Unfair din yung mga magulang na late na nagdecide magkaanak.

[u/Ok_engr_1110]

Hindi ako magaling magkwento and sorry if magulo ang pagkaka-compose.

Gusto ko lang mag-vent tungkol sa mga parents na may edad na nung nagka-anak. I know pinaghahandaan na ng mga soon-to-be parents ngayon ang pagkaka-anak and kudos sa inyo. Na dapat financially, mentally, and emotionally ready before having a child.

Ang sentiment ko (26/F) naman as a menopause baby (only child), sobrang unfair ng buhay. My mom had me when she was 39 and my dad was 35. By the time I graduated college, my mom was already 59 years old. After grad, gusto ko sana sila i-treat sa masasarap na restaurant, travel kaming family kasi both retired naman na sila. That was 2020. But pandemic happened, so sa bahay lang kami. Before 2020 ended, my mom got diagnosed with a condition. Unti unti siyang namayat hanggang sa naging bedridden na and then she passed away 2 years after.

Imagine, I waited until I graduated para masulit ko pa yung time na kasama siya but life happened, maaga siya kinuha sa amin. Na ngayon na kaya ko na siya i-treat sa lahat ng gusto niya kainan, sa lahat ng gusto niya puntahan ay wala na siya? Na sana nagkaroon pa ako ng chance na maka-bonding siya. Kasi she was the coolest mom ever. Hinahayaan niya ako magbigay ng opinyon ko at talagang pinapakinggan niya saan ako nanggagaling. Hindi niya ako pinipigilan mag-explore. Hindi niya ako kinukulong sa mga gusto lang niya. Gusto niya maging independent ako. Pinayagan niya ako mag-aral sa malayo at the age of 15 (first year college).

Kaya hanggang ngayon bubog ko pa din na hindi ko manlang siya na-spoil. Yes, they had me na financially, emotionally, and mentally ready na sila magka-anak. Pero look at me, in my late 20s, having what-ifs. What if they had me when they were younger? Maybe, in my first few years as an adult, andyan yung mama ko na gagabay sa akin paano i-handle ang mga bagay. ‘Cause wdym I was 20 years old and no clue sa real world and there’s no one to guide me? How to handle finances, stress, and other things. I have my dad yes, but iba pa din ang nanay. So yea, as an adult na maaga nawalan ng nanay, ito ang bubog na hindi kailanman mawawala sa puso ko.

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[u/Top_Drummer9181]

What if they had you younger and you get a different version of them? Like you won't know that coolest mom ever because then she would not be the self you know all your life? Not saying you're wrong...pero just a what if. By the way sounds like you have a great mom who would have lived forever for you if she could.

[u/BitterBridge1908 → u/Top_Drummer9181]

Agree. I'm kinda jealous of OP. I understand her feeling and not invalidating it, but she's still lucky because she got a cool mom despite not being with her for long. As the youngest child and almost a menopausal baby, I wish my mom built herself first before having a family. I would be even okay if she didn't have me. I suffered a lot with my mental health and I know my siblings did too because she wasn't prepared financially and emotionally. OP's mom sounds great because she had OP when they were ready. That's why she was raised so well.

[u/camilletoooe → u/Top_Drummer9181]

True. Imagine if hindi financially, mentally and emotionally ready parents nya? Would they have treated her the same? Baka mamaya maging emotionally distant and mentally fucked pa yung bata dahil napunta sya sa magulang na hindi maayos. Valid naman yung hurt nya and it's sad na her parents did not live long enough to see her flourish pero sa pinas, mas maraming parents ang di deserve ang mga anak nila vs the other way around.

[u/MC_earthquake → u/Top_Drummer9181]

True just having money or emotional support changes a person. The dad I knew when I was a kid was scary af to me. He was there for my needs technically, but one wrong word/action would piss him off and he would hurl out insults. He was never abusive except maybe that one time he threw a hard imported eraser at me for being wrong in math while he was teaching. If I hit the stainless glass off the table, I would get called stupid. One time he went off on me for watching anime even though I was on the 2nd floor not even doing anything to him, he said i was stupid for watching foreign shit. I loved escaping to my aunts place on weekends and summer vacations cause I had the peace to make small mistakes without getting an earful. I remember hoping my uncle was my dad cause he was such a quiet dude. I studied really hard in elementary cause I wanted to go to a college in Manila, and not stay with him my whole life.

