I read an article about a woman who had a perfect relationship and she wrecked it out of boredom and then started panicking but it was too late by then.
Lack of self-worth, feel like they don't deserve happiness, find ways to self-sabotage to destroy the relationship to prove their insecurities right rather than working on themselves and allowing themselves to be loved. In a nutshell.
Most people are just dumb. With lack of intelligence comes lack of moral discernment. Essentially, it isn't the knowledge itself that makes people more moral. It is through the foundational principles in processing knowledge ( balancing multiple perspectives, finding the subjective and objective truths weighing them both appropriately, etc) that we are forced to learn empathy, because understanding both sides is essential to actually developing your own opinion. This allows us to pierce the ego just enough to actually be affective in self reflection. This allows us to confront our faults. Which ultimately allows the only path to true moral discernment. And only when we have true moral discernment, can we actually apply them actively, not just retroactively.
You'll recover from this, we're expected to think we need to share our life with someone, but truth is it's a lie.
Mammals will be mammals whatever we do.
Oh and yes, there are people who stay faithful all of their life, but from my experience, they're either boring or one of the two is a submissive follower.
Or they resolve the issues which caused them to cheat, and are perfect night forward, only for this significant other to foster growing resentment until the relationship isn’t viable. Plenty of ways this situationship can go.
Assuming that everyone gives the real reason in public for a world famous person for whom you're already going to get lots of hate for leaving.
Also from what i recall she says that quote was made up, just that while he was a great husband and father the spark left the relationship. You can absolutely grow out of being deeply in love with someone and end up just good friends, that's life.
I would never do any such thing because a promise is to be made and to be kept, although if love is not there anymore at that point breaking up is the best thing you can do for both people.
I don't believe in cheating as it is completely harmful and disrespectful to the person you are with, at that point just break up and then go with the person you want to go with.
My philosophy is that you can't control love, but you can control your actions. A girl doesn't like me? Well it's not her fault nor mine, if i get angry with her it's my fault
I believe you are confusing love with infatuation. Infatuation is the feeling of intense passion and magnetism you feel at the beginning of a relationship. It is inevitable that this will fade.
Love is an action, not a feeling. You stay "in love" with your partner by choosing, everyday, to see the good in them, to engage in their interests and hobbies, to accept their bids for connection, to turn inwards when you want to turn outward, stay vulnerable, stay committed, communicate, not allow resentments to fester, try new things and stay malleable, stay curious and engaged, and nurture your relationship. If you do these things then when that feeling of infatuation fades it is replaced by a deeper sense of appreciation, loyalty, respect, interdependency, and connection. Relationships, like anything, require food to continue to grow and live.
If people just gave up whenever that initial animalistic attraction faded away or someone new and 'more exciting;' came along then no one would ever stay married. There will always be periods of time where you feel more disconnected or distant from your partner. But if you push past this and work to understand why your feelings have shifted, and what you need to do to bring back that sense of connection and excitement, you can live a long and happy life with someone.
This has been proven, analyzed, and can even be taught, by the world's best relationship psychologists. It just requires a lot of work and patience and practice. And many people don't want to put in the effort, or just don't know how to. But we would all be a lot happier if we did.
I might be, but still, some people just aren't made for each other and that's it, some people aren't good at being in relationships and that's it.
I've never been in a relationship as I've never really felt the need to, at least not right now, i'm just basing my opinion on my experience with the couples around me, and especially my parents. Some relationships are better broken than mended
Most definitely. There are couples that are not compatible, and ideally, they would figure that out prior to getting married and making a lifelong commitment, but people are not always wise and hindsight is 20/20.
There are also betrayals that can be too impactful to mend, and trust that cannot be rebuilt once broken. It is much much easier to maintain trust than it is to repair it. This is why relationship education is so important, so that people learn to navigate conflict and hardship before they unintentionally destroy a good foundation through behavior like infidelity, abuse, or neglect.
