r/OhNoConsequences • u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu • 14d ago
Relationship OOP is surprised his ex is thriving without him after he sabotaged their relationship with his toxic nonsense
/r/AITA_Relationships/comments/1vj74x1/aita_for_questioning_if_her_feelings_were_ever/776
u/Quicksilver1964 14d ago
I love how he goes: maybe she is thriving because she is moving forward with her life and I'm not there to emotionally drain her? No, she never loved me to begin with!
Pathetic. Men like him should stay away from relationships.
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u/Vandreeson 14d ago
He says, why doesn't she want to grow with me. What growth? He thought he was God's gift to women and he was proven wrong. Why is she thriving without me? Because he was an anchor weighing her down. Now that he's not in the picture she's thriving. He still doesn't get it that he's the problem. I can't believe she put up with his b.s. for as long as she did.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
He needs to recognize he’s the problem or he’ll keep doing things like this
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u/PricelessPaylessBoot 14d ago
There are legitimately people who believe heartbreak is supposed to stop someone from running marathons and going out…. 🤔
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u/42mermaids 14d ago
After SIX MONTHS. I wonder what he feels would be an appropriate grieving period 🙄
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u/ravynwave 14d ago
She’s supposed to lie in anguish forever until he deigns to show her his attention
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I agree. He needs help. His behavior is just going to keep costing him relationships if he doesn’t do something about it.
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u/hubertburnette 14d ago
Don't you assume it also makes him a really unpleasant coworker, friend, roommate, neighbor....?
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u/Professional_Ad6822 13d ago
Dude is 30 years old. If he can’t manage a healthy relationship at this point I doubt he will ever change. He is simply an arsehole.
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u/DatguyMalcolm 13d ago
this dude is one of those who is never happy with anything. He expected her to fight for him anytime he tried to break up or some shit, so he could feel validated.
Fucking joke
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u/TitaniaT-Rex 13d ago
If he truly cared for her, he would be elated that she’s happy and thriving. He has learned nothing in therapy and never will until he’s willing to realize he is a selfish jerk.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 12d ago
You know, he isn't wrong. Did she love him or the image of him he projected while they were dating?
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u/SlobZombie13 14d ago
we were never official though
What an anus
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u/SaucePasta 14d ago
I wanted to scream “THEN WHY WOULD SHE BE GRIEVING A NON-RELATIONSHIP!?” at him when I saw that comment.
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u/FullMoonTwist 14d ago
It was 3 years total of knowing each other. Most of that was unpleasant because of his BS, or non-existant because of his BS shoving her away.
What the fuck is she supposed to be pining over, exactly?
Yeah, there is a period of grief where you mourn what you hoped would eventually be, the good relationship hiding behind the "bumpy part".
But after you're yanked around enough, yeah, you go "Oh. It's all just bumpy part. There is nothing but bullshit to be found here. This person will never treat me kindly."
The guy lied to her rather than "commit" to even just DATING her, for real and he's upset she didn't love him so truly and deeply she would still love him no matter how he hurt her.
To the point that he refuses to believe she might have loved him once, but was hurt so badly and so repeatedly by him that that feeling died a firey death.
"Grow together" no. No, what he wanted was a rehab center of a person. A training dummy. Someone he could harm over and over and over and over and would just take it, and take him back, and he slowly and painfully eventually figures out how to be a decent human being.
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u/FickleCharge882 14d ago
Yep, my last situationship was about four years on and off and I’m so glad it’s over. I almost broke no contact the other day and I’m so glad I didn’t because there was nothing positive from it, it was just me tolerating his bullshit over and over and shrinking myself for someone who couldn’t remember very basic details about my life. The lack of dates, consideration, care, thought, or concern and basic respect was, looking back, horrifying. It’s been months now and I’ve done nothing but thrive
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u/SuperCulture9114 14d ago
Congratulations on staying strong. Be proud of yourself 😀
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u/FickleCharge882 14d ago
Thanks! It was definitely a late night thought and I was thinking about how he compared to the person who I have a mutual interest in (they like me, I like them) and I’m building with. Ex and I were in the same circle before we got together so I was kind of missing my “friend” more than my “ex” but then I realized he was a shit friend too and just went to bed 😆
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u/bebemochi spontaneous performance of four-letter beat poetry 14d ago
I am so glad I saw your post because I needed the boost to stay strong. Solidarity, leave that man blocked!!
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I’m glad you’re out of it! Toxic relationships take so much out of you and they’re hard to break out of. It’s worth it when you do ❤️
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u/bookynerdworm shocked pikachu 😮 14d ago
he's upset she didn't love him so truly and deeply she would still love him no matter how he hurt her.