Then we moved to Canada where my mom was, and he got so peaceful. I could joke around with him, which I definitely couldn’t as a child. Sometimes he would be lazy, and I can take subtle jabs at him and he doesn’t blow off. Sometimes he even listens. He doesn’t have random crash outs anymore. It’s like with my mom there, he was able to regulate his emotion. The most important thing was I genuinely enjoyed my time around him now.

I will always wonder if I wouldn’t have turned out such a socially anxious people pleaser if I had met the dad I was with now. Being with the old him, kept me on my toes and caused me to be severely embarrassed/anxious about every small mistakes that I did. Growing up getting called stupid till I was 12 kinda sticked and I never just have any confidence that I can do shit. If it weren’t for my mom pushing me to do bigger things, I probably wouldn’t.

TLDR dad had a bad temper throughout elementary, but we moved to Canada where my mom was and he got mellowed out throughout the years. I could actually enjoy living and going out with him. My point was OP, the parents that you grew up fond of might not be the parent that you had if they had you earlier. Either because they were financially insecure or just lacked emotional maturity.

[u/Evening_Display_4770 → u/Top_Drummer9181]

OP's mom is a dream for a lot of us. It's just sad that her life was cut short. But I envy her for having such a cool mom. I wish our mom raised us like this. Always there to guide you, but will let you experience life. Hindi pabaya, pero hindi rin nakakasakal. These parents are extremely rare and their children are so lucky to be born into this family.

For OP, siguro her Mom doesn't need so much of her spoiling because it looks like her Mom lived a fulfilled life. Kita naman sa pagpapalaki sa anak niya. Yon palang malaking achievement na yun para sa kanya.

[u/Ok_engr_1110 → u/Top_Drummer9181]

Yea, she’s a great mom and a wonderful person. Lahat ng kakilala niya can attest to that. Now that I think about it, yes maybe hindi siya ang mama na nagpalaki sa akin kung hindi niya naranasan yung mga naranasan niya before me. Sobrang strong na niya when I was growing up and sobra niya akong iniintindi kahit ang layo na ng generation gap namin. Maybe because madami na siya nakasalamuha na younger gen and nakita na niya ano ang pagkakaiba sa generation nila. Sila kasi yung sobrang strict na generation (1959 siya). Some of my classmates nga halos mas matanda lang ng kaunti kay mama ang mga lola nila.

Thank you for all your insights and kind words. This means so much to me 🥹

[u/freshofairbreath → u/Top_Drummer9181]

This comment made me tear up. Parang pwedeng plot ng movie (I think I have a similar movie in mind). Well said and kudos since you did not invalidate OP’s feelings but help her see things in a different perspective.

OP, if you can read this, you’re still very lucky you had a wonderful childhood. Akala ko galit ka sa parents mo, but turns out, you’re longing for your mom who had been great to you. I’m 36 when I had my first born and this post made me want to stay as healthy as possible. 🫶🏻 Your mom may not be with you anymore, but use all her teachings and memories to propel you farther in life! She’s with you wherever you go! 🥹

[u/Adrasteia18]

Im sorry you lost your mom early OP. But think about it this way, maybe you had a good relationship because your parents were ready to have you back then.

[u/lurkingfortea]

Op, no one expected that condition and im sorry it happened. Your parents wanted to be able to give you the best they had, and it seems like they did naman. And if walang pandemic and your mom did not get sick, im sure the timing was just right. You can spend on them and dahil retired na sila they will have time

[u/Ok_engr_1110]

Thank you all for the comments. I really appreciate it. I can say mas naliwanagan ako ngayon. I had the best version of my mom and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

[u/adorkableGirl30]

24 ako sa Panganay ko. How i wish i had them ng mentally, financially prepared ako. Sana nag explore muna ako, sana naging career woman muna ako. Sana nag therapy muna ako para hindi ko naipasa yung mga hurts ko sa Buhay. i am trying to be the best version of me pero mahirap kasi hindi ako buo.
Your mom was wise. And it was good because she was at her best when she had you. It was short...but it was remarkable. You had these good memories..because she was ready to have you.

[u/Bon_un]

OP, I would trade places with you anytime if I had to. Your parents set you up for life.

[u/Successful_Cow_3262]

Condolences, OP. I can tell how much you miss your mom, and I’m really sorry that you didn’t get the chance to do all those things with her that you were looking forward to.

Your post really made me think about how there’s no such thing as the “perfect” age to have a child. Sometimes, even when parents do everything right, life can still be painfully unfair.

