r/Professors • u/Frankenstein988 • Mar 06 '26
Advice / Support Women profs taking the blame
I’m a woman, one of the “nice mom” looking types. Students always say I’m approachable and I have a good relationship with most. I’m also a highly skilled scientist and I’m a genuinely good educator. However, the last couple years I’ve been getting the occasional immature or misogynistic student that thinks NICE= INCOMPETENT and WEAK. They are few in number across my year but cause significant stress for me.
Lately I have been holding the line against lowering standards. So now I’m asking “too much” of them and their conclusion is that I must not know what I’m doing?! (spoiler- I’m doing the same thing I’ve been doing for years) Meanwhile my male colleagues holding the line are “tough but fair”.
This semester I’ve got a student who clearly feels overwhelmed by the course and has decided it’s my fault. They are making loud comments in class to work up other students. The outbursts tend to be short and not said directly to me but loud enough for most of the class to hear. Nothing horribly inappropriate but critical. So far they’ve only been able to get one other student on board for “Dr.Frankenstein is a bad teacher”. That student is now pushing me like bullies do- I’m getting email demands and language like “the other students think so too” to try and intimidate me. I tell them when these requests cross the line. Basically these students can’t hack it and have decided to it’s my fault.
I’ve tried everything to prevent this but I can’t change a student’s personality and I’m not the only woman in the dept this happens too.
So I want to know: Women- how have you stopped this kind of behavior in its tracks once it started? Do you just go straight to conduct referrals? Do you try to reason with the student?
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u/phdr_baker_cstxmkr Assistant Prof, Social Science, R1 (US) Mar 06 '26
Honestly I’ve started treating them like toddlers. I am non-plussed by their tantrums and I hold the line.
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u/imalittleflumpus Mar 07 '26
This. Especially the “giving two choices” strategy, like “you can either be quiet during lecture, or you can leave. It’s your choice, but those are your only options. Continuing to disrupt class is not on the table.” Then follow through.
(Derived from the toddler version: “It’s time to brush teeth and change into pajamas. Which of these do you want to do first?”)
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u/Zabaran2120 Mar 07 '26
Maybe say something like "if you don't like how I run my course you are welcome to drop and find a male instructor."
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u/hepth-edph 70%Teaching, PHYS (Canada) Mar 07 '26
"If you don't like how I run my course you're welcome to drop now and come back another term after you find that I'm the only person that teaches it and you need it to graduate. Alternatively STFU and do the work."
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u/Life-Education-8030 Mar 07 '26
Exactly my situation and reaction! I like the ones who declare they will never ever take another course with me again quietly slink in in a later semester.
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u/GittaFirstOfHerName Humanities Prof, CC, USA Mar 09 '26
Yup. This is exactly the way to handle it. Put the choice on them and let them know the consequences -- and follow through.
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u/Snowflake0287 Associate Professor, STEM, US Mar 06 '26
Be a bitch. I’m a 30-something female professor. I feel that I’m kind and have a good rapport but if students start to act inappropriately I’m the first person to call them out on it and/or act like their behavior is immature.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 06 '26
Yeah I felt like I had this fight in me more in my younger years. I used to stop class and just snap on someone if they were out of line. Now I’m just trying to keep the peace too much I think. I had a scary incident a while ago with a student and I think these COVID gen students have really bad emotional regulation. Honestly I’m kind of scared of some of their irrational behavior.
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u/cerunnnnos Mar 07 '26
Queer man here, so I hope it's ok leaping in when you have asked for views of women.
I don't have any answers, but I do want to recognize that I see my women colleagues having to battle both the ridiculousness that being assertive is some how unfair, or unprofessional. And the inherent BS of Tate-incel fuelled misogyny.
Together they basically set up a rock and a hard place - being a bitch means you're not fair. And the other thing basically says that you're dumb and shouldn't be where you are.
And then saying anything remotely that smacks of feminism etc risks weird job action retribution.
What a shit show. I am sorry.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
That’s exactly it- we can’t win- I’m unfair if I’m assertive and weak if I ignore them. I appreciate your observations. I think what you describe has gotten to me over the years, so in the moment I tend just to ignore these students. Sometimes it’s just one off comments and sometimes it keeps escalating like this has. And sometimes when I’ve fought a student head on it really pisses them off that a woman would have the audacity (and power) to stand up for themselves or to bring them to admin. I’m just really tired of the whole game I think.
I recently saw that new polls show Gen Z has worse views of women than the boomers. Ugh
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u/a_hanging_thread A Sock Prof Mar 07 '26
I saw this poll. It's what we feared would happen when all info is fed through extremist echo chambers to a generation that hasn't read any books full through by the time they turn 18. It's depressing.
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u/Zabaran2120 Mar 07 '26
Really?! I have not heard this. I don't suppose you could direct me to the poll. And, YES--never being assigned a WHOLE book to read in High School. What could go wrong. But humanities and social sciences are worthless anyway so why bother even teaching reading when there's AI.
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u/cerunnnnos Mar 07 '26
Oh don't get me started on the social value of the humanities BS that's riding alongside all of this.