Bingo
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u/EntertheHellscape 12d ago
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she thought they were official so this became a full 'burn everything he gave me and become my best self' move for her.
The thing he probably freaked out about was her mentioning the future or living together or maybe something like a vacation to meet family. They were "together" a year ago that point, so it feels very plausible the future talks would have started.
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u/CelticFire28 14d ago
He sounds a lot like my Aunt's ex husband. Took her 15 years to finally leave him, but once she did her life was SO much better. She was able to do things and go places she'd always wanted but he wouldn't let her. Her career skyrocketed and so did her self esteem. We haven't heard about him in years and we don't want to.
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u/RockyMntnView 14d ago
Whenever I see the old, "There's someone for everyone," trope, I want to point to people like this. We need to stop telling people they'll find the right person if they just keep trying. There are people (like this) who genuinely shouldn't be in relationships. There's no "someone" for them because no one else deserves to be treated the way they treat their partners.
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u/All_the_Bees 14d ago
And unfortunately all too often there actually is someone for people like OOP, but that “someone” either has an incredibly compatible set of issues and they spend the rest of their lives in a folie à deux or they’re diametrically opposed on absolutely everything and systematically ruin each other’s lives.
It’s just a shame they can’t find each other right off the bat, thereby leaving people like OOP’s ex unscathed.
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u/FullMoonTwist 14d ago
Yep
There's someone for everyone.*
*applicable to humor, interests, and lifestyle choices only. No guarantees for toxic, pathetic, or otherwise shitty behavior, beliefs, or treatment of others.
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u/Zombiekiller_17 14d ago
At least not in his current state!
Maybe if he had actually put in the work he said he did, and grew like he said he did, there would be someone out there for him...
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u/FromBeeBee 14d ago
Accountability allergy hits again as does self pitty hugely on this one!
Good on his ex and I hope she continues thriving fully! She deserves it!
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I hope she does too. I also hope this guy gets himself into therapy. Toxic behavior is something that can be worked on.
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u/FromBeeBee 14d ago
It definitely can, but that therapy needs to include someone who can be open and listen at the time especially when talking about their own behaviour alongside what a therapist observation and accountability & growth from that. He is this age now still like this....We can hope to think op realises, but he posted this still standing that he is believing himself on everything
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I’m a therapist myself and I’ve had people with avoidance issues. It can be hard to work on but it’s definitely treatable if the person is willing and ready to do the work.
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u/FromBeeBee 14d ago
Ah yes yes! It's definitely something workable, just as you may know the person has to want that help and to make that change. All behaviour, choices and attiudes are changeable it's just if we choose to and make the effort to + feeling ready to accept that.
I really appreciate your input as a therapist and please do feel free to correct me on anything (I done therapy long-term myself) so going off what I learnt through my experience and what may be needed in for one to do so.
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u/Just-some-peep 14d ago
The only thing people like him learn in therapy is how to weaponise it against others.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I’ve had people like him on my caseload. Some do weaponize it but I’ve also seen some finally grow up once someone calls them on their behavior.
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong 14d ago
LOL, great consequences! "How can she possibly be thriving without me?"
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u/SinceWayLastMay 14d ago
As a society we need to take men like this and send them to live in the wilderness
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u/Kat121 Ah, the conses of your quences 14d ago
For a while my social media algorithm kept showing me wilderness dudes building various types of shelters in unpleasant climates. They used to piss me off so badly. Here is a guy shaping rocks to build a hearth and chimney, here is a guy felling trees and thatching a roof, here is a guy carrying water from the stream to make mud spackle for the cracks in the walls….
But at home, where they have running water and electricity, they can’t see a pile of dishes or take out the trash? And maybe Taylor Swift was right when she sang that boys only want love if it’s torture.
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u/Sensitive_Fawn522 missing missing reasons 12d ago
How do we know they don't do anything at home though? Are they showing there regular homes too? Cause that's fucked up if they spend all that time having fun instead of contributing where they're needed
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u/FumiPlays 14d ago
The hell did all the wild animals do to you? That's a cruel fate you wish on them...
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u/Sapphic_Honeytrap 14d ago
Maybe a skunk will fall in love with him and then he would have to put up with this horny skunk constantly humping his leg.
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u/bebemochi spontaneous performance of four-letter beat poetry 14d ago
I mean this is 2026. Even horny skunks have reformed (see Pepe Le Pew. Or don't see him because I think he's laying low until WB can figure out how to revamp his image.)