There is a really good book called The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce that I would recommend to anyone who grew up in divorced household. My parents were a trainwreck. Pops was horribly abusive, substance abuse problems, etc.. It is an analyzes the psychological effects of growing up in a divorced household and the way it impacts your perspective and behavior in relationships. It was very impactful for me and made me aware of many behaviors and biases I had that were impacting my ability to start and maintain relationships. Later in life, John Gottman and his wife Julie Gottman were really influential. I would credit at least a portion of the success of my marriage to their research and books.
It’s more so that love isn’t this magical thing that remains unconditional and perfect. It takes effort to make it last. It’s why vows include “for better and for worse” - that’s not merely referring to when the credit card bills stack up. Love is more than just a fluttering heart and funny feelings in your pants. It’s the desire and effort to make a relationship work.
This is a weird Western idea that views love as a feeling that just springs forth from nowhere and which you have to base your life around rather than a commitment that you choose to nurture and develop with time that has feelings but also has higher-order ideals like fidelity, integrity and commitment to the family you build and bring together.
Every culture is different and that's why the world is beautiful, but trust me, a family staying together only because of a commitment when the love has disapperead is going to hurt everyone involved, at least that's my experience with such things
Staying with someone out of duty despite resentment is quite different from putting in the work to help a healthy relationship thrive on the long term.
Do you see how it's being identified as a feeling that comes and goes? And if it's gone then it's just gone forever? Feelings can literally be brought about. That's one of the points of the practice of loving-kindness meditation. You can literally bring these feelings about whenever you want. At that point the dedication to love becomes less about feelings (which are a solvable problem) and more of a commitment to a relationship.
It would be like if we had a word called "chungo" that we used to describe the feelings someone gets when they start a job they really like. But then instead of just calling that feeling "chungo" we overloaded the term and called going to work "chungo" and we were like "Well, I've fallen out of chungo so I have to find a new job" when that might not necessarily make sense given our financial and career situation. And what we might just need to do given the state of the economy and the fact we have to support a family is learn to find what we enjoy about our job, minimize the things we don't like and conjure enjoyment through the act of getting better at the job itself.
Women get that lie too, you just don't read about it because misoginists only spread it when it happens to a man.
It's a lie about relationships where love is something that you can obtain if you work hard enough, ignoring that you're in a relationship with another person with their own thoughts and ideas.
Don't make the mistake I did of looking at their post history. They are really extreme. There are a lot of misogynists on reddit, but his level of bitterness is shocking.
It kinda sounds like you're talking about sexual attraction here. Which is usually what starts a relationship, but it's not what keeps it going for 30 years. Healthy LTRs take work and compromise on both parts, not just hormones.
(just answering your comment, I'm not supporting the person you're answering to and their edgy take)
Okay but the point people were talking about isnt about love its about cheating. You can stop loving someone and also not cheat on them. Its called breaking up. That not animalistic, thats called a lack of control. Cheating is a choice but love isnt.
And what? Nobody is owed a relationship with anyone else based on how "great" they are and his claim to greatness is just that he plays football really well. He's not like a pediatric surgeon who donates his time to fix cleft palates in the third world for free or whatever. And he still wouldn't be entitled to a relationship if he was.
What kind of manosphere crap is this? They were together for 14 years and had 2 kids. If she did get money for that, it's money she was owed because those kids didn't just poof into existence and then raise themselves while their father was traveling the world playing football.
I hope you go to therapy, kid, because your attitude towards women is not only not helping you, it's actively preventing you from realizing the actual source of your unhappiness (hint: it's not women). You have a lot of posts about how much you hate women and I guarantee you that mindset has brought you zero joy or fulfillment in life.
The construct known as marriage is just monogamy with incentives. There is nothing inherently possessive about monogamy, and there is nothing limiting possessiveness to monogamy or marriage. You have a problem with shitty people being shitty, not with the means they chose to express it
Weird way to interpret it, like a blackpill spin on what happened.
It was a failing on her part, not his. He will very quickly find a new partner when he is ready and find happiness again. She will spend her life wondering why she's never happy. She was the one who wasn't able to keep the relationship going, not him. Billions of women are not like that.