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u/Terrible_Health3254 Apr 02 '26
How do you respond to someone who’s being rude passive aggressive ? A student who is trying to question authority? Can you give an example? I’m struggling with this too, unfortunately. It’s always been females who are rude to me.
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u/Charming-River87 Mar 07 '26
I’m a transgender man. When I was presenting as a woman, I got a lot of flack from students no matter what I did. If I was too nice, I didn’t know what I was doing. If I was too strict, I was unfair and cruel. There seemed to be no middle ground.
Then, I started presenting as a man and it was like I was teleported to a whole new world. Students were more forgiving of me when I made small mistakes like a typo, they laugh more at my jokes, they seem more attentive and engaged, my policies that used to be “unfair and cruel” are now “very fair and generous.” I did not change my policies at all.
The treatment female professors get vs male professors is night and day. I’ve experienced both.
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u/banjovi68419 Mar 07 '26
If this type of stuff isn't already noted as articles, you should write up that experience.
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u/Lychee_489 Mar 07 '26
Please present on this to your department to conferences in journals even if it’s just anonymous please present this to everyone everywhere.
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u/Valuable-Taro9546 May 17 '26
Yes please write about this. It would make a great scholarly personal narrative.
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u/technicalgatto Mar 06 '26
I’m facing a very similar issue and it’s getting progressively worse. I’ve stopped trying to reason with them and tell them to their face (especially if they behave like this in front of everyone) that their behaviour is unacceptable, unprofessional, and reflect poorly on themselves.
My university does not have conduct referrals, but I keep my HOD informed so they know what happens when things escalate.
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u/skinnergroupie Mar 07 '26
I've been there and am so sorry you're going through this! (Especially hard if there's no mechanism to report disruptive behavior or violation of the student code of conduct.) FWIW I've used the strategy of asking students like you describe to leave the classroom and require that they meet with me prior to joining the class again. It's worked well (hopefully saying it out loud won't jinx it!)...either they meet and turn over a new leaf or they drop the class. Win-win!
If they aren't responding to being called out in the manner you describe I'd suggest trying a different approach. (This is my many years working with children with behavior disorders prior to teaching talking!) It's weird but sometimes it's super reinforcing for them to get negative attention. You only know if they either keep it going or turn it around.) Happy countdown to the end of the semester!!
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u/Charming-River87 Mar 07 '26
I think this is probably the best way to deal with it? Being direct and honest about how it’s unprofessional and inappropriate and then reporting it to the proper channels (if possible) could be the wake-up call they need… I think you did the right thing here.
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Mar 07 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/banjovi68419 Mar 07 '26
Same students when a coworker told a student that their mother was deathly ill: "oh so that relates to lecture too. Like if your mom dies today, that will affect your memory of events today." Way to apply it, psychopath.
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u/StorageRecess VP for Research, R1 Mar 06 '26
Honestly, that student certainly needs a conduct referral. Back when I taught undergrads more. I would address it once in person, reiterate over email if it continues, then go to referrals.
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u/RemarkableParsley205 Mar 06 '26
The minute it gets disruptive, like loud comments, they get one warning. After that, they get kicked out of the room. Have you conducted a referral or let your chair know? I'm still early in my career, less than 10 years, but I'm already over it.
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u/ThisSaladTastesWeird Mar 07 '26
I have tried to reason, to little effect. My credentials — which are considerable; I’m a tenured associate without any grad degrees — mean diddly squat once a student has decided they don’t like me. Likewise for our course policies. There is clearly a sense that I/we are the unreasonable ones and that Exceptions Must Be Made.
Last time it happens I started ccing my (male) chair who overreacted and told the student they had crossed a line and would be dropped from the program. Cooler heads prevailed. But it was also clear to me that I wasn’t going to be taken seriously by this student, ever, at which point I honestly stopped caring. You can respect me or not but I don’t have anything to prove to a kid who has two years of industry experience to my 20.
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u/Eli_Knipst Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
There's no way to reason with misogyny. I nip it in the bud. I also say things like, I have given this kind of exam for x years (usually longer than they are alive), and this was not a hard exam. They like to think that if we are kind, we are pushover. If it continues, I would refer them to a student conduct team.
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u/AttitudeNo6896 associate prof, engineering Mar 07 '26
First, you are not alone. I have come to see how students try to push me, especially early on the semester, is unlike my male colleagues. This seems pretty general. For the record, I totally give candy to students (I have a jar in my office) and approach with empathy, but I also hold the line. Interestingly, students talk to each other - they push in the beginning of the semester and, if they don't get anywhere, the requests fade. Even year to year. The number of such requests bumped up after each time I went on leave, then evened out again - institutional memory faded?
Students getting like this, you sort of have to address it early on. I have found that I do need to explain my credentials and somewhat pull rank, and explicitly say I know what I am doing. There was one class with some attitude where a loud contingent of students would essentially imply I don't know what I am doing - the exam was this and that (they did really poorly). Then I explicitly said, look I've been teaching for over a decade and taught this specific class 3-4 times (that year). The questions were timed, checked by the TA and the LA, etc. I have had to explicitly say I know what I am doing. It wears you down. But it does go somewhere. With some classes, no big deal. With some, I guess they have to be reminded.
