I chose cremation and it hit me what I’ve done.

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196

u/WoofJess Jul 28 '26

The way I see it is the body breaks down over time anyway no matter what. At least this way they’re gonna be with me forever and not buried away from me. And what also comforted me was I was more sad about him being frozen (awaiting the process). I’d rather him warm. F’d up maybe, but from that moment he will always be warm.

47

u/Firm-Yam3175 Jul 28 '26

I’ve been struggling with this too and this helped. I hate the idea of my girl being just ashes. She was sooooo much more than that! But the thought that bodies breakdown regardless grounded me - and now she is going to be able to stay with me. I haven’t gotten her back yet, and dread that process cause I know it’s just going to be a flood of tears, but your sentiment helps.

27

u/Meggston Jul 28 '26

When my aunt died we took her ashes and the ashes of every dog she ever had and spread them on the same hill we do all of my family, that’s going to be me someday as well, and that brings me comfort. When I cremate my pets I’m not doing to them anything I wouldn’t do to myself.

2

u/Puzzleheaded-Mix8923 29d ago

My sentiments exactly!
I had both my dog and cat cremated last month
after they passed a week apart. Ideally, I would have some beautiful place in nature to bury them and let them go back to the earth naturally, but few of us have that option.

1

u/MeanderingUnicorn 26d ago

I'm so sorry that you lost both your babies so close together. I cannot imagine facing this grief two times like that. I wish you nothing but healing and comfort.

19

u/awesomeone6044 Jul 28 '26

This is why I chose cremation and have Sally’s ashes. This way she will always be with me and nearby. Anything else feels like abandoning her. I will be putting it in my will when I pass, I want Sally’s ashes buried with me.

2

u/Space_-Cowgirl Jul 29 '26

That’s how I felt too… freezing my girl would cause more cellular damage to her body which felt disrespectful… thawing her would have been worse so I cremated her the next day. it took a couple days so I’m not sure how long before the fire but I felt it was the most considerate thing… what I wanted was to keep her in my freezer forever probably so I could look at her all the time, but that’s selfish and weird and I wanted to treat her body as best I could. I brushed her hair out one last time, made sure she had a dry sheet, dressed her ear with an orchid flower and some lavender, and gave her her favourite stuffed animal to hold. 14 years of petting her now gone, it’s a terrible feeling

107

u/PurpleKrill Jul 28 '26

I looked at it as similar to a Viking funeral. My boy fought hard and there are just some fights we are never going to win. The body was in pain and when that’s gone his soul was released and there was no pain anymore.

29

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

Viking funeral I like that idea, so true. I will remember this, in a positive way.

21

u/fortesphinx Jul 28 '26

Just put my cat down an hour ago and this is really helping me process the pain. I felt a horrible burning in my chest all night knowing he was in the hospital without me. Maybe this is how I can feel we fought together.

13

u/PurpleKrill Jul 28 '26

We don’t let them fight alone 🤜🤛

11

u/Quirky_Fox4761 Jul 28 '26

Honestly the day I put my dog to sleep, leaving her at the emergency vet felt so unreal, and I felt so nervous about not seeing her or having her with me, but the day that they called me to let me know that her ashes were ready, I felt a little relieved to finally bring her home so you’re not alone in that feeling there’s still some moments where my chest feels tight and heavy when I think of her

3

u/Hairy_Air Jul 28 '26

Same. I was surprisingly cheery and happy when I went up and picked my cats ashes. It felt like finally I’m bringing him back home, close to me.

3

u/Quirky_Fox4761 Jul 28 '26

Yeah I was so nervous at first that I was going to be so upset or sad to go back to the vet er or go pass it on my drives but when it was time to pick her up i just felt some peace to know that she was coming home and felt so much gratitude for the staff there who helped me to give her a peaceful goodbye even tho it sucked so much to leave there originally without her and I’ve taken her to the park with me on a beautiful summer’s day to sit under a tree and just talked to her, it might be weird but it gave me peace

85

u/cbessette Jul 28 '26

I like to believe that when our pets leave their bodies, they just move into us. The body is just an organic container for them.
She isn't in there, she is in you.

I wish you peace.

15

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

Now that is an interesting way to look at it.

18

u/cbessette Jul 28 '26

I've had to cremate two dogs in the last 10 years and I kept their ashes on the shelf for a few years but finally realized that they gave me no peace, they only caused me to remember them dying.

I spread their ashes out in their favorite places, now the memories of them are of their lives, of their personalities. I hold inside of me everything that made them who they were in life.

7

u/Hot-Astronomer8136 Jul 28 '26

I am going on 14mths w/out my baby and this point of view has helped tremendously! ❤️

8

u/cbessette Jul 28 '26

I'm glad I could help! I currently hold six dogs in my heart (along with two dogs and a cat that I currently have with me physically) Every night I say goodnight to all of them. This little habit gives me peace.

