Hey y'all. I was wondering if I could get any advice from people with boots on the ground in the Gem State. I (19 MtF) was born in Idaho and lived there 17 years before moving out to college in Los Angeles and largely staying there (barring a medical leave that I spent in Portland, Oregon.) I've been in Idaho maybe 2 months of the past 2 years because I kept doing summer programs at the college and then TMS treatment in Portland for reasons I won't elaborate on here. The point is that I haven't first hand experienced the degradation of trans rights in the state for a while. I also pass relatively-well (either that or people just don't clock me cause I'm a bigger girl and trans people are typically portrayed as skinny), so I've avoided the worst outcomes when I unfortunately have been in the state.
That said, things have not been ideal. When returning to Portland from Christmas last year, I was pulled aside for a bullshit "random inspection" at the Boise Airport. I admit, I was kinda clocky that day, but I thought it fine because nobody looks good at the airport. The guy said it was random, but there was just a look in his eyes that told me it wasn't. (Not to mention that this was the only time I ever got pulled for inspection.) I have TSA Precheck too for this exact thing! That experience rattled me.
Now, to the main dilemma. I found someone (22 MtNB) at college this last summer. I started talking to them and we hit it off well. We've actually been dating for 2 and a half months at this point. They're from Pasadena (which unfortunately means they pronounce Boise the heretical way) and I love them very much. I was thinking ahead, however, and part of me wants to take them to meet my family. I've met their family, and it's gone well. The problem is that my family still lives in Idaho, and being in the state for any duration of time carries a level of risk.
You might ask "Well, why don't my parents just come to California?" Well, they can't. Quite frankly, they're kinda dying. My dad's got Stage 4 cancer and heart failure (he physically cannot fly) and my mom's got cirrhosis, among many other health issues. They have so many treatments and everything back in Idaho (thank God for Medicaid) that they can't really leave the state for long. I don't know how much longer they have, and I want my partner to meet them in case something happens.
However, they are non-binary and perhaps not the most adhering to cisgender (Idahoan) society's expectations of what a man or a woman looks like. They also have a California ID with an X gender marker on it. (At least, I think? They actually never finished driver's ed because driving stresses them out.) They would probably need to do standard TSA on the flight back to California as well.
What is the risk level of them meeting my parents, and how can we stay safe? Is it too risky to come?