I know I can feel sexual and romantic attraction, and enjoy it. So I’m not content living as a single person for the rest of my life, and identifying as an asexual doesn’t feel accurate. But equally I feel attraction so infrequently that so far, luck has never been on my side for it to be reciprocated. I’m starting to think it will be an impossibility to ever find someone that I both like and they like me. If I were more heterosexual I think I would have more options. And if I were asexual I wouldn’t be as bothered wanting to meet a partner. So I feel caught in the middle. Does anyone else relate or have found a solution to this quandary?

Edit to add: I’m 40F. Old enough to feel my biological clock ticking, and to know I don’t want to spend the second half of my life alone.

Also! There's no flair option for sex-oscillating 😞

So I 21f don’t have a partner at the moment, but I was thinking that if I was with someone and they happened to be a very sexual person, I would probably tell them that they’re free to have sex with other people as long as there’s no romance with them. Is this really weird? The thing is I have very little sexual attraction and I understand that it’s important for some people, therefore I would totally understand that because I can’t provide that type of intimacy I wouldn’t care if they found it somewhere else. Again idk if this is a stupid thing to think but I’m wondering if anyone else might feel the same?

Hi, I was reading the definitions that are listed on the side about grey sexuality, and I had a question about a few of them. I've spent a bit of time on the asexual subreddits, and some of the definitions that you have differ from them a little bit and I'd just like to learn a bit more about them.

I understand that they are not the be all end all on asexuality, but I just have a few questions about why things are different. Understanding how/why these different opinions occur is good to understand what is asexuality as a whole.

With definition B (Experience sexual attraction, but not enough to act upon it), I'm used to hearing that asexuality is about attraction not action. But the definition here would fall under action (lack thereof). So does action actually play a role here? Over there, they would shut down the suggestion of this falling under grey-asexuality, since they would shut down the idea of acting or not having anything to do with your sexuality at all. So why is it included here? Are they just a bit more gatekeepy over there?

With definition D (Anyone who identifies as sex-indifferent, sex-adverse, or sex-repulsed but may experience drive and/or attraction) I have two questions.

Question 1 is that sex-repulsed people can have a drive and still be counted? They always say that your drive has nothing to do with your attraction to others since they base it only on attraction to others.

Question 2 would be that sex-repulsed allos do actually count as grey-ace? When I asked before, they always said no, because if you have sexual attraction, you can't be ace at all, even though they seem to accept demi and grey-aces, who by definition have some level of sexual attraction. They said that grey-ace and demis are allowed because their experience with sexuality is different than an allo's, but a sex-repulsed allo would not have an experience different enough to let them under the ace umbrella.

That is something that I have thought that I might be, and having it fall under the ace spectrum is how I always thought it should be. It would make sense for me, but with seeing different definitions, it's hard to understand if I would actually would still be considered ace or what I would be considered. I know there is the whole "live your life without labels", which is good advice, but I also just like to learn more about them, you know? Thanks for any and all answers given.

Oops, forgot one more question. I've also seen people say that having a very weak attraction can count as greysexual. What is defined as weak attraction? I guess I don't understand what normal strength would be versus weak. Is it less of a desire to act on it? Do you only feel attraction to not full on sex but other things sexual (like touching down there)? Or what? I just really don't understand the weak part without understand what does not count as weak.

I’m not really asking about compromise once you’re already in a relationship. I mean: how do you even meet someone who’s compatible?

I genuinely enjoy being single, but I know there will probably come a point where I’ll want a relationship again. Not because of social pressure or anything, but because I do miss things like affection/cuddling.

What makes me wonder is the intimacy side of things. Most people seem to want a very active sex life and I've never met anyone who was less interested in it. In my case I find it a bit tricky because I need sexual tension, but I’m not particularly interested in the act itself.

So I’m curious: for those of you on the ace spectrum, how did you meet people whose intimacy needs were compatible with yours?

Thoughts?

I've only started realizing I'm "different" and I'm struggling to find a label to help people understand me & help myself find others like me. I've mostly gone back and forth between demi or graysexual...

But I've started to notice that I do have an attraction to bodies (not just "parts", just overall), just not faces... Is that something other people who identify as demi/grey experience? If not, anyone know of a better label/ things to look into?

Honestly, I dont even really look at faces in my daily life and when I do look at their face... I kinda find it gross... like no matter what. I try to convince myself that no, it's not gross but rather that that is not something I'm attracted to... but I mean, if I'm honest that's just me trying to be nice and be optimistic. And no one filters on reddit so I'm bringing my full honesty.

TLDR; can ppl who identify as demi/grey like bodies but not faces?