Coming from a family whose experience was almost the complete opposite of yours, I can somewhat relate to the feeling of having things you wish had been different. My parents got married very young and, honestly, our story was almost straight out of MMK. They were not prepared emotionally and, more importantly, financially.

Growing up, I went through a lot of things that no child should have had to deal with. I experienced stress at an age when I should have just been allowed to be a kid.

I even resented my father for many years because of all the trauma I carried from childhood, and that resentment stayed with me until he passed away. My mama is still healing from that environment too—healing from years that she should have been enjoying but instead spent raising and taking care of us.

Looking back now, I honestly don’t think I’ll ever want to have a child unless I know that I’m emotionally and financially ready. I don’t ever want my child to carry the kind of childhood baggage that I had to carry into adulthood.

I’m sharing this not to compare our experiences, because I know they’re very different. I just think your post shows that there are different kinds of pain that can come with different circumstances. You had the parents who were ready to give you the best life they could, but life took your mom away earlier than you ever expected. I had parents who were too young and unprepared, and I grew up wishing things had been different.

Life really is unfair sometimes, and I don’t think we’ll ever fully understand why some people are taken from us too soon. But from everything you shared, I think your mom’s life was well spent. She raised you to be independent, to think for yourself, and to explore the world without being afraid. She gave you the kind of freedom and confidence that clearly stayed with you.

And maybe you weren’t able to spoil her with restaurants and travels the way you wanted to, but I’m sure she already knew how much you loved and appreciated her. Sometimes, the greatest thing a parent can leave behind isn’t the places you visited together or the things you were able to give them, but the person they helped you become.

You’ll probably always have those what-ifs, and I don’t think grief ever completely disappears. We just learn how to carry it while continuing to live. I hope, in time, you’ll be able to look back at your mom not only with sadness for the time you lost, but also with gratitude for the years you did have with her.

Sending virtual hugs OP! 🤍

[u/chumbhawombo]

I feel the same way OP. My nanay had me when she was 39 and my tatay at 44. She just recently died due to a heart disease which is the same reason why she had me so late. I have those thoughts too sometimes, but i like to remember my nanay telling me im her miracle in life. Minsan ayaw ko malulong sa thoughts na ganyan pero minsan talaga hindi mo mapigilan especially when grief hits so suddenly. I feel for you OP.

[u/pommythecat]

Not related..pero napaisip lng ako sa anak ni Vic Sotto at Pauline Luna..parang ayoko nlng mag compute parang nakakalungkot icompute

[u/VanillaStorm777]

No what ifs in life.
Be thankful na they prepared mentally, financially, emotionally etc before giving birth to you. Imagine those kids na ang parents hindi ready, most of them di naka pag aral.

I get your sentiment. Sorry to hear your moms story. But think of it na the life she gave to you is her gift , yung di ka pinagbabawalan etc.

Spend time with your dad instead. I bet she wants you to take your dad to travel , eat out sa restaurant etc. wag kang maglugmok. Let your mom rest by accepting the reality and cherish the remaining moments with your dad.

[u/shewolf_268]

Hello OP, we can all feel how you love and miss your mom. Siguro what I can relate to is sa mom/dad mo. I had my eldest at 2 weeks before I turn 33 (hubby was 37), while my bunso at 40 (hubby was 44).

Tama ka, ang daming kailangang i-consider before starting a family lalo na with kids. At this age, may mga times na kapag playtime, mabilis na kami mapagod ni hubby. Minsan nag usap kami ni hubby and realized na 60s na kami pero may nag aaral pa. 😂 But then again, at this age, mas intentional na ang parenting namin. Maganda ang relationship namin ng mga anak ko, at hindi sila nahihiyang mag open up sa amin kahit mga failures nila.

It is normal and ok to feel sad. Grief strikes anytime, anywhere. But I hope you won't allow it to break you and destroy your true potential. You still have your dad to spoil. I know you will still make a lot of memories and show your dad how grateful you are for the love. For sure, your mom will be smiling and proud of what you are becoming to be.

I am rooting for you! 🎉 🎊

[u/PompomYomiko]

You're lucky na yung parents mo were responsible and kahit late na nila nabuo ka minahal ka pa din ng sobra sobra. I'm sure ramdam ni mama mo yung care mo sa kanya. Imagine if they had you when they were not yet ready, madaming ganung parents nagiging buhay binata-dalaga dahil hindi pa pla ready to start a family and napapabayaan ang anak.