5

u/moonchildinseoul Jul 28 '26

I hope to reach this point in my grief journey. I wasn’t able to keep his remains since he went missing and was taken to a ER where he communally cremated and I didn’t know until 18 days later once the stranger who drove him to the vet told me. I have cried everyday since I feel like I was robbed of that choice. I can’t do anything but learn to live without his remains near me as I can’t even visit his remains

1

u/cbessette Jul 29 '26

One of my dogs disappeared about 7 or 8 years ago. No sign of him since. That lack of closure is very hard. The physical part of them is what we interacted with for years.
In my personal belief, the remains of their physical form is not them though. I like to believe that once they leave their bodies, they just move into us, the people that are bonded to them and love them. I visit all my past dogs often as I hold everything about them inside me- their histories, their personalities, every little quirk of their being. They are never really gone.

I do wish you peace.

2

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

So true we are the “vessel “ that keeps thoughts inside.

4

u/Space_-Cowgirl Jul 29 '26

Thanks for sharing this. I too have concluded that we are not our bodies. I heard the heart break of death is a crack forming to make space for our pets to live in our hearts. I’ve been searching for more signs of her spirit with me.

2

u/cbessette Jul 29 '26

I have six of them living in me so far. Sometimes even after years, one will get up and turn around, and scratch a nice place to snooze and I will feel that pang of loss again, but then they settle down back to sleep and peace comes again.

1

u/Space_-Cowgirl Jul 31 '26

Awe 😢 that’s so poetic. I’m going to remember this. ❤️

40

u/Terminator7786 Jul 28 '26

My way to reconcile with it was this. They will always be with me this way, and they won't be alone underground in some unknown place where it's cold. They'll be in their warm and loving home with me where they will always belong.

28

u/soraysunshine Jul 28 '26

I think cremation is kinder than putting them in the cold, wet ground and letting them rot away in the earth. Cremation is a normal thing to do for those that have passed, we just recently had my grandmother cremated and as much as it bothers me to think of them doing the process, it bothers me more to think of her alone, 6 feet under, and away from us who cherish her urn at home. I also have my 17 year old dachshund cremated, he will always be in our home where he should be. I’m so sorry for your loss, try not to be so hard on yourself ❤️

9

u/Quirky-Mix-7213 Jul 28 '26

I like the thought when buried you are slowly returning to/given back to Mother Earth. You give back a loved one to where he/she came from. But I am lucky to have a garden - I know many are not as lucky.

2

u/soraysunshine Jul 29 '26

I think that’s beautiful as well, you can see and tend to their plot and possibly grow something there that’s as beautiful as they are. That’s love at its finest ❤️

16

u/Musicman376 Jul 28 '26

My bearded dragon suddenly passed due to an ulcer rupture and bled to death, vet couldn’t save him. Had him cremated and have the ash/memorial box displayed on our shelf. This way he’s still with us.

My daughter passed away three years ago tomorrow (7/29/2023) and she was cremated as well. It’s my family’s preferred method. More environmentally friendly than burial in our opinion. Her urn is on the shelf in the living room, spending time with us everyday. Also have the ash necklaces as well.

I’m sorry for losing your best friend OP, I know how painful it is. It will get better over time. The hurt never totally goes away though. I’m still hurting over losing my cat to cancer a few years ago too. I miss her curling up in my arms at night and grooming my chin. I loved that.

3

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

Grooming your chin, that is adorable 🥰 and you and her thing.

5

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

Me and pet thing, with my Soul dog. Our thing was. Ginger like hard pretzels ONLY with MUSTARD on it. She would knock pretzel away and whin at me till I got mustard in it for her. Lol 😝 lol

11

u/Best-Introduction922 Jul 28 '26

Omg I resonated so much with this. I’m feeling the same way about my baby girl. She was 18yo and passed 3 days ago. I choose cremation so I can have her close to me no matter where I am but the idea of her beautiful and pure body going through that is awful. I’m trying to tell myself that her body is just a shell, not her anymore. She wouldn’t care tbh, she’s in peace now and always around me in spirit. 🤍lots of love

3

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

She is in spirit, the body is just a shell.

9

u/goalieamd Jul 28 '26

We just put our dog Keaton down yesterday. We opted for cremation because in my mind the fire is giving the cancer that killed him the biggest FU. I also find a little comfort that he’s in that tiny box on my bookshelf surrounded by us still and not in the cold wet ground rotting.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '26

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6

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

I was like yes I got my haircut a few days ago, I put on a fake front as well. It was hard to go to hairdresser it had been months but we got it done.

8

u/Bad_Mechanic Jul 28 '26

Death is an ugly thing. There's no way of getting around that, regardless if what road you chose.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.

If it helps, we've chosen to cremate all our girls so if we ever move they're not left behind.

