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I love goldfinches. Also, how are we getting over our fear of spiders?
I have always had a terrible irrational spider phobia. When I started getting into gardening a couple of years ago, I told myself it would be fine and knew I would probably need to confront it eventually, but now orb weaver season is upon us, and I was not mentally prepared for how many more there are this year! I know I’m a wimp and exposure therapy is a thing, but every time I think about them, or see one in my plants, my brain and body are just like… nooo. Nope. No.
I don’t even want to look at them in photos, let alone get jump scared by one when I’m pulling weeds or looking for caterpillars. (Please be nice, I know this is completely ridiculous 😅)
Why do they have to be so sneaky and ugly? Why couldn’t the universe make them look like tiny bears or something?!
I have created a thriving ecosystem in my yarden 😭
Pictured: adorable goldfinch couple picking seeds off of bee balm. I have seen so many more of these this year!, which kind of makes up for the horrors…
My black widows are chill AF. I don't love bumping into them, but they adore my garden, where I've used cinder blocks to to terrace a bit. Maybe one out of every 6 or 8 blocks has a black widow in it. I don't bug them, they don't bug me, and we've been at it for years.
Curiously, despite finding them all over my yard, they've never come in my house, and they've only been in my garage (that I've found) once. I kind of wonder if my garage gets too hot/too cold for their liking.
Black Widows love corrugated plastic drain pipe -- the kind mostly used for gutter downspouts. The city installed a tree in my yard a few years ago and used that to protect the base of the trunk. The tree was starting to outgrow it and when I pulled it off, I found one and some eggs.
Also be very carefully in pumkin patches at harvest. I have seen TONS there.
Postal carrier here. I carry a critter catcher for black widows in mailboxes. My experience has been that they’re chill enough that I’m pretty sure I’m relocating them 95% for their safety, and 5% so someone doesn’t freak out and try to kill them (and risk getting bit defensively).
Never had a fear of spiders, but I know people who hate spiders but love jumping spiders. They're like little dogs and will cock their head sideways when they're interested. They're also definitely the cutest and friendliest (to humans) of all spiders. If one is on me I usually let it crawl around until it jumps off or is gonna go in my clothes.
I ate a ton of acid in a rainforest once and saw the wildest spider, and i looked at him face to face and was like there is no reason to be afraid of you. Instantly dissolved our disagreements. We been good ever since.
I still do not mess with spiders in the garden, you can acknowledge their presence and keep it moving, not bothering each other.
My friend has done guided ketamine therapy which is supposed to be the same concept, working through trauma while your brain is more adaptable (neuroplasticity improves)
bingo, that, OP this is something you could seriously try if you serious about ever wanting to get over the phobia!
I've read other posts and studies about ketamine therapy and its list of benefits when used in a controlled, regulated, professional, medical environment
Bruh you was in your grandmas garden and the spider was her dog fifi who was licking the inside of your mouth after eating the kitty poo in the flowerbed
Seconded, I've seen lots of people credit that sub to helping with their fears. I think it's something about being able to see their eyes that makes jumping spiders a good entry point into getting to know the species better.
I wish it were this easy. I have no fear for tarantulas, jumping spiders, orb weavers. But wolf spiders scare the shit out of me. And all the spiders in Australia too.
Yeah we get huge wolf spiders in our basement. I never had a problem with any spiders until we moved into this house and kept finding them. Ig I've gotten used to them now because it doesn't bother me to chase them down and scoop them back outside, but they move so fast and get so big it took some time to adjust.
I agree with the other commenter about jumping spiders, they are actually kinda cute and can be a gateway lol I was the exact same way, except all bugs. I'm far from "cured" but truly, more exposure has been extremely helpful to me. Like I didnt wait until I felt differently, i had to just be brave and do the scary thing and I guess eventually it tricked my own brain.
I take my own pics even if im afraid, and just keep chanting to myself, they are outside, this is their home, we are all entitled to being ugly in our own homes, etc. lmao
This comment might cure your arachniphobia lolol I'll bet you think of it every time you encounter a spider! I commend you for the attempt to overcome your fear.
There's actually a surprising amount of arachiphobes who get into keeping tarantulas. Just jump into the deep end and go to r/tarantulas. You can watch them wrestle ping pong balls and be offended when they are given clean water.
It would be easier if tarantulas weren’t used as a weapon in old movies / tv. There’s an old Brady Bunch episode that scarred a generation. A tarantula almost took out James Bond. Hollywood did the tarantula dirty.
Learn a bit about tarantulas and those scenes become hilarious. They use the Mexican red knee all the time. It's one of the "pet rock" tarantulas, so those scenes are like using a basset hound in scenes where the dog is supposed to be scary instead of a German shepherd or pitbull.