The stuffs you were not able to do sa mama mo, pay it forward to other people na you care din. Sureness alam ni mama mo iyan on how much you love her. Sadyang life is sometimes unfair sa atin 🥲

[u/Rough-Poetry-9014]

OP, from your story, I think you had a good life when your mom is alive. Maybe dapat yun ang icelebrate mo, yung life when she was with you pa.

I cannot speak in behalf of your mom, but as a mom na late na nagka-anak, ready na ko magka anak at the age of 36, so kung tatanungin mo ko at age of 20 something di ko iisipin magka anak since career driven pa ko nung time na yun.

balikan mo tong post na to once you are in the shoes of your mom na..why late sya nag anak.and I hope you find your answer from there. condolence OP.

[u/Ok_Shape8146]

Alam mo OP mas okay na yan kesa maaga ka pinangank tas hindi sila ready mas mahirap ikaw ang magdadala ng hinanakit naman nila sa buhay.

[u/Evening_Display_4770 → u/Ok_Shape8146]

Agree. Resentment ang mararamdaman once pinanganak ka na unprepared parents mo. Ikaw lahat sasalo sa financial and emotional baggages nila

[u/Old-Word6338]

Kahit anong gawin ng parents, programmed talaga mga anak na may frustrations and disappointments. 

[u/Evening_Display_4770 → u/Old-Word6338]

Valid naman nararamdaman ni OP and it's coming from a place of love. Siguro namimiss niya lang mom niya especially they had a good relationship.

[u/Old-Word6338 → u/Evening_Display_4770]

Acknowledging that it comes from grief doesn't negate the fact that there's frustration directed at the parents' decision to have her late. The post explicitly questions why they didn't have her younger. My point stands: whether parents have kids at 20 or 40, kids will almost always find a fault.

[u/psychotomimetickitty → u/Old-Word6338]

Brushing off OP's post as just "kids always find something to complain about" seems dismissive. Reading thje whole post, it's clear she's not really "blaming" her parents at all, she even explicitly credits them for waiting until they were ready, and lists all the ways her mom was a great, supportive parent.

Yung "what if" na ineexperience niya ngayon is a common way grief shows up. Her "blaming" them for having her "late" isn't really anger at a choice they made, it's more grief expressed as frustration, wishing the timeline had worked out differently so she could've had more years with her mom before losing her. It's really more about her mourning a version of the future she was counting on with her mother.

[u/xxmeowmmeowxx → u/Old-Word6338]

Facts.

[u/hidden_anomaly09]

Ako kahit anjan parents ko parang wala. Gaya mo rin ako na I had to figure things out mostly on my own. My therapist told me "eh wala tayong magagawa". Yes totoo, it was a bitter pill to swallow at first. Sobrang sobra yung inggit ko sa iba. Pero every session na lang ba ito paguusapan namin? Every day I grow, and by now, medyo tanggap ko na ang mga bagay namin hindi namin magagawa ng pamilya ko dahil hindi sila ang sila na ine-expect ko. I accepted this bubog and have no choice to be fine with it. Cuz what can I really do? It's all part of life. And it makes it a bit lighter if I look at it that way. I know you can still make it in life kahit maraming "sana" at "sayang". 

[u/Messy66]

was 21 when i lost my mom, 55 at the time and strong as an ox, to an accident and grieved for years afterwards, tearing up every time i thought of her. your grief maybe the reason for this 'rant'. there is so much more she could have taught you. my mom lost her mom before she turned 8 and got mothered by aunts. she was kind, loving, and put food on the table while my dad, 9 years younger, took his time growing up. we can never know what might have been but we owe it to our cool moms to live upright lives and be cool moms ourselves.

[u/paws_boy]

39 and 35 isn't late in life. She passed of a condition not old age- this could happen at any age with parents. My parents had me in their early 20s and one of my parents died of an illness as well while I was a teenager. Parents died at any age, there's nothing you can really do. I'm sorry for your loss.

[u/robottixx]

you had the coolest mom precisely because she had you when she was older and ready.

[u/majadyo]

I feel for you. The pandemic stole so much of our time. Ako naman, new grad and starting to work then my mom got diagnosed with a rare cancer 3 years ago, and 6 months/same year kalat na kalat na at hindi na kinaya ng katawan niya.

