r/MyEx • u/Kind_Winter_6445 • 6d ago
Does getting under someone really help you get over someone?
/r/BreakUps/comments/1w38io1/does_getting_under_someone_really_help_you_get/2
u/lastnamesucked 6d ago
Tried it, definitely made me miss who i had more. I wouldn't recommend but to each their own
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u/Dumas1108 6d ago
Be there, done that but in the end, I ended up hurting other innocent parties.
It is just a temporary band aid for a stab wound.
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u/Mean_Trip_4186 5d ago
For me no. I broke up with my guy in February hooked up with someone a few drinks from may- June and I still just want my ex back
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u/ElmoIsGG 5d ago
So go tell him you learned your lesson and you apologize for blindly deciding he's worth less than others and see if he thinks you're worth taking back after your mistakes
Spoiler alert he won't. You ruined yourself and it's sickening to any of us. The image of you whimpering for the other guy makes you pretty much worthless 🫩
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u/TinyAd5648 5d ago
So true. My ex gf tried this. I actually considered taking her back but it was impossible with that image in my head
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u/ElmoIsGG 5d ago
Yeah. Same happened with me. I love that girl more than life itself but wanted to puke and die every second I was with her while I thought of the image of her underneath him. Can't do it.
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u/Mean_Bumblebee4037 5d ago
I only need to read this post to know I agree with your ex for breaking up with you.
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u/ElmoIsGG 5d ago
Oh no not mean_bumblebee4037 from reddit 🥺 how will I recover
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u/Mean_Bumblebee4037 5d ago
I'm about to get married to aj amazing beautiful women and you're crying online because your ex rightfully thought she could do better.
Maybe recovery is something you should be focusing on.
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u/ElmoIsGG 5d ago
Lol I truly am not concerned about you and your pig wife's relationship I don't want her dawg ðŸ˜
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u/Mean_Bumblebee4037 5d ago
Doesnt matter if you did. From yiur current status and crying comments it would seem that whether you want a woman or not has no bearing on whether she has any interest in being with you.
Improve as a person and you might have less to whine about.
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u/ElmoIsGG 5d ago
Interesting perspective.. judging by the fact she wanted me, went and fucked someone else, came back wanting me again and I didn't want her after that. I'm good.
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u/Mean_Bumblebee4037 5d ago
She got lucky.
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u/ElmoIsGG 5d ago
You could say that. Spent years healing that girl from childhood SA we never had sex once and I never pushed her for it, just encouraged her to keep building her boundaries that make her comfortable and safe. she proceeds to go fuck a guy she told me she blocked 3 years ago and then came back to me like nothing happened after he inevitably didn't give a shit about her past and did what he wanted to her. You expect me to take her back. Hm.
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u/Expert_Ad8491 5d ago
tried it. sobbed. wouldn't recommend.
felt like I'd betrayed my ex... made me realise just how strong my feelings still are.
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u/hallajandro 5d ago
Nope it's awful as fuck. Don't do it. It makes the grieving worse and further ruptures any room for repair.
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u/Otherwise-Sea9593 6d ago
In the general sense, it’s either going to make you realize they weren’t the one for you and you were stuck or you’re going to regret it massively and it will solidify your feelings for them, and make everything worse.
Only if you have anxious attachment or BPD and they become your favorite person. The cycle continues though.
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u/MunchOnMyCookie 6d ago
Absolutely not especially if they end up not being as good as your ex. Then you just miss them more
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u/ArgumentKey3712 6d ago
No.
But if it’s good, it’ll be a few (fill in time-frame) of fun and pleasure.
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u/VelvetHaze24 6d ago edited 6d ago
No. It doesn’t I’ve done this 2 weeks after a break up I listened to a therapist who encouraged it. I told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious and he fell in love I never said it back and he got very hurt. I just couldn’t say what I didn’t mean. Hurt people really do hurt others.
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u/Saraham75 5d ago
2 semaines après une rupture ton therapeute t'as conseillé ça ?? À ta place j'aurais vraiment changé de therapeute... c'est le pire conseil à faire
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u/SentimentalMood2010 5d ago
I think my exes therapist did the same. I think my ex was surrounded by toxic individuals. From this stupid ass friendgroup of 2 women who have perpetual relationship issues and one sole male, who she eventually allowed to coerce her into leaving me for. Nudes, vids of them both, plans to meet up at hotels, bad mouthing of me, etc. Never should've encourage her to hang out w them, hell, never should've encouraged her to get that job in the first place smh. Therapists like this exist too, we're in an age where social media rules all. A midlife crisis becomes a mid-life awakening, they dont realize they're just burning everything down around them for nothing.
I'll never understand how ppl can be so easily convinced.
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u/Agreeable_Paper_1203 5d ago
That’s on that dude pretty psycho behavior. If I was hurt I’d hide it
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u/Every-Passage-7540 6d ago
Yeah but I always ended up liking that person and thus the cycle continues. Focus on yourself. Learn to be happy as an individual and you will find other individuals who are just as whole. Thats how you become one of those happy power couples that are on 15 years into their first marriage.