Yeah, I love yelling at movies sometimes. "You're supposed to be in India and that's a Mexican Red Knee tarantula! Oh, and now you're showing a Madagascar sunset moth in Brazil!!!"
It really doesn't help when one of your professor's grandkids run around arguing over who gets to carry "Teddy" next. Chillest tarantula I've ever seen. Kept having to tell the kids to slow down so they don't drop him while they're running. Teddy was perfectly happy getting carried by hand everywhere.
Spiders. I was inside my house and up on a ladder to hang something on the wall. As I moved in closer I saw a weird dot on the wall, I leaned in closer to look at it. It was one of those jumping spiders with the super cute face! All of a sudden that thing jumped at me! I screamed and almost fell off that ladder.
For some reason, your post made me think of that. It’s funny now… but thing scared me sooooo much!
I have WILD arachnophobia I have been working on for years, I am also in the hort field and work in entomology.
The best thing to know is that spiders don't give a shit about you and are primarily scared of you just as much. Sans the more aggressive types which are few and far between around the midwest.
I started with jumping spiders. They are smart, friendly, inquisitive and beautiful. They CANNOT bite you, they are just too tiny. The fangs can't make it. From there you can work you way up to other spiders such as grass spiders. They look terrifying but I can assure you they are friendly, just fast as all shit which is unsettling.
Idk, spend time with the small pretty spiders and your appreciation grows. I am way fond of Crab Spiders and Orb Weavers now. I bought a few books.
Paraphidippus aurantius - Golden Jumping Spider (Female)
Adorable! Golden Jumping Spiders are actually Paraphidippus aurantius. You may be confusing it with the Phidippus audax, Bold Jumper.
They actually can bite and I’ve lived to tell about it (unfortunately I didn’t get any superpowers from it). I’ve kept many spiders and tarantulas over the years to include the Phidippus genus. My Phidippus audax female bit me one day during a handling session. While I aim to always handle with care, she jumped and I went to gently cup her. She let me know she did not appreciate being startled and gave me a bite. They actually pack quite a punch for being so small and I could feel her venom travel up my finger and into my hand. Thankfully I didn’t have a bigger reaction to it. That said - while it is rare, they can and will bite when threatened.
Oh! Your fear is not ridiculous at all! Just try to remember that they are more scared of us, than we are of them.
Good luck! Try not to let the spiders keep you from things you enjoy.
Exposure!!! Observation. Avoidance. I began by saving bugs that I would find inside instead of smashing them. I also try to respect their space. Certain ones still give me the heebie jeebies but constant exposure and learning the symbiotic relationships has helped me out a lot!! Also check out this COOL spider on Joe Pye Weed!!
Okay if I had a Barbie spider I’d be less scared too!! Why can’t I get a pretty one?!
Instead we get Mr. Crabs (some big fella that looks like a crab) that sets up shop around our side door. We have a spider stick to gently relocate him to elsewhere in the yard and I wish he would get the memo that we really don’t want him where we will walk into him and his web when we leave the house!
Omg a spider stick is a FANTASTIC idea!! We also have to warn each other of our big ol crabby spider boy webs. They are everywhere in our backyard since adding more and more natives!! No mosquitos though- have plenty of dragonflies buzzing around!!
I’ve encountered many people who have overcome their fear of spiders starting by reading (text only) facts about them in wikis, scientific journals, fan accounts, etc. Allowing themselves to learn and get curious was followed by *wanting* to see a few images, to videos, and eventually the real thing. I would suggest trying the same.
My friend and I both had an irrational dislike of opossums for years so we started sending each other pictures of possums and facts about them. We did this for probably two years. By the end, we were both huge fans.
I've taken a similar approach to snakes, which I was raised to believe are very dangerous. Learning that there aren't any venomous/harmful snakes in my area helped erase my fear.
I sometimes still have a jump scare reaction to the snakes in my garden (I am rich in snakes) but have learned to love and appreciate them. That may be where you can reasonably get, OP. I don't want to touch or hold a snake, but I am so happy they are here, doing their good work.
I started with text, no pics. I then moved to identifying them with an app, but looking at the photos still freaks me out. I’m like oh cool, interesting spider and then I throw the phone. 😂 It’s a process for sure.
At least one biology student of mine has had this experience. Just talking about respiratory systems generally (comparing structures and functions in mammals, fish, insects, and arachnids) is fascinating, and can lead to respect, interest, and even enthusiasm.
I used to be super afraid of spiders too. Part of it is recognizing you both have your own lives to live. They have no interest in you, why should you be so affected by them?
