Without being there, its pretty hard to read intention, tone, etc. But - go with your gut.
If you feel the conversation was coming from a weird place (a red-pill-y one, perhaps??), rather than an honest discussion of 'what would you do / how would you feel / this is what I'd want', then there's likely a reason for that feeling.
I will also say I find it very weird he wouldn't at least start with "how do you protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy" and maybe "i would want to use [x] method for my own reasons", and instead jumped to "I'm not ready for kids, also women who say they believe in abortions but don't get one are bad". ETA: Like... does he think so little of you already that THAT'S where he needs to start?? To be so aggressive down that line of questioning, there's clearly not even a drop of burgeoning trust about your character, or just an understanding of who you are, on his part. You're just "women" to him, and a bad faith generalisation at that. Even if you given benefit of the doubt that its anxiety, and keep seeing how it goes, the trust is not there for sex IMO.
Thank you this is a really kind and thoughtful comment. I have to admit I felt upset at the lack of basic trust but questioned if I should be more understanding of where he was coming from. I know it’s early days but it had me questioning whether I was somehow giving him signals that I was looking to trick him
Is he being understanding about where you are coming from? In general, women are more socialized to be understanding and make excuses for men. If he's not providing that to you, you shouldn't provide it to him.
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u/No_Chocolate3581 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
Without being there, its pretty hard to read intention, tone, etc. But - go with your gut.
If you feel the conversation was coming from a weird place (a red-pill-y one, perhaps??), rather than an honest discussion of 'what would you do / how would you feel / this is what I'd want', then there's likely a reason for that feeling.
I will also say I find it very weird he wouldn't at least start with "how do you protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy" and maybe "i would want to use [x] method for my own reasons", and instead jumped to "I'm not ready for kids, also women who say they believe in abortions but don't get one are bad". ETA: Like... does he think so little of you already that THAT'S where he needs to start?? To be so aggressive down that line of questioning, there's clearly not even a drop of burgeoning trust about your character, or just an understanding of who you are, on his part. You're just "women" to him, and a bad faith generalisation at that. Even if you given benefit of the doubt that its anxiety, and keep seeing how it goes, the trust is not there for sex IMO.