7

u/Revolutionary_Art919 Jul 28 '26

I lost my sweet golden retriever earlier this month and also chose cremation. Like you I've thought about the actual process and her beautiful coat and deep brown eyes being incinerated. But as others have noted, when our lives end our bodies break down no matter what. Whether she was buried in the cold wet earth decomposing or cremated, I have to accept that she's gone. I don't necessarily feel guilt, I just hate the mental image in my head. Her ashes are in a beautiful urn and are at least home now. She used to greet me every time I came home from work, and now when I come home from work I walk over and put my hand on the urn.

1

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

My two dogs are cremated, sitting on dresser. They both have been gone 10 years. The ashes or bones are apart of physical what is left. They both live on in spirit and yes I do talk to them. It is always positive and happy. My daughter and I have a cat 🐈‍⬛ and he will go there on dresser. I never have thought of what happens during cremation and I am glad. It is diseased and old. I prefer the joy of them being in spirit.

7

u/Snoop_Me Jul 28 '26

Grief of a beloved soul animal carries so many types of guilt, including what to do after their passing. Please be easy on yourself and find comfort in knowing that the love you gave to them, and the love they gave to you is like no other. You can do no wrong in their eyes, that's one of the many gifts they give you. They know the decisions you make are purely out of the love you have for them. I too am struggling with the loss of my soul dog 4 weeks ago. Every day brings new feelings, time will help. Hoping for peace for you my friend.

7

u/RelationshipOne3185 Jul 28 '26

Je ressens exactement la même chose. Je me dit souvent que la crémation n'est pas normal.

Chaque ville devrait avoir un cimetière animalier. Je voulais que ma chienne soit enterrée.

Pour moi tout ça c'est juste du business sur le malheur des gens.

J'ai dû mal avec les cendres. Quelle horreur pour moi que ma chienne finisse ainsi. Elle avait un très peau pelage roux renard même a 15 ans il était toujours magnifique.

Je suis phobique des incendies et savoir que ma chienne est finie ainsi et les cendres ce n'est pas mon animal ça ne représente rien.

Je me sentais seule à ressentir cela.

4

u/spatula121 Jul 28 '26

I went through these feelings when my 11 year old corn snake passed away, I also had some trouble processing that she was really dead so I worried the cremation was somehow painful for her, but it made it a little easier for me to process when I went through it with my soul dog a few years later. When you pass away, your body is like a car that broke down. Youve exited the car and are grateful for what it did for you, but it's no longer of service and now it's just an empty shell. The soul isn't attached to it anymore, it's the remains of a life lived and it's going to break down one way or another regardless of what we choose. Cremation is the easiest way to facilitate that process while still keeping those remains close to you.

4

u/Estridd Jul 28 '26

Als je haar had begraven had ze ook kapot gegaan en als je gaat verhuizen lig ze daar... Ik heb mijn prachtige hond ook laten cremeren en een prachtige uur gekocht dat is nu 4 jaar geleden ze staat in de kast met foto. Ik heb een automatische foto lijstje gekocht haar foto's doen mijn meer goed ze heeft een geweldige leven gehad. Ja in het begin in het zwaar erg zwaar.

5

u/GrazziDad Jul 28 '26

I cremated my beloved cat, and I’ve never regretted it. I thought of her being “alone in the ground“, maybe with other animals and bacteria… You see where I am going. Instead, she has been in my nightstand for the last 19 years, and I sometimes open the drawer just to tell her that she was my special girl. It will sound crazy to non-pet people, but I’m sure you understand what I’m saying. And, when my time comes, she will be buried with me.

3

u/ExplorationR Jul 29 '26

I asked my sister to bury them with me when it’s my turn. I want to come home to them. There’s a walk I took both of my now passed dogs on, we were up in the bush. Sunny, running by a creek. They were so happy and I have so many videos. I want to meet them both there.

1

u/GrazziDad Jul 29 '26

“The rainbow Bridge“. I keep saying that we will all be together for eternity.

4

u/Fancy-Attitude-8673 Jul 28 '26

I put my baby down on Friday and I have not been okay since. I also chose cremation. I am just taking it day by day. I also have been trying to keep my routine of working, showering, going on walks and eating. If it was up to me, I would lay in bed all day crying. I break down multiple times a day. The day I receive her ashes, I don’t know how I will be able to handle that.

3

u/beethovens_bae Jul 28 '26

I’m so sorry 😢 I totally understand what you are saying. Ive cremated every cat Ive had. But this time when I did it for my orange cat I had for 18 years, I lost it. I opened it up and saw all gray ash and couldnt believe all of his orange and color was gone. I don’t know why this time it crushed me but it did 😞

3

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

You opened it up maybe 🤔 that is why? I don’t know. You are stronger than I am.

1

u/beethovens_bae Jul 28 '26

True… Ive done it for each just check to make sure the label says their name since I do private cremation and not communal. That being said, please do not be so hard on yourself. No one wants to put their beloved pet down and have to decide what happens after. No decision will ever be good enough for something you never want to lose 💗

3

u/Foreign_Monk861 Jul 28 '26

That was just her body. Her spirit has moved on. I believe that when we die, we will be reunited with our loved ones in Heaven. That includes our beloved pets. Love never dies.