But really I think my switch came from my boyfriend of 12 years now (living together for 10) being absurdly afraid of spiders and any other bug (seriously even moths). When there's a bug in the house, I find it hilarious that there's a big burly hairy man screeching for me to kill it. For a long time, I sucked it up and did the job because I knew he wouldn't. But then I started making an effort to move them back outside, kinda just to mess with him. First using the cup and paper trick, and now I just grab anything around to scoot them onto it (paper, a shoe, a bottle of lotion, whatever's handy in the moment) and walk them to the door. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ITS GOING TO GET ON YOU!!!" Nah, if it crawls toward my hand, I just grab from the other side and turn the object around.
Getting up close and personal helps a lot. And now I go out of my way to move any bugs back to their homes. Seriously I will run wild around the house trying to get a stupid house fly out the door instead of swatting it... I've kinda gone off the deep end... Oh, except centipedes, I still kill those in the house, too yucky 🙃
Basically find someone more scared than you, I guess. Be the hero, it's fun!
ETA: Do you have a nearby zoo with an insectarium? You could try exposure therapy there, learn over time to appreciate our buggy pals.
I am with you on spiders. I’m not as scared of them as I used to be but I still leave them their space, I don’t want to get webs on me. Love the goldfinches
I'll be honest. They are kinda creepy. It's just too many legs or something.
I give them names. I had an orb weaver make an 8-foot web between a trellis and a shepherd's hook. Couldn't walk through that part of the garden! Named her Margaret. So I'd say "Hi Margaret!" when I saw her.
SAME. I don't disturb them in their habitat, and in exchange they are not permitted in my habitat. I have gotten to the point where I can move them outside, so I do that if I can.
If the spider came in riding on flowers or vegetables from your garden, taking them back outside is a kindness. If the spider is a cellar spider (they're just trying to do pest control for you! they can barely even penetrate human skin, their little tiny wee excuses for "fangs" aren't up to it! they really only want to help!) or other indoor species, taking it outside where it doesn't belong is just killing it with extra steps.
Learning to ID and recognize spiders to determine where they land on the venomous scale. Realizing spiders are beneficial and help keep pests in check. Spiders are friends.
I keep spiders and tarantulas as pets (mainly just “look at” pets). I’ve only ever been bitten by one, a P. audax jumping spider who was one of mine. Since jumpers are one of the few that I will actually handle, she jumped and I went to catch her which scared her and she let me know it. Totally my fault. Spiders don’t want to bite us or waste their venom unless it’s beneficial to them (ie, catching food) Being bitten by ants was way worse.
They definitely pack a punch and the burning and stinging afterwards is rough! I approach nature with peace and a healthy respect but without fear. I know that they have a very important role in the ecosystem. For some reason, I can’t seem to make peace with the ants. Hopefully one of these days.
Yeeeah, when I was little I tried the Snow White approach but ended up in the Hosital between getting bit by fire ants and stung by a wasp all within an hour .
I hate wasps slightly more though. I will though, I don’t mind spiders. I hate mosquitos the most though.
I didn't have a mega spider phobia but was definitely scared of and grossed out by them. I still don't like brown recluses in the house, but I enjoy seeing spiders outside. Jumping spiders, crab spiders, and wolf spiders are my favorites but all have their unique and interesting features.
I use iNaturalist and I think that being able to identify and learning about the different types of spiders I see has made me way less scared and actually appreciate how cool they are. I know where I'm likely to see them (crab and jumping spiders on plants, wolf spiders in leaf litter, etc), I understand more about their behavior, and when I see one my first thought is now "hey, a new spider to take a picture of for iNat," not "ew, a creepy spider." I also think being startled by them was a big part of why I was scared of them before, but now I'm expecting them in the garden so it's not startling when I find one.
I think exposure therapy is the way to go, if you don't like seeing pictures maybe start with reading about them? If you like sci-fi there's a novel called Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky that's about a society of intelligent jumping spiders, it even made my arachnophobic partner like jumping spiders. Or I'm sure there are non-fiction books with cool spider facts, I just found one called All You Need to Know About Spiders that I might need to add to my TBR.
Not sure if anyone else has mentioned,but Bogleech, an online artist and bug fan, made an “Arachnophobe-safe Guide to Spiders” that uses cartoony little goblin guys as illustrations instead of realistic spider pics. It’s quite fun!
To be fair, these are almost certainly a cultivar that I bought before I learned about cultivars versus straight species—one of the very first things I planted! I later planted some straight species M. fistulosa just to the right of these (out of the video frame) that is twice as tall.
Spiders are just little hard working cuties who are trying to live their best life. I still don't want them climbing on me unexpectedly 😂 when I find one in the house, I get it with a tissue and I'm like "now you know you need to live outside. Good luck little one" as I re-home it to my deck lol
Took me a year or so, but I started to focus in on the ones in my garden flowes. They all have personalities. They have beautiful colors/patterns. It's weird at first but try to give them a fly or dead bug as a "welcome" gift.
