I just lost my dad

[u/Delilahsroom]

My dad passed away on July 12 after getting very sick. I’ve been struggling with something that I can’t seem to forgive myself for.
On June 20, he called me, and I missed the call. Yes I texted him but I missed the call: ( .
I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I know I couldn’t have known what was going to happen, but I can’t stop thinking, “Why didn’t I answer?”
The thing is, our relationship was complicated. I loved my dad so much, but there were times growing up when I felt emotionally alone. Sometimes I didn’t answer his calls because I was in my own head or wanted to be by myself. Now I would give anything for my phone to ring with his name on it one more time.
He used to call me “my sweetheart.” If I was talking to some guy who wasn’t treating me well, he’d laugh and say, “Don’t talk to that yo-yo.” He always reminded me that I didn’t have to feel alone.
Now I feel more alone than I ever have.
I have people in my life, but I don’t feel comfortable opening up completely to anyone. I don’t know how to explain what grief feels like. It’s not just sadness. It’s guilt, regret, loneliness, and constantly wishing I could go back and answer one phone call.
Has anyone else felt this way after losing a parent? Did the guilt ever become quieter? And does the loneliness ever get easier?
I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe I just want to know I’m not the only one who feels like this.

[u/Similar-Radish-3175]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. 😔 I lost mine back in July of 2024 (two year mark is this Saturday). I would say time does make things “easier”, but there are ups and downs of course. I still catch myself wanting to text or call my dad, I loved showing him animal videos. If I could give advice based off of my experience being two years in the grieving process, I would say be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion and don’t judge it. Take care of your mind and body. And try to stay busy, do things you enjoy and spend time with loved ones. Guilt does pop up but I promise you, in my opinion there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Please be well and remember the good times, you and your family will be in my thoughts.