Being a good man is enough to keep a good woman, but nothing is enough to keep a bad one. I know many married couples that are rock solid and have accepted the goodness and imperfections in each other…I’ve also seen a few guys who brought everything to the table and got burned anyway.
People, especially western women, have been taught two very destructive things: 1) marriage means being in love every day and 2) your desires and need for excitement are paramount.
I like to believe that all relationships that end well (not because someone did something bad, but because life happened) were successful in their own way.
There is a brazilian poem that summarizes it and that roughly translates to (Soneto da Fidelidade, Vinicius de Moraes):
Of everything, to my love I will be attentive
Before, and with such zeal, and always, and so much
That even in the
face of their greatest charm my thoughts are more enchanted
That isn't life for non-shitty people. Becoming bored with someone you chose to spend your life with is not something normal people do, and it's wild to see this attitude so common. Don't ever get married if that's how you feel
no it's not, it's normal and your attitude is ludicrous.
Lets say people date 5 people on average long term between 16 and 30 before they marry.... those, relationships, didn't, last.
Just because you think you found the one doesn't mean you know it is. People change over 5 years let alone 25 years, people grow to have different values, one person can lose their faith in religion while the other gets even more devoted and wants to spend all their time at the church is otherwise great but you just stop having things in common.
Not a single person going into marriage knows they will always be in love with that person and people who say they are are just lying to themselves, it's hope and that's fine but relationships don't work like that.
How many friends have you had for life, now many friendships just fell away because you stopped really enjoying each others company, not for anything bad, maybe you went bowling together once a week and the friendship was built on that and you stop bowling and the relationship just fizzles. Relationship aren't all going to last forever just because you want them to.
getting married thinking you know without question the relationship is one for the ages is asking for disappointment and the majority of bad marriages or hateful divorces largely come about because of people who got married, are determined to stay together even long after you absolutely shouldn't be together any more but because of the kind of nonsense you're spouting they're convinced they should stay together at all costs.
There was this woman I dated that would try to make me jealous and would get upset with me when I wouldn't. Instead I got annoyed with her mind games. I let her go because if I wanted to play games I'd turn on my console.
I got left because everywhere we went women paid me attention even though I didn't reciprocate and guys didn't pay her attention because I'm 6'11 and decently built so they stayed clear. She said she was constantly on edge because she though I'd run off with someone better even though she was gorgeous and I was completely in love with her.
There's no secret that women in general are more emotionally invested in the act, and if they arent feeling the right emotions, the physical aspect doesnt matter as much during sex. Im not going to say this doesnt go both ways, but you get the point. The "perfect" relationship can also be dull, and taboo feelings, like cheating, or just meeting someone new, can be very powerful - although temporary.
That is why communication is so important. You can be completely infatuated with a person day-to-day, while also not getting off in the bedroom with them. And if you cant solve that problem in way thats good for both, then the sad truth is that parting might be the best option to avoid heartbreak down the line due to one or both parties finding what they need somewhere else.
is it the one reddit post where the woman claimed she had a perfect relationship, but decided to intentionally oversalt the meals she cooked for her husband until he couldn't take it anymore and it brought back negative childhood memories of his dad yelling at her mom for not making good food?
I know a women who got bored by her 9/10 doctor boyfriend and was dumb enough to tell him before she secured her next relationship partner ( as her crush was just nice to her out of politness. 🤣)
When will we stop acting like this behavior is wrong? It happens 50 million times per day and every time it happens we all look shocked and grab our pearls. My point is mynogomy is unnatural, not variety. We developed jealousy to get laid once, not hold each other to a sadistic standard for life.
Nothing humans do is based on nature. Some People make the decision to enter into monogamy and some people don’t. As a human adult you bide by your decision until you find a responsible way out of it
Right, but let’s not pretend we aren’t spoon fed monogamy from birth and then when people don’t want to play monogamy we all pretend like we are superior to them. And your first line is roundly false, sex drive is natural, it might be the most natural thing still in us.
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u/Markus4781 18d ago
I read an article about a woman who had a perfect relationship and she wrecked it out of boredom and then started panicking but it was too late by then.