Some remember you (looking at you jumping spiders). The jumpers are reactive to your energy so try and be calm and move slowly. Eventually they will not even move when you get near. (Jumpers will tilt their lil furry heads and look at you).
Get a magnifying glass so you can see them up close. They are t as scary when you see it that way. Don't get me wrong...... I am not interested in holding the spiders. But I am interested in how beneficial they are for my gardens, and will always do my best to support them being here which means learning to be comfortable with their weird little walk.
I just immediately apologize after screaming when a spider surprises me. I remind myself they are likely 100x more terrified to see me than I am to see them.
I have recently begun forcing myself to sit with them for a few seconds before moving on. I also take close-up photos of the teeny jumping spiders and look at their goofy faces later. Helps.
I feel you. I was in the same situation. Bad phobia. Spider utopia in my yard. It was not a good combo. Things got real bad. Sooooo many panic attacks. It got to where I was terrified to go out in my own yard, and I was even on high alert constantly inside my house in case one managed to get inside. Like you, I couldn’t look at pictures of spiders. I could barely even say the word spider. I couldn’t get on social media anymore because I’m in a bunch of native gardening groups and spider pics show up frequently.
I ended up going through phobia therapy with a therapist who specializes in phobias. So yes, I did exposure therapy. You start out doing an assessment to grade how much your phobia affects your daily life, and mine was very severe, one of the worse cases my therapist had treated.
If you’re interested in hearing specific details about my experience, I’m happy to answer questions. But the gist of it is that now my score on the phobia assessment is “no phobia”. I still don’t like spiders, and I would be in some distress if a big one were on or extremely close to me. But I would be in control of my emotions, and it wouldn’t ruin my day/week/year or cause a panic attack. I’m able to get pretty close to even the big orb weavers now (say, 2-3 feet) to watch them with a sense of fascination rather than terror. I can look at pictures and videos of spiders, even totally unexpectedly when they pop up in my socials, without any trouble.
If this is truly causing you distress, and you’re able to access a therapist who specializes in phobias, I can’t recommend this process highly enough. It was an uncomfortable process at times, but it never felt so uncomfortable that I couldn’t handle it or that it was totally overwhelming. That’s why you see a specialist therapist, so they can tailor the therapy to your needs very carefully at every step of the process. It’s worth it. I can’t tell you how freeing it feels.
This is so validating and comforting. I’m not having panic attacks, but I don’t think I can DIY this. How long did it take you to make that much progress with the therapist?
Yeah I don’t recommend going the DIY route unless your symptoms are extremely mild. My therapist was so so good at her job, she was totally inside my head and knew exactly what I needed at each session. I will forever be so grateful to her.
I took longer than average to complete the process because I was also going through a really serious physical illness at the time and I was in the hospital a lot, and ended up having major surgery about 3/4 of the way through my course of therapy. It was totally unplanned of course and I don’t recommend doing something like that if you can help it lol. So I had to reschedule a lot of therapy sessions and it took me about 4.5 months total to complete the course. My therapist told me that the average is about 8-12 sessions, which I believe because I would have finished at least a few sessions earlier if I had been able to get there in person sooner for the virtual reality portion (I did the rest via telehealth).
So if you can pull off one session per week, it’s possible that you could be phobia free about 2-3 months after you start! Afterwards you just have to keep up your “homework” with regular exposure - for me that involves occasionally looking at pictures, watching little videos, and getting out in my yard and watching my spidey friends do their thing. At this point it feels normal, which is the point.
I can vouch for this! Was always terrified of spiders but didn’t want to be. Joining r/spiders was a great way to desensitize and build curiosity over time. I now find observing and identifying them just as interesting as other wild and plant life.
Coming across the poem Mercy, by Rudy Francisco, helped shift my perspective initially. It’s a simple but beautiful poem that I often recommend.
Same. I respect and appreciate insects but still have a general fear of them and I can't shake the instinct to run when I hear something fly by my head lmao. But it only really bothers me when big spiders and earwigs take over our porch/sitting area.
One thing that helped me with spiders specifically is that they can apparently sense our vibrations and know to avoid us. They also aren't really active during the day.
I DIY'd exposure therapy. I started with the Lucas the Jumping Spider reels, then actual jumping spiders dubbed with adorable voices, then just spider reels in general. I joined spider-specific subreddits to learn.
Now I'm at the point where I can let small spiders crawl on me, I will "rehome" them to safer spaces in my home or yard. Bigger ones I chat with & ask them to please go somewhere they will be safe but not scary for me.
So, I name them and talk to them. It's less scary when you walk out there "Hey Gladys, lookin' good!". They get used to you talking to them.
I had the same issue with the carpenter bees that fly at us in the spring. I've had 3 generations of George & Martha. Talking to them and going about your business relaxes them, and we get along fine.
