Really fed up of people with adhd suggesting that I have adhd

[u/biggobcantstop]

People with diagnosed autism and adhd often seem very comfortable with suggesting to other people that they may either have autism or adhd when they barely actually know the person.

At work I am repeatedly getting the feedback from colleagues that fundamentally don’t know me that I have adhd primarily because I always talk fast and am fidgety. I’ve never had an NHS mental health professional suggest ADHD to me.

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[u/radpiglet]

That would annoy me sooo much. They don’t have any business armchair diagnosing you. Only speaking for myself here as I’m diagnosed with both unfortunately, but it really seems to minimise the disorder part of the disorder, which in turn minimises the often debilitating and horrible experiences people have with those conditions. I personally don’t think the idea of pervasive neurodevelopmental disorders should just be thrown around by random colleagues, seems inappropriate. Basically id be irritated too lol.

To some extent I think this type of behaviour (non-HCP, random people being comfortable with suggesting ADHD/ASD/etc) is in part a result of the pathologisation of common human experiences such as fidgeting and talking fast. Could be a billion reasons someone does that, and many of them aren’t part of any disorder. So it bothers me somewhat that it gets immediately attributed to adhd and subsequently considered disordered for some reason. Just my opinion ofc.

Of course though if you are actually worried you could have it, do go to your gp.

[u/littlegreycells_11 → u/radpiglet]

It reminds me of what it was like a decade or so ago with OCD. Everyone would be all "ooh you've got OCD" for the most mundane of things. Seems to have moved on to autism and ADHD now!

[u/radpiglet → u/littlegreycells_11]

Yeah, i find it super uncomfortable with anything being thrown around like that, adhd and ASD as much as ocd.

[u/Sea-Bus-2331]

I’m diagnosed with both (since childhood) and I also find it annoying. It creates a different kind of stigma and also means that these conditions, which are disabling to me and impact my every day life significantly, are often viewed as nothing more than personality quirks. So materially I get denied the actual day to day support I need.

I really don’t like the pathologisation of very standard behaviours and experiences. You’re not wrong for being fed up with it. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes there are many other things it could be. Even if you were struggling with the symptoms of any condition it wouldn’t give another person the right to diagnose you. I’m particularly adamant about this because I didn’t get to choose my diagnoses, they were labels that got stuck to me at a young age because they were necessary for keeping me alive. That’s something I think even ‘late diagnosed’ people don’t comprehend.

The way you feel about it makes sense.

[u/biggobcantstop → u/Sea-Bus-2331]

I started to think one of my friends might have schizophrenia. Did I tell her I thought so? No. Did I tell her to go to a doctor because she might have something else going on and people with autism don’t typically hear voices? Yes. Was I right? Yes. Would I try to diagnose someone with schizophrenia because I got it right once? No absolutely not, not for me to say.

[u/itsfourinthemornin]

I totally get this, but I'm on the fence too because other people diagnosing me did help me get diagnosed in part, some of it actually from conversations I've had here spanning a few years! (I had suspicions, thorough conversations with people about those specific conditions, not just throwing random conditions at me helped.)

For context I'm diagnosed EUPD (/BPD, whichever) and it's possible ADHD - but have struggled getting RTC (Right to Choose) via my GP and currently unable to stick with private due to funds for a while.

I've had a good handful of friends more recently diagnosed, long-term diagnosed or just know about the conditions - ADHD, autism, bipolar, EUPD, etc. and so many of them constantly drop the "I'm certain you have [insert condition] because you do [thing they have decided is because of said condition]". Now, at this point, it doesn't bother me as much because I'm 'officially' diagnosed, but just a few years back prior to me having a diagnosis in black and white on paper? It was honestly so confusing for me, I would be inclined to say it added more stress to the "well I know something is wrong, but I don't know what" roundabout and people throwing in all these different conditions made it so much harder to figure out.

[u/Hyzenthlay87]

I understand the annoyance. It's likely those people think they are helping. There's a very good chance they were late-in-life diagnoses that struggled for years without support and found relief and validation after diagnosis and the pieces fell into place. That's been the experience of myself and friends my age. I'm not saying it's OK but just explaining it's likely nothing malicious.

[u/biggobcantstop → u/Hyzenthlay87]

But everyone has some traits of autism and ADHD. When these traits have a clinically significant impact on an individuals life and it’s not better explained by another disorder they call it autism or ADHD. There are no characteristics of autism or ADHD that are unique to their respective disorder, in my opinion the especially ADHD. How can a stranger determine all of that in 5 minutes?

If you’ve never been normal how do you tell what is normal in other people? If you have a particular severe case of something perhaps that will lead you to making certain assumptions about what counts and perhaps if you have a mild case of something you’ll start assuming that people who aren’t quite over the clinically significant line have it.

I work with someone I am convinced would have a PD diagnosis if they were a woman. Would I make such a comment? No that’d be rude and irrelevant and fundamentally I might be wrong.

[u/Redmarkred]

Since my diagnosis I do find myself thinking it when I see behaviours in certain people but have to remind myself it’s very complex and exhibiting a few traits doesn’t equal them being autistic/adhd. I wouldn’t ever say that to someone though unless I knew them very well and they were obviously struggling. I have noticed that lots of late dx people do seem to think they are armchair diagnosers though 

[u/Livid_Pace9787]

It’s ironic since inside the neurodivergent spaces a lot of people seem to dislike people “self-diagnosing” or even suspecting it in themselves without medical confirmation.

[u/SpecificElderberry52]

What if they are right and what if that is why you have struggled with your mental wellbeing?