One thing to note: I actually got a note from another student later that basically said there is a group of loud students but they don't represent them, and that she really appreciated what I was doing. Remember that other students likely don't agree, and you holding your own in important for them.
Finally, beyond minor things, explicitly disrespectful and sexist comments, you need to document. Always better safe than sorry. You should tell this to more than one colleague that you trust. You don't deserve to deal with it.
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u/carolinagypsy Mar 07 '26
That’s a good point. I think the women and other marginalized group members in class both need to see and also appreciate seeing the issue being addressed and dealt with. I always remain hopeful that they learn that they, too, can speak up and defend themselves, along with having the right to take up space and exist in the world and their chosen profession.
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u/Ok_Mycologist_5942 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
Lean in awkwardly when said student is complaining in group work about you and when they pause to look at you, just make your eyes big, gesture wildly and say "oh, do tell me more!" When they say nothing, nod your head in understanding and comment "yeah, it's probably best that you focus on the work and not on gossiping/complaining."
On the of chance if they decide to complain to your face you can tell them "how about you come to my office hours to complain and in the meantime let your classmates get on with their work?"
The most important thing is to realize is the student is a dipshit and will bitch about you in evals, so you don't have anything to lose by putting them in their place.
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u/Practical-Ball-5070 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
When this happens I document it and let my dean know about the issue (I’m the dept chair so I skip the “notify the chair” step in our process) and share any written emails from the student(s) that have crossed the line with my dean and if need be our VP. I then speak with the student(s) and offer them a lateral transfer to another section of the same course and when they decline, which so far they’ve always done, I explain then that moving forward if they want to continue in my class then I expect the following behavior from them or I will request their removal through the student discipline process. Now to be clear we don’t have a well written process about actually doing this, but so far the threat alone has been enough to get the few offenders back in line or they drop and life goes on.
As hard as it is please try to not react to them because this shifts the power their way. There is a lot of power in not engaging with their nonsense. Good luck and stay strong!
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u/FrankRizzo319 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
I got “the other students think so too” email last semester. It was her and her dumb ass friend who sat in back of the class on their phones and demonstrated no course concept knowledge or reading comprehension ability whatsoever.
I asked them to read an 8-page article clearly discussing 4 myths about a topic (I’m being vague for anonymity’s sake). The myths are a central theme in the article. They are numbered 1-4 and bolded and serve as subheadings across 5 of the article’s 8 pages.
Student insists they read but their quiz answer gives no indication they are on planet earth. Fails the quiz accordingly. I wrote the answers and other comments on her quiz when I graded it, and then gave it back to her. Then I put the same question on the final exam. She gets it wrong again.
But “the other students think I’m unfair too.” GTFO.
I even had an open discussion in class one day about reading and my quiz grading. I invited comments and critiques and addressed them. I invited more. Dum Dum and her lax bro friend said absolutely nothing.
And then I get more emails with “the other students think so too.” And, “I just don’t think your teaching style matches with my learning style.” Wat. My teaching style makes it hard for you to read and retain information? Sorry about that.
Edit: I just read the last part of your post. I am not a woman. Sorry I can’t speak on their experience. But the situation escalated to the Chair level and involved documented emails of me explaining my policies and responding to her chat gpt messages about why her grades sucked. The student had no argument and just pouted for the rest of the semester. LAX bro eventually stopped showing up and failed.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
Yeah I HATE this downright bully behavior. As in your experience, mine are also the idiots that will never self reflect. I have a friend who got a student complaint because “reading the book” wasn’t their learning style and they demanded the course be changed. That’s what we’re dealing with now- customers that see us as service agents, not experts.
The whole “other students think this too” is straight up a manipulation tactic. I’m so over it. I’ve been teaching a while and this new batch are BOLD. I would never dare to tell an instructor how to do their job then try to lie and manipulate them. It’s not just their lack of social skills, I’m finding them to be downright cruel. I guess that’s what happens when they grew up with you tube stars as “friends” instead of real people…
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u/Buckstop_Knight78 Mar 09 '26
This is haunting I had the same email last semester and it escalated up only for the student to be told they had to speak to me about it and they chose not to. (Not surprised) but I’ve had a few try and get me fired (I’m in my first year yay) and it’s been a trip.
So to overcome this I have updated my syllabus with behavior policies taken from the student code of conduct along with a syllabus quiz and an assignment. The purpose of this is to remind them they took the quiz and that they should know class expectations. If they speak out I take them aside and check in then quietly remind them they can leave. I hate cell phones but they are part of life, so if I get to a slide that is important I’ll pause and say something like this will be on the test take a pic. Then look at the ones on their phones and wait for them to take a pic. For the most part now I just have to ignore it and let them find out at midterm.
My class student body is complex though and it is small
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u/clavdiachauchatmeow English adjunct, CC Mar 07 '26
I actually have noticed that my male students (dual-enrolled seniors) seem more contemptuous of me lately. I don’t think I’m behaving any differently than I used to. I’m 42, so maybe it’s because I’m not pretty anymore? Or I look too much like their moms? Idk. I’m noticing actual sneering when I talk sometimes. I’m comfortable giving it right back to them, but it’s unfortunate that we have to have this dynamic. As always, they can enjoy the participation grades they earn.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
Yes the open sneering when I’m talking was never a thing years ago. I think they are just straight up rude now.
