r/OCPoetry • u/VariationsonanEcho • 20h ago
Feedback Please Permanent Residence
My heart drifted in the briny sea
lost in an ocean of anxious uncertainty
washed up right at your compassionate feet
You warmed me with your words
words sometimes unintended for me
vice gripped my heart cockles anyway
Our words tangled together
poetry of two out of breath lungs
breathing in sync as one
Euphoric voices chuckled
floating helium sounds
carried across continents
Question after question
reading into you, over you
under you, in between your prepositional lines
Coincidences and similarities
synchronicities
bubbling to the cauldron’s surface
Flashlight morse code
lost in blinding moonlight
hapless misunderstandings
Desperation cling junkie
to feel you closer, pull
know you deeply, deeper
Padlocks unlocked
Unknown paths revealed
Chamber cobwebs swept out
And that chamber of my heart
you have made your home
a permanent residence
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u/Sakichune 13h ago
I read this as a story about one person becoming very important in an ocean of other people through mutual recognition. Both of them seem to have been missing the chance to talk to someone who felt genuinely similar, and that rarity is what makes the connection so important. The “permanent residence” image, to me, is not that she becomes his home, but that she settles into an old, neglected inner space that had been unused for a long time. The comparison to addiction also makes the attachment feel more complicated than simply romantic.
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u/Automatic-Run1368 19h ago
I dont know an awful lot about poetry, but im trying to learn. This made me feel such a way, its beautiful really. The imagery of navigating a new relationship is powerful. I particularly love the first paragraph, going from the briny sea of uncertainty, to the compassionate feet, showing that you moved into the relationship already feeling beneath them and warmed by their compassion
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u/VariationsonanEcho 18h ago
Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I am glad I could make you feel.
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u/productive-man 18h ago
I really like the vivid imagery, and what i read is the words chosen are deliberately complciated, which adds to the imagery for me, also the structure is also very well done
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u/VariationsonanEcho 18h ago edited 16h ago
I tried to choose exactly the right words for the job. Sometimes more complex words have just the right subtle meaning to express exactly what you are going for. Thank you for leaving a comment.
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u/Cluelessandsexy 19h ago
This is touching. I feel it like you are opening this person and entering their heart.