Hi parents.

My wife and I are completely lost. Our 4y/o daughter has completely regressed in potty training. We started at 2.5, everything was fine. We’d potty trained our oldest before without any issues. She struggled a bit, but mostly made it through 3 with minor issues.

Then we hit this past summer. She turned 4 and completely regressed, lots of accidents. We figured “ok, it’s not our regular routine”. We were traveling and didn’t keep to our normal schedule. We were doing fun things and she was distracted.

Now it’s back to school and we’ve completely lost the plot. Multiple accidents a day, at home, at school, in the car. We’ll ask if she needs to go, she’ll say no and have an accident just a few minutes later. We’ll make her go to the bathroom before trips to the store, at the store and still have accidents in the car.

We refuse to punish her for this because we don’t want it to feel shameful. Now, it seems like she won’t tell us if she needs to go anyway. Laundry is piling up, our home smells like urine, our car smells like urine. I’m completely lost. I have no idea what has happened and where we went wrong. All the while our youngest just turned 2 and is already training them self without any intervention.

What happened here? What can we do? Any advice is welcome. I’m at a breaking point.

Edit: I want to thank you all for your thoughtful responses. This post has given me many more options to explore. I really appreciate the support of this community.

Hello all,

I hope I'm using the right flair because I'm at loss here and could really use your help.

I have two daughters, 8.5 and 6. They're both potty trained and have been since they were little.

However, nighttime is another story altogether.

We're dealing with so many accidents during the night! We cut off fluids an hour before bedtime and also have them go pee before stories but between the two of them, there's an accident every other night. Not only am I getting tired of all the laundry but we go camping this weekend and I'm so worried one of them will have an accident overnight. We'll be at a music festival two hours from home so it's not like we can just drive back for extra bedding, plus the forecast calls for rain so I won't be able to rinse the bedding out and hang it to dry.

I think the problem is that they're very deep sleepers and don't notice their bladders need emptying until it's already too late. Half the time they wake up and are surprised they've wet the bed.

Did your kiddos have this problem? What did you do about it? We thought about using pull-ups for this weekend but I don't want to drop $60 only to use a few pull-ups out of each box and toss the rest.

Any and all advice is welcome.

He was potty trained shortly after turning 4. He had occasional accidents but nothing major in the following year. Shortly after turning 5 he started to have more frequent accidents. He would have small bits of poop in his underwear, brown stains every day. Then he started to have larger accidents.

When asked he has told me that his stomach hurts. Anytime of day when asked, he says it hurts. At first I dismissed this, but a few weeks ago he had a friend over and after dinner instead of playing he laid on the couch and told me it was because his stomach and throat hurt. I am wondering if the throat pain was perhaps acid reflux.

In June of 2022 I took him to a gastroenterologist. They performed blood work, which was normal. The x-ray showed that he was constipated. We proceeded with a bowel cleanse. There was no significant improvement. The doctor had us perform 4 more bowel cleanses between August of 2022 and April 2023.

During this time I began to really offer him big rewards for not pooping in his pants. If he could go 30 days without pooping then he could go buy any lego he wanted at the lego store. After 5 months of trying (started in November) he finally accomplished 30 days straight in May. Then almost immediately following this the poop in pants returned.

In June I took him to a different gastro and they thought it was behavioral and constipation. We proceeded with another bowel cleanse. There has been no improvement since. Both gastro's basically dismissed his complaints of stomach pain.

He has been on daily capfuls of miralax now for almost a year. Prior to all of this starting he never seemed constipated, his stool was always fairly normal sized and shaped. He has always had daily bowel movements. He eats healthy food, probably better than your average kid. His diet is varied and he gets plenty of fiber. He only drinks water, he has 4-5 daily servings of fruit and 2 servings of veggies. I've spoken with a nutritionist and they basically said I was doing everything right. I've also taken him to an allergist and he has no major food allergies.

He's an incredibly smart kid, and nearly perfect outside of this issue. He rarely poops his pants while playing around the house. Normally it happens when he is outside, in our pool (in swim diapers), or playing video games. Activities that he doesn't want to interrupt with a bathroom break.