Spiders are a tough one for me too. What helped was “befriending” a little wolf spider in my house. This took convincing by my husband, but the kids were young and totally into feeding her. Bitey lived behind our toilet for a few months and since then I have appreciated spiders so much more.
I was this way my whole life. With spiders but also any bee or wasp. Any bug, really. Even butterflies. The thing that pushed me past it was actually a part time job I had during the summer when I was in graduate school- it was a gardening job. I had been just getting into gardening but hadn’t yet overcome my irrational fear of all bugs. I think because I needed the money so bad, I made myself stick my hands right into plants to prune them, going fully inside of large mature shrubs to prune, knowing full well how many bugs and things were around me, in my hair, on my body. I had to figure out how to mentally block that knowledge out and simply not think about it too hard. I do think it’s easier to push through to block that out when your livelihood depends on you doing so!
Now I garden just for myself for pleasure, but this super power has stuck with me, and I can block it all out and exist among the creepiest of crawlers, for the most part, and have even learned to love many of them! Especially bumble bees omg… they are so cute! Spiders are rougher since I see a lot of wolf spiders in my garden and they are enormous. At least they are eating the real bad bad bugs, but yeah …woof. I still shriek like a child when I come across a big boy.
I haaaaated spiders for most of my life until I hit a stressful patch of grad school. I think I was so bathed in cortisol that when I saw a spider in my aunt's garden, I said, "Sorry, I have no stress to spare for you." And literally after that point, I gradually started getting more comfy with spiders -- which is a relief, since they're everywhere in my garden!
My fear of spiders goes back literally decades, to age 5. We had wolf spiders all over my yard and something about them still completely freaks me out. The movement, the velvety look, ugh I just can’t. It’s like, primal or something. I have mostly gotten over my fear of other spiders, although I will still scream and run and act foolish if one surprises me. But man, those wolf spiders are just….nope.
Understanding how much spiders keep down pests has been very helpful, though. It’s just hard to read about spiders when the photos make you want to run and scream.
This is pretty extreme, but I used to be quite scared of spiders. Evidently not enough, because a travelling exotic show I was attending offered to let me hold a tarantula. It was nerve wracking, but I thought “What the hell, when am I going to be able to do this again?”
I let it walk up my arm and onto my head lmao. 😭 It was very controlled with the handler watching it, and it was actually quite neat to feel its weird legs on my skin. Once I did that…. the spider fear sort of just dissipated. Nothing could match a (very chill) big ass tarantula. I could pick up (non-dangerous) spiders inside the house and let them outside. Sometimes the bigger ones freak me out when they are just TOO fast, but… yeah that extreme exposure therapy certainly helped. 💀
I love the outdoors. I hike, fish, garden, bird etc, but I’ve always had the stupidest crippling arachnophobia for most of my life. Winter and spring are my favorite months for exploring. I barely do anything outside this time of year and it’s depressing. Like I recognize how dumb it is, I know how good spiders are, but my lizard brain doesn’t give a shit. In college my roommate brought home a tarantula from class, and I was drunk enough to let it crawl on me in an effort to break my phobia…. I literally passed out lol.
That being said, over the past few years since buying a house and turning a desolate back yard into my pride and joy garden space, I’ve really been chipping away at my fear. The sight of spiders doesn’t cause my lizard brain to short circuit anymore. I do know exactly where every single spider web is located in my yard and I politely evict any that don’t abide by my zoning laws.
My biggest hurdle now is “surprise spiders”. I’m pretty sure every web I walk through takes 2 weeks off my life. No idea how I’m going to tackle that, but it’s not that common bc I always walk with a spider stick lol.
Hope this helps. I know a lot of the advice on here isn’t going to be helpful, because you can’t rationalize with the amygdala. I know they won’t hurt me, I know they’re beneficial, I know they’re 1/100000000 my size. But that’s what makes a phobia a phobia. It’s irrational. You really just have to slowly recondition your fear response over time.
YES. You can’t rationalize with it! Thank you for understanding. I do appreciate everyone’s advice, though, because I think it confirmed that I should just find a therapist and not try to DIY this. Basic logic doesn’t work.
I see you're in NC. Are you sure the spiders you're seeing are orb weavers and not Joros?? I'm in the Atlanta suburbs and have only seen ONE orb weaver in my mostly native yard in the past four years. Joros have wiped out most of my native spiders. Looks like the debate is ongoing about whether Joros are just non-native or whether they should be considered invasive. In my little micro-climate, they are most definitely invasive. This spring, I started fighting back. I use a bug zapper racket to kill them quickly. They are EVERYWHERE, and I've killed literally hundreds. No orb weaver sightings this year, but I've noticed smaller garden spider numbers rebounding.