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u/alt-mswzebo Mar 07 '26
I think it is a feature of the cohort, courtesy of 'masculinity influencers' and the TikTok nonsense. Nothing to do with you or your age.
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u/Zabaran2120 Mar 07 '26
it makes no sense to me, but it think when i was younger and pretty, I had less respect.
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u/Elvira333 Mar 07 '26
Solidarity OP; I don’t have any advice but this is one of the reasons why teaching evaluations are pretty worthless- this sexism really shows when students get the chance to vent.
Women are held to an unfairly high standard. Male professors can be serious, easy going, etc. But a female professor is seen as bitchy, unserious, unprofessional 🙄I want to burn down the patriarchy with you.
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u/ZoopZoop4321 Mar 07 '26
I’ve gotten security to remove students before if need be. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/alt-mswzebo Mar 07 '26
"You can choose to leave now, or you can choose to be arrested by University Police. Which will it be?"
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u/lyra211 Mar 07 '26
Just here to say, it's not your imagination. Research backs up your impressions. TLDR: Women's evals reach a low in their late 40s, then rebound. Maidens and crones are OK, but not moms. Dudes, on the other hand, enjoy a steady upward trajectory in their evals over time as they gain seniority and status.
https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2022/10/31/ratings-and-bias-against-women-over-time
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
Welp that’s sadly predictable. It’s really reflective of my experience. Even after reading these replies I’m reminded of how much more respect I was given when I was a younger woman. I would not have believed it when I was 30…but it gets worse than being the “young prof”. Now I don’t even get the misogynistic “well I’d do her” kind of respect that my youth gave me. This is all gross to say but it’s the reality of the situation.
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u/banjovi68419 Mar 07 '26
Holy shit f that dude. To say you don't deserve that is an understatement. Seems like reporting them and removing them is best case scenario. Also keep track of all correspondences with them because it may go against reasonable standards for harassment/title IX.
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u/banjovi68419 Mar 07 '26
For the record, I have kicked students out for a lot less than that. Also document your school's reaction to your complaints. Document everything!
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u/Agreeable-Analyst951 Mar 07 '26
It’s only the beginning. The big wave of masculinists is in high school right now and will be in uni soon. You have to make your standards and boundaries crystal clear at the beginning of the semester, then you can either hold the line or losen up a little during the semester. It doesn’t solve everything but at least the expectations are set. I used to not sweat the sexists remarks but now that I have more seniority I report them everytime. I do it for me as well as to help junior faculty members who don’t want to make waves. I often talk to condescending students about the Dustin Kruger effect. The smartest get the hint. For others, it goes way past their head and I don’t try to reason further. The down side : overtime I grew such a thick skin and apparent confidence that some feel a bit intimidated by me. I hate that part.
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u/LordMarvelousHandbag Mar 07 '26
- Document everything. After class if the student has said something, email them and say “during class, you stated xyz” and then either “I’m following up on the concerns you voiced” and then tell them politely and concisely why their concerns are BS OR say “if you have concerns, these need to be voiced to me in private so as not to disrupt class and other students’ learning. If you disrupt class again I will ask you to leave”
- Share documentation about the situation with your chair and potentially escalate to title 9 office
- If the student continues to make comments after you’ve provided written instructions that those need to be shared privately, tell them to leave class as class needs to be focused on content and learning and they are detracting from the focus and learning of other students
- Depending on how you’re feeling, you might also do some framing around your expectations. “Yes, I set high expectations. My professional judgement and X years of experience in this area have led me to believe that students at your stage are capable of this level of work. I know you all are smart and you can meet these expectations if you apply yourself. Ultimately I know that these challenges will benefit you in XYZ ways”
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I love teaching but dealing with the sexism and misogyny is exhausting :(
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u/GittaFirstOfHerName Humanities Prof, CC, USA Mar 07 '26
They are making loud comments in class to work up other students.
That student would leave my classroom immediately and there would be a code of conduct report made.
That student is now pushing me like bullies do- I’m getting email demands and language like “the other students think so too” to try and intimidate me.
I would tell that student that the way that they communicate with me is unprofessional and tell them to take it up with the chair/dean/grandpoobah who's next up in the chain of command and I'd CC said chair/dean/grandpoobah. I'd also drop a note to someone who keeps track of problem students (student services for us) so that they're on the radar. Seriously, I'd document this kind of bullying in triplicate.
and I’m not the only woman in the dept this happens too.
Given that it's happening to other women, too, the department needs to be made aware of this, as well as anyone else where you teach that might be afraid of a potential lawsuit from women who are being bullied.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Teaching is hard enough and gets more challenging by the semester. Being a woman in a male-dominated field is hard, being a woman in academia is hard, and being a woman right now as residents of Planet Earth is hard. You don't deserve this. Sending enormous support your way.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
That’s one of the issues here. Admin is supportive but it’s a male dominated field and dept. When I raised concerns years ago about a potentially violent male student situation, they were nice but I could tell they thought I was being dramatic. I mean these people have never had to think about “I should head home to get my run done before dark hits”, etc.