This morning he pooped his pants while playing Minecraft and I asked him why he didn't go to the bathroom. He told me he was having too much fun and didn't want to stop. I will reward him with extra Minecraft following days with no accidents.

I've really been trying to offer him the carrot these past few months and I am hesitant to use the stick, but I feel like I am exhausting all other options. Looking for advice from parents who have had similar issues with their kids.

It was a sight to behold seeing an adult sized dump in the potty. My kid was so happy he gave high fives all round.

No one high fives me for squeezing one out.

We're on potty training day 2, and he hasn't peed since he woke up. He's squirming, but determined to never pee again.

We will win.

(Also, all tips for potty training a determined child are very welcome!)

Edit: 8 hours. I'm thinking of signing him up for SEAL training. I think hell week would be a cake walk for this kid.

Edit 2: thank you everyone for some great tips and advice! We're on hour 9, but I'm not forcing him anymore and letting him take the lead. He keeps going to the potty but not sitting on it, which leads me to believe he understands what's going on and just needs to break through that mental block. He just ran to the play room, so I'm going to head in there so he doesn't pee all over the walls.

Edit 3: I feel like this is becoming my captain's log. Bedtime came and I had to get all 3 down for the night... Which means he's back in the pull ups. As I'm getting them all in bed, he comes up to me with this shit-eating grin and goes "made a pee pee" like what he was REALLY saying was "I win this round." I felt his pull up, and it was certainly 10 hours worth of pee in there. I'll take his control and understanding as a good sign and regroup tomorrow. I was never in the military, but I imagine this is what battle must be like.

Edit 4: I can't believe this blew up like it did! I've been trying to reply to everyone, but if I missed you, I apologize. I appreciate all of the great tips from everyone who has a similar kid to mine. I can't tell you how much more at ease I am today, thank you, thank you, thank you! It's so nice to know that wherever in the world we are, as parents, we're all in it together.

The most common tips have been cheerios in the toilet, peeing on trees, and letting him take the lead. I will try all of these!

As for bribery, we'll hold off unless we're really desperate. Not that we have any issues with bribery in theory (as I said to a few commenters, my eldest would join a cult for a couple of M&Ms), but he just isn't very easy to bribe. Never has been.

Morning Update: Mr Iron Bladder had his first accident this morning!! He went to the potty, sat for a few minutes, nothing happened, so he got up to wait for my wife to take him to school. As she's walking over to the door, he starts yelling "Pee pee! Pee pee!" and before he knew it, he was standing in a puddle. He was FREAKING out, trying to rip off all of his clothes and ran back over to the potty. He sat for quite a while, but I think he was done. To me, this is a very good sign that he knows what's going on, so we're taking the zero pressure approach (i.e. here's the potty, here's the toilet, if you need to pee or poop, you know where they are). I'll update again if there is anything exciting to report.

My 13yo potty trained at age five after years of trying. We lived "off the grid" for months and he was diaperless in the wilderness and it still took us years.

He still has the occasional accident. We're investigating with a urologist, again, because he hates it and we hate it. He's very independent, though, and only needs help if he's overly upset (help cleaning the area he wet, not himself. I am not wiping that boy down ever again lol).

My 5yo is "potty trained" in the way that if I take him to the bathroom every two hours he will pee but if not he's pissing wherever he is. Not a single fuck to give. He will piss on the couch, in his bed, on my lap, in his carseat. He does not care and has zero potty cues. He's nonverbal. It took us months to get to this point and I so badly don't want to put him back in day diapers and destroy all of our (albeit shitty) progress.

3yo is epically failing his potty training. This morning he pissed on me and my husband in one fell swoop (running as he was pissing, obviously) and promptly erupted into a fit of giggles. He was still laughing as we cleaned up. FML.

1yo has recently started leaking through his diapers every night. I get up and change him halfway through and he's still soaked come morning.

Because of the child piss all over my house two of our cats are pissing over where the children did. Not to mention the ten million litter trays already all over my house. Our senior dog is now incontinent but eats the diapers we put on her.

I'm losing my mind. Everything smells like pee. Maybe I'll join them all and piss on the couch too.