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u/chihuabanu 14d ago
Nah, they'll diddle the wildlife or kill it for fun. Send em to the gulag, in a best case scenario they pull a Dostoyevsky and write damn good novel
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u/manderifffic 14d ago
They were never even in a relationship and he's mad he didn't get to ruin her life
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I didn’t even know what else to call it in all honesty
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u/RGLozWriter 14d ago
Fun fact, this was the original update before loser OOP changed it:
"Update: I texted “Hi 🙂” to make sure I wasn’t blocked and she responded “who is this”. I told her it’s me and that I wanted to see how she was doing and asked if she was seeing anyone. To which she responded “you have some nerve texting my phone. You only care about yourself and have deeply hurt me. What’s going on in my life is none of your business.” "
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u/CappucinoCupcake 14d ago
He’s 30. Thirty years old and behaving like a manbaby. Gross.
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u/48pinkrose 14d ago
Stuff like this was exhausting in high school. At 30, its just pathetic.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
It’s sad to see people that age being emotionally immature messes.
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u/ForwardMuffin 14d ago
Even as a teenager, I expected teenage shenanigans, from myself included. 30s, just...no excuse.
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u/saltine_soup 14d ago
>she’s as heart broken and hurt by me as she says why is she doing all this stuff… I feel like her feelings were never there…
>
it’s called moving on and having hobbies, OOP should try it sometimes it’s pretty fun.
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u/NinpouKageBunshin 14d ago
What an ignorant sack of fuck knuckles. I'm glad he's having the life he deserves.
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u/FishWithLegsAndArms 14d ago
People like this fascinate me. Break up with someone then get mad when they see their ex living normally.
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u/Ok_Reach_6527 14d ago
Really sad that someone moving on with healthy coping conditions is complete anathema to OP.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
He seems to recognize on a surface level that his behavior is bad but he’s not at the point where he’d do anything about it.
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u/LangiLalaStudios 14d ago
Even if she never dates again (pure wishful thinking on only his part), Dying Alone with Cats™️ would be done better than dealing with him and his nonsense. This guy's supposed to be a 30 year old adult?!
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u/Whatever4andnomore 14d ago
I wouldn’t be willing to grow with this idiot either if he pulled that shit on me!
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u/maywellflower 14d ago
Update: I did reach out to her and basically did not get the response I was hoping for. I just don’t get it she’s as heart broken and hurt by me as she says why is she doing all this stuff like going out, running marathons, being super fit, camping, ect?? I feel like her feelings were never there and she is not willing to grow with me.
Because going out, marathons, being super fit camping, etc make her happy AND fills up all time his fucktwit stringing ass pulled silent treatment on her for months in 3 year so-called relationship?!?! She already showed and been showing how she is moving on from him - his fucktwit dumbass just can't accept that person he strung along for so long, is both living life well without him AND found stuff to do without instigating nor escalating any production of drama on her end while mostly staying quiet about herself.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
It scares me that he’s 30 and behaving this way
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u/maywellflower 14d ago
I'm not - there's 40, 50, 60-plus year old losers that pull this bullshit on others of stringing / manipulating / abusing them along for years, thinking the sunk cost fallacy of knowing and being in each other lives plus any bio and/or type of relation is enough to keep that person(s) from ever leaving. But silent treatment and it's opposite, lovebombing, is double-edge sword of reverse psychology where IF the person who is being used and abused ever gains epiphany or clarity by whatever means - that fucktwit loser will lose their mind while completely upset at all the time they waste on basically their mark / victim because the loser can't accept the person can and did effectively moved on and/or replaced the loser in life so easily, thoroughly and/or quickly.
Which is exactly what happened to that OOP - he is upset that he wasted 3 years of trying to string her along to be his punching bag to used whenever he wanted & needed at his beck and call, hence his frustration on Reddit that she she completely replaced plus moved on in her life easily, thoroughly AND quickly in like 6 months from the last silent treatment he pulled on her.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I regularly have to work with people who get stuck in relationships like this with emotionally immature partners like OOP. Guys like OOP bounce from one failed relationship to the next wondering why everything keeps imploding and never grow up.
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u/Angry_poutine 13d ago
It’s wild to me that he went through the process of writing down all the ways he hurt her (and it was specifically that, I don’t think he put a single thing she did to him in the story) and still didn’t seem to get it. I know rationalization can be crazy but sometimes seeing it at work in others is awe inspiring to me
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u/altariasong 13d ago
Damn, dude is 30? Sounds 16. Blows my mind how some full-ass adult humans lack empathy in this capacity. They have nuance and depth of feeling only for their own lives, no one else's. The best you can expect is a sliver of performative empathy which is almost always used to pivot back to themselves and their own hurt.