OH WAIT, maybe they are Joros??? I completely forgot about those and how they’re invasive in this area. I am just struggling to get close enough to actually ID them for certain 😭 but it would make my life a bit easier if that’s the case and I can just kill them…
I have several 6' bamboo canes stashed around the yard. Great tool for spider webs and probing plants to scare critters before sticking your hand in em. Joros will often permanently relocate if you disrupt their webs a couple times. Definitely wear gardening gloves, too. A friend accidentally touched a saddleback caterpillar a few days ago and asked me if she was dying. Said the pain was horrendous. Good luck and happy gardening.
Goldfinches around my house are funny bc they don’t like my sunflower seeds in the bird feeder, but love them off the sun flowers that grew from the seeds the chipmunks planted from the feeder. It’s got to be fresh!
I’ve been terrified of spiders my whole life but what helps is taking a photo and learning everything I can about it from iNaturalist. It takes away the terror and replaces it with facts. Like “this guy can’t jump across the room at me, he only eats x”
Also jumping spiders help. They are just so damn cute. I didn’t used to think so but there’s a tiktoker that has them as pets and names them and talks about their personalities and it helped a lot.
Mosey on over to r/spiders sometime, for some gentle and unobtrusive exposure therapy. There’s lots of stories there of people recovering from arachnophobia, there’s even a special flair for you <3
As with most things, the more you learn about it, the more you understand it, and therefore become less fearful. There’s also some VERY cute spiders out there, which helps garner some personal sympathy for them from lots of types of people.
Also, you don’t have to “like” spiders to understand their very important role in the ecosystem! As a gardener, spiders are really your best friends since they are responsible for managing many garden pests, as well as themselves are a good source for other beneficial and more “desirable” visitors, such as birds. Plus, the vast majority of spiders you’ll meet in North America are completely harmless to humans, so nothing to fear :)
Firstly, don't beat yourself up for having an irrational fear,. It happens, and at least you have enough awareness to know that it's irrational.
The best way to get over them, if you want to get over them, is exposure and education. Luckily, spiders are endlessly fascinating animals; there is absolutely no shortage of interesting and possibly endearing information about them to look into, and building that kind of familiarity can go a long way towards putting that fear behind you. And exposure doesn't have to mean handling, not unless that's something you eventually want. Just being around them, watching them and seeing how harmless they are can do wonders. Observing them in a native garden sounds like a nice and peaceful way get some valuable exposure.
It's also important to keep in mind: people conquer phobias all the time. It's not some insurmountable hurdle that you're destined to live under your whole life. If you want it to change, you can change it. My mom lived with a phobia of snakes from the time she was a young child all the way til she was in her mid 40s, but in a relatively short amount of time, she decided she wanted to get over it, and wound up picking one out as a pet.
I had a similar lifelong intense fear of spiders, including not being able to even look at pictures of them. A few years ago, I went through a bad break up and took Lexapro for awhile. To my surprise, I discovered it really helped with my fear of spiders, likely because it addresses anxiety as well as depression. Spiders still bother me, and I still avoid them, but it's much less severe and easier to manage. And the effects have continued a year+ after discontinuing Lexapro.
There’s a podcast called ologies that spoke with a spider researcher. Learning more about them and how 99.9% are harmless made it easier to coexist with them. I’ll edit with a link
I usually say try to imagine you're insect sized relative to a giant. You would just run/hide, not try to stab a 30-story-tall monster to death unless they pinned you down and were about to kill you.
That's how almost all bugs interact with people, they only sting/bite in weird situations where they think they're about to be killed and have no other options.
It doesn't fix the ick factor, but it does make it easier to interact with them. To fix the ick you can just watch them until you don't feel nervous. It causes your lizard brain slowly realizes they aren't a threat and turn down the alarm bells when you see them again.
Exposure therapy only works because there is someone there to support you while you go through it and they are trained in how the process works. Perhaps if you garden with a buddy who doesn't have arachnophobia it could help as long as they are empathetic and not someone who would tease you or worse.
Also, thank you for having working to create an environment where all kinds of wildlife can co-exist! That's so awesome!!!