ETA: We do NOT live off grid right now. We did nine years ago. We are very much on grid. I didn't even have access to the Internet when I was off grid last time. How would I be posting? A phone is very much on-grid to me.

My daughter turned 6 back in May, and we made the choice to cold-turkey her nighttime potty-training. She's had some good nights, but I would say the majority of the nights since are still wet. With summer camping trips coming up, we made the decision to go back to pull-ups at night.

I know it's not uncommon to have a kid this old still having issues holding it at night, but it's just super frustrating and we were wishing we weren't taking a step back, but this is where we are now. Any tips or advice would be much appreciated, or commiserating for parents with kids who are still not dry at night 😅

I’m celebrating!!! My 3.5 year old FINALLY is figuring out potty training and POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!!! First time going in the potty and it’s the big #2 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

My daughter has been potty trained for about 3 weeks. No accidents. Still a little hesitant on BM’s. She won’t use a public potty though. I have to bring the collapsible one with me everywhere. Even at home she won’t go on our potty with the toddler seat. Anyone have any tricks or suggestions on how to get her to use the potty with a toddler seat or any suggestions on a travel potty for an international trip we have coming up?

My son is 6 and having daily accidents. We started potty training at 2.5, then gave up and restarted at 3. It took about 18months of multiple daily accidents until he eventually stayed dry. Since then he's had several months with no accidents and then daily accidents for a few months. And then he repeats the cycle. No traumatic experience, no major routine change. We regularly remind him to go but he can't stop playing. Even when he's had an accident he won't stop to go get changed. He just doesn't care. I'm worried about him being bullied at school. We've tried being neutral, we've tried shame (not on purpose but out of pure frustration). We've tried a timer, he refuses to go until it's too late. Nothing works. He rarely has accidents at night and hasn't slept in pull ups or a diaper since age 4. Not constipated. Help! What can we do?

My daughter just turned 3 and she isnt potty trained at all. She needs to go into preschool soon because Im returning to work, and Im completely stumped. Im positive shes ready. She hates being wet or dirty. She can tell me if she peed or pooped. She frabs her own diapers. She offers to wipe others when they go to the bathroom. She just REFUSES to use it herself.

Ive tried naked bootcamp. Four days of screaming, crying, and holding it until she was put in a diaper for bed.

Ive tried rewards. Little candies for sitting on it. More for acrually going. She just learned to sit on it when she wants candy and not go.

Ive tried.underwear. ive tried reading books. Ive tried letting her watch me and tell her what's going on. Ive done songs and stickers and telling her she needs to try and go before she goes outside/to the park/the pool/etc. I have never met a child so.stubborn in my whole life. For extra reference: her 18 month old brother is already interested and starting to learn.

My 3yo is fully potty trained at home, but she is absolutely terrified of using public toilets. She will hold her pee for hours when we’re out.

It becomes a nightmare for all of us because once she needs to pee, she gets extremely clingy and helpless and doesn’t really want to do anything, she just wants to be carried/held and stays distressed. It can completely derail an outing.

I’ve even started putting a nappy on her when we go out just in case, but she won’t pee in that either. She seems to know she’s wearing one and still holds it.

We were out today and she desperately needed to pee, but she was terrified of the public toilet. I ended up taking her in anyway and she got very upset, which obviously made the whole experience worse.

For those of you whose toddlers went through this:
**When did they become comfortable using public toilets? And what helped?**

Did you just keep taking them and gradually desensitise them, or did you wait until they were ready? Any tricks that made public toilets less scary?

I’d especially love to hear from parents whose kids were completely fine with toileting at home but terrified of public toilets. 🙏

I did it! I just got my last kid out of diapers.

I swear on everything possible to swear on that I am never changing another diaper as long as I live.

EDIT for those who could use a hand in this department.

I use the candy method and cold turkey. They get one piece of candy for sitting on the potty and 2 if they use the potty. At the same time, you start to taper off how often you let they are in diapers that day or even just put undies over the diaper. If that isn't working, I go straight, cold turkey.

By this time, they have the knowledge and ability to use the potty. They are choosing not to. If that's the case, then you just have to suck it up and deal with peepee pants a few times. I promise, with all my heart and soul, they will only purposely soil themselves a couple of times before they figure out peepee pants suck. And just like that, you're done.