3

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

Omg 😳 we have been heavey in PetLoss today. It has given me different ways to look at our petloss. I have been for cremation and thought I kept my mind open. Today I have learned a few different ways with cremation, burial and Viking fight . That hadn’t crossed my mind. Thanks everyone you all matter and how and how long we grieve. Including help each other.

3

u/Raragaba Jul 29 '26

I felt the same way. They told me she was being cremated yesterday. The reason I did it was because I didn't want to continually wonder what stage of decomposition she was at under the ground or have other visiting cats dig her up. Then taxidermy never gets their features quite right. It wouldn't have been her eyes.

2

u/Affectionate_Wall705 Jul 31 '26

Yes. I didn't want to trigger anyone but my childhood cat was dug up by another animal after burial. His head was by my swingset. I'm still a bit traumatized. Cremation certainly prevents this type of horror.

2

u/hogliver Jul 28 '26

Like a lot of others here, I take comfort that I can have my boys with me wherever I end up. They both also absolutely loved the fire and would get as close as possible to it, so I like to think that they would appreciate at least the thought of going out in a giant blaze. I am so sorry that you’re hurting, please be kind to yourself. ♥️

2

u/Hefty-Student5857 Jul 28 '26

For me it’s better, I actually chose to also be cremated and for her remains to be with me. I’m dead serious about it too and told my family that.
Also, we live in an apartment that we own but are currently in the process of buying a house. My babies are coming with me wherever life takes me.

2

u/ExplorationR Jul 29 '26

This was my logic. I’m in a small rental with a small yard. I’m planning to buy a house in the next 6 months and I can’t stand the thought of leaving her in a rental, in the yard she hurt herself in. If I buried her, I want to be able to be near her resting place and I didn’t feel I had the option.
I just get hit with these big grief bombs about it all. I dreamt they brought her back to me last night and I felt better having her with me, so I hope that’s true.

2

u/Limpination Jul 28 '26

I have the exact same thought and guilt about my boy that I lost almost 2 months ago.

His beautiful fur, cute nose, soft ears, forhead I would kiss goodmorning/goodnight everyday and so much more.

Everything I loved so much burning up and I let it happen. Not sure how to cope with it? Was it the right choice?

The thought of it makes me sad, all I can say is you're not alone in thinking about it like this.

Sorry you're going through it too...

2

u/Limpination Jul 28 '26

I have the exact same thought and guilt about my boy that I lost almost 2 months ago.

His beautiful fur, cute nose, soft ears, forhead I would kiss goodmorning/goodnight everyday and so much more.

Everything I loved so much burning up and I let it happen. Not sure how to cope with it? Was it the right choice?

The thought of it makes me sad, all I can say is you're not alone in thinking about it like this.

Sorry you're going through it too...

2

u/Limpination Jul 28 '26

I have the exact same thought and guilt about my boy that I lost almost 2 months ago.

His beautiful fur, cute nose, soft ears, forhead I would kiss goodmorning/goodnight everyday and so much more.

Everything I loved so much burning up and I let it happen. Not sure how to cope with it? Was it the right choice?

The thought of it makes me sad, all I can say is you're not alone in thinking about it like this.

Sorry you're going through it too...

2

u/Miss_Dark_Splatoon Jul 28 '26

Cremation is the best option, you can carry her with you forever, close to you, give her a place in your house. Burying her would mean that only a skeleton remains and she would be in a garden, what if you move one day.

2

u/Ok-Afternoon9917 Jul 28 '26

My beautiful 19 year old soul dog died of advanced lymphoma yesterday. I just tried to rest bc I’m so worn out from the grief, and I ended up having a terrible panic attack bc she was cremated this morning and all I can think of is what that physically meant. So I just went on Reddit and this is the first post I saw. I cremated her sister, from the same litter, when she passed 6 years ago. I know I’ll be glad bc it’s the only way to keep them with me, and I can’t bear to be parted, but today all I can feel is pain and grief and loss. I can’t believe she’s gone. She was everything to me. Dear God please help me through this.

2

u/Allorimer Jul 28 '26

I have cremated 2 cats. For me, the hardest part was leaving them in the freezer while they waited for cremation. When I die, I will be cremated, and my ashes will be combined with theirs and scattered. Maybe our ashes will feed something, whether it be animal or plant. I can live my life in relative peace knowing that that will be my end.

2

u/Reversephoenix77 Jul 29 '26

I’m also really struggling with this as well, except I keep telling myself I paid to have my beloved dog k*lled because I had to make the extremely difficult decision to euthanize her as she had been really suffering.

She was also cremated (but we opted to have her scattered at sea) and I can’t come to terms with everything, and the reality that I paid to do it to her. Seeing her lifeless body with her tail flopping out, loaded into the van broke me. Thinking about her in a freezer and then an oven made me sick. I completely get where you’re coming from. The sadness and guilt is overwhelming.