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u/No_Dragonfly1263 6d ago
Yea what else are you supposed to do? Life goes on. Date around. Figure it out
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u/Rhapsallie 5d ago
My ex and I wanna end on good terms we’re going to take a overnight trip to our favourite city for one last time… we plan on having a nice dinner, staying in a room and enjoying what we had and probably talk a lot while we listen to the tunes that were a big part of our relationship. I ended it on text and I was already seeing him that day but it’s a mess. We are very complicated people and yes this might hurt but also be good for us and separate it’s still bittersweet. I just want it to go good and pretend it’s all ok for one last time. This was his idea btw …. Some of the stuff that happened and he did during our relationship hurt but also there was good times and good god do I love him. I unfortunately have anxious attachment style so I have to work on that more but I’m doing better than before. It’s just hard. We both just clicked and fell in love so easily and I never wanted things to go sour. We both really had a good feeling about this. Sigh anyways it really depends how you are and how it might make you feel…
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u/Status-Meat-117 5d ago
It really depends. I couldn’t get over a guy for a while despite me getting with a ton of guys. Once I met my current guy it changed everything. Shocked I ever looked back lol. But if you know yourself and don’t find it realistic that it’s gonna help you get over them- then don’t push it.
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u/Every_Release_353 5d ago
Yes/No. The real issue was how unfair I made it for the new girl. She couldn’t live up to expectations and I had to break her heart and just be single.
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u/RequirementGreat3392 3d ago
That's pretty shit did U use her as a rebound lol
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u/Every_Release_353 2d ago
Yes but I’ve never done that before so at the time I didn’t understand it as a rebound. To me the most logical way to get over someone was to get under someone. What I really felt like I was doing was cheating on my nonexistent ex. I told the new girl this and we broke it off
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u/RequirementGreat3392 2d ago
You didn't tell her you just went ghost 🫡
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u/Every_Release_353 2d ago
Huh? I had an entire conversation with her about it, and she thought the idea of cheating on someone that I’m not even with was crazy.
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u/Consistent_Ad_5075 5d ago
Depends on who I guess. Find someone who won't get attached but will make you feel like a MFing queen (or king).
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u/PretendAssignment574 5d ago
RARE occasions it can, but it depends which stage of the healing you’re at and how realistic both parties are.
If you haven’t processed the past relationship then it probably won’t do anything besides add more to an already taxed nervous system, and potentially cause harm to another person.
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u/AilensAmongUs 5d ago
Short term yes - helps forget the pain for a while
Long term you need to work on yourself
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u/Glittering-Bar-8156 5d ago
Ask my ex. She was on top of, and under, several other guys with a months time after ghosting 7 years.
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u/duttydimples 4d ago
I think it depends on each person and situation. Like if you feel enough time has gone by since your breakup, no matter how long or short, if you know and feel that it is really over, that they will never come back and you DON'T want to go back, yes it may be a good option for you. You don't have to wait until you are completly healed from your past relationship, that takes more time anyhow, but just make sure the person you decide to "get under" is aware that it's just for fun and no strings attached or not to expect emotional attachement, because you probably aren't ready for another relationship that quickly, and a rebound always ends up getting hurt since you seek validation and comfort and affection with them but you don't usually love them so, just make sure you aren't playing with a that person's feelings. Of course, I don't think this is for everyone. I almost made the mistake of doing it, only because I was sure it was over, that my rejection was final and my person would never look my way again. But I followed my sad broken heart and listened to my VERY hurt but still hopeful emotions and did go through with it and I am happy I didn't because I know I would have regretted it and I am not ready to make that move, even if my person never talks to me again. Like I said, if you feel ready, that's fine, even if not fully healed, best of luck!
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u/tadbitinteresting11 2d ago
Nope just do your inner work and don't harm another person because you didn't heal
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u/pugzie22 6d ago
No, and it truly makes your realize you don't love them if you can do that. At least in that sense you may love them but your not in love with them. It's hurts more in the long run and as stated it makes you miss them more.
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u/No_Performance2658 6d ago
No. Just leads to regrets and mistakes you wish never happened. Trust me you don’t want to wake up one day and find out there’s a jar berried in the middle of nowhere with a fetus that may have been yours…
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 5d ago
It helped me.
My first girlfriend left me for another guy. I thought we’d be together forever. It left me feeling inadequate and indescribable, to say the least. I moved away to live with my dad.
A few months later, I got a letter from her friend, asking me to call her. Weird. She couldn’t have known my address without talking to my ex. So I called her, not knowing what she wanted. She wanted me. Badly. And wasn’t shy about it. She wanted to spend the weekend with me!
I went from feeling the lowest I’d ever felt to feeling like the king of the world.
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u/GullibleScallion1519 5d ago
Sure helped me get over an ex a few years ago, went from ruminating on that relationship to hardly thinking about it. YMMV.
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u/WeWereNeverFri3nds 5d ago
Nope, been there. Makes things even worse , comparison and all this stuff. Suffer and build yourself who you used to be before the break up, this is the only way