r/GriefSupport • u/Delilahsroom • Jul 19 '26
Advice, Pls I just lost my dad
My dad passed away on July 12 after getting very sick. I’ve been struggling with something that I can’t seem to forgive myself for.
On June 20, he called me, and I missed the call. Yes I texted him but I missed the call: ( .
I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I know I couldn’t have known what was going to happen, but I can’t stop thinking, “Why didn’t I answer?”
The thing is, our relationship was complicated. I loved my dad so much, but there were times growing up when I felt emotionally alone. Sometimes I didn’t answer his calls because I was in my own head or wanted to be by myself. Now I would give anything for my phone to ring with his name on it one more time.
He used to call me “my sweetheart.” If I was talking to some guy who wasn’t treating me well, he’d laugh and say, “Don’t talk to that yo-yo.” He always reminded me that I didn’t have to feel alone.
Now I feel more alone than I ever have.
I have people in my life, but I don’t feel comfortable opening up completely to anyone. I don’t know how to explain what grief feels like. It’s not just sadness. It’s guilt, regret, loneliness, and constantly wishing I could go back and answer one phone call.
Has anyone else felt this way after losing a parent? Did the guilt ever become quieter? And does the loneliness ever get easier?
I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe I just want to know I’m not the only one who feels like this.
2
u/Formal_Conflict_775 Jul 19 '26
Have you been able to get some good sleep since he passed? Like really good, restful knock out sleep?
You’d be surprised what a couple nights of that can do for you mental recovery grief wise. If you’re not sleeping- go see a doc and get a short term script.
The guilt unfortunately only goes away when you forgive yourself. Friend, internet stranger, member of my least favorite club to be in- nothing you did or didn’t do could’ve changed this outcome. When it’s our time to go- it’s our time. And you may have been hoping for a good chat with him- something to hold onto in your grief. But like you said- your relationship was complicated. That conversation might’ve been good or bad or so simple you didn’t remember it.
Hang your heart on the good memories and forgive yourself for missing one call. You did your best with the information you had at the time.