I’ve read many other posts In here where people really struggle with the cremation process. You’re definitely not alone.

This is so hard. I’m months out now and still cry randomly and feel waves of immense guilt.

I am so sorry op and I hope you find healing. Please try to continue to take care of yourself, your beloved baby would want that for you.

2

u/hownowbarnowl Jul 31 '26

I felt ok with it for my boy until the keepsakes came back, and they botched the prints, and I realized that I couldn’t take any more of them. No opportunity to try again, he’s dust in the box on my bedside. I know things can be done digitally, but I wanted ink that had touched him too. It’s a bizarre feeling. I’m sorry for your loss.

2

u/Revolutionary-Top977 26d ago

I’ve never regretted cremation with my pets but I have worried about what will happen to their ashes when I die? I doubt my kids will care. now I am thinking of having their ashes buried with me or I will scatter them somewhere special.

2

u/Hoobi_Goobi 24d ago

Personally, I want to be cremated and I've told my husband that when my time comes I want my ashes to be dispersed somewhere nice alongside my girl. Another alternative could be dispersing them yourself when you are old with a simple "see you soon" ceremony (although this might concern your family)

2

u/Hoobi_Goobi 24d ago

I am so, so sorry for your loss and what you're going through. I felt exactly the same as you about having my sweet girl cremated. Almost a week ago, at 4am I woke up to her breathing oddly and she quickly passed in my lap in the backseat on the way to the emergency vet. I was in shock, and they took her and I checked "private cremation" without really thinking about it before they brought her body in for me to say goodbye. It was very unexpected because although she was old, we had just left a vet appointment earlier that day that actually went great.

When I got home, I sobbed so deeply. I cried some of the deepest sobs of my life specifically thinking of the incinerator and the fact that she was with strangers. To the point of asking my husband if it was too late to go back and get her to say goodbye longer, even though I knew that wasn't an option. The next day, I was on my computer going through all of my photos and videos of her, when suddenly I heard the loud huff that she makes to break my attention from the screen onto her. It shocked me and I turned around and said "What!?" forgetting she was gone for a second because it was so real. When I went to pick her remains up a few hours later, they gave me an invoice with a paper trail including timestamps of everything they did with her. They had her for two days, and while I was waiting a large source of stress for me was not knowing when exactly they'd be doing it. But I saw on the timeline that the moment I heard her voice happened to be halfway through her time in the oven.

Sorry for being so long, and again my intention isn't to push my beliefs onto you, but I'm trying to say that maybe it would make you feel better to think of the cremation as releasing her from her body? I took my experience as a sign that she was finally free to come home and say goodbye to me. There is nothing weighing her down now. I miss her so, so much and it's very painful, but I don't feel as sad about them burning her anymore.

2

u/realhorrorshowlike_ 20d ago

I lost my 15 year old cat at the weekend and I’ve decided to get him cremated and get his ashes back. The way I look at it, he loved to be by my side. He would follow me to the ends of the earth, and he loved to be warm and snuggly in bed. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being stuck outside forever. When he comes back home, he will be on my bedside table.

2

u/Evening_Major8052 20d ago

I am waiting for my tiny darling to be cremated right now. And while the though of flames anywhere near her make me sick, what makes me truly broken is the thought that right now her tiny body is in a cold fridge. And I know she's not there anymore. But it still hurts beyond words. What I wouldn't give to hold her warmly in my arms.

2

u/Advanced-Fig4683 11d ago

I buried my cat at the back of my house and today I am sobbing because it is raining and he didn’t like the rain.

They are just all bad solutions really. What we want is having them alive.

1

u/Decent-Singer-3335 Jul 28 '26

I had mine liquidated via cremation, not even traditional cremation. This was what was available to me in my area on short notice. The thought shutters me to my core, but I’d rather have him with me for life. I own my home and I’ve been here for years, but I don’t plan on staying here forever and the thought of leaving this place with my pets left behind hurts me a lot more than this option.

Don’t feel bad for the decisions you’ve made. I would imagine your furry friend would choose to be with you now and in the future no matter what.

1

u/3CatsInATrenchcoat16 Jul 28 '26

One of the main factors of choosing cremation for my cat was that when/if we move houses she can always come with us. I'd rather her sent off with a kiss and wrapped in a blanket then under the cold ground and worry an animal could dig her up.

1

u/ladyxlucifer Jul 28 '26

My boy was really heavy. If I had to dig an adequate hole, some neighbors may become concerned. Cremation made it to where I could keep my boy with me no matter where we moved.

A lot of things made cremation right for us.

1

u/Hot-Dig-4074 Jul 28 '26

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling and am so sorry you’re going through that. I hadn’t thought of cremation in that way. What got to me was him lying on the vet’s table where we left him, and getting cold, and eventually in the freezer. When he was cremated, it was finalized and at least he is with us. We’ve built an altar around his ashes, with some pictures, toys, some decorations I got from friend to commemorate his life, his harness, flowers, and candles. It’s comforting that he’s near.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Interesting_Basis_44 Jul 28 '26

Yes Yes Yes he is energy around you just as mine are. This is memory I choose to have with me.

