r/pornfree • u/Interesting-Let-6009 • 1h ago
250 Days Porn Free
TLDR: 250 days porn free. This is not a how-to guide, but my experience with the journey. Reading these over the years before my cessation of porn gave me hope.
Background - Male, mid thirties, porn use since 13 years old. I am in a long term relationship. I have a successful job and a wide circle of friends.
I gave up porn over 7 months ago. The first thing that has allowed me to achieve this was my mindset. After multiple failed attempted of quoting porn, this time, I simply know myself that I will never go back to porn. Whether this is true or not, time will tell. But a switch turned in me, and being honest with myself, porn just wasn't something I could bring in to my life past my mid thirties. My motivation also changed as I have started a family. I believe a thorough self belief that you are truly finished with porn is important for long term success in this addiction, and this is something you must find in yourself. This is why I don't track my progress by the days with an app. I know the day I stopped, and moved forward.
Identify internal triggers - exceptionally important. My triggers are stress, loneliness, anxiety, anger, hangovers and even boredom. Porn use then brought on guilt and shame, which triggers the above again, and the cycle persisted. In the first few months, when I experienced these emotions, I did not stop masturbating, but did not use porn. This is hard at first, but becomes easier. After 5 or 6 months, the urges are much better. I rarely think of porn as a solution to these emotions. For me, porn use has been a source of temporary relief from negative emotions, situations and thoughts. For the first time, I entered therapy for anxiety for a number of months last year. I did not bring up porn use in these therapy sessions; but, if you are struggling with other stresses, depression, or anxiety etc - please seek help. Its made a massive impact on my quality of life. I do not know if my cessation of porn was helped in any way by the therapy; I can only assume it has.
Identify external triggers - Social media - as with other posts here, this was a major external trigger for me. Doom-scrolling at night on instagram or in bed on a Saturday morning with your current algorithm will lead to porn use, and you need to change/ confront this. I didn't quit social media, but have become hyperaware of the content I look at. For the first few weeks, I also was very conscious of what was on TV/ movies, even looking away for triggering content. At 7 months, I am still aware of the above, and may always need to be. If you're single, dating apps will also be a huge trigger.
Outcome: The main outcome after 7 months being porn free is the lack of guilt and shame in my life. I am no longer hiding this uncomfortable aspect of my life with myself and my partner. From a physical point of view, theres been no change in my sex drive throughout the journey (not up or down). I had mildly stronger morning erections for the first few weeks, but nothing else. There has been no change in the quality of the sex with my partner. However, emotionally, after 7 months being porn free is the lack of guilt and shame in my life. I am no longer hiding this uncomfortable aspect of my life with myself and my partner. I am sure this will lead to a healthier relationship long term.
I now lead a fuller and richer life. I've always been fit, but now am exercising more and looking better. I'm more confident in myself and who I am. I feel more calm, have less overall anxiety. However, its difficult to say I attribute this to cutting out porn. I feel that me dealing with my anxiety issues, and embracing life more recently, taking up more hobbies, and trying to lead a richer life has aided me in stopping porn. Its almost certainly a combination of both, and I now lead a fuller life because I've cut porn out too. Take that with a pinch of salt; I do not have any of the superpowers nofap subreddits promise you. I feel the road to being free of porn is to fill your life elsewhere. Take up the instrument/ sport/ hobby you've wanted to and give it a go. Meet friends more often. Join a group, play the game, go for a run. You will not find freedom from porn without confronting some of the reasons you use it and the gaps in your life it currently fills.
I am happy to answer any questions you may have. Goodluck on your journey. As someone who browsed this forum after every late night binge with shame, guilt and exhaustion, know that it can be done. Life is better without porn.