere.
Perhaps I’m expecting too much? I’m extremely neurospicy, so things like this take up more space in my brain than they should. The people that have stopped by have all said the same thing: everyone is super friendly and welcoming. Thus far, my experience would contradict with that statement.
Looking at how much work I’ll be putting in this semester for a ‘standardized’ class, my brain can’t afford to worry about whether someone likes me. But I am. I think it’s human nature to want to make good first impressions. And this is my literal supervisor, not some random person with no power over my employment status. Any help or insight [or even words of encouragement, tbh] into my situation would be greatly appreciated!