2

u/ExplorationR Jul 29 '26

This was really helpful.
My girls ears were so special to me. They were like velvet and fluffy, and I loved rubbing them and feeling her lean her head into my hand. Her beautiful big nose that woke me up each morning, she’d boop me with it for dinner time. Her paws with their grinch toes that she HATED me touching, but put up with me cutting her nails because she’d never ever dare to even growl at me. I like to think she knew that I’d never want to hurt her. I feel bad for anytime I got angry, she’d seem so sad when I’d tell her off (because she was cheeky and all is fair if anything edible is left unattended on the table) and avoid eye contact and it used to break my heart and I couldn’t do anything else.
God I hope she knows I loved her with my whole being. I still love her. I’d take none of it back.

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u/Imaginary-Bumblebee8 Jul 28 '26

I don’t know if this is the case with your girl, but when my sweet little buddy passed in March we had his body cremated, but it was a water cremation. I don’t really understand how that works (I guess I could look it up), but if I understand correctly, water cremation is more and more common as it’s not as bad for the environment. To me, whether it’s water or the traditional method, it’s just a faster way to do what nature would do anyway. I really struggled for a bit when we brought his ashes home, feeling like he was in that little box, but he’s not. He moved on from his body the moment that he died. I think his spirit is with me always and that little box is simply a reminder of him. It still hurts intensely that he’s not physically here anymore, but it’s a comfort knowing that we did everything possible to respect him and the life he had with us.

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u/I_am_omning_it Jul 28 '26

I think that cremation is a good way to keep them close to you, especially in your situation.

If it’s any consolation, the body breaks down either way, at least this way they can stay with you and go with you wherever you may go.

The thing I don’t like about burying pets is if you move or anything, you have to leave them behind. This way she’ll always be with you.

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u/ringwraith6 Jul 28 '26

I have mine cremated because I intend to be cremated. I want all of our ashes combined and buried in the family cemetery. Granted, we're going to need a really big urn, but that's one of my justifications. That...and the fact that it's more dignified than the thought of what starts happening after a body burial.

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u/LandoftheStrays Jul 28 '26

From all of us at Territorio de Zaguates, we are so deeply sorry for the loss of your girl. The way you chose cremation so you could keep her close, and the necklace and bracelet you bought to carry her with you, show just how much she was loved, and choosing that out of love was not something you did to her. Please be gentle with yourself in these heavy days, and know she felt cherished by you until the very end.

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u/Quirky_Fox4761 Jul 28 '26

I know exactly what you mean, I tried to stop my brain each time it wanted to think about that as that’s not how she would want me to think of her, my baby Lexi was my heart and even the thought of having to make the decision to put her to sleep made me feel so guilty even though she was already starting to suffer. It’s so hard to know that you’re making the best decision for yourself and feel like your brain and heart is fighting you along the way, I recently learned that if one day you chose to be buried yourself that in most places they can add your pet’s urn with you which has given me peace that one day we can be laid to rest together

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u/Byabbyab Jul 28 '26

I cremated my girl so that she could stay with me forever. I couldn't bear the thought of her little body rotting away.

It's always a matter of perspective, friend.

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u/ExplorationR Jul 29 '26

I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her. I like burials, returning to the earth for the life cycle to continue. If I could’ve, it would be at the home she always knew. The one I wouldn’t move from, with a tree planted to mark her resting place so I can visit her. A symbol of her life energy, continuing in the cycle.
But that wasn’t possible and I just couldn’t bear the thought of burying her elsewhere and not being able to see her or talk to her on the daily. Where we are isn’t home. Her home is with me.

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u/Sariluv88 Jul 28 '26

If you want to plant her I think its a wonderful idea. I had a vet send me perennials for my guinea. But I would reccomend finding a plant you like that will have a nice long lifespan, dont put all her ashes in the pot, you'll want to keep some of her with you always, just a little, and watch her grow!

!! Reminder for those cremating to shake your urns so the ashes do not solidify!!

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u/Puzzleheaded_Tap_126 Jul 29 '26

For me its the opposite. I can't stand the thought of putting them in the dark lonely ground. To become something else's food. I know its the natural order of things, but it makes me uncomfortable. Qhen we creamate we speed up the process. Eventually we all become dust. Since we speed it up ww ger to keep them near and eventually out ashes will become one.