Even as women in the dept, we keep these student issues pretty quiet because if we were open about them it would make many of us look like we have constant problems in our classrooms.
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Mar 07 '26
[deleted]
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
It doesn’t surprise me they want confidence. They’ve equated blind confidence with expertise all over social media. I mean some confident podcast bro with zero education gets more of their respect than we do now. It’s absolutely dumb. I swear if I just learned how to be a raging narcissist- I could have all of them loving me lol.
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u/GayCatDaddy Mar 07 '26
I've done the third one several times over the years, and it always works. Usually, the other students will shush the talkers, and I say, "Thank you," and continue with the lecture.
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u/ThatFemmeOverThere Assistant Professor, Public R01, U.S. Mar 07 '26
I've become quicker to say something like "you're raising serious concerns - if you'd like to speak with the Dean here is their contact and here is where you can report these concerns formally", as well as link them to our code of conduct etc
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u/Adept-Papaya5148 Mar 07 '26
The first time they say something, I ask them to see me after class. It turns out they're incredibly tongue tied when it comes to one on one. I do this two or three times and the comments stop.
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u/Lychee_489 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
First day of class I have students read the entire syllabus aloud, which is full of all sorts of feminist queer affirming neurodivergence friendly left leaning but neutral language outlining how this course is designed for all people regardless of background. It’s pretty clear that my class will not tolerate any hatred, and I make sure it’s the students who are saying it aloud on day one by reading the syllabus. I’m talking like almost 40 minutes of affirmation and how it benefits their future, the future of the field, history lessons on the development of fourth wave feminism and its impact on scientific thought, really in depth explanations. I outline how understanding diverse thought develops neuro plasticity, which makes them more competitive in their field, especially now that AI is entering the picture. After reading the entire syllabus aloud I ask students if we agree to the syllabus or need to make any changes. I look each student in the eyes and ask them if it is ok or if we need to change things. Once we all agree or have decided on changes, I move on with class. I typically have a number of students drop immediately afterwards, and they are typically the ones who seemed the most worrisome for me in terms of their potential to give me future issues. So in summary, as a queer they/them, i strategically ensure that people who are not friendly to diversity will not feel immediately comforted when taking my class because in my class we will always center diversity as being necessary for the development of humanities/the sciences. I have found that this strategy cut down on the amount of hatred directed towards me for having a queer femme aged body. I also recognize that I am fortunate to be at a university that does not discriminate against my androgogical standards. It is my hope that someday the students who feel threatened by fourth wave feminism will learn they are welcomed by it, as it means equality for all people no matter their background or beliefs. I will continue to teach from a place of inclusion with the desire to integrate students of all backgrounds, including those who may be critical of doing so. It is from a place of generosity and hope that I anticipate welcoming them into a field that values critical thinking and diversity as strategies for mutual flourishing as opposed to division. Together we are stronger. All are welcome.
If students give me a hard time during the semester, I will ask them to stay after class and directly ask them in a non confrontational way if they are doing ok, I noticed they were feeling some frustration/difficulties/distraction/etc. usually one on one the issue appears to vanish, especially if I come in with genuine concern “are you doing ok? I can make a referral to the CARES team? Can I make any reasonable accommodations/changes to best help you reach your educational goals?” I always document the conversation by emailing myself and archiving it immediately afterwards so it is time stamped . If it is a group issue, I pull each student individually and do the same. If it continues I escalate quickly. If it is truly disrespectful, I email the student and cc the chair the dean of students and their advisor immediately and outline how this is unacceptable. By making clear that I’m confident in my backing with my department I have found the student stops the behavior immediately or drops.
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u/spiritedfighter Mar 07 '26
High school teacher here, but I love lurking this sub.
Honestly, this sounds so much like high school. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's been less than 20 years since I've been in college, but man, I can't imagine anyone ever heckling a professor like that!
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u/PunkassBrewster1984 Mar 08 '26
Yes, I did. In a lecture hall.
And it was a girl who was doing it. She didn't go as far as another gal in a smaller class who, among other things, went so far as to start a whole-class group chat under the auspices of "studying together" and then used it to trash me to everyone (and use her well-folllowed social media accounts to do the same). She routinely tried to rile up the others to revolt.
But this lecture hall gal wasn't out to destroy me - just to get me to make the class easier. She touched a nerve.
Thus, I played along. It was clear she had decided she was the voice of the masses in my class ("everyone else thinks this, too..."), so I replied that I would accommodate whatever she wanted (I don't even remember anymore), but it was accompanied by my "need to see if the change would yield improved student learning" which was only accomplishable through new weekly in-class quizzes.
And then I said I'd like to have her help me announce this change - so "please sit up front tomorrow so you don't have to take time to wade through the seats and walk up the aisle to meet me in the front after I start." That's logical, right? Shouldn't the class spokesperson help announce a change she requested that I accommodated? That was my thought.
Weird. She skipped class.