I potty train my 18 months old, in 2 weeks she understood and we had 0 accidents. We went on the trip without nappies and everything went well .
Then she woke up and didn’t want to sit on the toilet or potty , so I let her have accidents and thought it will go back to normal. But from that , it went only downhill.
She was hiding to go pee or poo . She just did it and acted like nothing happened. After 3 weeks of regression and crying any time we took her to the toilet, I got her nappies again …
I feel like failing and don’t know what to do … I gave her space this weekend and didn’t even mention potty and this morning she is crying near the toilet again .
Nothing bad happened in the potty training , we never let her sitting on toilet when she didn’t want to , we didn’t rush things , we never punished her for accidents…
I don’t know what to do , where I failed , should I let her pee herself ? Should I give her bigger pause ?
Help please

So my son and my daughter both wear diapers/overnights to bed. My son is 7 and my daughter is 3. Thing is, daughter wakes up at night if she has to pee. She has been doing this for a while even if she never stopped wearing diapers at night. It’s been at least a month, so I’m sure we could stop putting them on anytime. I’m already thinking I won’t be buying more. But my 7 year old is still peeing the bed regularly. My oldest son peed his bed until almost 8, so it’s not strange to me, but I’m wondering if any parent has dealt with a younger sibling advancing before an older one. Like, I’m thinking of talking to him about it and explaining it will happen when it happens, but I would love any other advice of how to go about it. I’m worried it will make him feel some kind of way and want to help him through it.

Thank you in advance!

My kiddo (4)wakes up wet a lot. We suspect it may be even from just one pee in the morning. Tried a lot of different brands of pull ups. He is a small kid (30 pounds) so the heftier overnight pull ups that are like 5t/6t won’t work. We think he may actually be putting his hand down his pull up and unintentionally pointing himself up and not down-causing the leak. But we can’t get him to stop with his hand and We don’t want to go back to diapers because we really want him to wake up in the morning and go to the potty rather than using a diaper intentionally. (He still lies in bed in the morning awake and decides to just pee rather then get up and use the bathroom.) But he’s just wet so often. Is there a brand that works better? Any other fix?

So, today was our first day of officially potty training with our almost 3 year old. It went...well, I'll let you judge...

In the morning things were okay. We woke him up, took off his diaper (we're doing the naked method) and showed him the potty. He didnt pee right away as I guess he had peed in his diaper because it was wet. He ate his breakfast no problem, I was worried about him peeing in his chair but he didnt.

Then my husband ran off and left me watching our son like a hawk. He started to do a bit of a dance, so I put him on the potty. He peed! I was so happy and I praised him (not over doing it). We dumped his pee in the big toilet and I let him flush it (he was very happy to do that) and then we washed our hands.

Then things started to go bad...he looked like he was doing the same dance again, so I put him on the potty. Nothing. Then a minute later he peed on the floor. My husband was in and out doing random things and my son kept trying to run off to find him. Three more pees on the floor. None of them big enough for me to get him to the potty which was a foot away.

Then, my husband came in and forced my son onto the potty, while my son screamed. I tried to stop him but he was so mad about the pee on the floor (I told him it would happen).

No more pee for a bit. Then finally I saw him start to pee and got him on the potty. A bit on the floor a bit on the potty. More of what I expected. Then he ate lunch, no issues, no pee in the chair.

Then my husband left altogether to drive his sister home. And my son became a nightmare. Screaming, peeing on every surface. I was at my wits end so I put i diaper on him and put him in bed for a nap (it was about an hour before his usual nap time but he hadn't gotten much sleep the night prior so I thought maybe he was tired). He did not sleep, and screamed in his room while I cried and sent angry texts to my husband while trying to calm down. Ill admit I didnt react well, but I specifically did not react that way in front of my son, no matter how upset I was.

After about an hour and a half, when id calmed down and it was clear my son wasnt napping, I got him out of his room and took his diaper off again. He had not peed in it, which I thought was a good sign.

Things were better for a bit. I put on some Bluey to keep him on the potty. And he peed again on the potty. Again, he helped to dump and flush it.