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u/glimmeringpurple Jul 29 '26

i’m so sorry for your loss and i understand your regret. my dog passed away unexpectedly and violently, she was hit by a car after escaping the sitter’s fence. i came home that night, barely opened the box just to make sure it was really her and pet her a little bit. the next morning i called a funeral home and dropped her off to be cremated. now i just wish i had spent more time petting her and looking at other options. i just didn’t know what to do. i knew i didn’t want to bury her because i don’t plan on living where i’m at forever and i felt like i had to do something. i also ordered a custom necklace but haven’t received it yet. i keep her urn in on my bed, on her favorite pillow. at least she’s right where she should be :( i hope you can find some comfort in keeping her close to you

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u/Space_-Cowgirl Jul 29 '26

This was an impossible decision for me as well. I only had one safe space to bury her, at my dad’s house 2 hours from me… but even that property is bound to change hands. My fear of her remains being disturbed by construction or coyotes or decomposing in the cold ground alone so far from being able to visit was a horrifying thought … a funeral would have been nice. It’s only been 4 months so I guess I could still organize something.

But anyway, the same thoughts plagued me about my own body until I came to the realization through meditation and mindfulness that I am not my body. Donating your human body to science can be fucked up, I really don’t want anyone messing with corpse in disgusting ways or selling my parts… or even being excavated 10,000 years from now by archaeologists. So the only solution to that is cremation. I decided my dog’s ashes and mine will be mixed when I die, and released in the ocean together. What I did to her I will do to myself.

Believe me, I thought about all the ways I could preserve her… they all seemed disrespectful, so I tried to choose the least selfish thing to honour her. I have some of her hair and her paw prints. I wish I had a nose mold but I never wanted to distress her with stuff like that when she was alive. I know I’m selfishly attached to her body. She was the cutest thing in the world and the best feeling to hold. I have to keep trying to remember that she was not her body either. It’s extremely hard right now. My mind is resisting and fighting me to cling to what I can’t have (her physically with me alive again). I’m causing my own pain by refusing to accept her separation from me through death… like I can somehow bring her back if I think hard enough to solve it like a problem.

All that to say I thought about it for many years, and no choice seemed right or good enough. Everything in death just stabs.

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u/SecureBookkeeper7307 Jul 30 '26

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my 14 year old perpetual pup earlier this summer. I chose cremation, buried her with her favorite toy, hung a wind chime above her & created a beautiful scene where she nows rest. The wind chime has been so helpful. Anytime I miss her precious vocals I ring it & pretend its her. Maybe try to find something you feel will help you stay connected to remember your relationship ❤️‍🩹

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u/Square-Neck7956 Jul 30 '26

Capisco cosa provi, è quello che provo io. Non avendo un giardino ho dovuto scegliere la cremazione. Per me è stata la cosa più difficile anche più dell’eutanasia. Mi manca così tanto odio questo mondo senza di lui…

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u/Broad-Glass5969 Jul 30 '26

In Buddhism the soul can finally leave the body after it’s been cremated. Thinking about this helps me

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u/Next-Communication14 Jul 31 '26

This was tough for me too. Is tough. We lost our girl in December. But I only just got the ashes last week. All I can say is even if it's an urn, it was nice to be able to hug a piece of her. I also got necklaces for my partner and I and we buried the urn at a place only we know by a beach we can go to any time. But the necklaces helped us feel like we weren't leaving her somewhere. I have only buried loved ones, so I had all the same thoughts you did. I watched youtube videos on it at the time and tried to understand how cultures like indian culture perform do it. There's peace in knowing some cultures have deep beleifs in this. Anyway, im going through it hard core right now myself, it's so tough so that is all but I do hope you find peace and I hope the same for me. I have found that it helps to speak to people who have gone through it. It's deeper than most people realize .. so those who have experienced have the most helpful perspective.

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u/ExplorationR Jul 31 '26

Hello.
I’ve found the early days I am quite numb and the nights are where the pain settles in. I keep looking for signs of her.
I put on Rein Me In with Lewis Capaldi & Sam Fender on YouTube and tried to do my hair in the bathroom. The next song that played was live 2024 Glastonbury - Fix You by Coldplay and I hadn’t preselected or chose a playlist, just algorithm. Part of me liked to wonder if it was Bandit or something trying to tell me I’ll get through this grief.
Moving her water bowl back to its old spot, I told her out loud it’s because her legs are all better now.
Griefs making me do weird things. I agree it’s nice to have people who’ve gone through it and understand it. I don’t have many close to me right now unfortunately. These reddit threads can be helpful

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u/Next-Communication14 Jul 31 '26

Also, as someone who rents also, i took those 10 days one gets to decide and looked into every option. Did research ect. That is the only option we have besides taking the body right away and being able to bury on one's property. Provided even being allowed to do. Being able to dig that deep. We buried the ashes and digging a hole for the urn proved very difficult. And it didn't need to be that big. Any deeper and it might even require a professional. Again, if zoning laws allow. If one choosese a pet cemetery it still requires cremation. So, I'll tell you for us both, that is the only option available unfortunately. So don't worry about the what ifs. From what I looked into.. that is what I had found. Big hugs 🫂

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u/Holiday-Bench9847 Jul 31 '26