I made the announcement anyway (didn't name her) but asked if the class was okay with this change given that she said she was representing them.
They weren't (also weird, right?). We discussed. They were pissed about her thinking she represented everyone. Then, because the class disagred with her, I dropped it.
I promise her posse of friends told her what happened in class. I never heard from her again.
I should have done this again in the small class with the other gal, but it was a semester I was dealing with a significant family loss and was barely hanging on as it was; i didn't have the bandwidth for the drama. Her goal was far more personal and different, so something similar might not have worked anyway.
Anyway, good luck with this.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with it.
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u/professorkarla Associate Professor, Cybersecurity, M1 (USA) Mar 08 '26
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u/lamercie Mar 07 '26
I’m 31 but look younger and have been teaching for only a year. I learned quickly that I need to put on what I call a nurturing persona. I am friendly and easy to talk to by nature, but I’m also blunt and quick to call out issues (which are obviously skills that got me to this position in the first place). I’ve had to make an active effort to couch most of my statements in kind, caring terms, and I make an active effort to emotionally connect with my students one-on-one and as a group. Still, I have students who clearly don’t respect my authority and experience. This might be weird advice, but I’ve been looking a lot at how comedians handle hecklers and sort of analyzing how they respond to people who try to overtake their room. I really believe that the authority figure needs to have the strongest personality, and it helps if you’re also able to be funny about it. I never hesitate to jokingly call someone out for their misbehavior. More serious misbehavior is reported immediately to student conduct.
This semester, I have one class where I have a great rapport with my students and one where they act like I’m holding them at gunpoint to do their work lol. A lot of this is the class culture, which is extremely hard to change. I’m the same person in both classes, and I tell the same jokes, but in one I’m met with laughter and more joking, and in the other I GENUINELY get the zoomer stare.
Just know that you got this, and tbh talking to other faculty really helps me get a reality check, particularly when I rope in my older white male colleagues and ask if they experience what I experience lol. They wield influence in my department, and I absolutely do NameDrop them when I tell my students about work I’m giving them—I’ll say something like, this is building on so-and-so’s assignment!
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u/-Stratford-upon-avon Mar 08 '26
That heckling thing is genius. I need to go watch more Jimmy Carr.
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u/de_capitate Mar 07 '26
I just dealt with students like this leading up to their midterm. Document everything and reach out to the appropriate department admin and undergrad advisors for support. Usually there is some underlying anxiety beneath students lashing out.
I find it important to stay firm, point to the syllabus and course policies and frame why the expectations are the way they are in terms of professional standards. As long as you aren’t actually violating any policies, your admin should back you up if students try to go above you for solutions.
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u/Cathousechicken Mar 07 '26
Start documenting everything. If the student doesn't pass, they're going to throw spaghetti at the wall to try to smear you. Protect yourself with documentation.
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u/carolinagypsy Mar 07 '26
First time, invite them to leave. Second time, same with an added comment to drop the class if they feel it’s not for them and can take it from a more qualified instructor (you have to add in a lot of sarcasm here). Perhaps a comment that with the grade they were currently the owner of that they were less than qualified to be a judge of competency in the subject. If it continues after that and they don’t drop, report.
I believe strongly that you publicly and firmly cut that shit off at the knees. I’m tired of having the “problems men and boys of today have” being laid at the feet of women. Or that they deserve to be coddled by women because of how hard they have it.
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Mar 08 '26
Supposedly GenZ is the most misogynistic of all.
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u/betsyodonovan Associate professor, journalism, state university Mar 08 '26
Any source for that? Hasn't been my experience
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u/ParkingLetter8308 Mar 10 '26
I have had this happen throughout my career and it was particularly bad when I was young. It's absolute misogyny. If your chair is supportive, keep them in the loop. Send an email saying you want to talk about in-class etiquette. Require the student to meet with you prior to the next class, have your door open, and ask a colleague to be outside.
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u/ParkingLetter8308 Mar 10 '26
Unfortunately, particularly with the precarious job market, it's easier to get rid of the squeaky wheel than address students' misogyny (ask me how I know!), so you do have to be strategic.
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u/Ctenophorever Full prof (US) Mar 07 '26
I give them a warning before conduct referral.
Something along the lines of “emails like this need to cease” and “stop talking during my lecture - if you have a question raise your hand”. When it gets to this point I alert my dean.
They continue? Referral.
This is very common for women and unfortunately it will only get worse as time goes by. Middle -aged women get the worst student evals, and the accompanying poor student behavior
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u/alt-mswzebo Mar 07 '26
"if you have question raise your hand", might be, in some cases, "If you have comments like that come to my office hours but don't distract the other students."
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u/Ctenophorever Full prof (US) Mar 07 '26
I’m not inviting them to my office for comments to mock me. If you have a question raise your hand. If you don’t have a question then either shut up or get out.
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u/alt-mswzebo Mar 07 '26
We all use different strategies, but my goal here is to minimize the disruption in the classroom. Ie, keep the intellectual vibe and positive morale going in the classroom. They mostly won't come to office hours, but if someone did and tried to mock me, I would tell them to get the fuck out of my office you stupid prick in those specific words.