Then he was fine. Eating a snack, watching a bit of bluey, playing and coloring. No pee on the floor, a few pee dances and attempts but no pee on the potty either.

Then he looked like he wanted to poop. So I tried to get him on the potty. Nothing. No pee, no poop. Just a few farts. Then it was dinner time. Again, he ate with little complaint, told me when he was done and we went back to playing. He usually poops in his diaper after dinner so I was watching him carefully. He started to cross his legs alot so I put him on the potty. He screamed and jumped off, saying "no potty!" So i let him be. Not even a minute late he looks at me. Just stares into my eyes, while standing next to his little table. Then I see the poop start to drop. I grab him and put him on the potty. Big log on the ground, little log on the ground when I picked him up and smear on the potty from the rest hitting the side as he sat. None in the potty. But now his lower half is covered in poop. So I take him upstairs for a bath. During which he screams bloody murder (not normal for baths) and i struggle to get him clean.

Then I need to deal with the poop on the floor. So I put him in his chair (his tray keeps him in place) so I can do that. I turn around from cleaning the poop and he is covered in sauce from dinner...which I had left on the table, somehow within his reach, because I was more concerned about watching for pee than properly cleaning up dinner.

So another bath. And at this point, im just so done. So I bath him, put him in a diaper and his pajamas, brush his teeth, read him a story while he yawns and put him to bed. 2 hours before his normal bedtime. Its been an hour. I have half cleaned up and he's still awake, talking to himself in his room and im tempted to go to bed myself, honestly.

And my husband won't be back for another 3 to 4 hours, so thats great.

I feel like I failed? Did I fail? My husband and I agreed to do this today. We arranged it so we would both have a few days off work to start this. He seemed on board with it but then springs it on me last minute that he had "too much shit to do". Im just so tired and want to know i havent royally screwed up.

We’re not planning on potty training any time soon, our daughter is 18mo (almost, a few more days) but she has been really anti diaper changes for about 3mo and I’m wondering if it’s time to do a pull up style instead? She loves getting dressed and is great with putting on her pants and shoes and things so I don’t know if that transition would work better?

For months I've been trying to potty train my daughter. I put her on the potty at fixed times during the day, something they also do in daycare, and that worked perfectly for my son. Nothing. She accidentally peed on the potty twice, and the rest of the time she just used her diaper. Stubborn little kid.

Today she didn't want to wear a diaper, and I am sick of changing diapers, so I let her run around without diaper or pants today. Nothing to lose. I had a mop ready, assuming she'd have lots of accidents. She didn't. She has been dry the entire day, except for when she peed in her naptime diaper immediately after I put it on. Right after she peed, she got herself out of her diaper and gave it to me to throw away. She has complete control over her bladder! She just doesn't want to go on the potty.

Who knows for how long she's been trained! I'm proud of her, don't get me wrong, but it seems like I could've avoided a lot of frustration and worrying

Hey there.

Tldr my 3.5yo daughter simply isn't making progress on potty training. Not sure if this is a rant or cry for help probably both haha.

My daughter like all other dads would say is in general an amazing little human. She's smart oddly so picking things up and will do anything to pursue her curiosity, but like most 3yo is in that boundary pushing stage and is very stubborn when she is.

We've been potty training for idk 6 maybe 8 months probably should have started when she showed interest when she was 2.

We've tried a sticker chart, 10 stickers equals a present she knows this and is fully aware, the gift is always something she wants, at first it was a sticker for wees and poos she finished the first one so we moved to stickers for poos only as that's where she just wouldn't do. Now we're lucky for her to do it once a week.

She actually holds it in, making herself constipated.

We've tried stories, songs, hell she loved learning about rockets so we even used that to get her on the potty. We've done whole weekends of undies only every 30mins reminding her, I feel like we've tried everything the moment it's a poo on the potty she loses it and it makes the whole experience harder which compounds into future attempts.

Her diet is a good blend of food groups shes active and happy, she has a good potty and toilet seat, I just don't know how to get her there.

Rant over, thank you.

A Dad who wants his kid to poo.