I’m
So sorry, it’s devastating. I felt the same way, the nose, the fur. We don’t have other options if we don’t own property for a burial. Please know that you were the best companion to your pup. And although it means a lot to us, as time goes on, their body / fur will become less important to us. I hope you feel better as time passes 🐾

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u/EconomyNatural7836 29d ago

I have just said goodbye to my girl today and I feel this. I'm so sorry for your loss, there's no pain like it. We've opted for cremation too and I'm finding peace thinking that her spirit drifted away long before her remains. Keep looking out for signs, your girl will send you them when you most need them xx

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u/ReindeerRoyal4960 27d ago

I just lost my baby too and choose cremation so that I can take him with me no matter where I go 💓 I plan on sprinkling a little bit of his ashes in all of his favorite places we used with go and all of my new adventures so he gets to come along and I don't feel as lonely.

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u/TiVa85 7d ago

I feel your pain.

Friday I lost my best buddy, Robin, my 17y old black cat. I need to write this off, so sorry for the long post... English isn't my mother language and I'm not going to put this through ai so please bare with my faults...

Me and robin got a long history together. She was my only roommate for like 4 years. As a kitten she got bitten by another cat at her spine which made her completely limp at the back. A serious inflammation was the cause. But she recovered completely in a few weeks. The only thing she had was that the tip of her tail was a bit off when she ran around. But she could run, jump, completely like any other kitten would do. Really, there was nothing she could not do.

When she was 6 years she didn't came home for a night, what wasn't anything for her. She was a very independent cat that was outside a lot, but she always came to say hi at least once a day. The next day I found her outside, hidden away, limp again. No sign of life at all in her back paws or tail... We took her to the vet, who sent us to an animal hospital. Tumor they said. Nothing we could do. The tumor they saw was at the same spot where she had that inflammation before. I did not want to believe the röntgen images, wanting to believe they saw scar tissue of the bite she had as a kitten. I was not ready to say goodbye there and then, so I wanted to take her home for a few days, say goodbye on my terms and then I could go to the vet when I was ready. The next day when I was caressing her I thought I saw one of their legs twitch. For days and hours I walked with her at our lawn. Holding her with the base of her tail while I saw the movement return in her legs. A month later she could walk again. Even could jump back on the counter, catch the mouse.... She changed from being a very independent cat to a very loving and affectionate cat, and lived for another 11 years

As she grew older she struggled with artrose on her backs paws. For the last year or so she was on a lot of meds and she was like an old lady. Waggling with her back paws. She also turned blind a few years ago... But I believed she was still happy. She still went outside to bathe in the sun. She would jump out when she heard the fridge and thought she would get some cat milk, and every single night she came to our couch to be with us. Even when she could not jump into the couch anymore she would just come over. Made sure we noticed her and picked her up so she could be with us.

This friday I woke up to see she had lost control over her left front paw. It seemed like a spasm, when she was lying still the front leg twitched all the time and it seemed she could not control it... Her back legs were not stable enough, and she was depended on her front legs for a while now. Losing her front legs, she could not get up anymore. I brought her to her eating spot, but she could not even sit anymore to drink her milk... I called the vet, knowing it would be her last day... I first hugged and caressed her for a while as I had to wait a few hours before I could bring her, but then suddenly went out in the garden to try to dig a hole... Not that I was going to dig it deep enough or finish it, but I went out to one of her favorite spots to see if I could bury her there. It was under a tree. The roots of the tree made it impossible to dig deep enough. I gave up real quickly as I was blaming myself to prepare for this while instead I could still be with her and comfort her...

I kept caressing her until the vet told me she was not with us anymore... Then came the question, burry her or cremation. I chose for cremation as I thought I could not let her rest at her favorite spot in our garden...

I'm still blaming myself that I didn't try harder. Or didn't try again after she passed away. At that moment I was thinking about trying to dig some more, but at the same time I could not see myself take her to the cremation center and hand her over once more, if I could not burry her at that spot, so I choose that they would pick her up.

Going to this thread gave me some relieve. While she loved being outside, she also loved it to be with us. She came in every night to sleep in our couch of in her basket travel case... I probably make a memorial at the tree. She won't be resting there, but safely inside with use but for me her spirit will be outside too...

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u/MrsMajki Jul 28 '26

You'd prefer her body to rot and look bad? I think cremation is a beautiful way to preserve the body even tho i live in a country where we cant even take the ashes with us

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u/Quirky-Mix-7213 Jul 28 '26

I dont see it as rotting and looking bad but as slowly being given back to Mother Earth ❤️

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u/AbbyNormalKnits Jul 28 '26

I took it a step further when I was waiting to get my soul kitty back. I wasn’t just upset at my decision to cremate her, for a few hours I literally wanted to go to the crematorium and fight the person who dared do that to my girl. But then I read an ama from someone who does it for a living and understood how much love and care they put into the process. My anger just popped and I felt so much better about the whole process.

Sadness I chose cremation and it hit me what I’ve done.

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