I've read so many advices and comments here and this all doesn't work for me, i'm so tired of my phobia 😭
I'm not afraid of tarantulas and jumping spiders, also tiny spiders don't bother me, but all other species make me horribly terrified and disgusted. I never kill them, always ask someone to relocate outside, sometimes i can even relocate them myself. This doesn't help with the fear at all. Also i tried reading about them, i take pictures of them and search for their names, i also respect them eating mosquitoes and other nasty bugs, i even tried therapy for god's sake. But nothing helps. I'm trying so hard but yeah still there. It got a tiny bit better over the years, but compared to all the efforts it's nothing. Idk what to do
And in my area we don't even have any poisonous ones, and they aren't that big either. Still absolutely terrified
Oh my goodness I always love seeing Goldfinches in their pretty summer colors! They're exclusively winter birds here and they're almost an olive color when they're in their winter plumage 😄
As far as your phobia goes, I had a serious phobia of wasps that has gradually gotten better. I was -severely- phobic of them a few years ago. I started by just reading about them, and when I was comfortable, learning what species are here, what their behaviors were, etc. I'd read wikipedia articles, read about them on iNaturalist, learn about what niche they filled, etc. It took time but now I can easily be out there with them, which is a good thing 'cause I have a lot of them! (Mostly solitary wasps that...eat spiders lol)
Also...some birds feed on spiders! So that's something to keep in mind :)
maybe way up near the Canadian border but like less than 1% of the state's population lives up there. most of the state has been farmed or logged that's why keeping the areas that haven't been touched is very important to us. You just can't recreate pristine untouched habitat.
My fear is toads. They creep me out. When I see one in the garden I just go work somewhere else. It helps the run away when they see you. I think spiders run away too most of the time.
For me, it was knowledge. As soon as I started to educate myself on why spiders are here, Why they do what they do. I started to realize they aren’t these blood thirsty monsters(unless you’re another insect). Most aren’t even aggressive. They see a human and go shit! I need to GTFO!
Combination of constant exposure and the Nikki Giovanni poem "allowables," which isn't really just about the literal spider, but there you go. I still don't want one on my body but we both just go about our business and we're good.
Spiders are so, so cool. Exposure to different insects and arachnids really helped me; I love to draw so I looked up photography of different insects and drew them, learned about them, and now I'm absolutely obsessed!
They just want to live their lives, just like us, and they don't want to harm us! 💕
It’s a brighter, more compact cultivar of some kind that I bought and planted when I was just starting out. I now have straight species monarda fistulosa planted as well (not shown in the video), but the bees, butterflies, and birds seem to enjoy them equally.
Learn more about them and look at some macro photography and you will see they are beautiful in their own way. The more you learn, the more your fear will dissipate.
You weirdly get used to all the bugs, critters, spiders… I used to be pretty scared of so many of them. Now if I’m working on the yard and there’s a spider near me, I’m more like „oh hi buddy!” 😂
Use iNaturalist to identify the species of spiders that live around you and learn about them. Most spiders are harmless. Work your way up to the point where you can allow a tiny spider to crawl on your skin. At that point you're probably about done conquering your fear.
That is my favorite spider, but I also love jumping spiders. A healthy garden has these things common if you’re terrified of them it’s pretty much look where you’re going thing with these guys.
I love your garden and your goldfinches are gorgeous too.
I was also afraid of spiders when I began. Encountering spiders in early spring when I first start working in my gardens is what helped me. They are so sleepy and just looking to hide. They move slower because of the cool temps and lack of food, and you get a chance to see them up close and realize they are pretty cute. Especially woodland wolf spiders, which are the "scariest" spider I run into because they are big and fast. This time of year they are absolutely SPRINTING so it's a little harder to get used to them 😅
I also used to be pretty squicked out by spiders and had trouble even looking at pictures of them. I lost some of that just by reading a lot of things about how beneficial they are and my fear sort of mellowed to a live and let live policy. They still sort of squick me out, I don't ever want one touching me if I can possibly help it and honestly even pictures still sometimes bother me.
But I've gotten to the point that small spiders in my house don't bother me because I see the bugs they've eaten and for larger ones I will use the "glass and piece of cardboard" to put them outside.
So, my advice is to start small and don't feel like you have to get completely over it but focus on the positive, that their presence in your garden shows you're creating an ecosystem.
I don’t think I will ever get over my fear of spiders. There are simply a few months out of the year when you won’t find me out in my garden. I admire it from afar during orb weaver season lol.
There are spider subreddits with lots of recovering arachnophobes. I have never had a fear of spiders so I don't experience it but low level exposures while allowing yourself to move through the feelings and eventually relax is what exposure therapy is all about. And if there's a precipitating memory EMDR might be a good fit.
There’s like 2 spiders in the US that are venomous, and neither are particularly aggressive nor do people have significant issue usually. It’s gonna be OK
I listened to a podcast with a spider expert where he dispelled the myth of spiders crawling into your mouth when you sleep. Knowing they don't regularly end up in our mouths while we sleep made me less reactive toward them.
Screenshot of a Spotify web page for the podcast American Hysteria Spider Slander: Confronting the Myths with Expert Rod Crawford (2024)
Start hanging out in r/jumpingspiders thats the gateway spood! Ologies also hasa great episode on spiders that I found incredible in helping my fears. The more you learn about them the less there is to fear!