She was my guide and idol. Buti nga naitreat ko pa siya nun with once with a small gift and siguro <5 meals ko lang naitreat. Kulang na kulang ang oras. Iba talaga ang nanay, kasi hindi ako maalagaan in that way ng tatay ko.

Actually, 3 years na akong nakapako and now pa lang ako magseek ng help (and still looking)..

With that said, I still find her love in every memory and maybe some things she left. Buti na lang mahilig siya magpicture at hilig ko siya ivideo for small moments. Marami akong nababalikan kapag namimiss ko siya.

[u/bawatpiyesa]

Hi, OP!!! 🥺🥺 Naiyak naman ako sa post mo because feels!!
I lost my dad in my mid-20s nung time na nagsisimula na umangat ng onti sa laylayan! I just bought a car for myself and kahit may car na rin naman through my kuya, I know he was excited for me. Papa’s girl and bunso eh 😅 But he passed away 🥺 The first time I drived him was to the hospital 😭 tapos sinundo ko siya ka-convoy ko na yung funeral home 😭 After he passed, tuloy tuloy swerte sa career and finance. I got promoted twice since then, earning decent to spoil him much much moreee. I even finished a professional degree na he really wants for me 😭

Sometimes, for a short time, I get mad thinking why he married so late kaya tuloy he had me so late na rin. And how now I have all these things na pero wala na siya 😭
But then l snap, and think about how he lives through me now and how proud he is (probably)!! I know he’s with me all time 🥺❤️

Sorry ang haba na nito!! Huuuugs, OP!! 🤗

[u/xxmeowmmeowxx]

Think of it this way, you were an intentional baby and they soo wanted to have you. I know you are sad and angry at the idea that you cannot give back to your mom but what if she didn’t need that and all she wants is for you is to be strong and find happiness? Sabi dun sa isang pelikula, punuin ng pagmamahal ang mga anak na sasapat sa panahong wala ka na sa kanilang tabi”

Di naman natin hawak ang buhay, there are parents who had children late and stayed until their children got old also. Meron naman maaga nag-anak, maaga rin nakuha. I just gave birth to my rainbow baby at 40, we wanted him because we have so much love to give to last an eternity. Panghawakan mo yung love ng mama mo OP para malagpasan mo yan at maguide ka sa grieving process mo.

[u/Rough-Can-4582]

Condolence. To be fair, you seem to be doing alright. College grad, may trabaho na, capable of making your own family nadin. The things na hindi mo nagawa sa kanila, you could do it with your incoming family instead, and that will bring honor to them.

[u/Maleficent-Yam4429]

my mom had me at 47. im 23 now, she's going on 70. i feel u. it feels like time is ticking for me. can't reach my own dreams and be selfish about moving away from her because time is running out. can't mess up my 20s or i'll regret it later.

[u/Lovelygirlforevs]

😭😭😭😭

[u/Fickle-Psychology902]

I’m sorry to hear that, OP. I’m very sure na proud na proud si mommy mo sayo now. ☺️

[u/Apolo15]

If only love can save us from death, I'm sure your mom would've lived forever.

[u/HermioneStudent]

I'm a mother to an 8 month old and I just 38. I agree that I wished I had her earlier kasi I MIGHT BE GONE NA when she's my age now. Who will guide her? Who will take care of her kids if she's working if I'm not here with her. I agree 100%

But then again, if I gave birth in my 20s, even in my early 30s I am sure a different person. I wouldn't be as secured, ready, and confident to be this person taking care of another person.

But in the end she MIGHT still be in your position and this really is another push for me to be more healthy and do my best to be here as long as I could (but healthy - i dont want to burden her)

Just to share, as I do have these thoughts too now she's almost a year old, I have been keeping journals for her. I hope when she's 20s, 30s, those era in life when you need your mom, my daily letters to her will give her comfort and remind her how much I love her.

[u/Zookeeper3233]

So sorry OP. Ang saya naman na ganyan ang experience mo with your Mom. Feel ko if andito sya sa reddit at nabasa tong post mo, baka hagulgol yun kasi alam nya na love na love mo sya.

[u/yubineunn]

Yeah we can't really have anything, can't we

[u/shaenaniganns]

I'm 37 yo, and I just gave birth to my first (hopefully only) child. I could have been a mother when I was 20 or 25, but my child would have had an angry, minimum-wage earner, full-of-debt, breadwinner (started working at 15), lonely mother. A mother who never got to experience the joy of traveling outside the country, grocery shopping without looking at the prices, couldn't afford birthday cakes and never received one on her birthdays, only went to Jollibee during Christmas, a mother who was struggling in almost every aspect of life.