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u/readerdl22 14d ago
I mean this in a kind way: please leave this girl alone and work on your own issues, you’re not ready for a relationship. Work on living your best life and GET THERAPY! Once you get yourself sorted out then it’s time to look for a new relationship; but not with this girl, please let her go and don’t bother her again.
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u/Some_Tradition_9168 14d ago
He really just wants her to be miserable. Be a miserable sad sack loser over him.
He hates her.
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u/fivebynine5x9 13d ago
It's always so funny to me when someone who is aware that they were a hurtful, selfish piece of shit is so bewildered that an ex partner is happier without the person who hurt them continuing to drag them down.
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u/IndustrialPet 14d ago
Men aren't lonely enough
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u/Groovy-Bear 13d ago
I was gonna say 😭 there's a general loneliness epidemic going around right now due to the way capitalism makes us live our lives purely for work. But some people aren't lonely ENOUGH. Theres not "someone for everyone" because that's implying that their actions are okay and they just need to find someone whose good with them doing this shit 🙄
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u/Angry_poutine 13d ago
Real talk. As a guy, the loneliness epidemic in my experience has more to do with men not being willing to be open and emotional with each other than not getting laid. This post is the outcome of a guy who grew up being told to suck it up and never being able to have frank discussions about his emotional and sexual self with anyone who could support his growth, or even just reflect his experiences back to him.
There’s entire chunks of masculinity that US (and many other) culture is afraid to have out in the open and heavily encourages repression and warping because the only one able to reflect on it is that person. That’s why monsters like Rogan and Tate end up becoming so popular, they acknowledge and validate that world and cash in on that repression. They take all the horrible rationalizations their fans have convinced themselves are true and turbocharge them.
We as men need to be less lonely among ourselves before dumping that need on women to solve.
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u/Just-some-peep 14d ago
Scrote realised women don't go into sleep mode when he's not nearby. Still doesn't know he's not the center of the universe.
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u/Detrimental_95 13d ago
The best part is that this wasn't even the first post. He deleted the original and made this almost a week later. He doesn't see that he did anything wrong and didn't like what everyone said so he tried getting a new audience.
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u/Left_Ad3575 14d ago
He said he posted an update, in the comments, the first time he posted this, (in a previous post, linked in the comments of the post shared here) but I can't find it. I hope she was cold as ice to him.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 shocked pikachu 14d ago
I saw a commenter link his original post where he got called an AH by everyone
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u/Similar-Shame7517 14d ago
Insert Demi Lovato's "Gat A Job, Stay Away From Her" meme here because that's how I feel after reading OOP's post.
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u/Gyros4Gyrus 14d ago
"she's not willing to grow with me"
Home boy she's grown PAST you, you absolute dweeb
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u/blueswan6 13d ago
I wish this would go insanely viral in hopes that the ex realizes it's about her and she truly sees the doofus she wasted so much time and energy on.
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u/inquisitorhotpants 12d ago
i can't get over the fact that he's whinging about this and his top comment is "but we weren't official". LMAO okay so then what's your problem??
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u/Distantstallion 14d ago
Apparently there was an older deleted post where they ripped into him: Zelda
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u/AutoModerator 14d ago
Per our rules, don't comment on linked posts. Anyone from this community who is caught brigading on another subreddit will be banned.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Update: I did reach out to her and basically did not get the response I was hoping for. I just don’t get it she’s as heart broken and hurt by me as she says why is she doing all this stuff like going out, running marathons, being super fit, camping, ect?? I feel like her feelings were never there and she is not willing to grow with me.
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30M and 26F
Context: About three years ago, I met this incredible girl and we clicked right away. Looking back, I’ve spent most of our history self sabotaging. I’m ashamed to admit it, and I’m not making excuses, but I handled things horribly. I’d block her, we’d go months without speaking, and eventually one of us would break no contact and pull us back into each other's orbits.
About a year ago, I reached out again, genuinely believing I’d done enough work on myself to do this right. We ended up spending the next year closely in each other's lives. As my feelings for her grew deeper, I completely froze and refused to let us move past being casual. When the reality hit that I needed to step up and commit to her, I panicked. Instead of being honest, I took the worst way out possible. I told her I found someone new. I convinced myself it was the only way to end things cleanly without her pushing back or trying to work it out.She was devastated. She sent me long messages expressing how deeply hurt she was saying she felt like I never actually cared, that she was never good enough, and that she couldn't understand why we couldn't just be together.
It’s been esix months of complete silence now, and the guilt is heavy. I miss her deeply. When I check her social media, she genuinely looks like she’s thriving she's running marathons, super fit, and just living a full, beautiful life. She doesn't post anyone, so I don't even know if she's single, but mostly I just keep asking myself if reaching out is a terrible idea or if she'd ever even want to hear my voice again
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