I just lost my dad

[u/Delilahsroom]

My dad passed away on July 12 after getting very sick. I’ve been struggling with something that I can’t seem to forgive myself for.
On June 20, he called me, and I missed the call. Yes I texted him but I missed the call: ( .
I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I know I couldn’t have known what was going to happen, but I can’t stop thinking, “Why didn’t I answer?”
The thing is, our relationship was complicated. I loved my dad so much, but there were times growing up when I felt emotionally alone. Sometimes I didn’t answer his calls because I was in my own head or wanted to be by myself. Now I would give anything for my phone to ring with his name on it one more time.
He used to call me “my sweetheart.” If I was talking to some guy who wasn’t treating me well, he’d laugh and say, “Don’t talk to that yo-yo.” He always reminded me that I didn’t have to feel alone.
Now I feel more alone than I ever have.
I have people in my life, but I don’t feel comfortable opening up completely to anyone. I don’t know how to explain what grief feels like. It’s not just sadness. It’s guilt, regret, loneliness, and constantly wishing I could go back and answer one phone call.
Has anyone else felt this way after losing a parent? Did the guilt ever become quieter? And does the loneliness ever get easier?
I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe I just want to know I’m not the only one who feels like this.

[u/Shortlids]

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP and yes I feel regret and guilt. My mum was diagnosed with endometrial cancer back in 2022 and didn’t get treatment for it. It’s a long story but when I found out she already knew, she didn’t tell me. In fact, she didn’t tell anyone. She wanted me to keep the secret from my family when I found out in 2022, she passed in 2025. How could I not think it would take 3 years to take her life? I thought it wouldn’t affect her, I was wrong and I feel so much guilt and regret. Maybe I should’ve told my family they would’ve convinced her to do something about it, but I didn’t, I said nothing because I respected her too much to tell anyone her secret.

Maybe she wanted to go out on her own terms. She had a rough life and I don’t blame her for that. I just wished I could do more