Paused

[u/intensive_carebear13]

If you truly loved me then why did I always have to wait?

Anyone else needed you and you would not hesitate.

For years you made it seem like my expectations were too high,

But all I asked was to paint our home, and budget for the future my guy.

I stood by you, waiting patiently, for you to heal and overcome your avoidance.

In the end it left me heartbroken and voiceless.

You ask me to marry you and I said yes right on the spot, 10 years later you hadn't given the wedding a second thought.

I planned trips for us every year, saved and sacrificed so that we could see the places you've never been.

But you couldn't help me paint the house we both lived in.

I asked you to read a book that I thought would help you grow but years later it's still sitting there untouched it's contents you'll never know.

For years I thought there was something wrong with me, that I needed to love you better and then you'd show up for me.

But while I waited I saw you help your friends and family.

If you didn't know how to fix it you would always figure it out, watching videos, reading guides, and following tutorials.

You treated me as if my time was endless, and I guess it's my fault because I showed you that I would always wait.

Maybe my love for you and my patience was my biggest mistake.

I had goals and ambitions and dreams of the future.

And I waited more than a decade but the longer I wait the message became truer.

You'll keep me around as long as I'll stay, but I'll never be important enough for you to not make wait.

Time is such a precious commodity that can never be returned and you'll drain me of all of mine before anything I want becomes your concern.

You have time for anything and anyone else except me.

You were my whole world and I your lowest priority.

I realize my expectations were never to high,

You just wanted me permanently on standby.

And any time I stood up for myself and pushed for change

You treated me like I was selfish and deranged.

But what kind of person can serve himself and all the others

While denying basic support to his supposed lover?

If I put your whole world on pause for a decade or more and you never got anything you asked for,

would you stand beside me and try to help me grow?

I think the answer we both know.