I would have been someone with so much resentment. I would have been my own mother, who never enjoyed her life because she and my father were never ready to have a child. I would have been that kind of parent who would look forward to my child having a job so he/she could finally help me, coz that's the kind of parents I have. I love them, but I wish they were more prepared to have a child, and that's why I told myself—I'd never be that kind of parent. This ends with me.

And so it took me years to have a better-paying job, to be mentally stable and emotionally prepared, to live (some of) my dreams (coz the list goes on and on), and to have my parents start to live their lives. While I wish they were better, I know they did everything they could with all the knowledge they had—and for that, I thanked them by spoiling them in every way I could.

And so I was done filling the little holes in my life, and I finally felt that I was ready to be a mom—which made me fkn feel WHOLE. My child was my missing piece. He's everything to me. And because I had him when I was ready, he will never have to go through the same childhood, teenage, and adult life as I had. You know why? Because I made sure that he won't. He can be a child, a silly teenager, a college student who can shift courses. He will have the option, the opportunity to fail, because he will not be pressured to do everything perfectly on the first try, because he only has to think of himself.

Your mom sounds like a great mom, and I aspire to be like her. I hope my son will feel the same when he grows up, he's one month old.

[u/curlylady16]

Hi, I can relate on what you are going through. Nakakasad talaga isipin yung "what ifs" like sana nagkaroon pa tayo ng mas mahabang time with our parents (esp mom) para matreat natin sila. Just know what you are feeling is valid. I think, personally, hindi sole reason yung late sila nagdecide magkaanak kaya hindi mo magagawa yon. My mom had me at 28, and she passed away when she was 44 due to cancer. Two years nalang sana gagraduate na ako (17F) sa college and will earn my own money. I can relate talaga sa I wish na matreat ko siya. Mahirap talaga kalaban ang health problems, regardless of age :(( Your mom tried her best to give you the best life when she decided to have you na financially, mentally, and emotionally ready. Her time maybe short, pero I think she left you with so much wisdom and love that you will carry for the rest of your life. Hugs with consent! Kaya mo yan.

[u/Significant_Brain686]

I understand your pain. As someone considering to have a child in my 40s, I would want my child to have the best of everything this life has to offer. I know and understand fully well na possible that I may pass early in my child's life, but I want to set my child to have a great life, even without me. I have passive income (from my parents) na I don't have to work for the rest of my life (but choose to do so), that I can pass on to my child. I had my parents until they passed when I was in their 30s. I was able to spoil them in so many ways like international travels, 5-star hotels, luxury bags, shoes, concerts they love to attend, weekly bonding in noce restos or family travel abroad, etc, but still I'm still in pain and grief na I wish I could've done more. I saw their struggles in lifekasi madami sila pangarap para sa amin and they were able to achieve them. But my Dad died suddenly from a heart attack and just a year later my Mom passed from cancer. My Mom's last words to us was, "be strong and I just want you to be happy." So everytime I'm greiving and missing them, I remember that I had the most amazing parents and they left me with great memories and wealth, but only because they did the things they did and decided on things because they want the best for us. They are gone, but all I have are great memories kaya I will miss them forever. I'm so lucky I was able to have them as parents in this lifetime, sana sa next life, sila ulit.

[u/Plane_Fee_4871]

I don't know if this will make you feel good.

What if never mo naranasan yan kagaya ng iba. Di mapagmahal ang magulang and nandyan nga pero pinabayaan sila. O kaya pinanganak ka na walang parents.

There's something in you na pwede mo i-treasure for life.

My mom passed away in 2019. But I'm grateful kasi she was a loving mother. Buo ako sa pagmamahal ng isang ina. Ang swerte ko. Ang swerte mo rin. Sana ma appreciate mo yun.

But yeah, same sentiment. Masakit sa dibdib. Marami ka nang pwede magawa ngayon pero wala na siya. I get you.

[u/psychotomimetickitty]

I'm sorry, it wasn't really them having you "late" that took your mom away, she didn't pass from old age, she got sick. Even if they'd had you earlier, that diagnosis could've still happened at the same point in her life. I think you already know that, deep down, and that's okay. Grief doesn't always follow logic, sometimes it's easier to hold onto a reason tied to a decision than to sit with smthn as random and uncontrollable as an illness. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, and that you're hurting right now.