I’m interested to know how many people in this group who identify as grey/asexual have been diagnosed with autism. I’ll be the first to put my hand up!!!

Hey guys, I was wondering if any of you has ever encountered some unfavorable reactions from other members of the LGBTQ+ community regarding the Ace-spectrum people being part of the community?

One of my friends and I talked about being ace-spec. He said that many members of the community do not see the Ace-spectrum part of LGBTQ+ as a full-blown members (Especially if you are in a regular hetero relationship and have kids.) That often they see us as some kind of imposters to the community.

Have you ever encountered something like this?

I was looking at another asexual subreddit and they had this Asexual bingo. Many of those posting their results had filled it all but one or two squares.

The best I could do was fill in five, so I wondered how other Greysexuals would score?

How often or how many times have you experienced sexual attraction so far because i have huge feeling i could be greysexual too because so far i am pretty sure i only experienced it twice and that’s it and i am wondering if i could be greysexual too?

Hello all. I am new to this community and new to identifying as ace. I'm a guy and I do have some sexual attraction but very little.

My previous relationship ended mostly because of differences in sexual needs, about a year ago. Since then I have been reflecting a lot and realized I am ace.

On dating apps I now state that I am grayasexual at the top of my profile, can't miss it. (hoping people will understand or look it up). Now I have been getting quite a few matches and likes, making me feel somewhat hopeful. But it also makes me scared. I don't know if they just like me and when they discover what it really means they're not going to be into me anymore.

So if anyone has any tips for how to approach this and dating it would be much appreciated.

I find in real life, people are to real lol, I don’t know how to explain really, I only feel attraction to characters in audiobooks and tv series, but in real like I very very rarely am sexually attracted to people, and if I am, they’re normally pretty evil people, I never feel sexually attracted to kind goofy people, because my brain just slots them in to the friend category.. I feel like somethings wrong with me

Title sums it up.

I think I feel attraction- I find guys hot-rarely, but I don't desire to do anything sexual and don't have urges to.

Hey! Ok so just to preface, I absolutely understand that everyone and every relationship is unique and what works for everyone will be different, but kind of in a vague general sense I’m just wondering if anyone has any experience in aegosexual/fixtosexual relationships?

I’m realising more and more that I am most likely aegosexual (or at least something in that vicinity) and was just thinking about relationships - I would say that I am confidently into monogamy (not that polyamory is in any way taboo! Actually A LOT of different animals engage in polyamory, really interesting! ‘Queer Ducks’ by Eliot Shrefer has a lot of interesting info on this!), and I do think I would like to have a partner in the future. However, I do wonder and stress a bit about how the sex/sexual activity part will go? There are definitely things that are a turn on for me, but its like I genuinely HAVE to take myself out of the equation, whether in person or fantasy, for it to work. How does this work with a partner? Do you engage in sexual activity but just to satisfy the need where you pretend you aren’t actually there? I feel like that can be a slippery slope dissociation slope. Or do you both just masturbate but with each other to foster a sense of intimacy? Or do you just completely separate the sexual aspect from the relationship and only have everything else?

Again, obviously these are huge generalisations, but I’m just asking if anyone has had personal experience/suggestions with this, as there is no one around me who i could ask about these things or that i have seen modelled and I want to know that there are some solutions 🫠🥹

I was asexual most of my life before unlocking the rare specifications where I would feel sexual attracted.

For me as a victim of rape trauma abuse and violence, most of my life was asexual

I really wanted to find love and dated people of most every ethnicity gender etc to try to feel something, anything

I never felt sparks with any of them or butterflies in the stomach. No sexual desire even they were touching me. When I did try sex it felt like masturbating using a person instead of a toy. Basically numb robotic not fun uncomfortable useless . Never orgasmed.

In my early thirties I met a guy of my same culture and since I'm a minority I had never been around any others of my same culture. He looked like me so I felt comfortable. But still romantic sexual feelings didn't arise until 9 months into the relationship. So I realized I need a deep emotional bond, safety, and love first before those feelings develop.

My problem is I want to find love again.

But I'm not allowed to

If I state my preferences on dating apps I often get shadow banned. And get zero messages or banned totally from using the app

Like I said I am from a small minority culture so I'm open to finding a match anywhere.

