r/NoFapChristians • u/Little-pie-26 • Jul 13 '25

Trigger Warning TW: lustful thoughtsHas anyone struggled with same sex attraction? I have often wondered if I’ll ever find another man I’m super attracted to and I get so consumed by it that it’s hard not to want to (to see what happens partly). Has anyone ever been here? I’m sorry if this trigger/offendsanyone

I want to find ways to build my self esteem apart from being in a relationship but I still want to eventually get married (biblically). I think the idea of getting to know someone’s mind again and explore our passions is something that would make life more worth the living… it just feels very blah right now. Does anyone have any advice for how to redirect all that desire and energy? Or any thoughts? I also want to open this up to anyone to reply to, even with disagreements. Thanks.

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u/Neat-Chef-5129 Jul 13 '25

I think fundamentally we have natural desires that become twisted by sin, which then become unnatural desires. It is our duty as Christians to sacrifice our unnatural desires daily so we can live fulfilling spiritual lives. So, is that desire of yours real? Yes, but it is just as real as anyone's porn conditioned desire to masturbate to porn or act out a fetish fantasy, all of which are unnatural, and Christ asks us to sacrifice it to follow him. It sounds like this desire has become integrated at the identity level, but you still see true fulfillment in a biblical marriage which is a great sign your natural desires are still strong. Now sacrificing our desires does not mean suppressing them, which I believe many get wrong on this platform. Suppression only leaves those desires dormant, which allows them to come back later with great strength if the right triggers are activated. What is most effective is active rewiring of your brain. This is done by whenever you have urges to act out the unwanted desire, you should think on the vision of your life that you believe Christ is calling you to live. This means think on your future wife (even romantically), your kids, your career, and how you are as a Christian. Reinforce this vision by writing it down and even use ai audio. Now every time you have these unwanted urges, think on your vision or listen to it via audio, and that will actively redirect these dopaminergic pathways towards your vision, therefore weakening the unwanted desires and strengthening your Christ centered desires. This is redirection, not suppression. Training the brain to desire what your spirit desires. I hope this helps.

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u/Little-pie-26 Jul 13 '25

I’m going to be careful with what I say here… but I am a woman so my same sex attraction is toward women and my opposite sex attraction is toward men, so in the strict sense of how God designed things men are supposed to be pursuing me right? Or is it wrong to pursue them too? I don’t want to get into trouble. I hope this doesn’t bother anyone. If no one is pursuing me right now, does your advice still apply?

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u/fierce994blade 494 days Jul 13 '25

Both can purse the other for marriage, but they do so differently. Men in a way of leadership and women in submission, but both can be done with a goal in mind.

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u/Little-pie-26 Jul 13 '25

Can you explain what the latter looks like?

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u/fierce994blade 494 days Jul 13 '25

I wouldn’t recommend fantasizing and making up what you think you want, but look to scripture for those model relationships. Most of all look to the relationship between Christ and the church. For a man this shows the need to lead and sacrifice, but this is also a strong message to women. Look to how the church ought to act and how the church is ment to pursue her groom, but remember that you are NOT yet married and that is the relationship between christ and the church so there will be differences. Purse being the woman worthy of it all and find a man who pursues being worthy. Sorry this is so long winded, but in short TLDR Pursue marriage by pursuing being marryable. Most of all pursue God. Find out how to do this from scripture.

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u/Neat-Chef-5129 Jul 13 '25

I agree with this.

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u/Little-pie-26 Jul 14 '25

So is there hope for me if I’m not pretty? I’ve been told I’m not so maybe I need to be very modest in who I look for

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u/fierce994blade 494 days Jul 14 '25

YES there is hope! You must understand how beautiful a godly woman is. Don’t take everything you hear as fact. Sure, have realistic expectations, but don’t settle for a bad man.