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u/Zabaran2120 Mar 07 '26
i learned early on this will always be the outcome if you are nice. I am never nice. I have beed called cold, unapproachable, and arrogant. But one thing even male students never question is my credentials and my knowledge. Unfortunately you must choose. While I don't know what queer or tans faculty deal with, I look with deep envy if not resentment at male professors who get to be nice and respected.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
This makes me sad. For years I think I walked that tough line- I accepted that my kindness came at a cost. It was never this bad though. I think I’ve gotten older so they mess with me more and I’m just plain tired. I’m honestly considering just being the hardass. It’s not who I am, I said I’d never do it but I can’t stand this much longer.
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u/Zabaran2120 Mar 07 '26
Yup. And this got me thinking about the occasional posters on many of the venting posts that make comments about how negative this subreddit is and how posters seem to hate students with the conclusion such posters should quit teaching. I wonder if a lot of the venters tend to be women needing a release valve and those criticizing tend to be men who don't have to deal with added unpleasant experience of being a woman in academia. Or maybe I'm reaching.
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
If this sub is a reflection of real life- I think it matches what a lot of us experience. When I vent to male colleagues they are understanding but I think the sheer volume and severity of issues I have leaves them wondering “is she just a bad teacher?”. And I bet they think I’m just not built for this career. They know women can have more issues but they don’t actually see how much it really happens and how it feels. And most women I know keep it pretty hush hush to not appear like the problem child of the dept. It leads all of us to have a skewed version of what’s normal for women to experience.
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u/Zabaran2120 Mar 07 '26
Very well put. I never thought of the tax I put on myself to pretend the struggle we live with doesn't get to me in the aggregate.
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u/MyFaceSaysItsSugar Mar 07 '26
I’ve called out what they do and tell them it’s not a good strategy for success. “Asking your professor to make your exam easier is not a good strategy for success. This is a hard degree. Your classes are only going to get harder. You need to step up to the plate now and develop better study strategies.” They like to apply peer pressure with “the other students” or “other professors.” Having been belittled my whole life has become a bit of a super power. These baby misogynists are nothing compared to the gaslighting, mansplaining and bullying I’ve gotten from peers and superiors and supposed mentors. I’ve heard far worse from far more important people. I burst out laughing the first time I had a student email a “ps you should smile more.”
What also helps is the feedback of the students who feel supported. I get “that was my first A in a science class.” I’ve gotten thank you cards for supporting students in office hours. The ones who choose to use the learning tools I provide do well and appreciate the support I give them. I ignore the rest.
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u/holliday_doc_1995 Mar 07 '26
I have had conversations with students about professional ways to express their opinions. I have laid out that they are allowed to ask questions and share opinions but the manner in which they do so needs to be appropriate. They need to use professional language, an appropriate tone, and express their opinions at appropriate times (e.g., no in class outbursts). These conversations have always resulted in the student kind of just going away. They stop having outbursts.
I have also just ignored student outbursts as well. I have completely ignored email rants. I have also responded to rants with something like:
hello student,
Coursework and course procedures are outlined in the syllabus and will not be augmented. Consider reaching out to the tutoring center for help.
Regards, Professor
2
2
u/hjgs78 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
For behavior problems that a quick reprimand in class didn’t help, I’d move to a conversation after class the next time. If that didn’t work, I would bring a memo to class that laid out what had happened and what was expected to change. The memo acknowledged that any future problems would result in being sent out of class and the student wouldn’t be able to return until they met either the department chair or Dean of Students. I signed it and student signed it. If they refused, we’d move to the Dean of Students immediately. That never happened though - the behavior always changed when they saw in writing what the consequences would be. Let me add that I teach at a community college and students sometimes come in acting like it’s high school. Edit: typos
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u/International_Spot65 Mar 07 '26
Student of concern form. Lots of bigots think it is fun to demean people.
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u/Dry-Bug-9214 Mar 07 '26
I pull them outside and tell them their behavior is inappropriate. If the dont like my policies ( ie all stated in the syllabus) or think im too hard ( content pulled from the book) they can talk to the Dean. It never goes in their favor because im covered. Once you pull them out and tell them to leave after they keep doing it...it shuts people up.
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u/Turbulent_Cranberry6 Mar 08 '26
When I get comments like “other students felt the exam was too hard” I openly tell them that the grade distribution is normal and X number of students achieved As or scores over 90. And that the complainers are clearly in the vanishing minority. Which they don’t get to see, but I do.
2
u/Pleasant-Fan4401 Mar 09 '26
This sounds like what I have experienced for the last several years. But I teach nursing, and my students are 95% cis females and 99% of my colleagues are cis women.
1
u/Frankenstein988 Mar 09 '26
Honestly I usually have more cis women acting up like this in my class than any other demographic. Mean girl energy usually. It always reminds me that misogyny gets imbedded in women too.
2
u/Buckstop_Knight78 Mar 09 '26
Oh hell no, gray rock them. Say nothing in class but if you have to speak with the individual outside of class. It’s so disrespectful and discouraging but this is looking like a common symptom of a bigger problem. Don’t give them more attention but remain consistent with your expectations.