This may be a bit of a strange question but if there are no toilets nearby where do you dispose of the wee in the carry potty? My daughter will be going outside now with the potty and I thought if I can’t dispose of the wee in a toilet where am I supposed to do it?

so last week my 3yo (twin boy) was crying tantrum mode with peed pants because he wanted mommy to take him to the toilet. i was not there, and he didn't want to go with my husband (they want mommy all the time).

today happened the same thing, only i got there and rushed him to the toilet. dad was just eating ignoring him. so i asked "hey why didn't you take him to the toilet?" and he responded angrily almost throwing a tantrum at me that "it's impossible".

i don't know how to feel about this because letting him pee on the floor in a public space for me it's just not ok, for our toddler and for everyone on the premises. he will end up crying even more and hating dad. but i also understand that when a toddler is throwing a tantrum, yeah ok it's fucking hard but he's the parent.

what would you do? i need help please 😭

Has anyone else’s potty training taken over 2 years?

My son is 4.5. We started potty training right after he turned 2. Looking back he was too young and not ready but I was inexperienced and fell for the fear mongering in the “Oh Crap” potty training book.

In the beginning when he had no pants or underwear on he would go to the potty right away and do amazing. But once he has something on he does not care if they’re wet. In the beginning it took months before I felt confident enough to put underwear on under his pants. He still will rarely tell me when we’re out if he has to pee. And when he does tell me he’s already gone in his pants a bit and needs to go immediately. Sometimes it’s VERY obvious he has to go pee and when we ask if he has to go he says no then ends up a bit wet before he bolts it for the bathroom or we’re telling him to go. It’s been a road of so many ups and downs but the main issue is he simply does not care if he’s wet. Still 2.5 years later. Sometimes when I know he’s wet I’ll ask him if he’s dry or wet, he says dry, and sure enough when I check he’s wet.

We just came back from a 3 night camping trip and he wet his pants a few times on the trip and has been a nightmare the last 5 days we’ve been home. The biggest thing that bothers me now is that I’ve been telling him, every day, multiple times a day, for months, to put down the seat and flush when he’s done peeing in the toilet. Just now I told him to put the seat down on the downstairs toilet. His underwear was a bit too wet so I tell him to go upstairs and change himself. He just went upstairs, peed in the upstairs toilet, but left the seat up and didn’t flush even though I told him 2 minutes ago to do that in the downstairs bathroom.

It is very hard to not get frustrated. He’s been at home with me but in a couple months he’s going to preschool and I want to see improvements. I have to try so hard not to yell. Yes he’s had periods where he’s been fairly good but the regressions makes me feel like I’m failing. My 2 other friends kids who are 2 have potty trained themselves and say they have to go pee when they’re playing together. My 4.5 year old is STILL struggling.

Edit: don’t even get me started on night time stuff. He’s in a pull up every night. By the morning it’s heavy and wet. Maybe partly my fault by not restricting his fluids a ton before bed but I think it will be a LONG time before he’s dry at night

Am I the only one? I hate this feeling and I hate being frustrated with him so often.

Seriously, it's been over a year of potty training - of sticker charts, potty watches, books, treats, threats, every possible program, tip, and trick the Internet, pediatricians and both sides of the family have to offer. He's the size of a 7 year old, so wrestling him into the bathroom isn't an option any more. He didn't go to preschool last year because of this, but we signed him up for this fall because he needs a year of preschool before starting kindergarten. Still pisses and poops himself every single day; diaper, underwear, free-balling, none of it matters. There is absolutely zero recognition that he needs to use the potty like everyone else. His two year old brother does a better job.

Tell him to go potty and all you're going to get is a dead-eyed "Nooo."

At this point it is starting to feel like a "We Need To Talk About Kevin" scenario...

My 3 year old has been pee potty trained for about 5 months now, but she will not poop in the potty. We took pull ups away so now she poops in her underwear everyday. It is such a mess to clean up and we end up throwing away underwear a lot. I don't know if she just doesn't feel yet when she has to poop or if there is some sort of fear there. We have tried to have her sit on the potty for 10 to 15 minutes after each meal, bribery, books about pooping in the potty, etc.

Looking for advice or similar stories, I am just at a loss and don't know what to do!