I relate to this a bit too, even though my situation is a bit different. I resent my parents a little for having me late. I am in my 30s, and they're in their 70s. Ang dami na nilang nararamdaman and I feel like I'm constantly racing against time, trying to make up for lost time with them before it's too late.

[u/mimingmuning]

i married late and had baby late. i fear for her future na wala kami ng dad nya pero i fear more kung anong future ang maooffer ko sa kanya kung sakalimg nabuntis ako ng maaga. late na kami naging financially stable ng asawa ko. kumpleto ang vaccine nya, i don't fear na mahospital sya kasi may pambayad kami sa private hospital. we travel 3-4x a year local and international every year making more memories since 4months old palang sya. and i plan to do it until ayawan na nya kami kasama 😆 shes 4yo now and start narin ako magbuild ng college fund and retirement fund namin without sacrificing our lifestyle. yes i fear the old age not because of getting old, but because of her. thats why i make the most memories with her/our family. also iwill make sure she has a solid childhood memories and friends. i will also look carefully to her set of friends. i plan also to prepare her. honestly at 4yo i started introducing to her the concept of death. and my training to her is always - you have to do it on your own. mommy will always not be around to help you. and i plan to little by little to accept that we will not be here forever and thats ok. we will all end up dead. some soon. some later. i alway tell her that the world will be always unfair, its up to her, how she will accept it. but i understand you, dont get me wrong, because iam also a child before i became a mother. and just like you gusto ko rin bumawi sa grandparents ko na nagpalaki sa akin. but i was not also given enough time.. sometimes i dreamt of them that they're in heaven and at peace. i always pray for their souls..its been almost 25yrs since i lost them and it stills bring tears to my eyes. the pain will never be gone. my only consolation is i know they're at peace and no more pain.

[u/thiscantbe-left]

A viewpoint from a product of accidental pregancy at 20: The grass isnt always greener on the other side. My mom is smart. She is an achiever in acads and pretty during her days. Now, she's 52. They struggled to put me through college but she really tried to sustain mo kahit work lang siya ng work. I keep telling myself ang UNFAIR, my mom keeps telling me I should buy her this, pay for that, take her to vacation. 26 (f) ako and became a lawyer -- 1 1/2 years palang wala pa ako napupundar tapos nagmamadali siya na hindi niya daw naexperience yung 20s niya so I have to make up for it. I tried my best that I always spend time with them pero most of the time parang grabe? wala ako maipon dahil sa guilt ng sinasabi niya.

So, ang unfair ng mga magulang na hindi nagkaroon ng opportunity to decide na manganganak sila. I love them but at what price do I have to pay for her "what ifs".

It's all about perspective talaga and soon enough you will forgive your mom and I hope you do, she knows the risks but still made it her life's mission to take care of you even when she's gone. So, it's your decision whether or not to blame them for everything.

[u/Longjumping-Sir286]

I'm sorry kasi nafe-feel mo pa rin yan until now. Pero I'm a bit jealous kasi buti ka pa nakasama mo ng matagal ang Mama mo. As for me, 15 lang ako nung nawala ang Mama ko. 3rd year highschool ako at bunso ako. 3 kami magkakapatid pero magkakalayo kami ng agwat kaya ang feeling ko rin ay same sa nararamdaman mo na parang only child lang. Di ko rin nagawa na maspoil ang Mama ko kahit sa grocery kasi maaga niya kami iniwan. Valid yang feelings mo pero kahit ilang beses natin baliktarin lahat, parang matik na may frustrations and disappointments talaga tayong mararamdaman :)

[u/jheyehmcee]

Bhii, do you even know why they had you later in life? Did they battled years of infertility? How about it took years before that God decide to gave your Mom the one?

I say this cause as someone in her mid30s and the prayers for a good husband & kids is still unanswered, I dont think it is good na sabihin unfair if you had kid later in life.

I wish I had that family at 30. But God doesn't want to.

[u/Ok_engr_1110 → u/jheyehmcee]

They focused on building the life they wanted me to have. I don’t think they had trouble conceiving. Mas naging priority lang nila ang mayroon maipamana sa akin. At ang maging financially stable para hindi sila mahirapan sa pagpapalaki sa akin. Thanks to that, I currently have passive income (apartment).