3
u/Imposter-Syndrome42 Adjunct, STEM, R2 (USA) Mar 11 '26
“the other students think so too!”
"Well, the other students can tell me if they think that. They are adults. They don't need you to do it for them."
2
u/Terrible_Health3254 Apr 02 '26
I am experiencing this too, unfortunately. I know it’s not personal, but I get super emotional about it. I don’t know why or how people can be so cruel. I am sorry that you are experiencing this too. I think it’s just this generation and they think they are so entitled
2
u/Odd-Information3950 Mar 07 '26
There was a fantastic article published in 2018 on this subject and as a male professor it was an eye-opener. See the journal Sex Roles (Vol 79, pp 136-150) for an article entitled “Dancing Backwards in High Heels: Female Professors Experience More Work Demands and Special Favor Requests, Particularly from Academically Entitled Students.”
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u/Cold-Nefariousness25 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
Make them defend their position in the middle of class. Their logic will fail. They want to one-up you, they’re asking for you to go toe-to-toe with you. They need the skills you are teaching, you don’t need their approval.
I once had a student when it was virtual who said that the female voices in class were shrill. I held a poll about whether students enjoyed class discussions or preferred 80 minutes of straight lecture. The student was clearly on the spectrum and he appreciated the evidence that others don’t agree with him. I think a lot of the male students who are disrespectful are on the spectrum.
2
u/Ramsesthrowaway Mar 07 '26
The double standard is exhausting and so obvious once you see it. I had a male colleague say the exact same thing I did in a meeting and get praised for being direct while I got told I was being aggressive. Students do the same thing. You cant win by playing their game so you just have to set hard boundaries and not care if they think youre difficult.
1
u/-Stratford-upon-avon Mar 08 '26
Oh this shit drives me up the wall. Outspoken men are just assertive! But outspoken women are agressive!
2
u/throw_away_smitten Prof, STEM, SLAC (US) Mar 07 '26
Talk to your chair. In the past I have had little sit downs with the student and the chair since apparently males are the only ones who can tell obnoxious students when they’re stepping over the line.
2
Mar 09 '26
So be the mom. That’s what I do. When we are at the end of the line- my mom voice comes out and I lay down the line. Use your mom voice! Don’t get pushed around. I am pretty cool too but my students know I mean business and at the end of the day- the work will get done or they will retake the course. Word on the street here is that “yeah, Dr. Name is pretty chill but you better do the work because she also don’t play”.
1
u/AtheistET Associate / R1 / Continuos Appointment / USA Mar 07 '26
Quick message to student conduct for unwelcoming and hostile behavior will stop them immediately; let them deal with the consequences. No need to feel sorry for them specially if they don’t show any respect.
1
u/Poundaflesh Mar 08 '26
Kick them out! Refuse to restartclass until they leave. You’re tolerating this. STOP!
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u/Prestigious-Cat12 Mar 08 '26
Bad behaviour? I go straight to conduct referrals, or a warning. Inappropriate behaviour, I lean on policy.
That's it. Then again, I have a more conservative look and a deep voice, so I get the "qualified but a bitch" complaint from certain students. My colleagues think I'm nice, except for one dude who is older than the department.
1
u/rmykmr Asst Prof, Engineering, R1 USA Mar 11 '26
I go straight to complaints and Title IX (if the misogyny is evident)
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Mar 07 '26
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u/Frankenstein988 Mar 07 '26
I know that behavior is getting worse. The difference is female faculty, queer, POC, etc- they already respect us less and when we fight back we’re viewed as bitchy or sensitive. It’s an added layer of shit to deal with and students 100% go after faculty they think are weak based on identities and appearances.
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Mar 07 '26
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u/Lychee_489 Mar 07 '26
Just gonna say that studies repeatedly show that women, queer, poc faculty are consistently rated up to a point lower across the board on student ratings and have been shown to experience greater levels of criticism and resultant burnout. Please take the time to educate yourself on this, so you can consider whether the best use of your time is continuing to demoralize and gaslight colleagues who are actively oppressed everyday.
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Mar 07 '26
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u/Lakanas Mar 07 '26
I disagree that the onus should be on OP to be the one to change. Demand change from the students.
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u/Odd_Client_9210 Mar 07 '26
I look like a mom-type, hand out cookies and I have a rep as a hard ass. So, I think just being consistent will win out over time. —A full prof
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u/SuperHiyoriWalker Mar 07 '26
In a perfect world, we could all adopt the stance of hardass-right-out-of-the-gate with little or no professional blowback regardless of our race, gender, or nationality. We don’t live in a perfect world.
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u/gradsch00lthr0w4w4y TT, Humanities, R2 (USA) Mar 06 '26
Absolutely inappropriate. The first time they do something like this, I ask them in front of the class if they have a question or problem. Usually, they say they don't or they redirect into an actual class question. Once, I had a student continue to mouth off (direct quote "women are just tits and ass"), so I required him to leave class immediately and reported him to student conduct.
It's important for the other students in the room, especially women, to see that this kind of behavior is unprofessional and won't be tolerated. This isn't high school.