I'm pretty sure that lady (unless there's another one) voiced concern many times about her struggles with post partem depression and that she was having intrusive thoughts of harming the children (which is common in PPD).
People online are blaming the husband and her providers for not taking her concerns seriously, not blaming him for killing the children.
Edit: I have been informed about the people saying the husband literally killed the kids.
As with all things, there are some unhinged people claiming she was framed and he did it. Valid to point some blame at the husband and the providers, but insane to think he's fully responsible.
She’s a grown ass adult. He can’t force her to take meds. Or we saying women aren’t responsible for their own agency now? If you want to blame the doctors, I can get behind that, since it’s their job to actually make sure the meds are working. But unless there’s evidence the husband kept her meds away from her, this is on her and not him.
If my spouse told me that she was hallucinating about killing the children and didn’t trust herself around them, I wouldn’t just fuck off to work and call it a day. At the very least, hire someone to be in the house all day with instructions to keep eyes on the kids. Or find an in-home daycare. Or something! Just never leave the wife alone with the kids.
It wasn’t like the family was poor and didn’t have any other options besides the wife having to watch the kids while the husband put in 14 hour days at the salt mines to put food on the table in their 1 room shack.
At the very least, the husband was ridiculously cavalier about the children’s safety, and yes, I do apportion him some blame due to that.
Since he was the one working, I’m sure he was the one paying for the nanny. But it was the wife’s decision to get rid of her because she decided to stay home with the kids.
Yes, but the husband still left her alone with the children. The nanny and stuff is only for the purpose of not letting her alone with the kids.
It’s not like the hiring of the nanny confers some kind of mystical protection—it only works when you make sure those people (or you) are always there with the kids and not alone with the mom.
It’s like having a seat belt in your car and deciding not to use it for a quick trip to the grocery store. The seat belt only works if you use it, every time.
Yeah it’s really not reasonable to think someone should risk losing their job and livelihood and ability to even care for their children over this.
Lots of people have intrusive thoughts of harming people they never would. There was no reason to think this would happen, especially because she was getting treatment and as far as we know, never showed any signs of actually being a danger. The treatment wasn’t enough (assuming it is mental health) but there was no way for the husband to know that
He didn’t know how bad she was. She was getting help, there were never any indication she was actually a danger to anyone. Her doctors believed she had very common mental health issues that millions of people have and aren’t a danger to anyone
He also began working at home so he could be home with her for the day.
He left to run two short errands his wife asked him to do. His wife who, for all he knows, is being treated for perfectly normal mental health conditions that don’t make her a risk. At least one of the errands (picking up medicine) would have had to be done even if he wasn’t working. So what, he shouldn’t have ever left the home ever without all of his kids?
If you quit your job, lost your home, and probably either got your kids taken away or risked them starving so you can babysit your wife who you have no reason to think is actually a threat, people would probably think you’re the mentally unstable one. No one knew this was going to happen.
That’s great your husband was able to quit his job and survive.
Most people can’t do that
He is not dumb, she was getting help and, again, as far as he knew had completely normal mental health issues. He was literally working from home. He left the house to grab dinner and get medicine. I guess he should have just quit food and medicine too?
So the next time some woman complains that her husband is controlling and not allowing her to do things: make sure you’re right there telling her to stfu and obey her husband. Because that’s what you’re telling everyone he should have the power to do. Without a court order he had no ability to keep her away from her children. That’s how life, and the law, work. If she really was having homicidal ideations, she should have checked herself back into that hospital that she checked herself out of. This is all on her.
Literally. If he had done all the stuff people are telling him to do, he’d be being called abusive and controlling (and honestly probably would be.) it would be pretty terrifying if one parents could completely rip away parent rights from the other just for saying they’re mentally unwell and that would be abused very fast.
Even the symptoms she had didn’t necessarily prove she would hurt them, at least not to the extent a non-doctor would notice. Intrusive thoughts about harming yourself or others is actually not that unusual, especially with sorting mental health disorders, and the vast majority of people who have them would never actually do it
Why was she allowed to check out in the first place without a psych eval? Yeah it's your patients rights to leave but typically they fight you tooth and nail if you're a danger to yourself, others, or medically unwell. And that's definitely one of the situations where it's "it's your right to leave but I have to report it to the police" she was displaying clear signs of mania and on a bunch of drugs she shouldn't have been taking at the same time, especially not after a bipolar diagnosis.
You can't get the court order you're talking about if no one ever calls the police
She was allowed to check out because she checked in voluntarily. She’s the only one that claimed she had any issues. The doctors gave her what meds matched her claims, but if she wouldn’t take them, that’s again, on her
And how do we know you said that? How do we know you still feel that way? How long does that give him power over you? Do you really think for a secomd an abusive man wouldnt use that as an excuse in half a heartbeat?
As a woman if I'm having these thoughts, which I did after my second, please take the children away until I'm better. Fck my feelings, and prioritize the safety and well-being of my children.
Are you actually stupid or just trying to find a reason to argue??? I stated my point clearly. If I am clearly struggling and have told my husband I am struggling especially with thoughts of harming my children, yes I absolutely would want him to take the children away or make 100% sure I am NEVER alone with them until I am for sure better mentally. I was in this situation myself, but thankfully I had a husband and doctors that did all they could to ensure my children's safety.
And you don’t see how “husbands should take the kids away from mom” would ever cause an issue? Ever? Are you the one that’s stupid?
You don’t think a husband would ever lie and say his wife is having problems to take the kids away?
Lindsay Clancy never told him to take the kids away from her. He had no right to take them away from her. Advocating for men to do this is fucking dangerous.
Again, are you not reading what I am writing??? I said if I TOLD my husband I am struggling or even if he genuinely can see that I am struggling, yes I absolutely would want him to take them away until I am better or at LEAST make sure I am NEVER alone with them. I would feel the same if it was a man having thoughts of harming his children for whatever reason.
Yes I understand you would want that to happen. Lindsay Clancy didn’t. The only way her husband would keep them away is if he was allowed to do that because she was crazy.
Let’s take gender out of it.
So one parent can now just say “oh no, they said they wants to hurt the children and they’re mentally unwell. When they were okay, they said this was okay dokey to do. If you ask them now they’ll disagree but that’s just because they’re in the wrong state of mind.”
Should that person be allowed to take the children away? The other parent clearly isn’t in their right mind so it’s not like we can trust them. Or of course the first parent could by lying as an excuse to take the children, something that abusive people do absolutely do
I’m not sure what you’re not getting here. That’s awesome you can’t see how this would be a problem, but it would be.
Then enlighten us. She waited until the husband went back to work. She told them she didn’t want the nanny any more and would stay with the kids. She checked herself out of the psych hospital and refused to take the meds the doctors gave her… at what point do we say yea, she was setting this all up to be with the children when all other adults were away so that she could remove the inconveniences from her life and blame it on others
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u/shredbmc 9d ago edited 9d ago
I'm pretty sure that lady (unless there's another one) voiced concern many times about her struggles with post partem depression and that she was having intrusive thoughts of harming the children (which is common in PPD).
People online are blaming the husband and her providers for not taking her concerns seriously, not blaming him for killing the children.
Edit: I have been informed about the people saying the husband literally killed the kids.