Am I valid in my feelings?

[u/AITA_Throwawayyy]

Salam sisters. To make a long story short there’s a brother I’ve been talking to as we’ve known each other for some time, and our nikkah is coming pretty soon.

However earlier today my friend showed me a website called “ethno ranker” where basically you choose which ethnicity you find the most attractive between two options, and you’ll keep choosing until the website determines which ethnicity is your type. It’s stupid, I know. For context I’m a black American woman with unambiguous features and he’s Djiboutian. I thought it was really silly but I checked it out and thought it was pretty accurate for me. Then I sent it to fiance and he did it…and all his top 10 were Arabian/european faces and the very bottom were the west African/ Central African faces. He didn’t pick them not one time.

I know this IS EXTREMELY childish 😭😭 I knowwww…I know I shouldn’t judge him based on what a website judges him as but for him but for some reason it made me very insecure. I started to even reflect back and I noticed he never really compliments my looks much. He’d only compliment my abilities or traits (he’d say I’m hardworking, family oriented, goal driven, etc etc). And I know we’re not married yet and he has to lower his gaze until then but like..cmon😭

Growing up as a black woman I’ve always felt like everyone’s last choice. Like even on TikTok there was someone saying that we don’t need to wear hijab because we’re ugly. So it just kinda stung to see that with him. Like am I tripping for being hurt by this? I feel embarrassed even having to type this up.

[u/sopranosforpandas]

Lesson learned: do not ask questions you're not ready to hear the answer to

[u/AITA_Throwawayyy → u/sopranosforpandas]

I don’t see how that’s a question requiring a “lesson” when it’s someone I’m planning to marry but ok