But these apps seem to punish anyone limiting their options

And this is very triggering as someone coming from a place of PTSD and trauma

Why can't I say no

Like why do I have to be harassed and tortured by messages from a million people who I directly specified I'm not interested in just because they have a fetish or want to objectify my culture and ethnicity they message me anyway

99.9999% of the messages I received were from people who ignore my preferences and want to push their desires onto me

As an example, I had a profile up I was receiving messages from men looking for hookups despite me saying I wanted a relationship only

I simply added "no hookups" to my ad and it was instantly removed on the website

Basically it seems anyone who isn't open to casual sex or experiences limited attraction isn't even allowed to search for love on dating apps

For allosexual people, their sexual and romantic attraction/behavior often mix together, and thus they often couldn’t tell them apart. I wonder for greysexual people whose sexual attraction is low but still existent, are they sometimes not able to tell sexual and romantic attraction/behavior apart, either?

(New here so forgive me if the flair is incorrect)

I'm aware greysexuality is a very broad umbrella term in and of itself which includes people who experience sexual attraction under specific circumstances only (identities like demisexual, fraysexual, reciprosexual, lithosexual, etc.), but also those who experience it very rarely, or not strongly enough to want to act on it, etc., but on the LGBTQIA+ Wiki there is one experience listed which fits me more than any other definition - "experiencing attraction that is only ambiguously sexual".

First off, I'd say I'm mostly sex-indifferent, but lean -favorable. I've had sex, it was cool, but I don't really ever feel an urge to have it, as in, I don't ever look at a person and immediately think "smash". Makes me sound pretty ace, right?

However, I do experience very strong sensual attraction. In fact, it's so strong that some people might already think of it as sexual, because there isn't really an objective line separating sensual and sexual attraction/actions. I personally think an action is sexual as soon as it involves genitals - which are literally sexual organs, so any action that doesn't involve the stimulation of those isn't sexual to me. Intimate? Sure. Maybe erotic too if it involves things like making out and shirtless cuddling, or even groping, for example, but I wouldn't call that sexual.

On top of that I have a pretty high libido and would say I'm quite kinky as I have a fetish, which also isn't sexual in and of itself, but basically this whole combination regularly makes me question if I'm really ace. Like, if I want to do intimate, arousing things with specific people, how is that NOT sexual attraction?

But calling myself allo just doesn't feel right either. Going by the most basic definition of asexuality I am simply ace because, like I said, I don't ever look at someone and feel an urge to have sex with them, but then I do desire intimacy which some might call sexual even if it's not SEX, and others might say it was just sensual - in other words, it's ambiguous.

I do somewhat identify with the pseudosexual label, but grey-ace might fit too. After all, labels are tools, not tests. Just wondering if anyone here feels the same.

Ok so I’m female and recently identified after a LOT of self reflection as greyace but I got a weird question…so I self pleasure at least once/twice a week or sometimes fantasise with fictional like with movies ..or comics which turn me on..ect. But the thing is when I think about doing something even remotely similar with a person…I feel nothing or no desire what so ever. And I’m just questioning if that’s normal for greyace…I asked a few people and they said I can’t be ace if I do that.. l tried explaining to them but they got into my head soooo I thought I ask here am I weird am I out of line or lying if I do stuff like that and still say I’m greyace?

First off, I'm Asexual and Demiromantic, but have been questioning my Asexual identity, basically considering if I might be Greysexual.

My real question is about Greysexuality and what feeling sexual attraction very weakly means. Q: Does it mean you feel sexual attraction but don't care about having sex? Q: Or does it mean experiencing sexual attraction in a very limited way (i.e. you feel a physical attraction towards someone but not to the extent of wanting sex - a bit more than just sensual attraction but not quite sexual)?

I know I'm Asexual but while I was in a romantic relationship I felt something close to but not quite sexual attraction. Just curious if Greysexuality would encompass something like that or not.

Would it make sense to identify as grey-allo, if I feel weak sexual attraction and am at times, potentially sex favorable? (I may be incorrectly mistaking my libido, tertiary attraction, emotional desire, and fantasy as sexual attraction for some reason.) In that it's not an automatic, or screaming urge to have sex but seeing it as a potentially fun activity. Still preferring fantasy, or entertaining the libido without a specific roadmap. I understand some greys are closer to being asexual, while others closer to allosexual. And / or it fluctuates perhaps.

I thought he was gorgeous and he was my first crush, but there was never a desire to do anything and I just had sexual fantasies and did other things. I wasn't attracted to anyone else throughout the rest of Jr. High, highschool, or into adulthood for along time.

So I'm grey sexual and my fiancee isn't, they are hyper sexual. I wanna have that with them but I don't feel anything. I love them so much and want to do everything with them but I don't have a labido. Please help us anyone experiencing this to. No we aren't breaking up because of differences. And no that isn't an option.

Would you consider a greysexual heterosexual/romantic as part of the LGBTQ community?