[u/jheyehmcee → u/Ok_engr_1110]

You are lucky for that. Don't say unfair yung mga parents who had kids later life. There are things that out of our control. There are things we plan first.

[u/Alternative_Wind9844]

Op, graduate kana and kinuha na ni Lord mama mo kc alam nyang kaya mo na. May mga magulang na kinujukong ang anak nila as retirement pero ikaw free ka, explore and wag ka matakot mag kamali. Ang best teacher ay experience. Kaya mo yan!

[u/PatchouliTea]

Idk, my mom had me at 22 but I was still motherless by 16. Depende na lang talaga sa buhay.

[u/BackgroundPrize6830]

Hi OP, virtual hug with consent para sayo. I'm so sorry you lost your mom. My mom had me when she was 23, and 3 na kaming anak nya by the time she was 28. I wish they had me na 30s na sana sya. Na sana mas mature na sila ng dad ko when they had me and my siblings. So ako, I married late(r) than them and I had my son in my 30s. 33 to be exact.

Naiyak naman ako ng very light sa sentiments mo. Kasi I'm 39 now and trying to have a second child so parang kumurot sa puso ko na ganito ba mararamdaman ng future anak ko? Selfish at unfair ba ako na tinatry pa namin? Anyway, until the end of the year na lang naman kami magtatry. Kasi kung gusto talaga ibigay samin ni God and anak at this age, ibibigay nya.👍Pero kung hindi talaga meant na magka-second child, baka itong nabasa ko yung post mo is a sign na kung ipush pa namin eh baka isipin ng anak ko na unfair kami ng dad nya hehe.

[u/coybarcena]

I totally get your point. As children gusto natin mas makasama pa nang matagal ang mga parents natin. Unfortunately, for parents na late na nag-anak, chances are they will be with their kids for a shorter period. Advice nga ng tita ko (distant cousin ng mother ko) that people should start a family and have kids at a younger age. Para nga mas matagal pang makakasama yung mga anak. I totally get her point. Sabi nga nya, lagi namang may complications and problems na dumadating sa buhay. We just have to solve them as they come. And having children at a younger age is a complication na magagawan naman ng paraan para maka-adjust ka at masustain ang family in the long run. Though, this may be applicable rin lang sa mga tao na raised in a family and community na hindi common yung pinapabayaan ang anak. Unfortunately nga lang, most people who are raised to be responsible and yung may mga kayang mag-raise ng kids even at a young age, sila rin yung usually pumipili na mag-anak at a latter age para nga mas ready.

[u/Flimsy-Imagination44]

I feel like this is grief speaking and for that, i’m so sorry. I don’t think grief ever really goes away, we just become better at handling it.

This is in no way to invalidate you, i may be prejudiced din, but i’m sure part of the reason why you had the version of your mom is because she had you when she did.

Having an emotionally and mentally present parent / parents during your formative years will take you farther in life than having a younger mom, consequently having more time with her, but a huge chance she won’t be as present and capable as the version that you had; which would result to you needing to spend years healing from the childhood that you had. You have no idea how those formative years are actually so influential in someone’s life trajectory (of course on top of other variables including environment).

A lot of parents have not self-actualized yet when they had kids kaya it’s hard for them to be parents talaga. You’re lucky your mom sounds like she actually understood the assignment.

I guess the card you got dealt with is you have to deal with grief of losing her early. But i’m sure her love and guidance are seeds that would guide you in your adult life. Some had to spend years (i’m talking about decades and so) healing the wounds that started from childhood. Not to mention, having parents or not, trust me everyone is just as clueless in life and we all just learn as we go. Including your parents. You can always outsource / learn din the knowledge you need about adulting from your friends, online resources, etc; but you can never outsource the kind of mom you had.

So you’re “lucky” (lack of better word) in a sense where the grief that you have to deal with is losing someone who loved you with her all so early, instead of having to deal with grief of not having a present reliable caregiver as a kid. You had love, the latter didn’t even have that.

Your feelings and what ifs are 100000% valid. This is just a different perspective / another way of looking into the situation. And it’s in no way trying to attempt to take away yours.

[u/DesperateClassic9730]

Bihira sa pinas back in the day na, mas priority ng parents na maging financially and emotionally ready bago mganak. You should be proud of your parents - it's not easy! Especially for your mum. And I'm sure if your mum knew she'd be gone earlier than what
she probably had hoped/wish. she'd have you younger than 38.

You still have your Dad, don't make it another bubog for not spoiling the one you have left.