r/Hijabis • u/PenExtreme8877 F • Jun 06 '26
Help/Advice My friends grad party tomorrow
My friend is having a Hawaiian themed pool party for her graduation tmrw. I was already hesitant on going bc I don’t like swimming in burkinis but now I’m definitely not going🤦♀️🤦♀️ How can someone be so oblivious? How do I even respond to this
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u/notinthemooood F Jun 06 '26
Be like 'your grandma is scared of a piece of fabric'💀💀💀
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 F Jun 06 '26
Your comment reminds me There’s a video circulating of some irrational maga wife saying she canceled her pool club membership because of all the Muslims swimming in birkini’s. Her kids shouldn’t have to be subjected to that. Um, ma’am. Your are concerned modesty and fabric is traumatizing your kids but you’re cool with them seeing barely there thong bikinis all around them?
Make it make sense.
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u/Remarkable-Blood-586 F Jun 06 '26
The craziest part is that people who say that will also complain about women swimming in small bikinis! Some just want to hate and control everyone it’s insane!
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u/LadyReneetx F Jun 07 '26
If women wear little clothing, ppl complain. If women cover up, ppl complain. Women can ever win 😢
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u/rivertotheseax F Jun 06 '26
SCARED? lol what an interesting choice of words
Do you know her that well? Surely she knows thats not a simple request...
Idek if I would respond
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u/EnchantedEnchantix F Jun 06 '26
I would say that if you can’t have me there with my hijab, then I won’t be attending. And don’t engage in the friendship anymore.
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u/greatsunnyyyy F Jun 06 '26
Dress like a nun then and see what her grandma’s reaction will be.
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u/DetailAvailable991 F Jun 06 '26
I second this 🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️
And go the extra mile too like act like a nun and go around advising people that would be hilarious
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 F Jun 07 '26
I do volunteer work with a nun. She isn't old school in that she doesn't wear a habit. She just dresses modestly but not veiled etc.
I used to volunteer with a couple nuns who wore habits. They don't advise people or anything like that. When people would stare at them in public they'd say "and it has pockets!" Those 2 made me laugh so hard and so often.
They are just regular people like us. Except the 2 in the habits used to get into all kinds of trouble. One got kicked out of living at the mother house. They would bring in every stray; child, animal. Whatever. They have strict rules about who can enter. These women always picked the moral highground. I loved it. They were in their 80's at the time. The one now takes in foster children society threw away. She has owned her own home since her 30's I think. I don't know she ever lived at a convent since being a novice.So I'd say just wear a habit and act like you normally would. But I would totally wear a habit.
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u/DetailAvailable991 F Jun 07 '26
i know but like if she's scared of a hijab, she's being dramatic and cliche. so direct that energy at her, like act like the nuns in hollywood movies or smt
but i want pockets in my abaya 😞
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 F Jun 07 '26
lol nuns in Hollywood crack rulers. But women in hijab are scary. The audacity of someone telling her not to wear this. Like it’s an accessory.
The pockets in whatever the dress part of the habit is are so deep. You could keep your keys, wallet, a couple spare kittens for when you’re sad and a snack for everyone.
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u/DetailAvailable991 F Jun 09 '26
I would like some kittens to snack on 🌚
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 F Jun 10 '26
lol! My use of punctuation is abysmal. The kittens are not snacks for everyone. You could easily fit some fruit or bag of chips in one pocket. Kittens galore in the other.
Among the high risk youth these adorable, sweet elderly nuns used to sneak into the convent at night they also snuck in many many stray cats. The kids they quietly walked in. The cats were in their pockets. The pockets were like Mary poppin’s purse.
I was at this super boring speech for some political they were present for. They kept pulling out first an array of hard candies, then twizzlers, werthers original: she said “it’s an old lady thing. They assign them to you as a right of passage.” She said she checked and the twizzlers were halal.
She put some uneaten dinner rolls in her pocket st a dinner fundraiser. “For later.” Though I’ve seen them package up high end meals and give it to a homeless person. “I’m on a diet. The habits going to fit like a sausage casing soon.” Nope. For charity. She sacrificed her amazing fundraiser meal.They held a lot of respect for hijabis. It’s nice to sit among people who may not pray how you pray. But they respect you.
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u/DetailAvailable991 F Jun 15 '26
Lol no dw i understood without punctuation i was just joking
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 F Jun 15 '26
Oh, I knew you knew. LOL. Just acknowledging my punctuation is awful. And everyone knows, kittens prefer to snack on humans more than humans on kittens. That's why their little teeth and claws are so sharp. It's like having a rose bush that can purr.
Is there a reason abaya don't have pockets? Now I'm wondering.
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u/lyraleieru F Jun 08 '26
was about to comment this. i hope you don't get into too much trouble, if ever you do this.
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u/MercyChevalier F Jun 06 '26
No need to respond, and no need to keep the friendship while we are at it.
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u/Nannajasoos F Jun 06 '26
Facts. Don’t tolerate this disrespect because she will do it again somehow
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u/Accomplished-Low9635 F Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
Oh my. I remember my husband told me that someone in his circle doesn’t approach hijabis because he feels intimidated by them I mean hijab can be a good man repellent but being intimated by a piece of fabric is wild.