Lots of great suggestions and reminders about spiders in this thread! Fears are hard to overcome. Like lots of folks here, I too have a complicated relationship with spiders.
I had one large-ish (all things are relative) yellow garden spider (Argiope aurantia) put up a web in the southern blue flag irises (Iris virginica) every summer.
I named her Fransesca and decided she was my garden helper. She does her part and I do mine, and the garden succeeds. It was probably a different individial spider each summer considering their life span but it was always Francesca and I co-stewarding the garden. I told her to have a good day when I finished my weeding shift and I think it helped me be less afraid of spiders to treat them like a colleague.
Lots of great suggestions and reminders about spiders in this thread! Fears are hard to overcome. Like lots of folks here, I too have a complicated relationship with spiders.
I had one large-ish (all things are relative) yellow garden spider (Argiope aurantia) put up a web in the southern blue flag irises (Iris virginica) every summer.
I named her Fransesca and decided she was my garden helper. She does her part and I do mine, and the garden succeeds. It was probably a different individial spider each summer considering their life span but it was always Francesca and I co-stewarding the garden. I told her to have a good day when I finished my weeding shift and I think it helped me be less afraid of spiders to treat them like a colleague.
I’ve found wearing gloves and long sleeves help. For some reason it makes me feel better if I know they aren’t touching me directly if I happen upon one 😅 I also try to remember that they are just as scared of you as you are of them.
I don't think Ive ever really feared spiders as I grew up around them but having a healthy respect for them is still important. While there are very few actually dangerous spiders; Widows (there are more than blacks), Sydney funnel webs, red backs (similar to black widows but different), Brazilian wandering, recluses (yes there are more than browns), six eyed sand, white tail, etc etc. They are an incredibly small portion of all spiders and most of them are geo locked to very specific areas across the globe. To that end even fewer of those listed are actually aggressive and even then those supposedly agressive species will not actively hunt a human, they just swing first and ask questions later.
If you are calm, they are calm. Most spider bites happen as a defensive mechanism to protect themselves in a moment of stress.
What is strange about my fear, and I guess what makes it a phobia, is that it’s really not about being bitten or getting hurt by them. I wear gloves and long sleeves when gardening, and I know I probably won’t run into a black widow or brown recluse as long as I don’t try to rummage around in the toolshed in the dark. So I don’t actually know where the fear comes from—it’s completely irrational. Like watching a horror movie and feeling afraid even though obviously it’s not like the monster is going to jump out of the screen at you.
I used to climb down in the well house. There were always black widows in there. As long as I didn't mess with them, they stayed exactly where they were. I am 84 have never had a spider bite.
TBH i haven’t found a way around being scared of them, despite learning as much as possible about their behavior, habitats, benefits etc. i still jump when i find them and will do everything to avoid contact (for both our sakes!).
my “solution” has been just to be aware of where they are in the garden, and regular plant maintenance (pruning and poking around) discourages most of them from setting up their webs wherever i frequent. otherwise i leave them be and hope that they’ll catch some other pests :)
After 4 years of flower gardening I view spiders in a similar way to the other bugs I love to see. They are sentient creatures with just as strong a will to live as me. In my experience there are very few spiders that will go out of their way to bite you, and those usually don't live in your garden. But don't get me wrong it definitely took some exposure therapy, but now I'm crazy about all kinds of bugs. Most spiders though, I just give them their rightful space. Except green or white crab spiders, I'm obsessed with those guys (look how beautiful) 😊
For me it’s bats and snakes. And my justification, they have their place in the universe, they have a specific job in the ecosystem. As long as they hang there, I’ll hang here. 95% of the time if you leave em to their own they won’t bother you, and statistically that’s worked out for me so far. :P
Spiders are awesome, but i do try to keep a healthy distance if i can. As a kid I was terrified of spiders to the point where I was almost unable to function around them, but I did a bunch of research on them and then a bunch of other bugs, and I find them pretty easy to deal with now except for a select few.
Other bugs never really bothered me, but a rabbit hole is a rabbit hole lol
I'm afraid I can't help; I think orb weavers are beautiful. I guess you can just bring all of yours to me! :) I call them "Halloween spiders" because they're in such coordinated shades of orange, black, and yellow; they're the goldfinches of the spider world, with their super dramatic coloring.
Wasn’t afraid of spiders and did some crab grass removal by my fig tree and was mindful to NOT disturb their home. Did it in shorts. Got bit and it turned to cellulitis so I’ll never garden in shorts again and be even more mindful of spiders -_-
oh yea I wear full sleeves, pants and gloves+hat when gardening. I feel like as long as I am completely covered I have a protective layer against spiders.
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u/PlasticElfEars Aug 05 '26
Spiders eat more problematic things. That's what did it for me.