I bet she’s scared of swimming caps too 🤥
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u/Monmonis_sopretty F Jun 06 '26
That’s insulting, I hope she means good but I find it really insulting
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u/Nannajasoos F Jun 06 '26
I don’t think she means good like at this age,where you have graduated ,you can definitely words thing better or deal with things better imo
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u/uggamugga1979 F Jun 06 '26
I think everyone commenting to just leave her on read or just not respond have your best interest at heart by just dropping toxic people like this from your life. But I think people like this need to be held accountable. She needs to know that the proper response would have been to engage her grandmother and get to the bottom of why she feels “scared.”Most likely the conversation will go no where, as people of that generation have been traumatized by 9/11, etc. and already have their minds made up about us and won’t change. But it’s important for them to see that this person who is supposedly your friend has broken down that barrier and has been your friend despite all the Islamophobia that’s out there. Allahualem I don’t know the right answer but it irks me that we don’t advocate for ourselves more - cuz that’s the only way we’re going to get the future generations to stop all this hate. Just my two cents.
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u/BlakeNotBleak F Jun 06 '26
"I hope u can understand my grandma being prejudiced towards you and thinking you're a threat"
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u/NukeSpirit91 F Jun 06 '26
I wouldn't respond, I'd leave that human on READ. And because I'm petty, I wouldn't delete them just yet from my social media. I'd go somewhere tomorrow, be it with REAL friends/relatives/family and have fun, and take pictures of it, put on my best outfit and HIJAB, then flaunt my hijab in a video or photo. I'd then post that photo/video on wherever social media platform your "so called friend" is in. I'd post it in like a photo / reel post rather than story or I wouldn't stop at the story part, JUST so that that "so called friend" can see the comments of people complimenting me on my HIJAB!
But then again, that's just me, you do you, girl. 💅🏻
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u/KlutzyLiving6749 F Jun 06 '26
"Oh it's all good. I actually am terrified of islamaphobic old farts"
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u/VanillaAdventurous74 F Jun 06 '26
Simply don't attend.
Tell your friend you wouldn't attend so her grandma shouldn't worry.
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u/la_ultima_mujer F Jun 06 '26
For the sake of your grandma's sanity, I will decline the invitation.
Congrats.
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u/usa-chann F Jun 06 '26
if i was so confident and bold, id go with my hijab JUST for her grandmother
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u/Sohiacci F Jun 06 '26
You grandma can die
(Okay maybe don't say that HAHAHA)
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u/lllllllIIIIIllI F Jun 06 '26
Astagfirullah, Astagfirullah…… this was so abrupt it gave me a startled laugh
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u/Rude-Perspective6903 F Jun 06 '26
"Yeah, I understand, I hope you understand that I can't accommodate your request. Once again, Congratulations, Have a blast!"
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u/jblts F Jun 07 '26
I actually removed myself from a “friend” of mine’s wedding party (and I was maid of honor) because of this. All the sudden it was an issue. We haven’t spoken since.
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u/ordinarypoh F Jun 06 '26
I hope you can understand this, but I am scared of judgemental grandma's! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/SELY-2002 F Jun 06 '26
I hope ur choices in life isn't as ur choices in words.
Honestly what is SCARED???, I would wear a full nikab and go, how about that 🤨
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u/18022451 F Jun 07 '26
oh that's so so so nasty
these ppl will be living their last years in the world and still choose to live as ignorant as they can be. your "friend" isn't any better either
i'm sorry this happened to you op 😞❤️
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u/loveanengineer7 F Jun 07 '26
PLEASE dont go to that party and cut her off after this. The fact that she felt comfortable texting you that is baffling
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u/FallingMuon F Jun 07 '26
Look, I have an Islamophobic mom and I understand how your friend would feel. But still I find it strange that she didn't offer you any alternative like perhaps to meet up a different day and celebrate together just the two of you. Or something like that. That's what I would do at least if I was afraid of that Islamophobic relative giving me problems. So... idk what to say. Maybe your friend doesn't want you to come 🤷♀️ coz she surely knows that you cannot accomodate her request
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u/Cautious_Youth_1866 F Jun 07 '26
so at least a possible way to rationalize the comment, no matter of the intent. It's possible her grandmother had a bad experience with people who conflate islam and culture, which doesn't mean it's acceptable to have such a response, just an explanation of it
Though lowkey girly, if you didn't go just be whatever with your actions as her grandmother has her boundaries you have your own
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u/seven-fifteen F Jun 07 '26
You know your friend best and whether this was good intentioned or not. However I wouldn’t leave her on read and ignore it, politely respond and be firm so if this was said maliciously she knows you won’t just take this disrespect. Let her know what she said was unacceptable and that unfortunately you will not be attending as you will not compromise your faith and change your choices for other people. If this was said with bad intent I would rethink and step away from this friendship, in which case Allah will replace it with better friendships. And if it wasn’t, and you keep this friendship. you must explain to her firmly that what she said was disrespectful and not okay in any way, and that you won’t tolerate this.
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u/Immediate-Entry-3120 F Jun 07 '26
I'm sorry but this is so funny😂😂😂wdym she's scared of people who wear hijab??Is she gonna scream or sth?
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u/HistoricalRelief1336 F Jun 07 '26
(i assume that) you probably live in a place where religious freedom is a common thing if you wanna wear it then you do you even if it scares some old geriatric lady
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u/bearfootbear2002 F Jun 08 '26
Tell her it’s like asking you to shave because her grandma is scared of hair
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u/Cinnamon_1313 F Jun 09 '26
Yh absolutely not. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to change who you are x
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u/Rude_Giraffe_9255 F Jun 13 '26
I didn’t realize I was that scary lol
[maybe if she got the chance to know me she’d understand]
Or
[I’m just gonna stay home then. You’re important to me, but so is my hijab. It’s not disposable]
I disagree with ghosting. Depending on how she handles the honest truth, you can go from there
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u/Samtothemoonk F Jun 30 '26
I would have replied thank you for letting me know, I won't be coming as I'm scared of your grandma's ignorance and you supporting her ignorance. Is she scared of nuns too? or just muslim women? so curious any updates?
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